Welcome,
Beloved souls.
This is the first of a new series called Betrayal Alchemy.
This is a guide for those who have walked through the fire of broken trust.
If you are here,
It may be because you felt betrayed by someone you trusted,
Loved,
And placed your faith in.
Maybe it was a partner,
A friend,
A guide,
Even family.
Whoever it was,
Whatever the situation was,
When betrayal hits,
It shakes the very foundation of our being.
One moment you are standing in your life,
Grounded and whole,
And the next,
It feels as though the entire world has fallen away,
Leaving you on a small,
Desolate rock,
Floating in space.
In that moment,
There is no grounding,
No stability,
Just the shock,
Almost like being slapped across the face,
Stunned,
Raw,
And disoriented.
In that moment,
There is this fire that comes,
A rage,
That soul-burning anger.
You want to set that floating rock ablaze.
You want to scream,
To cry,
To lash out,
At them,
At yourself,
At literally anything and everything.
And meanwhile,
Your mind will not stop talking.
There is this constant commentary,
Repeating endlessly,
Why did this happen?
Why did they do this?
Why did I not see it sooner?
You blame them,
You blame yourself,
You blame the world.
Does that sound familiar?
I know it does,
Because this has been my reality more times than I would like to admit.
I've sat on the kitchen floor,
Naming the objects around me,
Just to remember where I was,
To try to find some sort of grounding and stability in a moment of complete upheaval.
I've counted backwards,
From 10 to 1,
Again and again.
I've done all the breathing,
All the breathing,
All the pranayama,
The box breathing,
The deep inhalations until they made me dizzy,
The noisy sigh-outs,
The extended exhalations to bring my nervous system back into balance.
None of it worked.
I've walked outside in nature.
I've sobbed on the bathroom floor.
I've filled journal after journal.
I've read so many,
I feel like saying all,
But the word I'll go with is so many self-help books.
I've tried almost every tool,
Or so it feels like,
That the world told me would help.
And still,
The storm raged.
Still,
I was in that experimental hell of trying everything and nothing shifting.
Until one day,
Something changed.
Not in a book,
Not in therapy,
Not in another training or practice,
But in a quiet,
Unexpected moment,
I found clarity.
I saw it.
The betrayal.
Not as me,
Not in me,
Not a part of me,
But outside of me.
For the first time,
I could see it as something separate,
A situation,
An act,
A choice,
But not my identity,
Not my worth,
And not my soul.
And with that awareness,
The storm stopped.
The voices in my head softened.
I could breathe,
And I could see clearly,
Maybe for the first time.
This was the turning point.
This was the beginning of my own personal alchemy.
I would like to guide you into some of that same clarity now.
So if you're ready,
I invite you to come into a comfortable seat and close your eyes.
If it feels safe to close your eyes,
Close your eyes.
If it doesn't,
Or if that feels like too much,
I invite you to soften your gaze,
To allow your eyelids to become heavy,
As if there are tiny weights attached to each one.
And breathe.
Just breathe.
Inhale and exhale as it comes.
Without counting,
Without forcing,
Feel the surface beneath you.
Feel yourself held in this moment.
Give yourself permission to not have to do anything.
No choice,
No thought,
Just be.
I'm going to count backwards from 10 to 1.
And as I do,
I want you to continue to breathe at a pace that is comfortable for you.
Allow the inhales and exhales to continue to showing up for you in the moment just as they are.
10 9 8 7 6 3 2 1 Now cast yourself out and imagine that you are standing on a cold,
Hard,
Rocky surface that is suspended in space.
You can see the world that it used to be attached to in the distance,
But it is no longer a part of this space,
No longer a part of this reality,
Of this moment.
See the landscape clearly in your mind.
As you check out this new reality that you are standing in,
You look around and you find a stone and you pick it up.
As you hold it,
You instantly know that within this stone lies all the betrayal.
It is here with you on this floating rock as a stone that you hold in your hands now.
You feel the weight of it.
Feel the texture.
Simply notice it without trying to name it.
Feel the temperature.
Feel this stone in your hand,
And as you do,
As you notice the weight,
Texture,
Temperature,
You also notice that it is not a part of you.
It does not belong to you.
It is not a part of you.
It is not your soul.
It is something you are holding,
Not something that you are.
You take a moment and hold it up to your face and gaze into it.
You press it against your skin so that you can feel it,
All of it.
And then you bring it to your lips and you blow into it three times.
Then you whisper inside,
Out loud,
Into this stone,
You are not me.
And you do this three times.
You are not me.
You are not me.
You are not me.
You take a moment to look around,
Taking in the landscape around you.
Again,
Seeing what you see,
And as you observe this land that you are standing on,
You notice if anything has changed or if you see something different.
You simply notice.
As you are examining the land,
You pick a spot to lay your stone down on.
You see yourself laying it down.
You watch it as it rests where you sat it.
It's no longer clutched tightly in your hand.
It's no longer pressing into your skin.
You are here.
You are whole.
It is there as it is.
You are the one who chooses what happens next.
Breathe with me now.
Inhale strength.
And exhale courage.
Inhale truth.
And exhale clarity.
Bring your hand to your heart and whisper,
I am not what happened to me.
I am the alchemist of my life.
Let this truth anchor deep in your body,
Your bones,
And your breath.
Allow this truth to land so completely that it is all that remains.
I am not what happened to me.
I am the alchemist of my life.
I choose my life,
My choices,
My path.
In this moment,
You have begun the alchemical process of turning your betrayal into healing.
Your sacred rage into sacred healing.
By showing up here,
By sitting in the fire without running,
By seeing that this betrayal is not who you are.
The betrayal may burn,
But you are not the ashes.
You are the phoenix that is rising,
Not broken,
But sovereign.
Thank you for taking the first steps to walk this path.
This is only the beginning of the alchemy.
I will see you again in our next betrayal alchemy session.
And until then,
May your heart remember its power.
Take a deep breath in.
And exhale,
Sigh it out.
And you may choose to take a moment to journal anything that showed up for you during that session.
The courage to begin is a great place to start.
For every path and every journey begins with a single breath.
A single moment.
If you're still here,
This was your step and your moment.
If you have any questions,
Comments,
Concerns,
Fears,
Excitement,
Anger,
Whatever that you would like to share,
Please feel free to reach out to me.
My inbox is always open.
In perfect love,
In perfect trust,
In wholeness,
I see you and I walk with you.
I hold space for you.
Blessed be,
Dear soul.
Have a beautiful,
Beautiful rest of your day.
Take time with yourself and your soul.
Find ease and softness and a little bit of grace in your day.
Namaste.
