Sometimes our least favorite thing to do is to go within.
It can subconsciously feel like you're admitting defeat to the entire outer world that you've spent so much energy building.
When you pause and actually go within,
Your ego can say,
Hey,
I put a lot of energy into building these castles of identity,
These castles of intellectual knowing,
These castles of despair when I feel I'm not good enough,
These castles of triumph when I feel I'm finally figuring it all out.
I've put a lot of energy into building these castles.
Don't tell me they're not where the answer lies.
Our ego can say that,
And yet a part of us knows that's not where the answer lies.
We know the answer is maybe just beneath beyond all of that.
You can spend your entire life and multiple lives building all of these outer castles,
And the answer was never in them.
It was just beneath beyond them all along.
But to admit that,
To really admit that can feel to the ego like a giving up of these elaborate castles.
It can feel like perhaps the worst thing to do.
And so we refuse.
That's what we do.
We could be standing at the very doorstep to all of life's answers,
And we simply refuse.
It's right beyond that doorstep,
And we refuse to step beyond it.
We say no.
I will pick up my phone instead.
I will buy that new thing.
I will seek attention from that person.
I will continue to uphold these castles.
And the only grace is when something happens that is so life-shaking that even the castles can't take away the feeling anymore.
And then one finally says,
Okay,
Show me.
Show me what I don't know.
Show me what I can't see.
And so you ask for the answer,
But not by begging in despair,
Because to beg in despair is another castle of the ego,
And you can spend a whole life in that castle too.
Better than,
Less than.
Too much,
Not enough.
Feels good,
Feels bad.
We can spend our whole life swinging back and forth in these castles of duality,
These castles of the ego.
And maybe one day we'll finally stand at the doorstep and say,
I'm not in despair because I'm less than,
And I'm not in triumph because I'm better than.
I'm here at this doorstep because I don't want to play that game anymore.
I am here because I know I am neither.
I'm here because I know there is a path beyond this game,
And yet I admit that I do not know this path,
But I know it exists,
And I'm here to offer up my castles.
We go within,
We stand at the doorway,
And we offer ourselves up.
And maybe we just need to do it once.
Maybe we do it one thousand times,
Until we fully step through,
And the doorway dissolves,
And,
And.
The rest is for you to discover.
