How To Trust?

Join us for this discussion to unveil the secrets of unconditional trust. What prevents trust? How do we build the capability to trust? Why is it essential generally in life and specifically on the spiritual path? Join us for this transformative discussion and bring courage and honesty with you. Let's grow together.

Transcript

So,

Welcome everybody to this beautiful opportunity we give ourselves.

We're going to start the evening with a short ceremony,

Just to make sure that we are all aligned.

So let us sit comfortably,

Make sure all the beeps and sounds are turned off.

I would if I knew where my phone.

.

.

Ah,

This is my cell phone,

Let me close my cell phone as well.

Let us take a deep breath in.

Let's close our eyes and take another deep breath in.

And the next breath in we keep in,

We don't breathe out.

And now slowly breathe out and let go.

Let go of all your efforts,

Let go of everything that already happened in the past.

And let go of everything that may happen in the future,

That allow your breath to guide you back to the present moment,

To everything and anything that may happen right now.

Come aware of your surroundings,

And all the information it produces.

Come aware of the presence of your own body within the surroundings.

Come aware of the posture your body took upon its seat.

You may scan your body internally,

From the tip of your toes to the top of your head,

Making sure there is no tension hiding anywhere in your body.

Your body is the most dear and intimate friend you will ever have.

Let your body and respect it as it is.

Another deep breath in,

And let it go,

And let go,

And become aware of your own thoughts.

Whatever you are thinking of right now,

Without getting too entangled or carried away by any specific thought,

You can just observe as they rise and subside.

Come aware of every phenomena as it happens,

Pleasant or unpleasant,

You just observe.

And as the realm of phenomena continue to stream around you and within you,

Allow your attention to let go of that stream,

And turn to face itself,

The origin of awareness,

That space within that exists before and beyond any phenomena,

Where there is no movement,

There is only silence,

And for a moment,

Become that silence.

Another deep breath in,

And let go,

And gently allow your attention to come back to your body,

Become aware of your body and this room,

When the presence of your body is a part of our virtual circle,

Let us unite our individual intentions into one unified intention,

The intention to grow,

To develop,

To evolve,

And when you feel comfortable,

You may open your eyes.

Hello again,

And welcome to this opportunity we give ourselves once a week to stop the rush,

And remind ourselves again who we are,

And what is most important to us,

All in all,

And grow together,

Not just as individuals on the path,

But also as a united consciousness.

And to do that,

Most effectively,

Means to contribute by asking your questions,

Be involved.

That is the driving force of our journey,

The longing for the truth,

And your ability not to compromise on any answer,

Just continue striving,

Be curious,

Become involved,

So we can all grow.

So this is not a lecture,

It's a conversation.

And today the subject that we chose to use as the lever that would help us grow is the subject of trust.

Probably the best place to start is trying to define what trust is.

You probably thought about that coming to this meeting.

What is trust?

Let me ask you.

What do you think trust is?

What is it for you?

Any suggestions?

Any thought?

What does it mean for you?

While you write your answers,

I'm going to ask Google.

What is trust?

What is the definition of trust?

Okay,

Nikki is saying having confidence in yourself and others.

Barbara is saying confidence,

Again this word,

In the reliability of someone or something.

So then we have to ask what is reliability?

And how can we measure it?

But confidence repeats itself,

That's interesting.

What else?

What is trust?

Come on,

Everyone here must have a definition.

We all use this word.

What do we mean when we say?

Barbara is saying faith,

Having faith.

Okay.

Nikki is saying security is part of trust.

Okay.

Remember,

If you're not involved in this conversation,

You don't contribute.

Become involved.

What is trust for you?

Cher is saying belief in someone that what comes out of their mouth is real.

Christine is saying believing,

Again,

Belief.

So we have belief,

Belief,

Faith.

And we have confidence,

Repeating,

Believing in the integrity of someone.

Michelle is saying an agreement.

Interesting.

So let's see what Google is saying.

Firm belief.

In the reliability,

Truth,

Ability,

Or strength of someone or something.

Okay.

So all of you can work at Google.

Here it's a good place to work.

Trust.

There is also trust as a legal document,

Agreement.

No,

But when we refer to trust in this context,

It's of course,

That quality that we bring into dialogue,

Into relationship with someone or with life generally.

So what is trust?

I'm going to say for me,

Trust is that inner willingness,

Attitude that says,

Yes,

Yes.

The inner quality of willingness,

Trust originates from that.

That inner quality that you bring to any situation,

To any relationship,

That quality that says,

Yes,

I'm willing.

Think about it for a minute.

If you take this proposition,

Trust is that inner state of willingness.

The first thing you see is that it's got nothing to do with anybody else,

Any situation.

Most of you people answering put the responsibility of your trust on other people,

Other situation,

Hoping that what they say is true or they are trustworthy in different words.

I'm saying the opposite.

Instead of trying to measure how safe and secure a person or a situation is and then decide if it's trustworthy,

You come to realize trust has got nothing to do with the other person and what they say or how they behave or the situation,

Whether it's safe or dangerous.

Trust has got everything to do with you willing to experience it,

To be vulnerable,

To be exposed,

To let life touch you,

Pleasant or unpleasant.

Do you see what I'm saying?

Why don't we trust?

Why is it something that is so difficult in many cases?

Because of fear,

Barbara is saying correctly.

We are afraid.

We are afraid,

So we are protecting ourselves and we put measures.

We put conditions.

For some reason,

Elaine from Seinfeld keeps popping into my mind.

Remember that scene where she's interviewing potential partners if they are sponge worthy?

Yeah,

Exactly.

We measure people to decide if they are trustworthy.

And how do I measure that?

What is the chance that if I give you my trust,

You're going to abuse it,

Misuse it,

And I'm going to be hurt?

Right?

This is the math that is involved in us deciding,

Are we willing or not?

I'm saying here tonight,

Trust has got nothing to do with the other person.

It's got everything to do with you.

How much are you allowing yourself to experience life fully or are you busy protecting yourself against life and the pain that it might inflict?

And I'm telling you,

Even if you are afraid of life and protecting yourself from the pain it might inflict,

At least be aware of that.

This is the first step.

Be aware that you are walking around this life with a shield,

With an armor,

Protecting yourself against what life may do to you.

Because yes,

It's painful.

Many times it's really painful.

No doubt about it.

But as we said many times in many different words,

Protecting yourself from pain works.

But the price you pay is that you also protect yourself from pleasure.

And life cannot really touch you.

Do you see that?

The price you pay for not experiencing and submitting yourself to pain is that you can never be truly touched by life and enjoy the pleasure it can also bring.

So life goes on a year and another year and a decade and another decade and eventually you come to wake up and realize that you missed your chance and you only have one chance and you blew it because you are too afraid protecting yourself.

Is that what you wish for yourself?

If not,

I tell you it's never too late.

Wake up now.

Wake up and realize life is not against you.

There is nothing to protect.

Nothing.

It will be painful,

Guaranteed.

But it will also be pleasurable.

And you are big enough,

Strong enough to experience both full-heartedly with a full heart and a willing soul.

These are such beautiful words.

Sang Bang by King David.

Low lists.

These are not my words.

King David himself with a full heart and a willing soul.

What do you say?

Can you allow yourself to drop your conditions around trust and develop that inner willingness to say life to whatever it has to offer?

Pleasant or unpleasant?

What else?

Trust is a prerequisite for experiencing intimacy.

Without trust,

Intimacy cannot be experienced.

You can long for intimacy,

You can hope,

You can pray for intimacy,

But you will never experience it without trust.

Well,

What is intimacy?

Intimacy is experience life passionately so much so that there is no difference anymore between the experiencer and the object of observation,

Object of experience.

Intimacy is that bond between the object and the observer.

It melts down the differences between these two.

All the way to the pinnacle of that,

Of intimacy,

Is where I don't feel there is a difference anymore between me and the object of my observation.

We are one.

There is no sense of separate I anymore.

Do you know what I'm talking about?

Raise your hand if you don't know what I'm talking about.

Right?

When the experience is so intense and all-inclusive that there is nothing left out of that anymore.

And I am and the experience are one.

Right?

Like an intense sense of meltdown.

You know?

Remember when it happened to you?

Sometimes it's experienced,

You know,

We call it inspiration.

Like something bigger than me just singing through me and creates a song or a painting or whatever.

Or a poem or a book.

And then I wake up back to that separated illusion of self and I'm thinking,

Wow,

How did that happen?

Who created that?

This is magnificent.

Did it ever happen to you?

Or,

You know,

Sometimes it happens when we make love.

We just melt into that experience and there is no two anymore.

There's just one organism,

One energy,

One consciousness,

One experience.

There's no two.

Did it ever happen to you?

When does this happen?

It's not because we found a fantastic lover.

It helps,

But it's not that.

That's not the issue.

The issue is that we were willing to let down our barriers,

At least momentarily,

And allow that person to enter into our being,

Into our heart,

Into our body,

Into our soul,

So we can actually merge.

This cannot happen without trust.

Do you see what I'm saying?

And you know that sometimes we are so used to walk around with this armor on our back,

Around our body,

That in order to even momentarily let go and allow someone to enter,

We need to be intoxicated.

We need to drink alcohol,

Use drugs,

Whatever.

Just so,

At least for a moment,

We can relax and allow them to enter.

So intimacy can be experienced,

Even if it's fake.

So this is important in life,

In any aspect of life.

Can you bring this quality with you to whatever is happening in your life?

That quality of willingness.

Yes,

I allow it to happen as it happens.

And I know that sometimes it's pleasant and sometimes it's unpleasant,

And I'm okay with it.

Because I'm here to experience everything,

Both good and bad,

Happy and sad.

It's even a rhyme.

Pleasant or unpleasant.

It's okay.

And nothing that life has to offer is intimidating anymore.

I realize I am bigger than any experience that I may have in any given moment.

Do you see what I'm saying?

This is important in any aspect of life.

But specifically,

It's important if you walk on the spiritual path.

It's not just important,

It's crucial.

There is no way you can walk on this path without trust.

What happens when you don't trust on the path?

You keep jumping from one path to the other.

You know,

No,

No,

This is too strange,

This is too weird,

This is too static,

This is too dynamic,

This is whatever,

Too intimidating.

So you keep jumping from one lecture to another,

One teacher to another,

One book to another.

You know,

People busy spiritual shopping for decades and not doing any work at all.

Why?

Because they don't commit to anything,

To anyone,

To any path.

You can dig a hundred holes of one meter,

Or you can dig one hole of 100 meters.

In both cases,

You will do the same work.

But you must agree with me that if you are thirsty,

There is a better chance that a deeper hole will get you to the waters.

Don't you agree?

So what to do?

Commit,

Choose,

And surrender to that choice.

And trust,

Trust yourself,

Trust your decision,

Trust your path,

Trust your teacher.

Build that capacity of willingness.

Yes,

I will,

I am willing.

I am willing.

What do you say?

Pradeep is saying.

Just wanted to drop by and say that you kind of look like Limbo from Mystic Force,

Power Rangers.

Used to watch it in childhood.

Okay,

I don't know if it's a heroine or the villain or.

.

.

Anyways,

Barbicing.

Maybe the path is trust.

Another way to say open-hearted.

The crescendo of a spiritual journey.

Doesn't matter which path you choose,

But the crescendo will always be tantra,

Tantric union.

You melting into the experience.

And there is no two anymore.

There is no separate I that take ownership of that experience and builds a personality around it.

That I disappears.

There is a meltdown.

Doesn't matter which path you use,

This is the case always.

But without trust,

There is no meltdown.

It's impossible.

You are always on guard.

You protect.

You decide.

You choose that you,

That I,

I choose,

I protect,

I want,

I don't want.

That I is there,

Dominant and guarded by fear.

So you will never be able to walk the path all the way,

If you are unable to develop that quality in you.

And remember,

It's got nothing to do with your opponent or with your partner or with your life circumstances.

Nothing.

It's you and your open heart.

That's it.

You see what I'm saying?

Nikki is saying,

I've always been able to trust in unfamiliar territory,

Building a wall due to some situations where I have taken major hits and don't want the wall.

So as you said,

I'm in protective mode.

Yeah.

Excellent.

At least recognize that.

Become aware of that.

You are not alone.

99.

9% of society works like that,

Protecting against life.

Why?

Because it's painful sometimes.

If I don't protect myself,

I'm exposed,

Right?

Exposed to what?

To the elements.

When it's chilly,

I'm cold.

When it's painful,

I hurt.

So it's not comfortable.

I don't like it.

And I protect myself against life.

The first thing to do is realize that.

Yes.

That's how I behave.

That's how I work.

I'm building walls to protect myself.

And then what to do once you realize that?

Once you realize that,

You decide what is more important.

Do you want to keep those walls and make them thicker and thicker?

Build a comfort zone where you are being protected and in control,

Where pain cannot touch you anymore?

Is this what you want?

Or do you want to break those walls and expand yourself beyond the limitations of those imaginary walls?

The price is you're going to be exposed and life will touch you.

And it will not always be pleasant.

But at least in my book,

You would live your life fully.

You would use this opportunity to the max.

Well,

Think about it.

When your day comes and you meet the angel Gabriel,

What do you think he's going to ask you?

At the gates of heaven,

At the gates of heaven,

How are you going to be measured?

Do you think it's going to be your achievements?

How much property you gained?

How much wealth?

How successful you were?

How comfortable?

How thick your walls were?

Yeah,

I agree with Maureen.

I believe the only question you will face at the gates of heaven is,

How much did you love?

And it translates to how open was your heart?

Because love can only manifest when your heart is open.

When you are willing to break those walls around your heart and be exposed to share the light that you have.

It's never too late.

Don't look back and think I've wasted five decades running away from pain,

Trying to protect myself.

Don't be depressed by these type of reflections.

You just need to wake up now and make a choice while you remember it's got nothing to do with the other person.

Nothing.

Everyone and everything on the planet is trustworthy.

The question is,

Are you willing to trust?

Are you willing to expand?

Are you willing to let life touch you?

That's the only question.

What do you say?

This is not a theoretical question.

I'm really asking,

What do you say?

Christine is asking,

Did you say everyone is trustworthy?

Not just everyone,

Everything,

Every present moment deserves your trust.

Without your trust,

You will always be remote,

Experiencing whatever is happening from a distance.

Intimacy cannot be expressed or experienced when you don't trust.

And when you trust,

You realize every person that you meet is just an expression of divinity,

Just like you.

Every moment that you experience is just an expression of divinity.

Every circumstance is just another opportunity to meet God.

Sometimes God manifests as pleasant,

Sometimes unpleasant.

Sometimes we believe it's good or bad.

It doesn't matter.

God is there waiting for you to open your heart.

Laura is saying,

I want to live again.

I'm sure you will.

Don't worry about that.

You just make sure that you live now.

That's your responsibility.

Make sure that you live now,

Fully,

Taking this opportunity of experiencing now with a full heart and a willing soul.

Barbara is saying,

The right answer is yes,

But it is terrifying to me.

Yeah,

Never mind.

You know,

Fear is embedded in our system for many,

Many,

Many years of experiencing pain and reminding ourselves how unpleasant it is.

So you may know intellectually that this is the way you want to live your life,

But your body is resisting,

Right?

No,

No,

I don't want to feel that pain.

Don't worry about it.

When you feel your body is contracting and avoiding,

Rejecting,

You just remind yourself,

No,

No,

No,

No,

No,

I don't need that.

It's okay.

My body,

I'm here for you.

Deep breath in and let go.

Whatever life has to offer,

I know for a fact,

I can experience that.

I'm bigger than any experience.

So you are the captain of that ship,

Not your body,

Not your emotions,

Not your thoughts and ideas and opinions.

It's you.

You're the captain.

So you navigate.

Ideas,

Thoughts,

Emotions,

Sensations may come bombarding you.

It's not a problem.

You plow through that with that focused attention and intention.

This is what I want.

What do I want?

I want to be developing that capacity to experience life fully and not being afraid of it anymore.

Well,

Christine is saying,

Yes,

I needed that reminder.

Thank you.

That's what we are here for.

To be reminded and to remind other people around us once we remember.

Chad is saying,

How should I go about trusting a narcissist?

Learning how to not,

How not to behave is the only answer I can shatter.

If you feel someone acting out of ignorance,

You just add compassion.

That's it.

No,

He lives in an illusion.

He lives surrounded by suffering,

Self-inflicted suffering.

So when you experience suffering in other people,

What do you do?

You just add compassion.

That's it.

No judgment.

No pity.

You just accept that person as it is and feel the pain that he's feeling.

This is compassion.

He's in pain.

Whether he's recognizing it or not.

Recognizing it or not.

If you want to learn from that behavior,

How not to behave yourself,

That's fantastic.

But don't judge other people for their mistakes.

Just as much as you don't judge yourself for the mistakes that you make now and then.

Oh?

Yeah.

What is a narcissist?

Narcissist is someone who's blinded by ego.

That sense of I,

I,

Me,

Me.

The element of ego is so dominant,

So much so that he is completely blinded to what other people feel or think or need.

There is just an I,

I,

Me,

Me that obscures anything else.

And that I,

I,

Me,

Me is an illusion by itself.

Right?

There is no trust.

There is no intimacy.

There is no melting into the present moment.

Nothing.

Even close to that.

There is just me,

Me,

And life and other people.

That me is so dominant.

So that person lives in an illusion of a separated self emerged in that illusion.

You see that?

Add compassion.

You know?

Don't be intimidated by it.

Just realize,

Well,

This is someone in pain.

Someone surrounded by ignorance.

Living in an illusion.

What do you do?

Compassion.

No empathy.

Chat is saying,

People are a source of supply.

Motivation by external approval.

Status.

Yeah,

Exactly.

There is no sense of knowing yourself when you are a narcissist.

You don't know who you are.

You're completely dependent on what other people think about you,

Give you,

Provide to you.

And you're blinded by that lack.

I need,

I want.

There cannot be empathy to another person because there is only I in the equation and my needs.

This is what we call the narcissist.

But for you observing that at other people,

Or even if you look at the mirror and this is what you see.

Just know,

This is an experience born out of ignorance.

Lack of self-awareness.

So what do you do?

You add compassion.

You don't need to lecture.

You don't need to change that person or educate them.

You just add unconditional love and compassion.

That's it.

Oh,

Laura is saying we all have egos.

Yeah,

Egos are necessary.

At a certain part of your journey,

You know,

We come to this world egoless.

There is no sense of separation.

We are completely innocent.

And there is no personality that we can hide behind.

And as we develop,

We also develop ego.

But yeah,

The more we grow,

Ego becomes less important,

At least on the spiritual path.

And we realize it serves no purpose anymore.

And maybe even we are motivated and inspired to grow beyond that illusion of separateness.

To grow beyond the fears that keep feeding that illusion.

Just to wake up and realize it was always an illusion.

Ego is not really there.

It's not an entity.

It's got no real sense in any way.

It's just an illusion.

You know,

Like any illusion,

If you believe it,

It becomes real to you.

If you identify with it,

It becomes real to you.

But it's still an illusion.

It's not really there.

It's like a phantom,

Right?

And how do you say?

A fata morgana.

A mirage.

It's a mirage.

If you believe the mirage to be truth,

It holds the power over you.

But if you wake up to realize it's not real,

It's just an illusion.

There is no oasis.

It's just a trick of the mind and your vision and the desert.

Then there is no.

.

.

There's nothing there.

Right?

So is the ego.

You keep fighting to maintain the ego.

You keep fighting against it.

It's like fighting shadows.

They are not real.

They have no substance.

Ego is not good.

Ego is not bad.

Because ego is not real.

What do you say?

So my question for you today is,

Can you see the trust has got nothing to do with the other person or the situation or life for that matter.

But it's got everything to do with you developing that capacity of willingness to say yes to life.

And if so,

Are you willing to drop your protective gear,

Right?

Destroy the walls that you built around your heart and be exposed and surrender to the present moment and to whatever life has to offer,

Pleasant or unpleasant,

Painful or pleasurable?

If we need.

Just so that at the end of your days,

You can meet Gabriel and tell him,

Dude,

I used this opportunity to the max.

Will you?

What do you say?

Yes.

That's the most beautiful word in the English language.

I have lived,

Nikki is saying,

Most of my life open to that.

Just need to buy a sledgehammer to break down this wall.

Break down this wall.

Just your intention to break the wall.

You just need to do just that's it.

You don't need the sledgehammer.

The wall will fall.

It's an imaginary wall.

You just need to be willing.

Good,

Good,

Good.

Anything else?

I mean,

So be it.

Blessing to you both.

Yeah.

Carly's sending her love.

And thank you guys for being here,

Sharing your path with us,

At least for an hour.

And thank you for the beautiful questions and your donations.

They are very helpful.

And let us meet again next week.

Same time to continue our growth together.

If there is a specific subject that you would like us to talk about or refer to,

You are most welcome to touch base with me on inside timer.

There is a group,

You can always post your questions or any topics that you would like to focus on.

So use that.

Good,

Good,

Good.

Good night.

Love you very much.