Hi,
Welcome to where it's soft.
I'm Sienna,
And I come in from the healed side of TSW.
In a condition that's nothing but hard,
I wanted to provide a soft place to land,
Because I can understand how hostile a condition like TSW can be.
Like there's no way out,
Like it'll never get better,
And that nobody in your inner circles completely understand what you're going through.
There's such a heavy exhaustion that comes from carrying something invisible.
Not just the tiredness from broken sleep,
But the weight of everything that other people can't see beyond your skin.
Getting through the day with more than just how your skin looks,
But managing it,
Troubleshooting it,
And doing so many things to just get through the day where everybody else seemingly goes about living in their own skin without effort.
And even the people who love you might not fully understand the amount of pain you're going through.
And that can feel lonely.
Isolating even.
It's not that they don't care,
But how could they understand something they've never been through themselves?
You've probably had to become your own explainer,
Your own advocate,
In a lot of aspects of your life.
Whether that's with your work,
Relationship circles,
Navigating the medical system,
Or outside opinions.
You're the one who has to keep saying in different words to different people that this is a real condition,
That it's not just dry skin,
And that it's not something a bit of moisturizer will just fix.
That gets exhausting in a way that's even more tiring to describe to someone who hasn't had to live through it.
I'm not saying this to make tonight heavier.
I'm saying it because I don't think it gets said enough.
What you're carrying is real.
Even on the days it's invisible to those around you,
Especially on those days.
You are allowed to be tired of going through this alone.
You are allowed to grieve what this has cost you,
Monetarily,
Socially,
Or even that different version of your life.
None of that needs external validation for it to be true.
After all,
You know your healing journey and your experience better than anyone else's.
And this meditation is here to remind you of that.
First,
I want to tell you something about your nervous system,
Because understanding this might do more for you right now than any technique could.
Your body has been living for a long time as though something dangerous is happening.
Because,
In a sense,
It is.
Something you've never experienced to this extent before.
Pain.
Burning.
Itch.
Disrupted sleep.
These are the exact signals a nervous system is built to respond to as threat.
So it has responded.
It's state alert.
Scanning,
Ready.
It's not because you're failing to cope.
Because your body has been receiving real,
Repeated signals that something is wrong and it has done exactly what nervous systems are designed to do with that information.
That means the frustration you feel,
The sadness,
The flatness.
The sense of being wired even when you're exhausted.
None of that is an overreaction.
It's an accurate response to what your body has actually been through.
If anything,
It would be strange if you felt calm and easy about all of this.
Your nervous system isn't malfunctioning.
It's working.
It's just been asked to work like this for a bit too long without enough breaks in between.
For a moment,
I want you to let that land without needing to do anything with it.
You're not too sensitive.
You're not overreacting.
You're not weak.
Your body is responding to something real the way any nervous system would.
Let's give it one small,
Brief signal now.
Just one signal that for this exact moment,
There's nothing more it needs to brace for.
Breathe in slowly.
And let the breath out a little longer than it came in.
That longer exhale is one of the few direct messages we can send from the outside in.
It doesn't erase what your body has been through.
It just tells it for right now,
In this specific minute.
It's allowed to come down slightly from full allot.
Out longer.
You don't need this breath to change how you feel by the end of this meditation.
It's just one honest signal.
Given to a body that's been doing more work than anyone around you has probably realised.
You don't actually need anyone's permission for what you're feeling tonight.
But if it helps to hear it said plainly,
Here it is.
Let's breathe with each one,
Not to change how they land,
But just to give each one a little room.
You're allowed to feel frustrated.
Even if you couldn't fully explain why to someone else.
Breathe that in.
And let it settle however it settles.
You're allowed to feel sad about something that might look small from the outside and isn't small at all from where you're sitting.
Breathe that in.
Let it settle.
It's allowed to just suck today.
You don't have to find the lesson in it yet.
Or ever,
If it doesn't come.
Breathe that in.
Let it settle.
You have permission to not feel hopeful right now.
And to trust that not feeling hopeful today doesn't mean you won't again.
Breathe that in.
Let it settle.
You have permission to be sick of talking about it.
Even with people who are only trying to help.
Breathe that in.
Let it settle.
And you have permission to trust what you know about your own experience over anyone else's opinion of it.
A comment.
An assumption.
A well-meaning suggestion that missed the mark.
Breathe that in.
Let it settle.
Now if you're comfortable,
You can rest a hand somewhere gentle right now.
Over your chest or simply in your lap.
Only if that feels good on your skin right now.
If it doesn't,
You can just let your hands stay wherever they already are.
And remember that nobody else is living this the way you are.
That means nobody else gets the final word on how you should feel about it.
You do.
Now as we come to a close,
Before you go,
I want to say two things.
First,
What you've been going through is something anyone in your skin would find challenging.
Whether or not the people around you have been able to see it.
It doesn't need to be visible to count.
The second is you're allowed a little kindness toward yourself right now,
Just like you have by being here in this meditation and giving yourself space to acknowledge it.
Not a whole reframe or a lesson learned,
Just a small act of kindness,
Similar to what you'd offer someone else who'd had a day,
Few months,
Few years,
Like yours.
If only you could see it as clearly in yourself as you would in them.
And that's all for today's meditation.
Whenever you're ready,
Come back to the room in your own time.
Notice if you're feeling even just a little bit softer.
Take what resonates and leave the rest.
You're always welcome back here where it's soft.
