Stepping Into It - April 20, 2010

In this short Dharma talk, given during the weekly practice session, Eshu encourages us to step into those places that seem daunting, to step into what is difficult, and fundamentally, to step more fully into our own lives.

Transcript

Well, I suppose the annual migration of students is upon us, The great exodus, As the university vomits out all of the new graduates and students for their summer break. Last week I spoke about fear, I think, And this week I wanted to talk a little bit about the other side of fear, An aspect of practice which is one of what are called the paramitas, That's sometimes translated as perfections. The literal translation of paramita is that which leads or that which opens to the other's shore. One of the ways that we can understand this is a real doorway to awakening, To practice. And the one that I wanted to talk about tonight in Sanskrit is called virya paramita. Virya, My favorite translation of virya is zeal. And I think one of the best ways that we can understand this paramita in relation to our practice is commitment. When we were having some of our first strategic planning meetings in the Victoria Zen Center and we were talking about what the core values of the Victoria Zen Center were, Commitment came up as one of them. I was pushing for zeal, But it was tempered by the other people, The other members involved, So commitment. When we face fear, When fear comes up in our lives and in our practice, We find ourselves doing all kinds of things to avoid the situation that we're in. Distracting ourselves with other activities, Finding other things to think about and other things to do. We avoid giving ourselves. We avoid fully being present in the situation that we find ourselves in. In Zen, One master referred to this as living like a ghost, That we're there in body, But the rest of us is somewhere else. I think men in general are really good at doing this activity of avoiding commitment. We're terribly good at being in relationship with people, Especially, But also with objects, With situations, And being there in body, But being somewhere else completely in our hearts and in our minds. One of the sure ways that this comes up is, Especially with young men, When the partner comes and starts to talk about commitment. This is like a red flag that goes up and the man runs the other direction. Ah! Commitment! Practice enforces this engagement with the situation that arises before us, Because we recognize that fundamentally fear is based, As I said last week, On our unconditional acceptance of this thing that we call self, I am. When we find ourselves in a situation that we don't want to be in, That we're afraid of or uncomfortable in, When we come down to the root of it, We find that we are concerned about the extinction, We are concerned about the death of this self that we've become attached to, That we've become familiar with and comfortable in. And so, When we find this situation arising which threatens the status quo, Who we are, Who it is that we think we are, We want to avoid it for as long as possible. We want to get away from it. We want to pretend that it's not there, And we'll think about something else and do something else, Even if we're in proximity to it, For as long as we can get away with it. But practice asks us to always live our lives, To always embrace and engage the activity that we're involved with. And so, It is with great joy that I witness practitioners in our community who are facing these challenges, Both in relationship, In work, And in their relationship with the Zen Center itself, In accepting responsibilities in the Zen Center itself. We often come to situations with our identity. I am a Zen practitioner, I am a single person, Or I'm too busy of a person, Or I like this and I don't like that. And yet, We find ourselves in a situation which requires us to transform, To let go of who it is that we think we were, Who it is that we think we are, And to die into the situation that we find ourselves in, The relationships that we find ourselves in, So that after dying, We can be born anew. A new I am arises. This self is completely new, Completely different, Completely free to experience this new life. And it's not familiar. It's not yet comfortable. We haven't broken it in, And so we're awkward. We're facing circumstances, Maybe for the first time in our lives, And we may be in our 40s or our 50s. Generally, Nobody likes to be new. Nobody likes to be a novice. Nobody likes nobody likes to be a beginner. We always want to be experts. And so, This practice encourages us to always recognize the importance, The significance of letting go of that desire to be familiar, To be the expert, And to be willing to engage this activity of your life new, Like a newborn child with awe and anticipation, Excitement, Joy. What is this moment that arises before me? What are these challenges that arise before me? Our practice gives us the courage and encourages us to step forward into this new moment, To meet it with zeal, With complete commitment, Recognizing that there is nowhere else to be. There is nowhere else to be. But in this very moment, There is nobody else to be in this very moment. As we continue to experience practice, As we continue to deepen and go forward in our practice, We begin to become more subtly aware of those internal sensations, Resistance, Clinging to the self that we are now, A hesitance to let go into what's coming, To let go into this new moment, To die and be born anew as the situation arises. And as we continue to practice, And we continue to become more and more aware and sensitive to this tendency, We recognize it like an old friend. Ah, There I am getting stuck. It looks like it's time to let go, Like a snake, A great snake, Recognizing that it's time to shed the skin, That the skin that we're carrying, This bag that we've stuffed ourselves into, Is getting too small. It's time for us to let go and be born anew. Each time we engage in this activity of shedding self, Letting go of who it is that we think we are, There is also this tendency to think, Ah, Now I've got it. Now this is the real me. But as we continue to go forward, We see that this activity, Being born anew and becoming familiar and comfortable, Then transforming, Letting go, Allowing this self to die away and again arising anew, Happens over and over and over again. This activity that we engage in of sitting meditation is simply this practice of experiencing it with awareness, Sitting and witnessing with each breath as we breathe in, We are born anew. And as we exhale, The self dissolves. And as we exhale, We are born anew. And as we exhale, The self dissolves. Who it is that we were disappears completely over and over again. This simple activity is nothing other than the activity of the Dharma, The activity of this vast cosmos. It's not different. So as we continue to practice, Let's not break up this experience. Let's not say, Oh, This is the experience of breathing in and breathing out. And that's the experience of being born and dying. Ancestor after ancestor acknowledges that this very act of sitting, This very act of breathing in and breathing out, Is to manifest awakening, To manifest the experience, The knowledge of the complete activity of this universe, The complete activity of the Dharma. All that we are asked to do as we engage in this practice is to commit to being here, To commit to engaging fully in this activity of the Dharma.