Healing Our Lineage

Alex Elle believes that healing ourselves can create healthy growth cycles within our lineage. Join Alex for a 3-part writing exercise that will help you peel back the layers of your inner being with curiosity, courage, and care as you start this process of healing. Many of us are taught that healing is this place that we arrive at. If something hurts, if something aches, if we feel broken, we will get through it and we will get on the other side. However, we all know, that is not how healing works. It takes continual work.

Transcript

Hello everyone,

My name is Alex L and I am so excited to be here with you today.

Today we are going to be talking about healing ourselves as an act of healing our lineage.

But before we dive into that,

Let me let you know who I am and what I do.

I am an author,

I'm also a certified breathwork coach,

And I am a meditator.

Not only do I do meditation myself,

But I also teach meditation.

I'm also a big believer in restorative writing practice.

So a big part of my work is teaching people how to do that,

How to heal by way of writing and come back home to themselves without shame,

Without guilt,

And without judgment.

While we're together today,

We are going to be not only holding space for some reflective writing,

But we're also going to be thinking about the ways in which we are ready to heal.

Not only for ourselves,

But for the collective,

For the greater good.

A lot of us are taught that healing is this place that we arrive to.

If something hurts,

If something aches,

If we feel broken,

We will get through it and we'll get on the other side.

However,

We all know,

I think by now,

That that is not how healing works.

I often tell my clients and my students that healing is a forever love.

It is something that we will continue to do until the day we transition off this planet.

And I actually think that is extremely beautiful,

That there is no arrival.

All we have is right now,

In this moment,

And all we can do is be with what is today.

We don't have to figure it out.

We don't have to heal ourselves overnight.

And some things,

To be honest,

Might hurt forever.

How many of y'all just rolled your eyes at that?

Or took a deep breath like,

Oh,

I don't want to be healing forever.

But here's the thing.

Some things are going to sting.

Some things are going to always be tender and that's okay.

The point of our practice,

Be it breathwork or meditation or journaling,

Is to figure out how to self-soothe through those challenging times.

So are you ready?

Let's dive right in.

So before we get started with this first part,

I'd like you to get comfortable.

I have my cup of tea here.

I have my journal.

I encourage you to do the same.

I'm in a cozy space in my home and I'm giving myself permission to just have ease in this moment.

So many of us have walked through a lot of different things.

Many of us are healing from childhood trauma.

Many of us are healing from something that may have happened yesterday or a year ago.

What I find really important and sacred is our ability to lean into deeper healing day by day,

Step by step.

I often feel as though I am the matriarch of healing for my lineage.

What does that mean?

That means that I am dismantling certain behaviors.

I am letting go of certain traditions.

I am raising my children differently.

I am loving myself for the first time in many generations.

And I'm also intentionally taking care of myself.

This can be challenging.

Not only that,

I am learning how to set boundaries,

Which can be even more challenging.

So healing is multifaceted.

It doesn't look the same for all of us,

But it's still beautiful and it's still sacred.

And yes,

It still can be hard.

What I want us to do before we open our journals is to think about the ways in which that we are breaking certain generational patterns,

Cycles,

And things that are no longer in alignment with who we are.

Being the matriarch or patriarch of healing in our lineage is something that is a big responsibility.

I often catch myself thinking like,

Why do I have to be the one?

But I am.

Has anyone else felt that way?

Why am I the only one doing this soul work and leaning deeper into this healing?

Well,

It's because we have a divine calling to reframe and restructure our pathways,

Not just for ourselves,

But for those who come after us.

Your healing will have a trickle effect.

Not only will it impact the people who are bearing witness to you,

Like maybe your mother,

Your father,

Your sibling,

Different folks in your circle,

In your family,

Even,

Shoot,

Even at the workplace.

But your healing is also going to overflow to the generations who come after.

And I know that sounds huge.

I know that sounds like a big responsibility,

But someone has to do it.

So why not us?

So this brings us to the first journal prompt of our session together.

I'd like you to make a list of all the ways you are looking to break cycles in your lineage.

Think about what you are doing differently.

Think about the things you'd like to do differently.

You don't have to have it all figured out today.

I know this is a big calling to be like,

Oh my gosh,

Show up on the page.

Yes,

I do want you to show up on the page,

But I also want you to show up without shame,

Guilt,

Or judgment,

Okay?

Perhaps you are deciding I am going to live a life that is rooted in joy and ease and intentional healing.

Whatever way you are breaking cycles and dismantling things that are no longer in alignment with who you are and how you want to grow,

Put it on the page,

Okay?

So I'm going to give you about five minutes to dive into this practice.

Again,

Get comfortable,

Have your tea,

Grab your journal,

Take some deep breaths before you lean into the writing,

And then just let it flow.

My only ask here is that you don't edit yourself.

You don't need to have all your I's dotted or your T's crossed,

Okay?

Let yourself fall apart on the page,

Let yourself find joy on the page,

And let yourself not know.

If the answer is,

I don't know how I'm breaking cycles,

Put that down.

And then maybe that reframe is,

Here is how I want to break cycles.

You make this practice your own,

All right?

I'll see you back here in about five minutes.

Okay,

We're back.

How was that?

How'd that feel?

I know that this is not easy work,

But it has to start somewhere.

And I often tell folks,

Starting on the page is a great way to get up close and personal with your truth.

I'm proud of you.

Let's move on.

There are so many ways that we can facilitate healing in our lives,

That we can start the practice and the process of healing the collective,

But it must start with us.

The reason why it must start with us is because we are the ones we've been waiting for.

It's a really brave act to decide,

I am no longer going to continue habits and behaviors that do not serve me.

I am no longer going to continue to do things that disrupt my peace.

I am no longer going to continue to surround myself with people who leave me feeling unworthy,

Who leave me feeling used or taken advantage of.

And I don't think many people are talking about the layers of healing that we must get to in order to start healing the collective,

To start healing our lineage,

Essentially.

For me personally,

When I made the intentional choice to release the behaviors and thought patterns that were no longer,

That were really never actually helping me grow and expand and really be in my life,

It was the most game-changing choice I could have made.

And this is coming from a person who is trauma-informed.

I grew up in a challenging household with a very aggressive and hurt parent.

I also have anxiety and OCD and depression that I have been dealing with for many years.

So healing is something that is a daily act and a daily practice for me because I have to intentionally and continuously choose myself.

I have to choose not to let my anxiety keep me bedridden.

I have to choose to lean into my breath work and my meditation to help ease some of those big heavy feelings that sometimes disrupt my whole day.

I have to redirect when my obsessive compulsive thoughts are all over the place.

This is all healing work.

It's not always tending to one painful thing that has happened or a broken heart or an opened wound,

Quite literally.

Sometimes it is just these little micro moments,

These little micro acts that we do to self-soothe,

To redirect,

To get back into our bodies.

That is also healing.

I will never forget in therapy,

I had an amazing therapist when I was around 19,

20,

21.

She was wonderful.

And she is the person who encouraged me to peel back the layers of my healing.

She gave me my power back by saying that she didn't have my answers,

I did.

She encouraged me to lean on her if I needed her,

To hold her hand if I needed that,

That comfort,

That reassurance.

But at the end of the day,

She said,

Your healing is yours.

I don't have the magic potion to heal you.

I can help you,

But I cannot heal you.

And that has stuck with me because not only did it put my healing in my hands,

But it gave me the confidence to look at myself,

To look at my behaviors,

To look at my anxiety,

To sit by my fear,

To open my heart to things that I had been turning away from.

Healing our lineage starts when we turn towards the things that are scary,

The things that make us sad,

The things that make us want to shrink.

Healing starts there.

Baby steps,

My friends,

Are still steps.

So I'm not asking you in this session to look at everything today,

But I am asking you that when you are in your meditation,

When you are in your deep reflection,

When you're on your walks,

When you're having your moment of self-soothing and self-care,

When you're making your cup of tea or your cup of coffee,

That you think about the things that you are turning away from and you look at them.

You don't have to pick them apart.

You don't have to judge yourself for still having to deal with that thing that's hurting,

That's been hurting for five,

Six,

Seven,

10 years.

The invitation is just to simply look.

Healing starts when we pay attention,

Not only to the pain that's in front of us or the uncertainty or the fear,

But when we start looking and seeing ourselves through a lens of non-judgment,

Of self-compassion,

And of capability.

So as we lean into this next journal prompt,

I want to invite you to hold deep space for kindness for yourself and for the things that are shaking you up a bit.

I know that's a challenging ask.

I don't know what you're dealing with today.

Maybe it's a really hard day,

Or maybe you feel really capable.

Wherever this meets you,

Hold kindness.

Wherever this meets you,

Hold compassion.

Wherever this meets you,

Hold patience.

I'd like you to make a list of the things that are hurting you.

And then I'd like you to pick one thing off that list and write a compassionate letter to that feeling or that emotion.

For example,

If on your list you have infidelity,

Write a letter to the infidelity that's hurting you.

Another example,

Childhood trauma.

Write a letter to your childhood trauma.

If you find it really hard to forgive yourself and you're maybe self-sabotaging or choosing to not stand in your worth because you don't think you're deserving of it,

Write a letter to the self-sabotage.

Dear self-sabotage,

I see you and fill in the blank.

Dear childhood trauma,

I am holding space for you and I am healing alongside you.

I'm going to give you 10 minutes total,

Five minutes for your list and five minutes to start your letter.

No need to rush.

If you need more time,

Feel free to pause.

I'll be here waiting.

Let's dive in.

Friends,

Welcome back.

How was that?

How are you feeling?

Take a deep breath together,

Actually,

Before we wrap up our session.

Get into a comfortable position.

I know that might have been a lot,

But I'm so proud of you.

Let's drop our shoulders,

Unclench our jaw,

And soften.

Let's take a deep breath in through the nose and exhale,

Sigh it out.

Once more,

Inhale and exhale,

Woo,

Shake it out.

I know making a list of the things that are hurting us,

Are uncomfortable,

Are triggering is no one's first choice.

I often do this at my workshops and retreats in person.

It is such a powerful experience to hear the hurt,

To sit with it,

But also to hear the compassion that comes from those letters.

I hope you know that you are so brave and so capable of sitting with both,

The duality of both.

You do not have to figure it all out today.

So I know whatever you wrote down,

Whether it was one thing or 20 things,

Baby steps,

My friends,

As you sort through,

As you peel back the layers of the emotional onion,

As I call it,

As you unpack your emotional suitcase and figure out what is here to stay and what needs to be unpacked.

Take your time.

Pain work is forever work.

It is hard work,

But it is joyful work.

When we get to the roots,

Man,

It can really light us up.

When we have those breakthroughs,

When we get to the jewel at the center of the pain that we've been working through,

There's nothing like it.

Stay the course,

Okay?

So let's reflect on both of the things that we just worked today.

So we talked about healing ourselves and we talked about healing our lineage.

And now I want us to think about how those go hand in hand.

I know I've shared my insight on how they go hand in hand for me,

But I'd like you to figure out or start to figure out rather on the page,

How they go hand in hand for you.

So for the next five minutes,

I want you to think about all the ways healing shows up for you and how you want it to show up for your lineage.

So here is the prompt.

We are going to be writing or filling in the blanks of this affirmation.

I am healing by.

.

.

And then I want you to just list some things that you're healing by.

What are you doing?

How are you healing?

Okay?

And then I want you to transition that to,

I want to heal my lineage by.

.

.

And then make a list.

I love lists because they encourage us to look at things on the surface.

And then if we want to dig deeper,

We can.

So for example,

If we were in class together,

I would say,

I want to heal my lineage by practicing self-care.

Okay?

That's very basic and that's fine.

That can be on your list.

So maybe one day you want to dive deeper into that.

Okay?

So instead of,

You know,

Okay,

I want to heal my lineage by practicing self-care.

Okay.

What steps are you going to take?

How do you want to practice self-care?

Why do you want to practice self-care?

When will you make a time to practice your self-care?

Okay?

So simple things on your list can be unpacked.

You can dig as deep as you want whenever you're ready.

I love lists for that reason.

I have a whole journal of lists.

Okay?

Of gratitude,

Of trying to dig deeper,

And of some things that just are,

Okay?

So as you're working through this,

Give yourself permission to just flow.

Okay?

You don't have to have the answers,

You don't have to unpack,

But whenever you come back to this video or you decide,

Okay,

I want to dive a little bit deeper to what I have on my list.

Remember the how,

The why,

The when,

And maybe even the where,

Where do you want to practice self-care?

Okay?

So that's the example.

For the next five minutes,

I want you to dive deeper into these lists.

Okay?

Take your time.

If you need more time,

No worries,

Pause the video,

And I'll be here when you're ready.

All right,

We are back.

How do you feel?

I know this was some work today,

But as I've been saying our entire session,

I'm so proud of you for spending time with me and diving deeper into the pages of your journal,

Having tea with me,

And just vibing out.

We need one another in this healing work.

Healing is a communal act,

It is not to always be done alone.

Yes,

There will be isolation periods,

But also yes,

We sometimes need things like this or community circles or community conversation.

So thank you so much for sharing space with me.

Before we go,

I would love to just close out our session by taking three deep breaths together in through the nose,

Out through the nose,

And then we'll go.

All right?

So get in a comfortable position if you're not already,

Pillows together.

You can start when you're ready.

Take some deep breaths together.

Thank you so much for sharing this space with me today.

So much love to you and the team at Insight Timer.

This has been divine and sacred and beautiful.

I am so,

So honored to have been a facilitator of this session for you.