Hello and welcome.
I am going to make an assumption that if you are listening to this talk you resonate and relate in some way shape or form to perfectionism.
I am choosing to share this talk because I too relate so much to perfectionism.
It's even a word that makes me cringe a little.
That word perfect,
Perfection,
Perfectionist.
I can feel a tightening of the muscles in my face,
Tightening through my shoulders,
A gripping and holding through my abdomen.
This word has a really visceral impact on me.
So gently seeing if those words also bring about some kind of feeling or sensation in your physical body.
There are high-achieving perfectionists who do more and more and more and more is never good enough.
And at the opposite end of that continuum there are perfectionists who procrastinate,
Who put things off,
Who don't do things because they are so fearful of not being enough.
I can put myself in both of those camps.
I have experienced many moments of more and more and over-functioning.
It has put my life under great strain.
And there are times when I put things off such as delaying creating these talks or publishing practices here on Insight Timer.
I procrastinate and put it off because I am fearful and worried of it not being good enough.
So you might explore if it feels okay right now or jot this reflection down to come back to it at a time where you feel grounded and ready.
But in what way or ways does these attributes of perfectionism do harm and put your life under great strain?
Perfectionism for me has been an avenue that takes me outside of my inherent worthiness.
An attribute that misguides me to prioritize external markers,
External validation.
If only I'm perfect,
Then I will be loved.
If only.
.
.
That sentence might resonate with you or you might have another way of completing this sentence.
If only I was perfect,
Then.
.
.
If only I was perfect,
Then.
.
.
If only.
.
.
Whether it is showing up with yourself,
In your work,
In your relationships,
How might you begin to intentionally rebel against it?
And what I mean by this,
I'll share with an example.
I intentionally don't script meditations I share here on Insight Timer.
I don't script these talks.
I do this to rebel against my perfectionism.
If I was to script I would agonize over the choice of words,
The language.
I would re-record,
Getting it just right.
And most likely I wouldn't record and publish all that much.
So that choice,
That very deliberate decision that I have made not to script,
Not to script this talk,
Is a way of showing myself that I am enough.
What I create,
What I share,
It does not need to be perfect.
There is no such thing.
But I can really teach myself in this embodied way,
In this tangible way.
Even when it feels uncomfortable,
There is some discomfort.
I can still create.
I can rebel against this quality,
This attribute that wants to keep me tethered to it.
And while I haven't been publishing tracks here on Insight Timer for even a year just yet,
I have noticed,
Felt and experienced a real freedom and detachment from these perfectionist ideals.
This sense of perfection has begun to dissolve little by little.
And this is just one example.
So choosing something that you might intentionally and deliberately do or shift or change as a little bit of gentle rebellion.
It could be something like not correcting typos in a text message.
It could be anything at all.
Something that might create a little bit of discomfort.
But that discomfort within the realms of tolerance.
Another way that I rebel against this pressure I have felt in my life to look a certain way,
To uphold to the conditioning and ideals of our society.
Is that I don't do my hair before I share a live practice on Insight Timer.
It's another way that I am gently but tangibly rebelling against something that has really kept me trapped and contained and feeling under great strain and pressure.
Those are just a few examples.
They might resonate,
They might not.
How are you rebelling against what for me has been a very deeply entrenched attribute?
But instead of allowing it to take over,
To dictate,
To almost compel me into over-functioning or under-functioning if I'm avoiding something.
How can I begin to deconstruct,
To dismantle,
To practice moving away from that very contained,
Trapped,
Small way of moving through the world?
The irony is that I live in a flight path.
And while I do my best to record at night when it is not so busy and chaotic in inner city Melbourne,
I somehow always choose to record at the times the planes are flying overhead.
So you might be able to hear one flying overhead as I speak.
And I lost my train of thought.
I was speaking about dissolving,
Dismantling,
Deconstructing this perfectionist trait that can cause us to miss out.
In this talk,
I'm not going to go into where this trait comes from,
The root.
That's something that you might explore for yourself.
But what is one small way that you can intentionally give yourself this permission to rebel against perfectionism?
For me,
That has been instrumental in helping to lessen its hold.
Helping to gently dissolve the grip that it has had on every facet of my life.
And through those intentional,
Deliberate choices,
That can sometimes still be uncomfortable.
That is how I have begun to feel a sense of real agency,
Real autonomy over my life.
And that I am enough,
Exactly as I am.
What I do does not define the value,
The substance,
The heart of who I am.
No achievement or possession,
No appearance or success.
None of those things define me.
So I'd like to leave you with this contemplation.
What is it that defines you?
If it is nothing outside of you,
If nothing outside of you could define you,
What would?
You might not know the answer just yet.
I'm encouraging you to really explore,
To uncover and discover that quality or qualities,
Those values,
Those attributes about yourself.
The things that define the substance,
The inherent worthiness of who you are.
And offering a simple affirmation.
I am enough.
I am enough.
You might like to place your hand over your heart,
Gesturing in towards yourself,
Offering yourself that affirmation.
I am enough,
Exactly as I am.
Sometimes that affirmation feels really uncomfortable to me.
But more and more of the time,
It feels nourishing and nurturing and deeply supportive.
So allowing it to land and settle for you today,
Exactly as it needs to.
I'd love to hear from you.
How are you going to intentionally rebel against this trait of perfectionism?
What is one way that you can begin on this dental rebellion?
And I thank you so much for listening,
For your patience with the jets flying overhead,
Me losing my train of thought.
I look forward to a little bit more exploring with you soon.
But for now,
Take good,
Good care.
