People Do Not Need To Be Fixed, They Need To Be Understood

I share my thoughts and experiences about the expansion of the human experience and how we can learn to understand our individual truth and collective truth. It always felt that it wasn’t accepted in society to be unhappy as a state of being. I carried a belief that I was defective to feel the way I felt and left me in a disempowered state, and I felt anger towards my own existence. I talk about an approach to what it means for self-love and self-care to guide us through life for who we are, as we are, accepting the totality of ourselves and this experience. I will learn to trust in my experiences, my lessons, my journey, and the bigger picture of who we are and what we are going through, as individuals, as a collective.

Transcript

Hey everybody,

It's Alyssa here,

And something that I had on my mind today is that we do not need to be fixed.

We need to be understood as an individual,

As a collective.

So what brings me here today is that I've understood that the more I learn about my journey of self-discovery,

I understand that other people are on their journey of self-discovery,

And my thoughts and ideas are not supposed to match someone else's thoughts and ideas.

I am not supposed to be comparing my reality with another person's reality.

Rather,

I need to be understanding my reality,

My thoughts,

My ideas,

My consciousness.

And the reason that I say that is I've spent a lot of time trying to figure out what I can do to support my mental health,

And I've seen a lot of people in the mental health sector throughout the years.

And every time I went to see someone,

I always had this idea that there's something wrong with me.

You know,

If I'm anything short of happy,

It always seemed like that wasn't really accepted by society.

Like,

You know,

There must be something wrong with you.

So I was always convinced that I was defective or something,

You know,

Like I just couldn't get it right.

And what I've learned is that we each have our own process of what we need to know when we need to know it.

So instead of approaching people as if they need to be fixed,

Like something's wrong with them,

The approach needs to be holding the space for the person,

Allowing them to be heard,

Possibly be heard for the first time in their life,

And to meet them where they are and hold the space for them and show them a way where what can we do now and move forward in love and grace.

I think it's really important to do that and accept people where they are and not put them in a position where they think that they have to do one certain thing to fix their anxiety or one certain thing to fix a thought they're having,

You know.

It just should be understand and accept who they are as they are in that moment because we all need to be giving ourselves love and grace and understanding what it means to actually love ourselves.

And sometimes I think when we go to seek help,

It can be a disempowering thing depending on who you talk to or what's said.

And that's why I want to talk about understanding and accepting that we are all in our own process right now of self-discovery and that shouldn't be judged,

That shouldn't be looked down upon,

That shouldn't be a defect.

There isn't a defect here.

We all have residual effects that do happen in a mental,

Physical,

Spiritual,

And emotional way.

And right now we are all experiencing residual effects that happen from our experiences.

So those effects from life need to be understood rather than trying to,

You know,

Hide them away or thinking there's something wrong with that because that's actually a natural effect that is the outcome from the experiences that we've had.

So if anyone is experiencing any range of emotions,

There isn't something wrong with that,

That each individual is going to have an expansion of emotions,

Thoughts,

Feelings,

You know,

All kinds of things like that.

And that's to be understood and let that person come to their own conclusions in their own time when they're ready for it.

We do what we need to do to put these barriers up to keep us safe and to keep us stable and to keep us moving forward.

Change can't happen just overnight for someone.

You can't tell someone,

Well you just need to be like this and that's going to fix it.

Or it's not that easy and that's an entire misunderstanding with there being a much bigger picture here.

And that bigger picture is understanding that it takes time to unlearn and it takes time to relearn.

So you know everything that you know which is what has got you here today and this is how it is in this current moment.

So if you want your life to be entirely different in an entirely different direction,

Let's say with thoughts or something like that,

We need to sit right here right now and understand what my thoughts are now and where they came from and how they got here.

And it's for us to go through what we know and ask where did that come from?

Do I believe in that now?

Does it align with me now?

And take what you really want to keep from that,

That you believe is good for you and keep that.

And then you can slowly let go of other things but you have to keep something to stand on your stable ground.

So as you keep what you need to,

Here in the moment you can think about what do you want to build on in the future or something like that.

And then you can slowly implement those things while you still have this ground to stand on.

So I'm basically saying that life is a process,

Change is a process.

The solutions to the challenges that we have are a process.

It's our process of evolution.

It isn't something that's supposed to be looked at in each and every detail and think something needs to be fixed.

No.

We need to understand that we are in a process of evolution and we have to start somewhere.

And if you want any solution or resolution to happen we have to start with where we're at now.

Look at everything that we have in our vision and say what's good for me,

What isn't good for me.

And then have a foundation where you start to lay a foundation and then you put what's good in your foundation for you.

Start there and then lay your foundation and then build on that you know as we move forward in our life.

So I just know that we shouldn't be forcing our ideas or thoughts or opinions on to other people even if we think we're doing what's best for them.

I've been guilty of that a million times and what I had to come to understand is that each person has free will.

It is not my responsibility to be responsible to change someone else's thoughts and ideas.

It's not for me to do that and I need to let live and let go.

I need to let this existence happen as it is happening because I'm not in control of that.

So to try to be in control of that is already a losing fight.

This is existence in motion.

What we're seeing right now everywhere we are this is existence in motion.

This is going to keep existing and keep moving forward,

Ever evolving,

Ever existing,

Ever moving.

So when we accept that we are always moving forward and that existence will continue to exist,

What am I going to do with the knowledge that I have,

The information that I've had from my experiences,

And what do I know about me?

What do I know that's good for me that only I'm going to know?

I'm the only one that's going to know my limits,

My boundaries,

Things like that.

We have to rely on ourselves to know what's best for us as an individual,

Not expect other people to know.

For a long time I always put everyone else up on a pedestal just as a natural way of life to put everybody else up on a pedestal and be like,

Well they know more than me because I don't know anything and everybody else knows more than me and I always put everybody in that position.

Well if I am constantly looking to someone else to know,

Then I'm never going to know.

So I needed to come back to depend on myself more and learn how to trust in myself.

And the way that I learned how to trust in myself is I have to trust myself to make mistakes.

I have to trust myself to be wrong.

I have to trust myself to be right.

And no matter what happens,

There is a lesson to be learned at every single outcome of every single experience.

Reviews

Thank you so much. Your talk is so refreshing and affirming. I keep hearing on so many of these meditations that I have a choice about how I feel or think, and I'm sure it's true to some degree, and I'm sure it's a discipline. But I don't often feel like I'm in a space where I have choice - to be positive or let go of the past or move forward. I can't adopt or readily apply all of the different advice I get on so many Insight Timer meditations. Whereas your meditation, your talk is so affirming about where I am actually right now, which is not perfect. And it's sometimes painful and hopeless. I'm sometimes super stuck so just to be told it's OK to be there - to accept that - where I am - just meant so much to me. I cannot thank you enough. Yes I will shift but you took the pressure off a timeline. I don't have to feel less than because the process is hard and slow - wow I feel understood!