Soothing Discomfort: Dismantle False Expectations

Week 2: Dismantle Your False Expectations
(Transmission & Guided Meditation)
A 5 weeks journey into deeper introspection & liberation
Inviting the Fiery Horse energies by building a solid foundation to your meditation practice and reaping the positive rewards in your life!

Transcript

Hi everyone, We are back for session 2, Dismantling your false expectations. So before we start, I have some house reminders. The first is that because there's a lot of problems with the technical, You know, Sending of emails recently, Especially for this month. So just to note, It will be the same zoom link for all sessions. So even if you don't see my emails, Yeah. So I was having a hard time trying to send out the mailing list, Yeah, Cause it got stuck and somehow just couldn't go through. So I could send out one, But couldn't send out the other. So just to know it's the same zoom link. And the second thing is that how you can benefit most from this meditation masterclass. So, You know, Throughout this month, We will have five sessions and each time we will have a transmission as well as a guided meditation. So for you to reap the most benefits, I would suggest after the meditation for that same week, Try to work on the same meditation in that healing container for one week. So this allows you to experience in your body that type of meditation and to integrate it better. And that's also allowing the mind or ego to take a back seat that I can't do this. This is unnatural. This is too difficult. As I shared in the first session, Because of the busy world that we live in, All these meditations will seem unnatural at the start and it will feel uneasy when sitting with a chaotic mind and the turbulent experiences we have that we're carrying and holding in our body. So my suggestion is after each meditation for that one week, Try to repeat that meditation a couple of times. If you have your practice, Then maybe you can integrate this with your own practice. If you don't have, Then this is the one to kickstart your practice. So try doing that because every week we will be going deeper towards the same direction, Which is the discomfort. So that will allow you to experience your own discomfort from different angles. And the hope is for you to then gain more confidence and experience in this style of meditation. And hopefully after that five weeks, Then you can decide what you want to do with this whole meditation masterclass that you have learned. Maybe you find something useful that you want to integrate in your own practice. But without having first experienced it for yourself in your body, It will be very hard to gauge what's good or not, Or what's useful or not, Yeah. So then we move on to today's topic on what are our common false expectations. Yeah, So this is something that many of us hold, You know, Whether we are new to meditation or we have meditated for a couple of years. And why we want to talk about false expectations is because it holds us hostage to a certain way of thinking and assuming that that's how meditation should be. And if we can't experience that, Then we feel like giving up or maybe meditation is not for me. So one common false expectation is that meditation must be long because maybe we have taken that from somewhere or we have looked to information externally that seems to portray this suggestion that in order for it to be an effective meditation, It must be long, Long, Long. So long means maybe you look at monks, Nuns or experienced meditators, They spend a few hours in deep meditation, Or they go for meditation retreats, Every day meditate a lot, Or they hide in caves and meditate for months. So if we hold that expectation that meditation must be long, The longer the better, Then it stifles us because it makes us feel very inferior in our practice. While you're a few hours, I'm only a few minutes. So what does it mean? It makes me feel like giving up. Does it mean you're experiencing, You know, The full realm of positive benefits by experiencing nothing or surface level? Actually, It's not true. And we are reminded to go back to our purpose of meditation, Remembering why we are even meditating in the first place. So one main purpose of meditation is to help us to come home to ourselves, Just taking stock of our inner world as it is, Our body, Our mind, Our emotions. And this allows us to connect with ourselves at a deeper and more profound level. Therefore, Short mindful periods of meditation are much more effective than long dormant states of escapism. So I remember reading this story in a Buddhist text some years ago, But it latched onto my mind. I forgot what the whole text was, But the story latched on in my mind. It talks about two experienced meditators. They held this expectation that the longer is better. So they will go to caves and hide in caves and be in these long periods of dormant states where they are just like hibernating. But they are so good at hibernating and in this state where their mind just goes blank and they just stay in the same state, They can stay for years. So the story goes that they went on to stay in that dormant state for years, Thinking that the longer is better. So after a few years, Both of them got out of meditation on the same day, One shortly after the other. So when they got out of meditation and they look around the world, They were shocked to see how things have changed vastly, But realizing that they haven't changed any bit. They were in this dreamy, Floaty state where they were disengaged from the world for a long period of time. And they came out and realized they were still the same person, But the world has changed and moved on without them. So then it begs the question, How has meditation served them in this dormant state? It didn't really, Because if we look closer, They haven't really integrated the benefits of the meditation in their daily lives. They were disengaged completely. So they came out, They were just like hibernation, Like animals. When winter comes, They store a lot of food, They hide in hibernation, And when they come out, They're still the same, But they have fed themselves. So this is also hibernating. So just like that, It doesn't serve any use. And rather than to aim for that escapism, That hibernation, It's much better if we come back to a daily mindful practice, Where we remember the purpose of meditation is to come home to ourselves and to do our level best at it. And how short is a short meditation in order to be effective? I feel that the minimum is 20 minutes, Ideally at least 30 minutes. And let me explain. Because of how busy and chaotic our mind is, It takes us some time to settle down. Because as I shared in the last session, We have been rushing around for the most of our lives, And when we suddenly pause and come to our inner world, It is natural for it to be turbulent, For a lot of thoughts to come in, Exaggerations to come in, For that stress and tension to be experienced. So the first 15 minutes usually is trying to take stock of the mess. Yeah. So then, After 15 minutes, You will gradually feel yourself calming down. And then the next few minutes is really a deepening of that experience. But you can't deepen if you're only doing 15 minutes. So you have just calmed down, Okay, I'm done. So it's done. And we cannot really experience it. Yeah. So then my own also suggestion is don't use an alarm, Use a timer. So what's the difference? So I use an app called Insight Timer, Yeah, But you can use other apps as well, Insight Timer. I do have my meditations, The old ones, Uploaded there as well. Basically, You can set your own time for meditation and for a bell to alert you when you cross certain time thresholds. So if you are rushing for time, Or maybe you allocated 45 minutes in the morning, After that non-negotiable, You have to get on with life. So you want to enjoy your meditation, But you don't want to feel like you're rushing. So a timer is pretty helpful if you are doing meditation on your own, Without listening to a recording. So I will set like timer, Say 15 minutes, There'll be a ding, Then you'll continue. So you know, When you hear the ding, Okay, 30 minutes, Then, You know, 45 minutes, Maybe another ding, Then one hour will be ding, Ding, So it's a non-negotiable, You've got to come out. Yeah, Something like that will feel easier than, You know, 30 minutes, What's going on? Yeah. So exiting the meditation gently is as important as entering the meditation. Because we have been sitting in silence, Enjoying our own peace, Whether it's through a recording, Or through ourselves for, Say, 30 minutes. So when we want to exit, We want to continue to take this peace and tranquility within us and sustain it throughout the day. That's why exiting the meditation is as important as entering it. We want to feel that we have some time to slowly get on with life. We need to buffer a bit. How you buffer, Then it depends on what time you wake up, You know, Your time slot for meditation, Buffer a little bit, So that you feel that you can ease into life. It's not like, You know, Some of my clients, I do hear them that immediately they are done, They are in such a rush. So it is very tough on the nervous system to catch up with this panicky mood. And no wonder the benefits of the meditation don't last. You spend 30 minutes accumulating your good works, And in five minutes it's gone. Something like that, Okay. So the next false expectation is that meditation must be difficult, Complex, And maybe high-dimensional. So these are things that may be partly true to a certain extent, But for where we are at, It's not really so. So let me explain. A lot of times people take on this concept that the more complex it is, The better it is. And perhaps that's what we have taken on in life, In the work context. The more complex, You know, You present something, It shows that you're really articulate, You're really intelligent, You have thought through this complicated process all on your own. But meditation doesn't have to be so. And when we make our meditation so elaborate, So many steps to go through, Then it becomes very daunting, And it feeds our lower mind or ego. So that meditation is no longer really for self-growth and expansion, But it's for the lower mind that, Wow, I'm getting it, 10 steps in meditation. First step like that, Second step, Third step, Fourth step, Fifth step. Then you feel that your whole mind is like at work. Checklist 10 items, I've done all 10. Meditation also like that, Internal checklist of 10 items. First step, I ground myself. Second step, I visualize what, Like, Third step, You know, Callback task. Then, If you try this kind of internal checklist meditation for a period of time, You may realize you feel more tired. And it doesn't really help you to stay in a peaceful state, Or is it, Doesn't really help you to have this quiet time to reconnect with your body. It just feels, For me, It feels like I've been there, Done that, Like a frantic state of trying, Like fear of missing out. So trying to cover all bases, But the more is not necessarily the better. It's like going for a buffet. The more you eat doesn't mean the better it is for the body. We cannot digest. So at the end, It's about how much we can integrate from the practice. Going beyond the mind or ego of trying to do the most complex, The most complicated, The most higher dimensional, But really just back to basics. If I have nothing today and just left with my body, Can I meditate? Do I need a lot of things in order to meditate? I need a quiet room. I need the recording on standby. I need a meditation cushion. I need, You know, Air con. What if we don't have all this? Can we just go back to the basics and just sit there and have a good time meditating and be confident in our practice? Yeah. The third false expectation that I was thinking through, That's rather also common, Is that meditation, We assume that meditation leads us to more blissful lives without external obstacles. So that is something maybe we have picked up from other people's incorrect sharing. Almost like when they have meditated and they have experienced a deeper peace, You know, Their life becomes so good. It unfolds so well. No obstacles. No difficult people. All good people. Then where are the bad people? The bad people are still living and breathing every day, But where are they? So the truth is that when we work on meditation, First we learn to connect deeper to our own body. Then we take stock of ourselves as we are. With so much patience, Gentleness, And acceptance, We learn to surrender what we can't. Control. We do what we can. We accept our own level best. That every day we keep repeating. We build a muscle memory. And over time, Because of how we learn to deepen the connection with our body, We feel more at peace with ourselves. We feel more present and connected with our body. We feel no shame about this body that we have, This mind that we have, The emotions that we hold. And when we are at this state, We start radiating the positive spill-overs gradually to the outside world. Whatever we have on the inside, We radiate outwards. When we hold more peace towards ourselves, Despite our flaws, We are able to hold more peace towards others, Despite their flaws. When we are able to surrender to the chaos of the mind and confusion within, Then when we go out to the external world, Gradually we also learn to make peace with and surrender to the chaos and unknown in the external world. So, We do our level best at each moment. We do what we can, But what we can't, We surrender. That's the most natural thing and liberating thing we can do. And through this whole process of sitting through the mental fog and confusion, We also learn to be present with the meditation and deepen our own clarity in that whole process. So, Applying the same to external world, We learn to also have more clarity, Despite all the confusion or the fog that's going around. We're able to have a soft, Gentle focus on whatever needs our attention. So, When we go about that in life, Our inner world has matured, Has upgraded. But the external world may not always be the changing. The difficult people are still there. There are so many of them. And maybe our family members, They have not adopted the same practice, They have not upgraded, It's fine. And then maybe our work colleagues in the office, Our bosses, Or people that we meet outside. It's still very common for most of us, Most of them, The unawakened, To hold this concept of a false masculinity. So, That's what I realize, Is that whether it's male or female, This need to assert control and dominance over others, Because it feels good to be above others, To be dominating and terrorizing others, To be instilling fear over others. So, Wherever we go, We still face such people. We cannot run away from them. No matter how deep your peace is, They are still around. It's just that because of our inner experiences, We have cultivated a deeper self-acceptance and peace. So, We are less triggered by them. And because we are less triggered, Maybe our reactions or how we deal with them softens or changes or adapts, Not in a way that we burn ourselves, Not in a way that we suppress ourselves. We find this comfortable ground. Then, Sometimes they will feel compelled to change alongside us. And sometimes we just realize they no longer engage us. They just go on their own. But even if they are still there, They are not the trigger. So, For example, For myself, With this meditation practice that I've cultivated for nine and a half years, My family members have improved alongside me, To be honest. I've never imagined them taking up meditation. I've also not forced them. But gradually, As they notice that I'm benefiting from it, Then curiosity starts and they wanted to learn. And opportunities come along, So they have their own meditation practice, A little different, But they're doing what they can. And because I've worked on myself, I've come to a deeper acceptance of myself. So, I'm also able to accept their flawed states as they are. So, Even when triggers, You know, Even when they come with their attacks, Accusations, Complaints, Then I don't engage them in the same way as I did in the past. I won't adopt a confrontation. But neither am I shirking away responsibility. So, It comes to a way where you need two hands to clap. But when one hand is withdrawn, Then the other hand can't clap on its own. And difficult people are still around. Like just yesterday, I was at a mini-mart collecting shoppy parcel with my dog. So, You know, The shop owner, His counter was just right at the doorstep. And he asked me to go in to collect parcel. So, I said, I cannot go in because dog is outside. So, He started yelling at me and saying that, Yeah, The next time if I ever bring the dog, I'm not allowed to collect my parcel. Then after that, I just like shut down. Yeah, And yeah, Disengaged. But ultimately, I got my parcel. And I walked away, I didn't feel comfortable. Because what I realized is that first, It was another example of false masculinity at play. People trying to assert their control and dominance over others. You know, Maybe they had a bad day. You know, Maybe they want things in a certain way. And I just annoyed them. Even though honestly, It's not too hard to pass a parcel across the counter. He didn't even have to stand up. He just didn't like it. He just didn't like it. And he feel disrespected that people are not doing his way. Yeah, So all these people still exist. Yeah, And the worst is that, I mean, Just to go off track a bit, Usually for such cases, When you feel that people are throwing stuff at your face and you feel uncomfortable, Energetically, It also likely means they're also throwing cots your way, Some disgusting cots your way, Which you have to clear yourself if you feel uncomfortable. Like they yell at you, You feel that certain parts of your body are uncomfortable, Likely also a cot has came along and you need to just settle it. So that's that. Yeah, So meditation is short for that. Meditation doesn't really result in a life without external obstacles. It just means a maturing of our inner perspectives. So how then we face the same external world, It will have undergone upgrades. So the last false expectation I want to share is that meditation is about emptying the mind. So I think that's a pretty common thing that people have often talked about, That in order to reach this meditation, You know, You have to be in this blank state. And if you are not in blank state, Your mind is so busy, Then you're not meditating. So just going back to my earlier example, There's no point going into this hibernating mode, This dormant mode of escapism for many hours. If you're not aware, What exactly is your purpose of meditation? And at the end of the day, How are you benefiting from your own practice? And what I discovered for myself is that amidst sitting through all the chaos of the internal world, The stress and tension, The pain and aches in the body, What I learned is the power of self-regulation that I pick up from meditation, That whatever difficult conditions I'm in, Even in my daily lives, I'm able to restore myself back to the equilibrium, To the balance. So maybe I was shouted by the shopkeeper while collecting the shoppy parcel. After that, I'm able to say, Remove what's no longer, What's not my energies and come back to my own state. So that's actually quite important. And also along the way, As we come into greater acceptance of our own body, We learn to celebrate our little wins. Today's meditation a little bit better than yesterday. This week I'm sitting in every day better than last week. And yeah, Little things like that. And not holding ourselves hostage that I'm not sitting long enough, My meditation not complicated enough. Yeah, I'm not in high dimensional states, But really celebrating little wins that, Oh, This is my state of the body. For last month, It was very chaotic. This month, When I sit in, Still chaotic, But not so chaotic. Then, You know, Little improvements. Then maybe usual triggers. Last time when this person says something, I feel annoyed immediately. I want to engage in confrontation. I want to prove my point. Then as we work on things, Then we realize this person is, He is who he is. And he's in this own consciousness that needs time to develop. I'm not suppressing myself. I'm not putting myself down. I'm not stopping myself from saying anything, But there's no point to engage him. Let him be. Yeah. And also to learn to be our own greatest supporter amidst it all. There are good days in meditation. There are not so good days. Things happen. We feel stress. Some days are better than the rest. Some days the body is just too tired. Whatever it is, We don't blame ourselves. The fact that we are here is better than none. Yeah. So that's all for the sharing today. And we can actually get ease into meditation. Today I'll be doing, Yeah, Something on connecting with our discomfort. So it will be an experience that we can build on from last week. Yeah. So just taking some time to get into your comfortable space, Close your eyes. If you feel more comfortable to off your screen, Just feel free to go ahead to do that. And just allowing whatever that was shared just now to integrate within us, Open heart and mind. And taking a few deep breaths. At each exhalation, Releasing the week's stress and tension. With each inhalation, Breathing in the peace, The comfort. With each exhalation, Breathing out stress and tension. And allowing your body, With each breath, To gradually soften. Knowing that you are in a safe space with yourself. And allowing the body to continue to soften and relax. And we allow ourselves to be transported into this beautiful nature place where there's a waterfall nearby. And we meditate near the waterfall. And allow ourselves to sit where it's comfortable. And as we sit in meditation, Visualizing or just allowing the energies of the waterfall to rinse through your entire bodies like a great wide stream of light that flows down, Top down. And it washes away the debris, The chaos, The confusion, The cause of others, The external chaos, Stress and tension. Like taking a deep bath and cleansing. And this wide stream of light from the waterfall gently cascades and removes all that no longer serves. And as usual, You can place a soft, Gentle focus on my voice, As well as the visualizations I'm guiding through. And know that as you continue to breathe, You're allowing all this external clutter to fall, Restoring the shine in all levels of your being. And as this waterfall continues to cascade, These beautiful egg-like energies start to form around us once again. The egg that we sat in last week. The little egg with its white energies comfortably surrounding us and giving us sufficient space. The little egg that forms around us to form a comfortable safety net that doesn't feel suffocating, That expands to the length and breadth of our energy fields. And within this egg, The energies of soothing love and tenderness flows into us. And each breath we take in, We take in soothing love and tenderness. Each breath that we exhale, We release all the gunk that no longer serves. Breathing in love and tenderness. Breathing out gunk. And allowing your body to gradually soften and relax And gently, We would like to invite you to shift your gentle focus to one area of discomfort in your body that you would like to focus on today. Just a soft, Gentle focus The eyes feel relaxed internally. And we invite the discomfort in that part of the body to show itself. Be it physical, Emotional, Mental, The pain and aches, The stress and tension to come up in this safe space. We're not running away, We're not hiding, We're not fearing. And if you feel guided, You can also place your hands on that part of your body to comfort and soothe. Or to imagine your hands where they are, Placing eterically on that part of the body. And as the discomfort surfaces, We allow ourselves to observe whole space, Quietly witnessing it without judgment. The part of our body that has been through so much in life, That has taken on so much for us, With us. The last thing we want to do is to bury it even further. And with all the love and support we have, Allowing ourselves to connect with this part of the body, Sitting with the discomfort supported by the little eight energies of love and tenderness. And if you feel guided, You can communicate with that part of the body. I feel you. I accept you. I hold you. You are safe. I feel you. I accept you. I hold you. You are safe. I feel you. I accept you. I hold you. You are safe. And know that between you and that part of the body, There's an eternal bond that never breaks. And despite all that we've been through, And all that our body has taken on for us, It quietly works its level best in the background. And gradually, We may release our hands, Our etheric hands, Our physical hands, And shift our soft, Gentle focus to our entire body. And we feel our focus receding back and just to the entire body of ours, Allowing ourselves to be bathed in the soothing love and tenderness within the egg. It almost feels like we are floating on shallow waters, Like having a spa time. And the gentle focus gradually softens and softens until it feels like we are sleeping. As we surrender and allow the energies to do its magic. And know that each breath that we take, We're nourishing ourselves. We are brightening ourselves. And may this little egg be your safe hub to rest in, To comfort, Soothe and nourish you whenever you need. In your own practice, You can always stay here for as long as you need. And gradually, You may feel all parts of us brightening up through our own efforts. How powerful is that? And gradually we bring in our awareness, Gently pulling our soft focus back again to our physical body. Bring our consciousness back from the waterfall that we were at to the place where we started our meditation. So gently we bring ourselves back to the present. All parts of us fully back in the present body. At any time you feel ready, Take in three deep breaths, Slowly and mindfully, Before you open your eyes. How's everyone feeling today? If you do have any questions, You can let me know anytime or drop me an email. I'm happy to answer them. Yeah, Take your time to gently exit from meditation and go back to your world. So, Then the effects of what we've gone through will last for one day. Yeah, So that's why we suggest meditating. If possible, Twice a day is ideal because you start the day with good vibes. The good vibes last through the day. Then at night, We rewire, You know, Whatever gong that we've taken on, We rewire. Then again, We have a good night's rest. Sorry, It's. . . Okay, Hi Asha. I wanted to ask how you quickly recovered after experiencing what you did yesterday with the impolite shopkeeper. Okay, So yesterday, Yeah, There's another part of the story. So, I felt uncomfortable immediately and I felt his cord coming over and unfortunately, It was at my base chakra. So, It was where my genitals were. So, I'm very sensitive to my body. So, Usually when cords come, They come in, Usually for me, Two vulnerable areas. One is towards the base chakra and other one is the navel. Yeah, So whenever it comes, I feel this zing part in my body that I know, Ah, Cord. So, I went back and I used that waterfall method that we did, Okay, To remove. So, Our mind is very powerful. So, When we have this intention that this waterfall cleansing everything, Then it does, Yeah. So, I do that to cleanse and restore myself and, Yeah, I also just realized that in future, I'm just not going to place my parcels in the shop to avoid, You know, There's no need to engage him. I don't have to go there and get a parcel and get a cord at the same time. There's no need for such freebies. Yeah, So, Yeah, That's it. But the thing is that sometimes when we work on ourselves, Right, There's also a fine line between disengagement and suppressing ourselves. So, We have to understand ourselves to know are we disengaging because we know our powers but we are not exercising, Knowing the whole scale of things? Or are we playing small and suppressing ourselves? There's a difference because when we keep suppressing, Then we also create a lot of things for ourselves to do. Yeah, So in this case, It's like I know if I want to confront, I can confront. I'm not scared of him, But I just should realize there's no point. Yeah, If he yells at me, I also yell at him there, You know. What's the point, Right? Yeah, Then maybe my parcel also cannot take. Yeah, So, Yeah, Some. So, It's quite interesting. And yeah, So talking about that, Sorry, I cross a bit. The power of self-regulation comes from this practice. So, Meditation is so helpful even in our worst days when we feel like we are not making headway, You know, Busy mind, Painful body, Distracted mind. But if we keep going and having so much peace and acceptance for our own body as it is, Then that regulation comes in. We are able to be at peace with the chaos. We're able to be at peace with ourselves knowing that our body is defective, Knowing that we are flawed, Knowing that all these things that other people say we shouldn't have, We have it, Knowing that we have all that and still being at peace with ourselves. So, Then whatever nonsense comes our way, We will be able to deal with it and regulate ourselves really fast. And that really comes from sitting through the nonsense every day within ourselves. When we have that patience and not feel that, So dirty, So ugly, So flawed, But just being, OK, This is me, I just sit through. Yeah, Every day, Rain or shine, It softens us. It softens how we see the world, Not because we are weak, But we know that we can be powerful, But we choose to exercise our powers wisely. Yeah. So, I mean, These kind of things happen all the time, Not just with the shopkeeper, The cab driver as well, You know, Sometimes, Like striking lottery, You get into the cab and started scolding right away, You know, Don't put your dog on the seat, Put him on the floor. Then after that, Hey, I paid for a grab pad, Then how come my dog have to sit on the floor, You know? Then, Obviously, I cannot really talk to my dog, Pulling him up and down. Then he was, The taxi driver was just barking away. I was like, Ah, The worst ride ever. But again, The learning to exercise our powers wisely. I mean, My life is in the mercy of his hands. Why would I bother to engage him in a confrontation? And then, Okay, Okay, I'll do that, I'll do that. But at the back, It's like, Ah, Whatever, I cannot do that. I don't know what's going on. Yeah. So, That's basically it. Yeah. So, In life, We'll have all these difficult people. It's normal. But we have to know, We have to know ourselves, Know how we feel, And not dismiss, Not suppress ourselves. But also to realize that we are powerful, And we choose to exercise our powers wisely. Sometimes we confront, Sometimes we don't see the point. Yeah. At work, Also the same. The fine line between disengagement and suppressing ourselves. So, That's food for thought. Yeah. Okay, So that's all from us. Have a nice day ahead. Take care. Bye-bye.