Neuroplasticity | Holding Grief’s Two Realities

This somatic practice is inspired by neuroplasticity and the work of Mary-Frances O'Connor on how grief lives in the brain.
Rather than trying to resolve grief, you’ll be guided to gently hold two realities at once—the absence of what’s been lost, and the ongoing bond that remains. Through breath, awareness, and subtle body-based integration, your system learns—slowly and safely—what is now true.

Music: The Dark Glow of the Mountains
by Chris Zabriskie ‧

Transcript

Welcome. There is something important that I need you to understand about grief. Part of your brain is still expecting the person, The life, Or the moment you've lost to return to come back. Not because you're in denial, But because your brain has learned them so deeply and perhaps it hasn't fully updated. So today we're not trying to move on from our loss. We're gently supporting your brain and your body as they both begin to recognize what has changed. So take a moment here to arrive, Let your body settle. You don't have to force anything, Just experience, Just be here now. Start by bringing your attention to your breath, Inhaling through your nose, And exhaling through your mouth. Again inhale, And a slow extended exhale, Longer exhale out, Signaling safety to your body. Continue this breath, Feel the ground beneath you as you breathe. You are here right now. And now gently start to bring to mind a moment where your body expected them. Maybe you were reaching for your phone, Thinking of telling them something, Thinking to call them, Turning around almost to look for them. We're not going here to experience pain, Just to see a familiar moment where you felt expectation. And right as you notice it, Pause. Where do you feel that in your body? Is there a leaning forward, A lift in your chest, A sense of reaching where your brain is predicting they should be here? Let your body show you what that feels like. A moment as a felt sense, Not as a thought, Maybe the realization that they are not here. As you realize this, Notice what happens in your body when expectation meets reality. This moment, This mismatch is exactly where grief lives in the brain. You might feel a heaviness, Or a stillness, Or a numbness, Stay with that, Slow your breath. Your brain is learning in real time. Not all at once, But moment by moment. You are allowing the update to happen. You are allowing it in a way that your body can tolerate. And now notice after that drop or that shift, What does your body want to do? Does it feel like it wants to curl inward? Exhale more deeply, Place a hand somewhere, Follow that impulse. This is just your nervous system integrating the new reality. And let the movement be small and slow. There is no rush. You are helping your body complete a loop that it didn't get to finish before. Now I want you to gently notice something else. Even though they are not here, Your connection to them still lives. See if your body can hold both truths, The absence and the bond at the same time. Without need to resolve, Just let both be true at the same time. Begin to come back to your surrounding. Take a deep breath in through the nose and a slow sigh out through the mouth. Your brain does not update loss all at once. It learns loss slowly through moments like this. It's not easy, But it's necessary. And today you allowed one small update. That is how healing happens. Not by forgetting, But by gently learning what is now true. It's the stage of acceptance. Holding both truths. The bond and the absence. The love and the loss. The lightness and the darkness. That is where transformation happens. That is where healing occurs. They can both be true at the same time. Take this awareness with you.