Hey friends,
Welcome back to Sessions With Self.
And in this edition,
I want to talk to you about the big,
Bad,
Dirty F-word when it comes to the spiritual path.
That's right,
Forgiveness.
Most specifically,
Self-forgiveness.
I want to start out by sharing a little story with you.
One of my closest friends is getting married in a few weeks and he mentioned that an old mutual friend that I haven't seen in many years is going to be at the wedding and he's going to be sitting at my table.
However,
This is not some ordinary old friend.
It's someone I was close with for many years.
But after having several falling outs and growing apart,
I decided to move on from our friendship many years ago.
After learning that I'm going to be seeing him in a few weeks,
I started to feel anxious about it.
But I wasn't exactly sure why.
In my mind,
I had put that part of my life and our relationship behind me.
So why was this bothering me?
The easy answer would be the sheer discomfort and awkwardness of not just seeing him but having to sit at the same table with him.
Seeing anyone for the first time after being estranged from them is never easy.
But I knew deep down it had to be more than this.
Especially since how I went from excitement to dread after learning about him being at the wedding.
So I knew I had to get to the bottom of these feelings.
A few days later,
While doing my morning meditation,
It came to me plain and simple.
I still have anger and resentment towards him.
It was as if the universe was telling me,
Hold on there fella,
You have a bit more letting go to do.
There's still some more forgiving for you to do here.
And that's the real kicker with forgiveness.
We are never done forgiving.
Forgiveness is a lifelong process.
Just like you never reach a point in which you are done meditating or exercising your body,
You never stop having to forgive.
Unless you are a Buddha,
Everyone has to keep forgiving.
Also,
It doesn't get easier.
It just gets deeper.
Like in meditation or mindfulness practice,
Taming the mind to relax and be still can always feel like a challenge.
But in time you learn to go deeper in your practice.
The same goes for forgiveness.
Breaking down the mind's fortress of self-preservation is never easy.
But our job is to keep coming back to forgiveness in order to open our hearts even more.
So with all that being said,
This leads me to my insight that I really want to share with you about forgiveness.
And I'm not sure where I first heard this piece of wisdom,
But it just occurred to me one day.
It was like something whispered in my ear that all forgiveness is self-forgiveness.
So I started to think about that because it really started to resonate with me.
So I asked myself,
In order to forgive others,
Do I simply need to just forgive myself?
If I was able to forgive myself completely and truly,
Wouldn't that allow me to forgive anyone and everyone in one fell swoop,
So to speak?
And the more and more I thought about it,
I started to think that even the slightest resentment towards anyone,
Even the most insignificant person,
Isn't that just really resentment towards myself?
If I'm able to release judgment and anger towards myself,
Wouldn't that release anger and judgment towards others?
If I'm able to love and accept myself fully and completely,
Wouldn't that mean I can love and accept all others?
If I can heal and nurture myself,
Wouldn't I then be able to help and heal and nurture others?
These insights at that moment never felt more true.
That all anger,
Bitterness,
And uneasiness with anyone always starts and ends with me.
So here are just a few quick takeaways I want to share with you if you are going through a tough time with someone in your life,
Or you have some tension in a relationship,
Or there's something or someone in your past that you feel like you still have anger or resentment that you're holding on to.
The first is that any encounter or interaction that causes you uneasiness or to get anxious with someone because of tension you might have with them or something in the past that was difficult,
It's never really about that person.
Just like it wasn't about my former friend for me,
Instead we should see these situations as a reminder to forgive and how vital and sacred forgiveness is as part of the spiritual path.
Secondly,
Even more vital,
Is that this teaches us,
Like I mentioned earlier,
We never stop forgiving.
We never stop forgiving the same people,
Events,
And past memories.
Over and over again,
We must realize when our heart has become hardened and when we are creating separation from others and from ourselves.
Another big takeaway is that even when you think past issues with someone remain dead and buried and are long gone and that you're over it,
Think again.
Traces of resentment can live long within us,
Even without us being fully aware of them.
One of our jobs throughout our physical lives is to constantly work to clear ourselves of any negativity,
Resentment,
And wrongdoing.
And the biggest takeaway I want to share with you is start this clearing process with yourself.
Start the clearing of negativity and resentment with yourself first.
In my heart,
I believe once you can heal yourself and accept yourself fully and completely,
All suffering and discomfort you experience with other people,
With relationships,
Begins to vanish.
Start seeing hardships and difficulty in relationships and with people and tension in your past as simple reminders from your soul to go within,
To look within yourself and start forgiving.
And in my case,
This whole experience with my former friend,
It's clear I have a lot more work to do.
So I hope these insights can maybe help you think differently the next time you're feeling a little discomfort with someone who you have a history with.
I want to leave you with two of my favorite quotes on forgiveness.
The first being from the amazing poet Rumi,
In which he says,
Your task is not to seek for love,
But merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.
And lastly,
From the author Neil Donald Walsh in his famous Conversations with God,
Which is a great reminder for all of us.
When God said to Neil,
I have sent you nothing but angels.
