What Is Trauma? (Part 1)

Trauma is a response to a devastating and distressing event that feels threatening to you and your sense of safety and survival. This track is the first of a 3-part series on trauma from my lived experience and from a psychotherapist's point of view. My goal is to start the conversation to remove the feelings of shame, fear, confusion, and loneliness that surrounds trauma not only in our personal lives but also in our professional lives whether we run a business, have a job, or career.

Transcript

Hello and welcome everyone to this What is Trauma series where over three talks I will share with you with knowledge,

Insight and from my own lived experience how trauma can affect you emotionally and physically,

Not only in your personal life but also in your professional lives whether you run a business,

Have a job or have a successful career.

I'm Chantal,

A psychotherapist and reiki master.

As I sit here in the beautiful hills of Perth,

Western Australia on a stunning autumn day,

It feels incongruent to how you feel when you are in the throes of trauma where everything feels dark,

Heavy and overwhelming with no end in sight.

All you want to do is hide away and remain hidden as it is also discombulating and terrifying.

The world feels too large,

Too unsafe,

Too overwhelming and nothing looks bright and cheery.

We've all had something happen in our lives that can turn it completely upside down,

Whether it be one event or a series of events.

It could come from childhood,

It could come from adulthood.

What is traumatic for one person isn't for another.

That is why I believe we need to talk and share so we all gain understanding and empathy for each other's experiences.

So what is trauma?

Trauma is an emotional and physical response to a devastating and distressing event that feels threatening to you and your sense of safety and survival.

Because what happens is it disrupts your body's natural equilibrium.

We just know that all isn't well,

But we don't have a term to capture the problem.

We don't understand,

We don't know how to put it into words how we are feeling,

What has happened.

We don't connect to the physical experiences that we're having.

And we have often no clue who to seek out for help.

But trauma is not only an event in itself,

It is how we deal with it.

So factors that can contribute to a person's response to a traumatic event include your culture,

Your values,

Your beliefs,

And your way of seeing the world.

You know,

It brings in your history,

What support systems you have or may not have,

And of course how old you are.

And trauma affects how you are in the world,

How you perceive yourself,

How you lead your life,

How you act and how you behave.

And when something traumatic happens to us,

Because we don't talk about it and there's no blueprint,

We actually are not given the tools on how to deal with it.

This has been my experience.

And as mentioned before,

This has been my experience.

That's why I want to share with you,

As mentioned before,

The knowledge and information that I've gained from being a psychotherapist,

And also from my own experience.

Now,

This is not for self diagnosis,

This is just more to see if anything resonates with you,

To get different words.

So if anything does resonate or sets off any alarm bells,

Reach out,

Reach out to someone,

Seek support from a professional,

Could be a GP,

Find a group,

Psychologist or a psychotherapist.

Because if we don't deal with the trauma,

It will stay in our body,

Minds and souls.

And we don't lead the lives that we want to leave.

Because we're constantly feeling stuck.

We're feeling anxious.

We feel unhappy.

And just there's no sunshine in our lives,

Or very little at least.

So when something traumatic has happened to us,

Now that could be a natural disaster,

A death of a loved one,

A divorce,

Moving home,

Moving overseas,

Childbirth,

Children growing up.

There can also be violence,

Neglect,

Natural disasters,

Accidents,

And a diagnosis that is emotional,

Physically harmful.

There are so many reasons what can create a trauma for you.

And remember,

It is personal,

How you respond and how you react.

Because what is traumatic for one person,

Isn't for another.

In addition,

You can actually experience trauma vicariously.

So you are a witness to someone else's trauma,

And what someone else has gone through.

Now,

These are things that we often don't talk about.

I didn't know that when I was first going through trauma and then learning about it,

That you can actually get traumatized through someone else's trauma.

And of course,

You don't understand that you'd sort of question yourself,

Why is this happening?

It didn't happen to me,

It happened to someone else.

So these are the things again,

I want to start talking about and sharing.

So we go,

Aha,

That might be why I'm feeling this way.

That might be why I'm not leading the life that I want to leave and have the relationships,

Business career that I want.

Because when you experience something traumatic,

All the resources that you've had,

Or all that inner strength or how you led your life,

Are simply no longer there for you to draw on.

Some reactions that are triggered are fear,

Anxiety,

You feel humiliated,

You feel guilt,

You may even feel shame,

Betrayal,

Overwhelmed and powerless.

Initially,

You feel you're unable to process and understand what happened.

So there can also be shock,

You can feel numb,

Disbelief and go into denial.

And that's what happened for me initially,

Particularly after my car accidents,

Which I'll share a bit later.

I went into denial for quite a while,

Because the car accident itself wasn't that serious.

But what happened for me was serious,

What triggered complex PTSD.

So unless you deal with it,

It keeps you shut down,

It keeps you in this,

Like being on a hamster on a wheel,

It keeps you constantly triggering perhaps having flashbacks,

Creating images,

And just not enjoying life to its fullest.

Because when you feel shame,

Now the reason why you might feel shame is because you couldn't deal with it,

You should have,

You were strong,

Independent,

You were reliable,

You were the one that got out there,

You even though you might have been shy and introverted,

You were able to deal with life,

Or at least on the surface.

But when something like this happens,

Suddenly,

It's no longer there.

You get embarrassed,

As I mentioned,

Ashamed,

Because you had such a strong reaction,

You couldn't protect yourself.

And this all leaves an impression on your brain that the world is unsafe and dangerous to live in long after the event or the events.

And that's why when people say,

Oh,

But that happened in childhood,

What we don't realise is or what is beginning to become aware of,

Of course,

More and more,

That it translates into adulthood.

But this is where we need to deal with it.

This is where we need to understand what happened,

To be able to start making the change changes to be able to start letting go of what happened,

And to be able to come back into our body with clarity,

Understanding,

Love and compassion for ourselves and inner strength.

When in a big event happens like this,

You'd actually don't know who to turn to do turn to friends who might not understand you don't get it also,

They don't have time to be there for you.

And they actually want to make it better for you.

And sometimes in that case,

It's not always supportive to have someone doing that for you.

You need to have someone who's there for you,

In a way that they witness you,

They support you,

They support you to come back into your body to feel safe again.

And that is why I say to people go and seek help from a professional it is really,

Really important yet,

You also need loved ones and friends to be around you to support you through that.

And they can't always give you that due to their own experiences.

And of course,

What's happening for them in their lives.

If you don't start dealing with it,

What can happen is that you start to withdraw,

You start to isolate yourself,

You begin to feel irritable.

And you simply don't understand what's happening,

You just know something what's happening is happening to you.

You put on a facade,

You put on this brave face as you go out,

But deep within you're actually crying deep within you are struggling.

Because there's no words there for you.

You don't know how to reach out,

You don't know how to share.

And this is when you can start turning to substances to support yourself to feel that need of loneliness to feel that need of unhappiness,

Pain,

Distress.

Now share with you some of my story to give you,

As I said,

Not just the theory,

But how this can translate into your life.

Now remember what my story isn't yours,

My words aren't yours.

But again,

I'm wanting to create the conversation because something might just peak an interest might just go oh,

That rings a bell or that feels familiar.

So for me,

What happened was I had had childhood trauma,

And I had been dealing with that.

Now I had a good life,

I was successful,

I was traveling,

I was out there.

I was a high functioning career woman and my life was actually fulfilling despite the trauma.

But what really happened was was in my adulthood,

My first big experience was my father's unexpected death.

What we didn't realize at the time was was many years later,

That is when I triggered into complex PDST.

But we were dealing with grief,

I had a fabulous grief counselor who really supported me through that.

So for 10 years,

I was,

I came back,

I was feeling happy,

Things were going well,

I'd started a business,

Then the second thing happened.

And this is what really triggered me into deep,

Deep trauma.

That was a car accident.

Now the car accident itself wasn't serious.

Yes,

I had severe whiplash.

What I didn't realize was that it triggered me into this complete state of helplessness and hopelessness.

Now because I didn't have severe injuries were not obvious ones,

I didn't end up in hospital,

I minimized it.

Again,

I was really fortunate that I had a fantastic GP who supported me,

A wonderful psychologist who was trauma trained,

Because it took me a long time to actually understand what was happening in my body.

I just couldn't bring it together.

I felt so discombulated,

I was still functioning,

I wasn't functioning at a higher level.

And what I didn't realize that this was taking me back to the different traumas to the grief of my father and to my childhood.

But this is where the hope comes in.

This is why I want to share this,

There's a little spark of light for you,

That over a period of time,

I was able and you can do this too,

Is to start putting together the threads,

Pulling it all together,

Piecing everything that's happened for you together.

Because we do need to make sense of what happened in our lives.

Why did we have such a big reaction?

Because when we can do that,

We're able to go back,

We're able to look at from where did it come from?

Because that means then when the healing starts,

It's slow,

But it does happen.

It takes time,

You go a few steps forward and a few steps back.

So leave a comment.

And if this is resonating,

Let me know how you're feeling.

Because as I said,

My story isn't your story.

But we can come together and support each other.

Because when we share,

We create understanding,

We create empathy,

Knowing that we're not alone.

Because that is a big thing when you're healing from trauma,

Knowing you're not alone,

And that you can lead a wonderful life after trauma.

It does take courage,

With a big dose of love,

Compassion,

Gentleness,

Kindness and patience.

But only you can take that step towards healing and make that change.

No one else.

Because once you do take that big step,

You'll find you'll start reconnecting with your body,

Mind and soul in a whole new way.

You'll start connecting with your intuition,

With life with the joys of life,

You better reconnect back with the world.

You'll connect with your inner strength,

Gaining clarity and understanding and realising that your response reactions,

Feelings and emotions are normal.

It's understandable.

It no longer needs to control your life.

And what this also does,

It stops you comparing yourself to others who you might feel have had something worse,

Because your experience is your experience.

No one else's.

And you do not need to minimise that experience.

It's about owning it and embracing it.

Once you own that you're embracing and owning all of yourself,

Every part of yourself.

And that's one of the many steps that helps you come back into your life,

To live life on your terms,

By your own design with joy,

Excitement,

A sense of freedom,

Whatever it is that you want to experience.

There's nothing more important special about that,

To be able to see yourself unfolding into your freedom.

Thank you for listening and taking the time to comment if you so wish.

This video and the next two in the series are to give you hope to give you that little spark of light that you too can come back.

It is possible and it takes time.

Again,

I'll reiterate you're not alone.

I appreciate you giving me the opportunity to be able to share this with you.

And do reach out to someone professional if need be.

Namaste and thank you.

Reviews

The more people that understand trauma the better! Thank you for this 🙏

Thank you for the theory as well as your own experience. I have been connecting the threads of my own experience recently following revelations about suffering my father was going through when I was 3 years old. I realise the reason he turned to alcohol was because he was suffering from PTSD for which there was no treatment at the time. Distressing as it has been to find out what he went through, it has provided clarity for me, and deep compassion for my late father. Namaste 🙏

Very interesting! Thank you!

Thank you 🙏