Loving-kindness As Our Ground

Metta or loving-kindness is a Buddhist practice that teaches us to extend unconditional love—to ourselves, to those we love, to those we don't know, to our "enemies", and finally, to all beings. A simple yet powerful practice, loving-kindness shows us that love and a general attitude of friendliness aren't qualities we have to work for, because they are the very fabric of our being.

Transcript

Today we are taking up the practice of loving-kindness.

Maitri in Sanskrit,

Metta in Pali.

And this word is closely related to mitta,

Also in Pali,

For friend or for son.

In this,

Bhante Gunaratana,

In his book Loving-Kindness in Plain English,

Calls it loving-friendliness,

A quality that radiates outward like the rays of the sun,

Falling equally on everyone.

Loving-kindness is the first of the four immeasurables and the ninth of the ten paramis.

The paramis,

As you know,

Are the perfections or virtues that a bodhisattva,

That an enlightenment being,

Cultivates on their way to Buddhahood and on their path to liberation.

So,

Said very simply,

In order to wake up and to live well,

We have to practice qualities like generosity,

Like patience,

Like determination,

Like wisdom.

We have to realize them in our lives and actualize them through our practice.

And in this grouping,

Loving-kindness is next to last,

Right before equanimity and right after resolve.

So,

Being resolute,

Being determined,

Being clear on our aspiration,

We practice with great love,

Great friendliness toward ourselves,

Toward others,

And this loving action becomes equanimity and unwavering ease.

Isn't this wonderful?

We move from determination and the hard work that it entails through love to ease,

To peace,

Lasting peace.

And so,

This means that when we love our way through the difficulties that life inevitably throws our way,

We arrive at a stability of mind and a steadiness of heart that allows us to regard everyone with benevolence.

Another translation for loving-kindness.

That allows us to see them,

To treat them with compassion and with joy.

And that feels good.

If we're paying attention,

We'll notice it feels good,

It feels right,

It feels true,

This type of love.

And so,

We're relaxed.

We're relaxed into ourselves,

Into our lives,

Because we realize we don't have to fight anymore.

We don't have to do anything to earn our own or another's love.

Do you see what that means?

There's nothing we need to do,

Absolutely nothing,

To be deserving of love.

I hope we can remember that,

Because we already are,

Now and always.

And so,

Needless to say,

Loving-kindness is different from our popular notion of love.

It's not a Hollywood kind of love.

And it's not simply just a happily ever after.

Well,

Actually,

It is.

It is.

But it's not dependent on anything.

And it's not transactional.

It's not the kind of love we can get.

We can't barter for it.

And it doesn't change when things change,

When people change,

Us or the object of our love.

This love can only be found.

It's a little bit like digging for water,

You know,

And finding a spring that turns out to be the mouth of a whole underground lake.

And when you find a spring,

You find the water.

And when you find a spring,

You find the water.

And it turns out to be the mouth of a whole underground lake,

An ocean of water,

A fast-flowing river.

And in that moment,

When we touch loving-kindness for the first time in ourselves,

When we're really aware of it,

Because I think we touch it throughout our lives,

Mostly when it catches us off guard.

But when we're really aware of it,

It's like finding that one outlet where water can just come out onto dry land,

Drench the withering crops.

You know,

All of those people,

Including this people,

Thirsty for love,

For a little kindness.

And the thing about this spring is that it doesn't dry up.

It doesn't depend on the weather.

It doesn't depend on the seasons.

It just flows.

If we remove the obstructions blocking the eye of the spring,

It just flows.

Bhanteji,

Who's a well-loved,

At this point,

96-year-old Theravada monk and teacher,

He says,

I understand the power of loving-friendliness.

It helps us swallow the bitterness of life.

And when I read this,

At first I had to spend a little bit of time with this statement.

It felt to me a little bit,

Maybe just a little bit negative,

You know,

As if loving-kindness exists in a way that it doesn't exist in reality.

To temper life's bitterness,

To soften our sadness,

Like taking ibuprofen when your head hurts.

But we know loving-kindness just is.

This is what I thought to myself.

Loving-kindness just is.

It's the very core of who we are.

It's that water,

Not just in that underground spring,

But the water moving through our bodies,

Moving in our cells.

It is what we are made of.

When we grow still long enough,

When we get quiet long enough,

This is what we see.

We are made of love.

We are built to love.

Which means that loving-kindness is both our purpose and our ground.

We just haven't figured that out as a species.

We get distracted,

We get derailed,

We get discouraged,

But this is the truth.

And some of us have touched that.

Some of us know that.

Now we need volume.

We need critical mass.

This here tonight,

This is our contribution.

So,

What is this about love as an antidote to bitterness?

And then I thought it some more and I thought,

You know,

It's true.

It's true because loving-kindness does indeed help us to face the inevitable suffering that comes just from being alive,

Just from existence.

And so metta is not only our purpose,

Is not only our ground,

It is also our medicine.

It's our protection against the illness of greed,

The illness of anger,

The illness of ignorance,

Is the antidote to the poison.

It's a medicine against the sickness of delusion.

This is why the Buddha was called a physician.

Treating the ails,

The ailments of the world.

It's our medicine against short-sightedness,

Against smallness of self,

Which the sutras call self-conceit.

I am this,

This is mine,

This is myself.

Because loving-kindness,

As the Tibetan teacher Khandro Rinpoche says,

Is non-exclusivity of self.

But if we think of it as protection,

And we think of the practice of metta meditation,

Of loving-kindness meditation,

As a kind of mantra,

Mind protection,

Then this is what it does.

John Wesley,

The English theologian,

Once said,

John Wesley,

The English theologian,

Once said,

Do all the good that you can,

By all the means that you can,

In all the ways that you can,

In all the places you can,

At all the times that you can,

To all the people you can,

As long as ever you can.

Replace that with love.

Be all the love that you can,

By all the means,

In all the ways,

In all the places,

At all the times,

To all the people,

Always.

That's loving-kindness.

That's nice.

I mean,

But realistically,

But realistically,

Realistically how?

If we let go of that self-exclusivity,

Then what opens up is that love.

The near enemy of loving-kindness is greed.

It's self-centered affection.

I keep you close,

Not because I care about you,

But because I need something that you have.

And it's called a near enemy because it is close.

And it's tricky.

It is want masquerading as love.

We have all been there at some point.

The far enemy of loving-kindness is ill-will.

It is the opposite of benevolence,

Of friendliness.

From spite to outright hatred.

The wish for someone to be hurt.

And whether we give rise to this out of fear,

Out of jealousy,

It is not being able to tolerate someone else's happiness,

Someone else's well-being,

And is setting out in our minds or in action to take it from them.

It is very much an attitude of hoarding,

Of taking.

If I cannot be happy,

Others cannot be happy either.

That kind of state of being.

But we can let go of that self-exclusivity,

Of that self-contraction,

When we let go in very everyday ways,

When we let go of our irritation,

Our stinginess,

Our stubbornness.

And the slightly twisted love that we have for those mind states.

Right?

When we're irritated,

There's something juicy about that.

It's like we want to be irritated.

Loving-kindness demands that we let that go.

That we let go of our need to have our way.

And then what naturally comes bubbling up,

Loving-kindness.

So it's not that we have to work at being kind.

We just have to work at not being cranky.

So it's not that we have to work at being kind.

We just have to work at not being cranky,

And stingy,

And angry,

And jealous,

And oh,

Oh,

Oh.

There is work.

But that's okay,

Because we have awareness,

Right?

And we know how to use it.

We have a mind.

We know how to train it.

Bhanteji says,

The entire universe is your mind.

The entire universe.

The entire universe.

So when we train in metta,

Meditation,

We're digging for that water that's always been there.

We're unstopping the spring so it can pour out.

And so let's do this.

Let's do this together.

If you could,

Please get comfortable in your seat.

If you are drinking something,

You can put it down,

And you can just take your meditation posture.

And then you can close your eyes.

Let your mind grow quiet.

Let your body be still.

Let your heart be open and receptive.

And as you hear these words,

Let your mind be still.

And as you hear these words,

Let them just move through you.

May I be safe.

May I be kind.

May I be joyful.

May I be awake.

May no harm come to me.

May no sadness come to me.

May no problems come to me.

When facing difficulties,

May I meet them with patience,

With clarity,

And with love.

May I have courage and determination,

Accepting obstacles as none other than the path.

May my mind be filled with loving kindness.

May I be gentle and generous,

Grateful and calm.

May I be healthy in body and wealthy of spirit.

May I be happy and peaceful.

May I be relaxed.

May I be relaxed.

May my life be grounded in bodhicitta.

May my actions be skillful,

My words pleasing,

My thoughts kind.

May I be free from fear,

Worry,

Anxiety,

Or restlessness.

May I not be greedy or angry,

Jealous or blind.

May I be a source of happiness for everyone I encounter.

May my heart stay tender.

May my mind be vast.

May I be safe.

May I be kind.

May I be joyful.

May I be awake.

May no harm come to me.

May no sadness come to me.

May no problems come to me.

May no problems come to me.

When facing difficulties,

May I meet them with patience,

With clarity,

And with love.

May I have courage and determination,

Accepting obstacles as none other than the path.

May my mind be filled with loving kindness.

May I be gentle and generous,

Grateful and calm.

May I be healthy in body and wealthy of spirit.

May I be happy and peaceful.

May I be relaxed.

May my life be grounded in bodhichitta.

May my actions be skillful,

My words pleasing,

My thoughts kind.

May I be free from fear,

Worry,

Anxiety,

Or restlessness.

May I not be greedy or angry,

Jealous or blind.

May I be a source of happiness for everyone I encounter.

May my heart stay tender.

May my mind be vast.

Let the feeling of loving-kindness contained in these words spread throughout your body,

Radiating outward like the light of the sun.

And if you don't feel it,

If at this moment you are not aware of it,

And if you don't feel it,

If at this point these words are just words,

That is fine too.

Just stay in your body.

Know that the water is there,

Underground,

Waiting to be tapped.

Waiting to be tapped.

All you have to do in the meantime is stay present.

Take another moment to ground yourself in breath.

And then when you're ready,

You can open your eyes.

You know,

It's not even a spring that holds that water.

It's a dam.

It's like we spend our whole lives with our palm just stuck against that hole in the wall.

Years,

Decades,

Keeping that water out.

Years,

Decades,

Keeping that water out.

Why?

It's exhausting to do that,

Right?

And ineffectual.

But we can just remove our hand and let the water flow.

We can do that.

We can just let it flow and let it drench everything in its path.