So meditation teacher Sharon Salzberg in her book Real Happiness,
The Power of Meditation described befriending and loving-kindness as a form of love that is truly an ability and as research scientists have shown it can be learned.
It's the ability to take some risk with our awareness,
To look at ourselves and others with kindness instead of reflective criticism,
To include in our concern those to whom we normally pay no attention,
To care for ourselves unconditionally instead of thinking I will love myself as long as I never make a mistake.
It is the ability to gather our attention and to really listen to others,
Even those we've written off as not worth our time.
It is the ability to see the humanity in people we don't know.
So as we start this befriending practice,
Starting by just clarifying that you shouldn't worry if you don't feel anything.
Befriending practice is about the intention,
About gently inclining the mind towards a different way of looking at our experience and looking at our perceptions and interactions with others.
We'll establish a clear anchor point so you know that if anything feels overwhelming or difficult that you can return to that anchor point at any time.
So just starting now by finding a position that for you will feel steady for the next few minutes,
Just tuning in and noticing whatever's here for you.
Maybe noticing any thoughts,
Maybe the tone of an emotion,
Sensations in the body,
Maybe the breath.
Just noticing and knowing there's nothing you need to do,
Nothing to change,
Just being here with your experience right now.
Taking a moment now to find an anchor in the body,
Somewhere that feels like a steady place to rest your attention.
So maybe the hands as they're resting on the lap,
Perhaps the feet on the floor,
Or maybe noticing any sensations created by breathing.
Just tuning in and noticing all the details in your chosen anchor point.
And if the mind wanders,
Which it's quite likely to do,
Maybe just smiling at the mind,
Congratulating yourself and noticing that the mind's wandered.
And then gently,
Ever so gently,
Just returning your attention to your anchor point.
You're feeling the weight of gravity on the body as you begin to settle.
Maybe noticing any busyness in the mind.
And if you've chosen the breath as your anchor point,
Maybe just noticing the full length of the in-breath,
Full length of the out-breath,
And any turning points in your breathing.
Not needing to change the breath in any way,
Just being with the breath,
Watching it flow.
And when you're ready now,
Inviting you to bring to mind an image of yourself.
Might be helpful to consider maybe an image of yourself when you were younger,
When you were a child.
And if it's helpful for you,
Maybe just placing a hand on the chest or the heart,
And as much as you're able to,
Just bringing to mind all the details of this image of yourself.
And if an image doesn't come clearly,
Maybe just resting in a sense of yourself.
Now introducing some phrases,
Maybe saying them to yourself alongside the breath.
May I be well.
May I be happy.
May I live with lightness and ease in the midst of my life.
May I be well.
May I be happy.
May I live with lightness and ease in the midst of my life.
Feeling free to adjust those phrases,
Maybe just finding something that works better for you.
Be tuning in and noticing any reactivity to those phrases.
It's not always easy to extend well-wishing to ourselves.
May I be well.
May I be happy.
May I live with lightness and ease in the midst of my life.
Noticing any stories that are generated by these phrases.
Any judgments or evaluations.
Just as much as you're able to,
Just letting these go.
Just inclining the mind towards friendliness and kindness to yourself.
Just as you are.
And letting the image of yourself fade away now.
Just letting it fade into the background.
Just touching in with your anchor point.
Inviting you now to bring to mind a neutral person.
So someone that you don't know well.
So it could be maybe a neighbor,
Perhaps a colleague.
Maybe somebody you commute with.
Perhaps that person that you see on the street you've never actually spoken to.
And again,
As much as you're able to,
Just bringing an image of them to mind.
And knowing that just like you,
This person is living a life.
Just like you,
They experience difficulty and joy.
And saying to yourself,
May they be well.
May they be happy.
May they live with lightness and ease in the midst of their life.
May they be well.
May they be happy.
May they live with lightness and ease.
And again,
Noticing any reaction in the mind to this well-wishing.
Maybe a feeling of puzzlement or confusion.
Again,
Just noticing it and as much as you're able to,
Just letting that go.
Just inclining the mind towards well-wishing to this well-wishing.
Neutral person to this person that you don't know.
Knowing just like you,
They want to be happy and they want to be well.
Just acknowledging their desire to live with ease and live with kindness.
May they be well.
May they be happy.
May they live with lightness and ease.
And letting the image of this person fade into the background now.
Just touching in with your anchor point.
Just noticing any after effects of this practice.
Noticing any stories in the mind.
Perhaps any emotions.
And noticing any difficulties.
Might notice feelings of openness and acceptance of your experience.
Just resting in the after effects of this well-wishing.
Well-wishing to yourself and to others.
But just noticing your posture.
Acknowledging where the mind is.
And as we now begin to bring this practice to a close.
Just seeing if it's possible to bring this open,
Generous,
Expanded awareness.
To recognize we're part of a wider community of beings who all experience suffering and joy.
Maybe just taking a couple of deep breaths now.
Be having a stretch,
A little bit of movement.
As we bring this practice to a close.
