Welcome to this meditation which I've called When You Hurt For Someone You Love.
And take a moment to arrive here in any comfortable supportive posture.
There's nowhere you need to get to in this practice.
Nothing you need to solve.
Nothing you need to make difference.
We can do all that later.
Right now this is simply an invitation to be with what happens inside you when someone you love is hurting or suffering.
I'm guessing if you've chosen this meditation that you do have someone in mind.
Someone whose difficulties,
Struggles,
Disappointments or suffering affect you deeply.
Perhaps you worry about them.
Perhaps you feel helpless.
Perhaps you feel angry about what has happened to them or desperately wish you could make things better.
Or perhaps you simply ache because someone you love is struggling.
These are all perfectly normal human reactions.
And right now,
You don't need to go into the whole story.
Can you just allow yourself to sense what happens inside you when you think of this person,
When you bring this person to mind?
And notice the difference between their experience.
.
.
And your experience of loving them through it or suffering with them through it.
Even noticing this difference can be quite big.
And of course there'll be thoughts here.
Perhaps I wish I could make this better.
They don't deserve this.
Why does this have to happen?
If only things could be different.
And underneath the thoughts there will be emotions.
Maybe you can name them.
Sadness,
Fear,
Anger.
Helplessness,
Disappointment,
Despair.
All of the above.
Or perhaps something you don't have a name for.
And right now rather than trying to understand it can you simply feel it?
Can you drop into your body and see if you can sense where these feelings live in the body?
Perhaps wherever the feeling is strongest you can notice.
What its texture is.
It's weight,
It's shape.
It's temperature.
Whether there's movement within it.
And perhaps you can even quietly acknowledge.
Oh,
This is what it's like for me to love someone who is hurting.
You don't have to take away their pain.
And you don't have to take away yours.
For now can you simply be alongside what is here?
Or perhaps you could imagine that you're ever so delicately cupping these difficult feelings in your hands.
Not squeezing it.
Not trying to manipulate it.
Just giving it a resting place.
Safe resting place.
And I'm going to give another invitation here.
No need to strive or make anything happen,
It can just be helpful sometimes for some people.
You might really gently drop into your system the question.
If this feeling were an image,
What would it be?
Don't try to create an image,
Just wait.
And an image doesn't have to be visual.
Just seeing if something emerges.
Perhaps an image does arise,
Perhaps not.
There's no right answer.
If an image does arise.
Can you become a little curious about it?
Rather than asking,
What does this mean?
The curiosity more might be.
What is this like?
What sort of image is this?
What is happening there?
What is its atmosphere?
Is there someone or something in the image?
What might it be experiencing?
There's no need to fix the image either.
Can you be with it?
It might feel good to let the image know that you see it or sense it.
May even let the image know you don't have to change for me.
Almost like you're letting the image know it's not there for you.
Almost you're there for it.
Just noticing what happens.
Perhaps the image evolves into something else or changes or stays just as it is.
Just letting it be.
And you may have a deep sense of what you need to do now and again these next words are just an invitation you can check out whether it feels right or not.
Just gently bringing your attention into your heart area.
Might even breathe in and out of the heart area.
Perhaps you can sense warmth there.
Or tenderness.
Kindness.
Or acceptance.
And only if it feels helpful.
You might sense the heart.
Coming near to the difficult feeling.
Or the image.
Not to rescue it.
Not to make it disappear.
Just to be with it.
Perhaps you sense the heart like a gentle light or a warmth.
Or a loving presence.
And using your wisdom to move back and forth gently between the difficult emotion.
Or image.
And then back towards the heart.
Touching the pain.
And returning to the heart.
You can put your hand on your heart if that feels helpful.
You don't have to stay immersed in the difficult emotion.
You can just touch in.
Back to the heart.
Come close.
And back.
Allowing the heart to become a place you can return to.
And listening to these words which might have already arisen in you or some version of this.
Or may do a little later.
You love this person that you're bringing to mind.
And because you love them,
Their suffering touches you.
That's not something that needs to be fixed.
The love itself is not the problem.
And yet.
.
.
You may not need to carry their suffering as though it were yours to solve.
You can care deeply without taking responsibility for everything that happens to them.
You might even bring that person that you love into your mind's eye.
And notice the space between you.
They are there and you are here.
They have their life,
Their past.
Their joys and sorrows.
And you have yours.
You might even silently offer.
I love you.
I wish you well.
I wish I could protect you from this.
And perhaps also.
And I cannot control your path.
Maybe there's some other words you need to say right now.
Can you allow all of this to be true?
Love,
Longing,
Helplessness,
Hope,
Anger,
Grief.
All of it.
This might be enough today.
And perhaps you could now wonder whether this feeling actually belongs to something larger.
Perhaps it's not just your pain.
The pain of loving someone and not being able to control what happens to them.
The universal pain of the parent who watches a child struggle.
The partner who cannot take away from their loved one's illness.
The friend who sees someone they care about suffer.
The person who desperately wants life to be kinder to someone they love.
Perhaps there are countless human hearts that know this feeling.
And perhaps you're not alone in it.
Letting that recognition be gentle.
You don't need to turn away from the particular person you love.
Instead,
Perhaps their situation has opened a doorway into something so,
So deeply human.
The vulnerability of loving.
And at this moment you might even notice if any other image arises with these words.
Maybe an image of many people standing together in solidarity.
For a great ocean.
Or a vast landscape.
Or just a sense of being part of something larger.
And returning once more to your heart.
And perhaps asking,
Can I love this person without needing to carry everything for them?
Can I care without having to control?
Can I hold my love and my difficult emotions,
My helplessness perhaps,
Together?
Perhaps the answer's not clear.
Just asking the question can give a little more space around the pain.
And perhaps you can imagine gently cupping both things in your hands.
Dare lie.
And your heart.
Holding them with K.
And you might want to offer a simple wish or two.
May you be held in kindness.
May you find your way through.
Or other words that might be helpful.
And for yourself.
May I be held in kindness too.
May I find my way through this.
Feeling the support beneath you.
Feeling your breath.
Feeling the room around you.
Perhaps noticing that you can carry love without having to carry everything.
Nothing needs to be resolved right now.
You can simply rest here.
Loving.
Caring.
And allowing what you cannot control.
To belong to life.
Thank you.
