Today,
We are talking about setting boundaries and how boundaries are literally what I like to call managing our energy to avoid burnout,
Right?
So there's a nice quote that you guys might have seen that says,
Boundaries are part of self-care.
They're healthy,
Normal,
And necessary,
Right?
So if we don't set boundaries,
We are going to get sick.
We're going to get burned out.
We're going to take it out on our loved ones.
You know,
We're going to get sick.
You know,
Ulcers and stuff,
It just sits inside,
It festers,
Doesn't feel good,
Right?
So setting boundaries is so important.
And today,
What we're going to discuss is how you can establish your safe zone by doing small steps and tools that if you work on daily,
That you'll create a safe space for you and for your well-being,
Right?
So this kind of act to yourself or promote self-respect and self-love,
Because that's the most important part.
If you don't love yourself,
No one else will.
But chances are you picked this topic for a reason that you need to set boundaries.
And we all have to,
Right?
It's something that we work on daily.
It's some changes,
Right?
Setting boundaries,
Sometimes those boundaries are released,
Sometimes they're implemented.
So if you're here today to set some boundaries,
Yay,
Welcome,
Okay?
So the first thing I want to start with is the last couple of years have been very interesting,
Right?
We have seen a lot of stuff.
COVID brought us a lot of information and it was a great teacher,
Right?
So what it really did is it worked on the muscle of creating boundaries.
We stopped shaking hands,
We stopped hugging,
We stood in line at the grocery store behind that six foot marker,
Right?
Sometimes that six foot line went to 10,
But we set those boundaries and people abided by them.
And some people got really good at exercising that muscle,
Right?
They went all out,
Right?
Don't come over for Thanksgiving unless you're vaccinated.
Hey,
We're having a party,
But you have to test before you can get in,
Right?
Some of us got really good at setting boundaries.
So the question is,
Is why then can we do that for COVID,
But we can't do it in our personal life,
Right?
And what I want to say is with COVID,
People were terrified to die and they set those boundaries because of fear,
Rightfully so.
But when we don't set boundaries for family members,
For people we love,
Right?
That are hurting us,
Why could we do it for COVID when we were afraid of death,
But we can't do it,
Right?
It's eating us up,
Right?
It makes us sick,
It makes us nauseous,
But we're not willing to set a boundary for that,
For our emotional state of mind,
But we would set a boundary for COVID.
So interesting,
Right?
We know that that muscle works.
We've used it for the past couple of years.
So you know how to set boundaries and you're good at it.
So what I'm here to say though,
Is it's easier to set it with strangers,
Right?
It was easier at the grocery store to tell,
You know,
Hey,
Stand back or give them that look or do whatever.
You know,
I got yelled at in California.
We were walking the pier and no one was on the pier,
But this gentleman walked by me and he screamed at me because I wasn't wearing a mask.
And he was really good at exercising his muscle.
He had set a boundary and I was breaking that boundary and he sure let me know.
So he's a good teacher of how to set boundaries,
Right?
So what we're here tonight though,
Is to really talk about,
It's easier to set them with strangers.
You know,
Someone says something to us in public,
It's easier to come back at them because you know,
We don't know who they are,
But what we're here tonight is to really set those boundaries with friends and family,
Right?
And if you're here,
It's probably not going great for you.
For most of us,
I like to use the word difficult.
It's very difficult.
It's the hardest part about setting boundaries is,
You know,
That we're always afraid to hurt someone's feelings and,
But why,
You know,
Why is it that they can hurt us?
They can say things to us that are hurt us,
Cut us to the bone,
But we're afraid to stand up for ourselves,
Right?
How does that even,
You know,
Come into play that we're afraid to hurt their feelings because it might offend them,
Right?
If something we say to them might offend them.
So during our session last week,
I had a comment.
It came in and it was a young girl that said her mom always makes her feel insecure about not wearing makeup.
Interesting,
Right?
Some moms tell their daughters,
You're wearing too much makeup.
We always have an opinion,
Which is wrong.
But this mom in particular was very hurtful and said that she thought her daughter looked better with makeup on and why don't you go put some more makeup on,
You'll look good.
Interesting that when people,
Usually the closest to us,
Say things that are painful,
That we don't express that pain or hurt to them,
Right?
We just let them say it.
We walk away,
We swallow it,
And we do nothing about it.
And it's allowing those words to take up residency right here,
Right?
Right in our heart and our bodies and our minds.
And that space shows up as stomach pain,
Heartache,
Maybe chest constrictions,
Right?
Maybe you start getting sweaty.
That's everything saying that your soul is crying out,
That those words are hurtful and that you don't like it.
A lot of times,
Most commonly,
The words that I've heard in our circle is,
My God,
You've gained weight,
Right?
That's acceptable to say to someone.
Or I had someone come up to me several years back and say,
Oh my God,
You're so skinny,
Do you have cancer?
And it was like,
What the hell?
Is that okay in your mindset to say,
Oh my God,
You're so skinny,
Do you have cancer?
Maybe it came from a good place,
But it was so hurtful and so,
I wouldn't say traumatizing,
But it really set me back.
And man,
I'll tell you what,
A wall went up to that person and a boundary was set immediately.
I had no interest in being around her.
You hurt me,
Right?
Another one is,
We've heard in the family is,
When are you going to get a real job?
And that was an interesting comment that was hurtful,
Right?
This person thought they had a really good job,
They were doing very well,
And someone in the family said,
When are you going to get a real job and go make real money?
So,
Interesting,
Right?
We all think it's okay to place judgment on other people and who are we to judge what people are doing?
Who are we to say your job isn't real?
Who are we to say that you're not making enough money,
Right?
So what I'm here tonight to tell you is,
I want to help you know how to recognize when it's happening and how you can handle these situations and nip them right away,
Right?
Because they happen fast and sometimes we're caught off guard and we're like,
What the hell just happened,
Right?
She invaded my space,
He or she invaded my space,
And like I said,
We walk away.
So I want to have that nipped so it doesn't linger and it doesn't hit us in the heart and in the mind,
In the body,
And it doesn't show back in the form of self-sabotage or an ulcer or a mental breakdown,
Right?
Depression,
Right?
So the number one thing to know about boundaries is that they are giving your power away to freely.
When you allow someone to say something mean,
Hurtful to you,
You are giving that person your power.
And it's so important that you take that power back,
Right?
And it's daily work,
You know?
We can explore how it looks like,
Because for everyone it's different,
Right?
Some people,
You go,
I can't believe that she said that to you and they're like,
Really?
That didn't offend me,
Right?
So what offends me may not offend someone else.
So that's important.
But I want you to know that it's daily work,
Right?
When we envision your power as an extension of you,
That you can always call back to yourself,
Right?
You can always take control back and it's time to bring out that superpower and create your very own magic personal circle.
So that's what we're going to talk about tonight is we're talking about a shield,
Some say a fighter's shield or the magic circle.
That's what we're going to learn how to create.
And the circle is your superpower.
It's your shield.
It's your courage.
If you want to stand up,
Because I really want you to feel this energy,
Okay?
So you're going to stand up and you're going to take a big,
Deep breath in through your nose and a long audible breath out through your mouth.
You're just,
Right?
So we're releasing that energy,
Right?
Feel that energy leaving our body.
So one more time,
We're going to repeat that nice,
Deep breath,
Nice,
Audible sound out.
The more audible,
The better.
We're going to get into some lion's breath.
It's not attractive,
But it's amazing.
Okay.
That's going to be in a little bit.
But taking that deep,
Full breath in through the nose and out through the mouth releases that heat and that tension that we build up in our stomach.
Okay.
So one more time,
Big,
Deep breath in,
Nice,
Big.
This time I want you to close your eyes and I want yourself to be fully present for this next journey.
I'm going to guide you,
A guided meditation in how to build this magic personal circle.
So I want you to close your eyes if you're seated,
Standing.
Now I want you to envision yourself standing with a protective shield,
Right?
A big light has circled all around you.
That light has grown from within you and it is extending all the way around you.
Your circle can be as big as you want it.
It can be small and tight,
Keeping you close,
Comfortable,
Kind of wrapped up in that light.
And I want to say,
Can you see them,
Right?
Can you see the light,
Right?
So it's growing all around you,
Surrounding you completely.
There's an opening at the top and the bottom,
A small opening.
Can you see them?
Tiny little openings within your ray of light,
Your circle of light.
What these openings represent is the connection to people,
To your community,
And to outside energy.
So I want you to think of them as gates.
You can shut the gate,
You can lock the gate,
Or you can open that gate whenever you need to,
Okay?
This is your very own magic personal circle.
What do you see?
What color is your circle?
What's so amazing about our minds is if we let our mind wander,
We can see any color that represents safety to us.
Maybe your circle is gold.
Maybe your circle is red.
Maybe your circle is just a bright white light shining all around you,
Right?
How bright is your circle?
Maybe it's brighter than you've ever seen.
Maybe it's so bright you're having a hard time looking at it.
Maybe it's just starting to illuminate.
Now I want you to imagine what courage looks like to you.
Is that a superhero?
Is that a person that you know?
Maybe it's an animal.
That is you.
In your magic circle,
That superhero is you.
You are that vision.
When you are in your magic circle,
You become that vision of strength and courage.
If you're just starting to do meditative work,
You might find it difficult to become that vision,
But I want you to see the vision,
Right?
Can you see that vision?
Can you see your courage in the form of a superhero,
An animal?
Visualize that.
Allow that trusted symbol to come into your circle with you.
That gate for your superhero,
For that symbol,
Is big.
Open that gate,
Let them in,
And allow that to protect you.
Because this is your safe place.
You're surrounded by courage.
You're surrounded by your superhero.
This is where you shield yourself.
This is where you set your intentions.
And this is where you make a list of all the things that you will not say or do when you are in your magic circle.
This is where your boundaries are going to be set.
This is your safe place.
No words can penetrate through.
This is where you're going to find the strength to stand up for yourself.
I want you to feel that protection all around you.
That light is so warm,
Radiating that heat and that comfort,
Just penetrating you,
Right?
You just birthed that circle.
That circle of light came from you,
And you created this shield around you.
And now let that light warm you.
Let that light protect you.
Let that symbol that you just let in protect you.
Now let's finish this guided practice now.
Take a full breath in through your nose.
And this time we're going to release a long,
Audible lion's breath,
Ha.
This is a very primal breath.
When you first do it,
It's odd if you've never done it.
It's not attractive.
So I want you to take a deep,
Full breath in through your nose.
Stick that tongue out.
Feel that energy.
Feel that fire.
Feel that courage coming from within.
One more time,
We're going to do it.
We're going to stick the tongue out even farther,
And we're going to make an even bigger roar.
So let's go for it.
Nice,
Full breath through your nose.
Gently open your eyes.
How do you feel?
Did that work?
Did you feel that courage surrounding you?
Did you feel that warmth?
Did you feel that love?
When we're new to breath work,
Like I said,
The lion's breath can be very awkward.
It's by far the most rewarding,
Though.
The lion's breath is about letting go of what other people think of you.
It's very primal.
It's full of energy,
And it's a great way to build your confidence and your courage when you're in your circle,
Right?
So when you're in that circle and you're,
You know,
You're just breathing that lion's breath and just extension of you,
All that courage is coming out.
