Forgiveness Releases & Sets You Free (Talk)

Forgiveness is about releasing and letting go. It frees your body, mind, heart, and soul to feel love, peace, and joy again. Because it is so easy to keep holding on believing if you forgive you are condoning what happened and letting the person off the hook. However, forgiving changes your life around you. It makes you a stronger person. In this talk, I will take you through why it is important to forgive, the benefits of doing so, and a process of how you can do that.

Transcript

Forgiveness sets you free.

It's all about releasing and letting go of trapped emotions and that constant mulling over who has hurt you and caused you so much pain.

It is one of the most powerful things you can do for yourself,

Yet it is also one of the hardest.

Welcome to this podcast on forgiveness.

I'm Chantal.

I'm a psychotherapist and Reiki master.

Nothing frees you to open your heart to feel love and joy again because when you've been so hurt,

You actually shut down and you withdraw from life.

You close your heart off to so many pleasures in your life.

You can't see beauty anymore and it does take courage to acknowledge and accept any pain that you have that someone has caused you,

Particularly if someone you've loved,

Someone who's been close to you and particularly if it's been something really unexpected.

But also it's to acknowledge and accept any pain that you've not only caused yourself,

But someone else as well.

Because it seems so much easier to hold onto the pain,

The resentment and that self-righteousness that can come with that.

But what you don't realise is that forgiving opens you up to the world again.

It brings back in love,

Joy,

Fun,

Creativity and forgiving is not about condoning what happened to you and letting the person or yourself off the hook.

And it also isn't about minimising your experience and making excuses because it can feel like that,

That you are letting them off.

You are minimising your experience.

But what it is,

It's about releasing all that negativity that's being held in your body,

Mind and soul.

And that is why forgiveness is so important.

It allows you to break away from the past,

Freeing you emotionally,

Physically,

Mentally and spiritually.

And of course it is physical because where are you going to hold all this?

You're going to hold this all in your body.

Because what you don't realise is how your life energy is being trapped.

You're trapping those painful emotions and it is limiting you in your life.

You're feeling really restricted and constricted rather than free and open.

And that can appear in a myriad of ways,

In a myriad of health issues.

That seem totally unrelated to being unforgiving.

That is why forgiveness is power to you.

When you free your mind from this constant hurt,

The revengeful thoughts and resentment,

You actually do create flow in your life.

I don't know about you but I used to feel uncomfortable about this.

So just get a sense of how this makes you feel.

What you're doing is you're releasing yourself from suffering from those slow burning emotions.

And these are what are eating you up alive.

They make you feel yucky and this of course then affects your health.

And what it also can do is it can lead to anger,

Depression,

Anxiety,

Constantly feeling stressed and you lose connection to the world.

And this trapped energy limits you from leading the life you want to lead.

From being a success you want to be,

Whether it be in a career,

Running your business,

You want to be free from all this.

Holding on serves no purpose other than you holding on to the grudge and not being able to let go.

Forgiving changes your life around.

In fact,

It makes you a stronger person.

Stronger than you can ever imagine.

Because you've had the courage to step out,

You've had the courage to be vulnerable,

You've had the courage to admit it to yourself.

And what can hold you back from forgiving is pride,

As already mentioned self-righteousness and feeling vulnerable.

Because you don't want to be hurt again.

You don't want to be put down again.

It took me a long time to understand why forgiving was so vital to me being happy again and to me freeing up that mental and emotional energies in my mind and not constantly going over and over again.

And you look for the evidence,

You keep finding things to keep you there.

What it did,

It actually freed up blocks in my body.

Looking back now,

I can see how much I potentially lost out in life.

Because I simply couldn't let go,

I couldn't get past my ego and pride.

So what does forgiving entail and ways to forgive not only others but also yourself?

Forgiving is about truly surrendering to your pain,

Your hurt,

Your anger.

And then being able to let it all go,

Allowing you to break free from those limiting beliefs and attitudes.

Now remember,

This can take time,

It can take patience,

Because it depends on the level of pain that you've experienced.

And I've also found it's who am I needing to forgive?

How close were they to me?

How much did I love them?

And how much did I feel hurt?

So all that comes into play.

And what I'm going to share with you is what worked for me.

One example I'm going to give you now is I needed to do this particularly after a car accident,

Which turned my life upside down,

And it triggered me into complex PTSD.

And I've often asked myself,

What would my life have been if I hadn't been ground to a halt?

Not being able to get out of bed,

Not being able to do the things that I wanted.

And I had to forgive myself for being so harsh on myself as I tried to make sense of it all,

And not being able to cope.

But also what I had to do was be able to forgive the young man who actually rear-ended me,

Wrote off my car,

Which created violent whiplash.

Now I can see how it's adding to the pain,

Because I was only hurting myself even more than I already was.

So what I do was,

And this is what I'm going to suggest to you,

So this is one way of doing it,

Is I write and meditate and do tapping in my sacred space.

But when it was really tough,

I did go and seek professional help,

Because you can't always do these things on your own.

This is just to get you started.

So if anything comes up and you get triggered,

Do go and seek help.

So there's four steps to doing this.

State who you need to forgive,

For what and for why.

And remember this is also for yourself,

Because what this does is breaks the denial and you actually accept how you're really feeling.

Second step is acknowledge and accept the emotions that you are feeling,

These emotions that have come up.

Now if you're unsure what you're feeling or you're so numb,

Just simply start with whatever's there.

Because what you'll find is that you'll start connecting with your true emotions and you allow yourself to be vulnerable and allow them to come up.

Because you can feel embarrassed and ashamed,

You're not meant to feel like that.

Third step is state the benefits you'll get from forgiving.

Imagine how much better and lighter you will feel and the difference it'll make in your life.

Fourth step is surrender to it,

Let it go and commit yourself to forgiving.

To make a pact with yourself to see this through for as long as you need.

Sometimes it'll be quicker,

Sometimes it'll be longer,

But make that commitment to yourself and keep remembering the benefits you'll get from that.

So here's an example I'm going to give you for this car accident that I had.

Number one,

I'm willing to forgive the man who rear-ended me.

Number two,

I acknowledge and accept that I feel angry.

In fact,

I feel rage.

Number three,

I choose to release this anger and rage as it'll release me and I'll feel happier and more at peace.

Because what is done is done.

Number four,

I commit myself to forgiving him and I accept the peace and freedom that comes from this.

Deep breath in and let go.

And I needed to do that quite a few times and each time I healed,

Each time I was able to bring something slightly different in until one day I could just tune in and accept it for what it was.

Because ultimately he's got on with his life and I no longer want to hold myself back.

Now remember this can be difficult to start with as most of us have been taught to not only not show emotion,

But let alone to express them.

So you may have become numb and unaware of what you're actually feeling.

And if you do feel an intense emotion like anger,

Rage,

Resentment,

Jealousy,

You're denied and brush it off.

So be patient with yourself,

Be kind and loving as you delve deep within.

Because this does,

As I mentioned,

Take courage and vulnerability.

So keep practicing,

Keep doing it.

And again,

If you find it's too hard and too triggering,

Do seek professional help.

Now other thing you can do with this is say the Hwa Hopa Popono prayer.

I love that prayer.

It is so easy to do.

It is so beautiful and it is so freeing.

I've also created a meditation for this process you might like to listen to as part of your healing.

It is a powerful soul practice for healing,

For healing whatever you need.

Because it's about forgiveness,

Love,

Compassion and gratitude,

Bringing you to a place of peace deep within.

Now if you're a Reiki practitioner,

Use the Reiki symbols,

In particular the say hey ki,

And add some EFT tapping to release even more,

To release it actually out of your body.

Now part of the healing,

Particularly if you can't or don't feel it's appropriate to face the person or actually send them the letter,

If you have written it as a letter,

Is to either burn your letter or notes you've made,

Or visualize popping them on a balloon and it disappearing into the yonder,

Or popping it on a petal and watching it being carried away by the flow of a stream.

Just trusting in this process that something is shifting for both of you.

Now it may be that you're working with someone who has already died.

I needed to do this after my father died unexpectedly and things hadn't been healed between us.

I just needed to know that something was happening between us and his spirit and let me tell you it has,

Because you can really feel that it has.

The more you clear,

As I said,

The more you'll feel,

The more you'll be able to tune into your intuition and hear those messages that may come through if they're meant to come through.

And if it feels too hard to even connect with the energy of the person,

Ask your guides,

Whether it be your guides,

Your spirits or God,

Whatever it is for you to do it on your own behalf.

That is such a great way of opening the path to the healing process.

Now the benefits of forgiveness are many and varied,

But I'll just share some with you here.

And I'm sure each one of you who is listening to this talk will have your own sense of how different you'll feel after forgiving.

What you'll find is you'll have so much joy again in your life.

You'll feel free and full of energy as your vitality will come back.

Your stress levels will reduce.

They'll reduce dramatically over time and you'll find that your health improves.

You may have less headaches,

Low blood pressure,

Better immune system,

Less fatigue,

More vitality,

Whatever it is for you,

You'll notice the difference.

And your sleep will be so much better as you'll no longer be recounting that story in your head,

Going over it and adding all sorts of stories to it and emotions because it goes over and over again.

Of course,

That's what keeps you awake.

Now,

The other thing that is important to know that you can actually do this without the other person even knowing because the most important part of this process is that you have forgiven and let go to be able to lead the life that you want.

That is what's important.

As you do so,

Begin to become aware and watch how every aspect of your life changes as you learn to forgive,

Whether that be with your family,

Friends,

In your work,

Even in your business.

You'll begin to see improvements in your relationships because your attitude has changed.

Your own attitude has improved.

You'll find another benefit is new opportunities will appear seemingly from nowhere.

You'll experience more and more happy coincidences.

If you're feeling stuck somewhere in your life,

You'll hear ideas and answers that will come to you and you'll be able to listen to yourself because you've opened yourself up,

Created space to receive these messages from your intuition and the whispers of your heart and soul.

You'll notice also that you'll stop limiting yourself.

You'll be able to get out there,

Be visible,

Do the things that you want to do with fun and joy.

You know,

Make mistakes,

Keep having adventures because that is what life is all about.

And you'll find you'll have so much more to give and so much more to receive because you're allowing all this goodness to come into your life and you'll have so much more to share.

Lastly,

You'll discover who you are.

You'll find out what is true for you,

What are your values,

What is important to you,

And you'll realise how much stronger you are than you thought you were.

And to end,

I would love to share this quote with you from Marianne Willison.

Forgiveness is not easy.

At times it feels more painful than the wound we've suffered to forgive the one that has inflicted it.

And yet there is no peace without forgiveness.

Thank you for listening.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on is what do you do and how does it make you feel?

Namaste.

Reviews

This was very helpful! Thank you for being so clear and relatable!

Very powerful and so helpful with the points you made and knowing how good forgiveness can be. Thank you.

Thank you for your guidance as I begin this process.