Thank you for joining me in this meditation.
Before we get started,
I'm wanting to ask you something.
How many times are you harder on yourself than you would be on anyone else?
Most of the men I work with don't struggle because they're lazy at all,
They're normally highly proficient.
They struggle mainly because they never feel like they've done enough.
They hit the goal and move the goalposts naturally.
They achieve something and immediately focus on what could have been better.
And from the outside it can look like discipline.
It can look like ambition.
It can even look like strength.
But underneath it there's often a quiet relief that says If I stop pushing myself,
Everything falls apart.
I know that voice very well.
For a lot of us,
Being hard on ourselves became the way of staying safe.
It kept us improving,
It kept us accepted,
It kept us from getting caught off guard.
The problem is that what protected us years ago can become the thing that that exhausts us today.
So in this meditation,
We're not trying to get rid of that part of you.
We're simply going to understand it.
We're going to get curious about where it came from and what it's trying to do for you and whether it's still serving the man you've become.
So if you're ready,
Let's find a comfortable position and let's begin.
You hold yourself to a standard most people would find exhausting.
And when you fall short of it,
Even slightly.
Something in you doesn't let it go.
It replays it,
Finds all the ways you could have done better.
You might call it high standards or just the way you are.
But what if being hard on yourself isn't who you are?
What if it's a strategy you learn?
Something you picked up to stay safe,
Stay ahead,
Stay in control.
That's what we're looking at today.
Let's start by giving your body a break from all of that.
Find a comfortable seated position.
Feet on the floor,
Hands resting somewhere easy.
Slow breath in through the nose,
Let it go all the way down into your belly.
And out,
Long and slow.
Again,
Notice if you're holding tension somewhere.
Your jaw,
Your shoulders,
Your chest.
Just let it be there.
You don't need to fix it.
One more,
And slowly,
And out.
For the next few minutes,
You don't have to be good at this.
You don't have to get it right.
Just be here.
Think about the last time you were hard on yourself.
What triggered it?
A mistake?
Something you said or didn't say?
A moment that didn't go the way you wanted?
Let that moment come to mind briefly.
Where do you feel that self-criticism in your body right now?
Stay there for a moment.
Don't push it away.
Don't lean into it.
Just notice what it actually feels like.
There's a quality to it,
A tightness maybe,
A sinking,
A pulling inward.
That inner critic didn't show up on its own.
At some point,
Being hard on yourself was useful.
Maybe it kept you sharp.
Kept you from making costly mistakes.
Maybe it was a way of getting there first before anyone else could criticize you.
If I get there first,
It hurts less.
When you think about that voice,
Whose voice does it sound like?
Take your time.
And is the standard it holds you to actually yours?
Or did you inherit it from somewhere?
Here's what I want you to hold on to.
The part of you that's hard on yourself,
It was trying to protect you.
But protection strategies.
Have a cost.
And at some point,
The cost outweighs what you're getting from it.
You're allowed to hold yourself to a standard.
Without punishing yourself for being human.
Those are two different things.
One final breath in.
And out completely.
Feel the ground beneath you,
Steady,
Present.
Whatever came up today.
Let it sit with you quietly.
No pressure to figure it all out right now.
You showed up.
You looked at something most men avoid.
That's enough.
Take your time coming back.
And remember this is deep work.
If you feel called,
Reach out.
I'd be honoured to witness your being and becoming.
