Habits For A High Quality Life

In this episode, explore how to create meaningful habits that support your well-being and align with your deeper values. Discover practical approaches to building motivation, staying consistent, and cultivating supportive accountability so your daily practices become a natural part of your conscious living journey.

Transcript

We are back. We are back for another episode. And every year I love to bring you guys an episode that focuses on quality of life and longevity. This year I'm bringing it to you early because Really anytime is a time to think about how can I improve the quality of my of my life? How can I expand? The years I have on this planet because life is worth living, Life is beautiful, Life is magic. And I'm bringing that episode to you right now as we get ready. To close this chapter, Close this season together and enter a new one. So here we go. So we know that people care about how long they live, But I'd argue that we care even more about the quality of our lives. As you know, I'm a researcher epidemiologist. I love the data. I love the science. And so when studying this, I found that studies showed that individuals actually prefer a shorter lifespan with a higher quality of life rather than a longer lifespan with significant impairments. Of you may know, I used to do some studies on happiness. I have some publications out there circulating. But quality of life, I feel like that's my next research venture that I want to invest my time in. For example, Studies that are currently out show us that Freedom from pain and mental well-being often outweigh the desire for extending our lifespan, Extending the years that we're here under some sort of compromised condition, Like being mentally unwell or physically unwell. And as we age, The desire for our quality actually increases. So we don't want to live to just be 100 years old and not be able to function. We want to be able to live out our days with high functionality and good health. Because we know that poor health means we suffer more. And I can tell you, I'm in good health now. Physical, Mental, Spiritual, Emotional. But man, I was just sick with the flu, Common cold, And then a stomach bug for a couple weeks and it put me out. It sucked. And we know that mental health can also put us out for months, Years even. The end of the day, No one wants to live sick, Whether it's temporary, Like the common cold, Which is universal, Or chronically. We have chronic mental health issues, Emotional, Physical. We know that health is wealth. And so where is our health, Our wealth, Our vitality, Our life force as we enter this new season of life? And where can we cultivate it? And so I'm here to move you through. This idea that we're cultivating it right now in our everyday life just by listening to this podcast right now. You are focusing on your health, Your wealth, Your vitality, Your life force. And in the small actions you take after this podcast, In the routines, In the habits, This is where you, Me, We make our contributions. We make our contributions in our health, Our vitality, Our life force through our daily lives. Thanks. And as many of you know, From summer to fall, I had a very strong focus on my mental health, My healing, My emotional well-being. The growth was profound, To say the least. Even if you listen to my podcast episodes, My voice, My live events, Things have significantly shifted and changed for me. I'll link the related episodes in the show notes for you if you haven't had a chance to listen to them yet. The transformation was profound, To say the least. And then I jumped into this 30-day fitness challenge with my community gym. And all that to say, A lot can happen in 30 days. Every 30 days tells a cycle, Tells a story. In 30 days, You can tone your body, Untone your body. You can make a friend. You can lose a friend. You can fall in love. You can make a baby. Even when we think about women's cycles, 30-day timeframe, You can make a baby. You can recover from high-stress situations and circumstances. You can recalibrate the stress response in 30 days. Science tells us that you can recalibrate it. Of course, There's longer-term things that need to be worked on, But the fact that you can recalibrate the stress response in 30 days, That is crazy. Cells turn over in our bodies in 30 days. You can have a spiritual awakening or learn a new skill. Your whole mind can evolve beyond what you thought was possible. You can gain a new passion or lose passion for something you spent your whole life or whole career building. You can grieve profoundly. Feel deeply. You can reconnect with the people you love. Maybe multiple things are happening at once. You can find God or your word for God, The universe, Nature, In new ways. You can learn the truth. You can feel and find grace in your life. You can break or build habits, Basically. Studies indicate that habits can be formed or dismantled In roughly, The average is 21 to 30 days, Give or take some variation depending on the type of habit you're looking at. You're looking at sustaining or forming. 21 to 30 days is the typical average that you are building or breaking habits. But making or breaking is typically not enough to sustain. And we know that momentum is a big player. It's our willpower, Our focus, Where we place our attention and the compassion we have for ourselves on the journey to discover. While holding ourselves accountable for what we're doing every day in the small moments. This all feeds into this idea of whether or not we will live both a long and also a high quality life. I've been in this phase of my life where I've been in the best shape. But mentally. . . I was way too hard on myself and others. My expectations were harmful, Even though I was in the best shape of my life mentally, Emotionally, Spiritually, Physically. My thoughts were still harmful, Even though I was taking accountability. And then there's been other times where my accountability dropped and I just completely missed the mark. And sure, You know, The fitness challenges, The healing retreats, All of these short-term events are, You know, The sprints that start that momentum flowing. But I'm here to tell you that sustainability. . . That's where the real gold is at. Sustainability is the key. You become a master at both getting started and sustainability. And you're golden. You do all of this, You're able to get started and you're able to sustain with a level of contentment. In your life and on your path. And life gets to feel good, And we become more accepting of the challenges and the obstacles that arise, While also having this greater strength to navigate them. Because let's face it, You can do 30 days of intensive mental health and emotional therapy, For example. You can do 30 days of high-intensity interval training, And it'll get you moving. It'll get the juices flowing. But the question is. . . How are you integrating it into your daily routine? And also, What's the point if we can't sustain that version of ourselves? What is the point? How will it positively impact our well-being? And so going back to this 30-day fitness challenge, I swear, You know, My body has never been in better shape. And I went through months, A six month yoga teacher training program where I was intensely doing yoga. And working on my spiritual, Mental, Emotional health. But something about this fitness challenge My body just felt like it'd never been in better shape. Even when I look in the mirror. Now, I'm just like, Wow, I like what I see. I feel stronger. I sleep better. I was pregnant. I had a baby. You know, And my body is in the best shape. So many positives. And then, You know, I reflect on the journey of being in that gym, Pushing through the battles of the mind, Turning them into battles of the bike or the weights. No competition. Just me versus me in a loving, Compassionate way, In a fun, Competitive way. And envisioning myself fighting for myself. Fighting for my children, Fighting for my family, Fighting for others, Fighting for humanity, Even those I don't know or people who may not be in my life anymore. I reflect on those Sunday night spin classes when I was pushing through hunger or pain, Using every ounce of energy I had to digest life's challenges. Being on that spin bike and hearing that beat drop. When we're midway through class and feeling the motivation to push through to the end with a sense of joy, Some dancing, Some movement. Riding front row of the class to the beat. Those moments, I was rioting in those moments. And reminded that this is life. This is life's rhythm. Leaning into the discomfort and also finding acceptance and also finding joy and also finding connection with the people around me. That feeling like I am here now, I am in it. You know, And also that feeling of lifting those weights that felt impossible. And also realizing that it's not just your body that gets stronger, It's your spirit. I specifically recall these morning boot camps that I would go to. That I still go to. And. . . I was just so reminded of the strength and the power. My yoga, My flow and my love for yoga, For teaching it, And for sharing the practice in person in community was renewed. Allowing myself to be held by other teachers. Sometimes, You know. Our egos can take over a little bit. I'm a teacher now, I don't need to be taught. But our egos need not get so big that we don't allow ourselves to be held because there's so much beauty in that, Even if we're teachers. Community also added another beautiful dimension. There's nothing like it. Nothing like the energy, The shared purpose. This is where connection and transcendence happens. And I feel that with the podcast. I feel that in the live events with all of you. There's just so much beauty there. I always come out of those live events. I always come out of recording episodes with this sense of purpose. This sense of energy, This sense of magic. You know, And it takes sacrifice too. It's not just all, You know. Rainbows and butterflies and magic. It is. Even the hardships get to be magic. But it's how we look at them. It's how we look at the sacrifices that we've had to make. And you know, It takes saying no to other things so that you can redirect your focus on what it is for right now. And that's what growth demands. We're growing in every moment. And growth demands sacrifice. For me on multiple levels, Than just physical. Over this past little while, I've had to sacrifice for my health, For my well-being, For my growth. That looked like missing trips home to see my family. I missed an important family wedding, Even, That I wanted to go to, That I wanted to spend with my family, But I had to prioritize my own health and well-being. I miss time with my son when he was switching classes at school. And so, You know, The cost is high when we get sick mentally, Physically, Emotionally and spiritually. And so one thing I'd say, One of my biggest lessons and my biggest learnings was that don't wait for the foundation to break to do something. It's worth investing in your life now, In this moment. And yet, You know, Maybe I missed. Some things here and there but maybe it's not really missed. Because what I've gained is immeasurable. Deeper understanding, Deeper awareness, Deeper compassion. Deeper endurance. Deeper presence. And a deeper appreciation for the journey. Deeper humility. And true understanding for sustainability. Before the summer was over, I had this insight. That was like, I'm gonna learn a lot. About sustainability. God, The universe, Is going to show me this peace in this moment. And let me just tell you that was delivered. Everything that I did from the summer until now even and that I continue to do. Has been to be. Sustainable so that my life, So that my lifestyle, So that my relationships with the people I love in my life. The health. The vitality, The life force, So that it can all be sustainable. So that my teachings can be sustainable. Because that's where it's at. Really witnessing endurance. And endurance, Too, Can build momentum through discipline, Commitment, Gratitude. We sustain growth even when it's hard. These small, Consistent actions, They end up creating this lasting change. Again, Not about perfection, More about showing up authentically and moving forward with what's presented to you in each moment. And so as far as this 30 day fitness challenge goes, That too was far from perfect. Three days before the challenge was about to end, That's when I got hit with that flu. I became feverish. I could not finish the last three days, You guys. I could not. Go to the gym, Getting everyone sick. And it just wouldn't have been good for me either. So sadly, I felt like I had missed the mark. Only to realize that it was another lesson in sustainability. I also missed this open house party that my gym did, Which I was really looking forward to, But I learned more about true sustainability, True commitment. Because guess who's back, You guys? Guess who's back? And there's no more 30-day challenge. There's no one that's keeping score. It's just me. It's just me keeping myself accountable. And I learned a lot about what I teach even about the feminine cycle. Fertility and the types of exercise women should be focusing on throughout a given month if they're really honoring who they are as women. If we are really honoring ourselves as women. So an example of this would be, I really enjoyed the high-intensity interval training, And that's going to continue to be part of my habits, My daily routines, In a sense, Or my monthly routines. It was super great for my physique, But guys, It messed with my feminine cycle big time. Talk about going, You know, Completely just. Turning it in a complete different direction which actually shows you how powerful exercise is on the body and it also just shows you how sensitive the female body is to to changes even in 30 days. So for me this was a lesson and also a red flag and also just further assurance that all the research I had done around the feminine cycle everything I had shared prior to doing that challenge about how important it is to align your cycle with the workout type, Especially if you're a woman. I'll also share the link for that episode because that was a good one and it'll give you all the information you need to learn about types of exercise throughout a given month, Types of nutrition throughout a given month. And just how we can connect with our bodies as women throughout a month and just honor that space. But yeah, Learned a lot. Also realize, You know, That sprint really gave me that momentum, But the sustainability, The endurance, The willpower that kept me going. That keeps the habit as a daily routine in a way that's realistic, Especially for me and especially for you if you're a mom or have multiple income streams and passions and different things that you like to do. It's about the sustainability. It's about your endurance. It's about creating a healthy life, A conscious life. In a sustainable, Realistic way that's going to feel right for you, Going to feel right for your family, Going to feel right for you, Going to feel right for your life, The uniqueness and the authenticity of your life and the way that you live. Because we also want to be able to build in our values and the things that are important to us. The momentum that you sustain in your everyday life amongst all your responsibilities, Amongst honoring your values, Amongst building your qualities and your character, They don't stem from these giant leaps. They are built through these small intentional steps. And what's going to be right and good and nourishing at this stage in my life as well. There's so many different factors that go into it. As an epidemiologist, That's one of the things we study is component causes. All of the factors that go into one outcome. And what I've seen is like nature, Growth cannot be forced. No more than you can rush a flower to bloom. Just like nature, Right? The sprint, The 30-day challenge, The momentum that we started, How can we make it sustainable? How can we focus on what we want to sustain and the person that we want to become? And. Like I was saying before, I went through this phase in my life where I wasn't that kind to myself on the journey. And motivating with shame and guilt and fear, It can work for a while. Having someone coach us with these tactics may even hold us accountable for a while. But in my experience, They don't lead to long-term sustainability. There comes a point where self-compassion, Healthy balance, And discernment play a bigger role, Especially for sustainability. Mainly because our desire to feel content and fulfilled in our lives, It's so deeply ingrained in us. It runs so deep in what feels like from birth we were born with it. We want to feel content. We want to feel purposeful on our path. We want to feel. . . Purpose on our life, On our life path. Because how we do one thing is how we tend to do most things. And living a conscious life means we are able to cultivate better discernment. Living a conscious life means we cultivate better discernment and so it's not just how we do one thing, We're an autopilot in how we do everything. Living a conscious life means we're aware of how we do, How we interact with the world. And we know which tool to use for which situation. That's discernment. When to treat ourselves versus when we need to up the discipline. This is the kind of freestyle that gets to be in our daily routines that leads to that sense of contentment, That leads us to that sense of confidence in our ability to lead ourselves, To be a leader in our own lives and build a beautiful life. And also be a beautiful example for others. We learn how to rest without quitting. We learn how we can make a lifestyle sustainable and still have pleasure in our lives. And you know the research supports this as well. You know I got that here for you with a blend from some of the wisdom teachings. But We support healthy habits sustainably by making it who we want to become. Research shows us this. And you know, This is the wild becoming. The Wild Becoming podcast. And so it's all about who we're becoming. And it's a wild journey. Making it part of who we are without over-identifying with perfection, Or when we make mistakes, Or when it's not the outcome that we envisioned in our mind's eye. This is how we build our habits. And research supports starting small, One habit at a time, And then building that over time. This is called habit stacking. It's like when I started hydrating in the morning before tea or coffee. Seems really small, Seems really simple, But at first it was hard to go without that caffeine. I was used to just going and reaching for that caffeine first thing. It was a habit. Even if I wasn't feeling good in my gut, Even when I was burning out halfway through my morning. I was used to it. It was a habit. And now it's been over four years strong, You guys. And morning hydration feels like second nature to me. I don't even crave the caffeine. The caffeine for me now, Like having a tea is a delight. It's not something that I need to sustain my energy throughout the day. And then I started stacking prayer, Meditation, The gym. Focus on building sustainability for one habit and then you can focus on stacking on another. I found it easier to keep the routine the same each day till I was able to get the frequency up and then once it felt like second nature to me, That's when I started to freestyle some days. Switching up my routine. And if I had to drop the habit for that day because something else came up that was more important, Like I had to go pick up my son from daycare because he wasn't feeling well or something happened, Something came up. Legitimately like not an excuse, Just life circumstances coming up. But it's in your ability to go back when that happens too. So oftentimes, You know, That's why we meditate, Right? We don't meditate to sit perfectly in meditation for no thoughts to come. For no obstacles to be in our way, We meditate to train the brain to go back to the presence, To go back to the stillness, To go back to observing our thoughts without judgment. So it's, So sustainability. What's the key? It's in the going back. Because every time you go back, It's the repetition that will get the frequency up, That will get the ability for you to sustain it long-term and the ability for you to freestyle without losing the habit. Because it becomes part of who you are and you begin to enjoy it too. The other thing you can do is one of the things that I heard works really well for some people is habit trackers. And there's research to show that this actually increases your ability to sustain the habit. Because you're tracking your progress and then you see your progress and you're like, Whoa, I've sustained this for 50 days. I've sustained this for a hundred days. I've sustained this for a year, Two years, Three years. Also, If you enjoy the written word, You can journey. You can journey right about your habits, How you're experiencing them. Also, Like, I like to have lists of habits because my habits that have become sustained. I'm usually just building new routines based on the phase of life that I'm in. So I personally don't use a habit tracker because I like to freestyle. But what I'll do is I'll write down what my routine is for that month, For that day, For that year, For that, It's rarely a year, But for that, You know, Season of life, Basically. And so sometimes I'll journal out what that routine will look like. And so it's the routine that shifts. The habits remain sustained. And I like the diversity and variety in routine. But I do it once I've sustained the frequency so that I can train my brain. I prefer journaling them than to keeping a automated habit tracker just because so many apps, You know, But some people really enjoy them. And I know that certain meditation and scripture apps like to track your progress for you. And so they'll tell you how many days you have done in a row, Which is always nice to come back and see. That you've been committed, You know, For that length of time. So do what works for you. That's another really important key piece for sustaining, As I was talking about before, Our lives are so different. Yes, There's research. Yes, This is the way that I do it. But what I found is when I tried to fit myself into someone else's routine, It rarely worked. What I found worked better was taking the foundation of the healthy habit. And integrating it into my life based on what is right for me. So do what works. That's what's most important to sustain the habit. And if the habit tracker, If it's just like taking up all of your time and it's not really helping you, Then don't use it. You know, Focus on what works, Focusing on what intrinsically motivates you. So studies in behavioral psychology show us that focusing on our own intrinsic motivation and the long-term rewards is actually what builds the resilience and what builds the sustainability. So what does this mean? It means that every once in a while, While you're on this journey, That positive self-talk about why you're doing it. Is so important. For me, Being in my childbearing years, A lot of my motivation and intrinsic motivation has been for myself. And for my babies and for my family. I want to feel and look good. I want my body to be a safe place to grow healthy babies. I want to increase my fertility. I want that baby to feel like they are in a penthouse suite when I'm pregnant. So as an example, Owen certainly felt that way. That boy would have stayed as long as he could, Let me tell you. And sometimes even to this day, He says, Mommy, Can I go back in your belly? I'm like, Was it that, Was it that good? Wasn't that comfortable for you? But whatever it is. Keep reminding yourself why you're doing it. What you're doing it for in terms of long term. A lot of my other intrinsic motivation for my healing journey was breaking cycles. Breaking ancestral cycles. Clearing trauma, Doing this for not only my immediate family that's here now, But my ancestors. That's what motivated me to move through that healing journey, Which for me was very emotionally painful and mentally hard on my mind. So whatever intrinsically motivates you. Write that down. Keep it with you. If you don't need to write it down, That's cool, But whatever it is. Spend some time thinking about what that is for you and be sure to. . . Tell yourself time and time again why you're doing it. Short-term gains like abs, Strong muscle groups, Seeing how amazing your body looks in the mirror. This is beautiful. But long-term. Goals, Your long-term why for why you're doing it, That's actually what creates greater resistance. And there's more and more research coming out on self-compassion. Before, This used to be seen as weak, But there's more and more research showing out that it's the furthest thing from weak. Is actually what keeps us in it. And I can tell you when I was in yogi mode, Putting myself down, But keeping my discipline, There was a part of me that wanted to quit for not being the perfect yogi. Now I'm able to honor myself more through the journey. Breathe self-compassion into my life. That's what actually made it more enjoyable. That's what actually made it more healthy and happy and helped me build that contentment around my habits. Perfectionism actually undermines habit sustainability. There's research that shows this, Whereas self-compassion fosters the recovery, Especially after we have lapses, Because there's going to be obstacles. There's going to be things that come up. Research by Kristen Neff, For example, Shows that self-compassion helps people bounce back from setbacks more effectively. And it allows us to accept these occasional lapses as part of the process. And it actually allows us to recommit without guilt, Because guilt can weigh us down. It can prolong us from going back into the habit. Because we're ruminating in it. So this is what builds resilience. This also grows our capacity to move through life's obstacles with grace, With humility, With understanding and understanding that this is universal. We all feel this way sometimes. We all move through things like this sometimes. There's this common approach out there where we tend to beat ourselves up. We treat ourselves and others like football players. That this is how we coach ourselves to start or sustain healthy lifestyles. And like I was saying, There's more and more research to support that this is ineffective in the long run, Both for yourself and others. This approach is largely fear and shame driven. This approach is often based on intimidation, Shame, Or talking down to yourself or someone else that you're trying to give advice to. And you might get that short term compliance and I can I can say for even for myself I did get that short term compliance but in the long term. It damages performance. It damages well-being, It damages relationships, Including the one you have with yourself. A compassionate style, On the other hand, Is like what I said, Creates resilience, Fosters that intrinsic motivation. It helps you sustain growth over time. Harsh criticism from a nervous system perspective actually activates your fight or flight response. It can increase stress hormones in your body. It can increase your defensiveness rather than pushing you towards growth. And it often can perpetuate these fears of failure rather than having more of this healthy motivation to improve. Studies in self-compassion also show us that individuals are more likely to sustain effort after failure. If you have a self-compassionate mindset compared to those who are more self-critical, More who use shame, Fear, Guilt to motivate. This is because and has been shown to be to be a factor of creating a safe psychological space for learning and growth. Another thing I've talked a lot about because there came a point in my journey where one method just stopped working for me mentally. It just completely stopped working. And I think it was because it wasn't psychologically safe. For me. And probably for any of you, Right? And the funny thing is, Is I wasn't using that with clients or with people I was supporting. So why was I doing it to myself? Even better question. There's coaches, Sports coaches, Professional sports coaches like Phil Jackson, Who coaches for the NBA, Pete Carroll, NFL. They have even used mindfulness and compassion-based approaches to achieve longer-term success. Because people are starting to realize, Right, The research is clear, Getting clearer over time. The more data we have, The more clear it gets. But I think it's pretty clear. And like I said, If it's going to become your lifestyle. You're probably going to want to hear a kinder, More fun. . . More, More activating voice within yourself, Right? And you're going to want to share that with others. It was so funny, You know, Like coming back to becoming a lifestyle. Yesterday I got the funniest look from my husband when I told him. That we needed to put our show on pause so that I could go make a salad. It was 930 at night, You guys. It's not even because I wanted I was like in a fitness goal. It's because this salad is like a comfort for me. It also happens to be super healthy and good at keeping you lean. But it's become like part of my lifestyle. Salads before bed, Prayer, Meditation in the morning, Fitness. It's what I crave in my life. And sometimes, You know, Chips and salsa. We get to delight with some nice cheeses and breads on a Sunday. Go to a restaurant. We were at a jazz bar this past Friday and we delighted and had the most delicious dinner. But it's all done in a very balanced, Discerning way. And that's why it feels good. The guilt just sort of fades away because you see the balance in it all. And even through my yogic teacher training, One of the things I learned when I was in that training was the energy body. And when we connect spiritually. We see that It's important to be connected spiritually within our human experience. And having balanced energy means we are connected to spirit and we are connected to the human experience. We're connected to the earth. We don't abandon our earthly experiences for heaven-based thinking and living as spirit alone. We honor our body as a temple. We honor the human experience. We honor the pleasurable experiences. We honor the character and connections that we build through the hardship. In yogic wisdom teachings, Our chakras are said to become unbalanced when we are not connected to our spiritual self. And certain other chakras can become unbalanced if we're all just in the mindset and in the lifestyle of spiritual guru and completely disconnected from the world. And balance the word itself may sound super cliché. But for me, This is the freestyle. It's never being perfectly balanced in life, But allowing our inner compass to tell us where we are at, Where the conscious choices need to be made. What steps we need to take. Through our daily actions, Daily habits, Routines, And then we cultivate the life. Through the pieces of it all. Right? We're cultivating it in each moment. No grand steps. The small pieces. That is our life. The small steps. And as we move into this new chapter, This new year, We have so many exciting episodes planned. And I've also been getting lots of good questions in the DMs, As well as the live events. If you have a topic you want to learn more specifically about, Do not hesitate to reach out and share your question with me. I love to hear from you. I know the human body pretty well. I actually have a degree in kinesiology. I don't know if I've shared that. Also known as exercise science. And as many of you know, I am an epidemiologist and I love to teach conscious living. Been working in health since 2012, 12 years. Wow. Can't believe it's been over a decade. And so all this training, What does this all mean? It means I've been trained in nutrition, Physiology, Exercise physiology, As well as psychology. I have in-depth understanding of patterns, Patterns of disease. I know what makes us mentally, Physically, Emotionally unwell. And I pair this with my training in yoga, Meditation, And the spiritual wisdom teachings so that I can deliver you something that's well-rounded, Holistic. And yes. The training is important, But really? That's just been the starting point for me. The ability to deliver my best to you and only the best. It's truly come from my own practice, My own exploring, My own studying, My own discovering in my own life. That is what has taught me the most, The lived experience. And so much of what I share is my training in action through lived experience. And so yeah, Anything you want to go deeper on related to physical, Mental, Emotional, Spiritual well-being, I am your girl. The podcast grew over two hundred percent this year alone? As we move into new seasons together. Let's do this, You guys. Sending you so much love. Thank you so much for your support, Your dedication to yourself, To this journey. And my ability to be part of that is what brings me the utmost joy. Being able to be part of your life. Your daily routine as you are part of mine. Thank you so much. Appreciate you so much. Let's see what this next chapter holds for us.