151: The 6 Red Flags In Business And Dating And How To Overcome Them

Whether it's in love or business, red flags are important to spot before any real problems show up and I've put together six of the top ones that have dramatically shifted my own ability to engage in productive partnerships in this episode.

Transcript

This is episode 151,

Six Red Flags in Business and Dating and How to Overcome Them.

My name is Tudor Alexander and this is the Dance of Life podcast.

Every week,

My goal is to inspire you to take action towards what you love,

Live a transformed life and enjoy the journey there.

Are you ready?

Let's go.

What's up?

What's up?

How are you?

I'm good.

How are you?

I'm good.

What's up?

What's up everybody?

Thank you so much for joining me today.

Steve Jobs once said,

Great things in business are never done by one person.

They're done by a team of people.

I love,

Love that quote for today because everything in life that you want to create involves other people.

Whether it's big teams or small partnerships,

Relationships,

Our ability to engage in those productive relationships on a regular basis is the key.

And this goes two ways.

You can think of it in terms of your own ability to create productive relationships around you and also screening the relationships in your own life on a regular basis.

In today's episode,

We're going to be talking about the six red flags in business and dating and how you can overcome them or avoid them.

In my own life as an entrepreneur,

As an athlete,

As a coach,

As just a regular person trying to engage in a productive life,

I've had so many different kinds of relationships.

That's one thing I've been very fortunate to have,

Especially in the kind of sport that I'm in.

It's very partnership based.

And so I've had a lot of partnerships throughout my life and both in business and in my athletic activity as well as coaching everything else.

It's all about partnerships.

And so throughout the last,

I'd say 10,

15 years,

It's been a huge lesson to me learning what is effective in partnerships and what's not.

I can tell you that's one of the biggest aspects of life is being able to engage in productive teamwork,

Productive partnerships with other people because anything that you want to create is not going to be something you can make on your own.

So in this episode,

I want to share with you a lot of the big takeaways that I've had over the years on how to create good relationships,

How to,

In this case,

We're looking at the things you want to avoid.

And in that sense,

It'll help you create it through that way.

But really,

What are the top things that you need to be careful of when dealing with other people,

When creating with other people,

When having relationships with other people?

That's why I said business and dating.

To me,

These two are very similar.

Ultimately,

You are engaging in some sort of contractual agreement if you want to think of it that way,

But really,

It's all the same.

So in this episode,

My goal is to give you these tools so that you can both screen your own life and also look at the things that maybe you can tweak in your own approach to partnerships.

These are the things that we're constantly improving to be better partners with others.

So I'm super,

Super excited to jump in this episode with you guys.

So if you like this kind of topic,

Make sure you subscribe for weekly content and share this with one person in your life who needs to hear this message today.

You can also hit me up on Facebook and Instagram.

I'm at Tudor Alexander Official.

Let me know your biggest takeaway for today's episode.

I'm always,

Always curious to hear what makes the biggest difference in your life because that's all that matters.

And with that,

It's time to jump into the six red flags in business and dating and how you can overcome them.

Let's do it.

All right,

All right.

Here we go.

So the six red flags of business and dating that you need to watch out for.

I want to preface this episode by saying,

You know,

In nature,

You've got three types of relationships.

You've got parasitic,

Commensal,

And symbiotic.

If you aren't familiar with those,

Those are just different types of energy exchanges.

And I find them really interesting because ultimately in our own life and relationships,

These types of exchanges are always going on.

And in my own experience,

You know,

We have to continually prune our relationships and also prune ourselves,

Our own behaviors that aren't serving to help us create with other people,

You know,

That are making us parasites or,

You know,

Having other people in our life that are acting in a parasitic way,

Draining our energy.

You know,

Commensal is basically when they're kind of benefiting,

But no cost to you.

So parasite,

Let's if you imagine a parasite,

Right,

Sucking your blood away,

Right?

Like a tick that's taking all of your energy and there's only one person benefiting in that.

And that's the parasite,

The commensal relationship,

You know,

One,

One party is benefiting,

But the other one's not being harmed,

Right?

Sort of like a barnacles on a whale,

That type of thing.

And you've got symbiotic where,

You know,

We've got this mutual,

Uh,

Beneficial arrangement where,

You know,

We're both giving and creating for each other.

So ultimately in our own life,

I think that that kind of energy exchange is something we can aim for.

And these six following tools and I was to share with you,

I hope we'll give you some guidance will help you make better decisions and help you look at your own life.

So the very first one is not keeping your word or not keeping their word.

You know,

Again,

You can interpret this in terms of your own life and something that you need to basically use to be a better partner for others,

A better teammate,

Uh,

And also something that you can look in your own life and say,

Hey,

You know,

That's a red flag.

That person's not really keeping their word very often.

Uh,

You know,

So this is a very important one because first off is somebody can't keep their word on a regular basis.

You can't really create anything.

You know,

If somebody makes promises that they don't deliver,

Uh,

You know,

If they just rush through stuff,

Uh,

For me,

Like basically when they're not thorough and we're going to get into some of this stuff later,

They're all kind of related.

You can see a general pattern here is going to be inconsistency in some form or another.

But with,

With the word and you know,

Let's say integrity,

And I don't mean moral integrity here,

But really being in alignment with,

You know,

What you say is,

Is what you say come out,

What you do,

Are those two things in alignment?

That's very important for business and dating because ultimately what you're trying to do is create something no matter how long the situation is,

You're trying to create something.

And if,

If you create it on shaky ground,

You know,

In the sense of,

Okay,

I expect one thing based off what you said and that's not reliable,

Then you're bound to have problems.

So keeping your word is number one,

Very,

Very,

Very important.

And so obviously the key for being a good partner,

A good teammate for having good relationships with the first one is be in integrity,

Be always keeping your word is into the most possible extent that you can,

Obviously there are going to be times when you can't,

But try to always keep your promises and keep your standards high.

This is very important.

You know,

In all my relationships,

I try to,

Whether they're business or otherwise,

I try to keep my standards high in the sense of,

Okay,

You know,

Am I,

Am I acting to the highest level that I know how to act as a human being in this?

And that's not always the case,

You know,

Certainly we all have,

You know,

Our own challenges,

But the key is that you keep those standards high and you're always working to,

To bring them back up.

So number one,

Not keeping your word.

That's the first red flag.

Number two,

Inconsistent behavior.

Again,

All these things you're going to see,

There's some general pattern relating to inconsistency,

Right?

You can't create anything with inconsistency.

So number two,

The second flavor of that inconsistency is like emotional instability,

You know,

Inconsistent behavior.

Are they hot and cold with you?

Are they one minute super excited and then another minute,

You know,

They brush you off super easily.

Do when they need something,

Are they super nice to you?

When they don't need you anymore,

Are they suddenly a different person?

Again,

This goes with,

With all the inconsistency stuff that we're going to be talking about,

Like,

You know,

Not keeping your word,

Having,

You know,

Hot,

Cold emotions,

But ultimately,

You know,

The key for you being a good teammate,

A good partner,

A good,

You know,

Provider of services,

A good family member,

Whatever it is,

Is that consistency.

You have to put stability first.

You have to put the relationship first in the sense of there'll be times when you'll be tired,

Upset,

You know,

Whatever.

Something happened in your life.

And if those or the other person did something,

You know,

And in those situations,

Those are,

That's the test.

Do you prefer stability and longterm or do you prefer being right in the moment at any cost?

You know,

So for me,

Anybody who I'm in,

Who engages in that second kind of behavior,

Who let's say prefers their emotions,

Which will be the next one that I'm going to point out the next red flag,

But anybody who prefers that short term,

I would rather get angry and be right and do all the damage possible right now just to have that short term satisfaction.

If they prefer that over the longterm and you see this as a pattern,

This is a red flag for me.

So something to watch out for,

Especially in business partnership where you stand to lose a lot of money,

You know,

And time,

Obviously in relationships,

You're going to,

You know,

You'll still lose money in relationships too.

I mean,

Obviously all kinds of relationships that you engage in,

Whether they're business or dating,

We stand to lose a lot.

You know,

I don't want to paint relationships as a bad thing by any means.

Relationships are an amazing part of life and partnerships,

Business partnerships,

That's what it's all about.

So that's my point here through these different lists here is that ultimately when you engage in a relationship,

It is to further both of you to really create something beautiful.

Unfortunately,

Most of the time we get in there for one reason or another without noticing certain things,

Without paying attention,

Without looking for red flags,

Without,

You know,

Being sure of what we're doing or without keeping our word,

Whatever else.

And it costs us a lot in the long run.

So note,

Make sure you keep your word,

Make sure you have consistent behavior and watch out for these kinds of red flags and other people.

Number three is being loyal to the emotions,

Which again kind of goes with number two inconsistent behavior though doesn't necessarily have to be emotional instability all the time.

Inconsistent behavior can just be,

Let's say they're nice to you in front of other people,

But when it's just you and them alone,

Then they're suddenly mean.

That would be like inconsistent behavior.

So that in a sense is kind of related to not keeping your word.

Again,

These are all kind of different flavors of inconsistency,

But loyal to their emotions is number three.

And that's really when again,

They're really,

They're unable to let go of how they feel about something.

So if they feel a certain way,

That is the absolute truth.

And that's it.

There's no other truth outside of emotion.

This is very dangerous to me because ultimately,

You know,

We all have emotions and they all have a very real impact on our lives.

They feel very real when we feel anger about something,

We feel that it's right.

Of course,

You know,

This is what it is.

I know that this person did this and I know that they're a certain way and I know that,

You know,

We validate our own experience and you know,

That's okay.

That's not going to necessarily change a hundred percent,

But our ability to detach ourselves from those initial valuations,

From those initial validations is a key in creating partnerships with others.

And if you find yourself that you're with somebody who's unable to do that,

Then that's a red flag.

It's a red flag because ultimately,

Anytime that there's an emotional situation,

They will be unable to see a different perspective.

If they don't have that ability to detach and practice,

You know,

Plugging yourself out of it,

You know,

Have some sort of personal growth practice.

Maybe you're going to reading books,

Go to seminars,

You do meditation,

You have some way of detaching from your emotions.

Whatever that flavor is for you,

Then didn't do it.

If you don't have that,

I feel that it's a major handicap when you're going into relationships with other people.

So I watch for that.

You know,

I watch for people that are loyal to their emotions,

That are inconsistently treating me one way they're nice and then suddenly they need,

You know,

If they need something they're super nice,

But then if not,

Then they totally ignore me or they don't keep their word.

They say something,

But then they constantly break their word.

So these types of things,

You start to paint a picture and say,

Okay,

I'm not going to get involved.

This is just not a place to build,

Not a foundation to build something on.

So number four,

We have three more here.

So number four,

This one's kind of interesting,

But one thing I've noticed is as a red flag is people who exaggerate easily.

Now this sounds kind of,

I don't want to knock anybody who's like super excited in life because ultimately it's good to be excited.

It's good to be happy.

It's good to see life as this amazing,

Beautiful gift that it truly is.

Absolutely.

So what I'm talking about here is,

You know,

I've noticed people who use a lot of superlatives all the time.

Like oh my God,

That's super awesome.

Amazing.

Like it's just over and over and over again.

What I tend to notice,

And again,

This is my own experience,

But I've had a lot of relationships,

Partnerships,

I've dealt with a lot of people myself.

Your experience may be slightly different or maybe you are one of these people.

There's nothing wrong with that.

But what I tend to find for example is that very successful people,

People who are successful entrepreneurs have their own business,

Very highly successful in life in some way,

Shape or form,

To be successful at anything,

Ultimately,

I think you have had to go through a lot of self doubt.

You've had to conquer a lot of doubt.

You've had to deal with a lot of doubt.

You've had to question everything.

You've had to really put your nose down and grind and learn patience and discipline and all these things.

This is true for anybody in any profession,

Any field,

Artistic,

Non-artistic,

Business,

Non-business,

Military,

Fitness.

I think in any field,

These things,

These virtues I just talked about,

Discipline,

Patience,

Focus,

Having a little bit of healthy doubt,

All that stuff is very universal.

Now with that said,

Anybody who's successful in this sense,

Because of those things,

Because of the discipline,

Because of this,

They're never going to over commit themselves through language to anything.

So they're never gonna say like,

Oh yeah,

This is the best thing in the world.

It's absolutely like insanely this and that or whatever.

You're not gonna use superlatives all the time because they know that,

Okay,

Nothing is ever as you say it is,

Nothing is ever as good as it is.

There's always some catch to anything and not in a negative way,

But in just through experience of saying,

Okay,

Like,

Wait a minute,

This is interesting,

But let me check it out before I really evaluate it.

If you're truly successful,

You've had to gain that sort of questioning in your process at some point in time because you've had to deal with massive failure,

Massive trial and error.

So you can't put an assumption or you can't judge things very quickly.

Just put it that way.

So that's my point is that ultimately somebody who is quick to judge and not necessarily in negative way either,

I'm talking about positive,

But you can look at it both ways,

I guess.

Exaggeration could be negative,

But anybody who's quick to exaggerate about things,

That to me is a red flag in the sense that it tells me that they're inexperienced and that they're flighty because if it's so easy for you to exaggerate one way and think that something is super awesome,

It's very easy for you,

Again,

If we go back to some of these other ones like inconsistent behavior,

Loyalty or emotions,

It'll be very easy for you to exaggerate and go to the other way.

So you may think I'm the most amazing person in the world after you meet me the first time because you exaggerate easily.

And then let's say you're having a crummy day and then the next day you're saying,

Oh,

This deal that you just signed with me is the worst deal ever,

I'm going to quit it.

Right?

So anybody who's quick to exaggerate and you notice that through language,

I noticed that through how people speak and they're very quick to exaggerate about things,

That's a red flag for me.

Not that I'm going to suddenly be like,

I'm not talking to you anymore.

Not like that.

But again,

These are just things to trigger your awareness and say,

Hmm,

Let me pay more attention and it doesn't,

And by no means does it mean don't engage in a relationship with this person.

It doesn't mean that at all.

These are just six red flags to catch your awareness so that you can gauge how you approach this,

How you invest yourself,

What level of trust do you want to give in this particular situation?

You know,

What part,

And again,

You can also look at this through yourself.

Are you exaggerating easily about things when maybe you need to be more scrutinizing?

Are you loyal to your emotions when you feel a certain way?

Is it easy?

Is it hard for you to give up how you feel about something and see a different perspective?

Is it hard to be consistent in your behavior?

Do you feel like sometimes you talk to a person a certain way if other people are around or if there's just you and them,

It's just much easier to dismiss them rather than being consistent at the same way.

These kind of things.

So use these as tools for your own behavior as well,

Which obviously is a lot harder.

Obviously it's a lot harder to see that within ourselves.

But again,

It goes two ways.

So number five,

Not being open-minded.

This is another key one and kind of a little different than the other ones with the other four ones have really been about consistency.

This one is just about the state of your mind,

Of the person's mind.

Are they open-minded?

Are they willing to change?

Are they willing to transform?

Do they look for new things?

Are they improving?

Are they challenging themselves?

This is gonna lead into our final point about values,

Which is so important.

But if somebody's not open-minded,

If they're not willing to change or able to see change or new perspectives,

This is very difficult to create anything because ultimately when you create,

You're co-creating with somebody else.

And in that sense,

It's a dance.

That's the dance of life between having an open mind in the sense that you allow flexibility and change and also being,

Let's say,

Quote unquote,

Closed-minded enough to where you know what you want.

That's a healthy balance and that's gonna be different for every project,

Every relationship.

But having both is the key.

Most of the time,

We run into closed-mindedness and that's the red flag.

If somebody,

I look at the people,

When I look at somebody and I look at,

Let's say,

Their life,

Not even necessarily how they talk or their behavior,

But you can see their life.

You can see their life,

You can see their business,

You can see where they hang out,

What do they do?

Are they challenging themselves?

Are they doing new stuff?

Has their website changed in the last year?

Has their procedures changed?

I'm looking at it from a business perspective.

Are they doing new things?

Are they planning anything for the next couple months?

What's going on in their life or are they just kind of going with the flow and not changing anything?

Now,

I don't mean to paint going with the flow here in a negative way.

I'm saying kind of just going with the motions,

Really.

That's what I really wanted to say is just going with what's happening rather than actually innovating and moving it forward.

This is a big red flag for me because especially when you're trying to create something with someone,

If they aren't changing anything in their life,

There's not something gonna change with you coming in their life,

Right?

So that has to be already existing there in their life.

If you're dating somebody,

To what extent are they challenging themselves?

Are they seeking out new experiences?

Do they want.

.

.

And that's gonna come into our final point on values because ultimately everybody's different,

Right?

Your desire for novelty may be different than somebody else's and that's okay,

But ultimately are they challenging themselves to improve,

To be better at whatever it is,

At their career,

At life,

At their body,

At their health,

At their ability to handle their emotions?

Those things are so important.

I think especially that last one,

Their ability to handle their emotions,

Be present,

Stay focused,

Those are so important.

If somebody's not challenging themselves to improve in that department,

Then that's a red flag for engaging in a very meaningful,

Trusting,

High risk where you're trusting each other a lot,

Giving each other to a lot.

There's a lot of risk there,

So that's a red flag for me.

So the final one is values.

This is really,

This is it ultimately is what are your values?

And the difference between our preferences and our values is that preferences is something that you should never want somebody in your life.

.

.

We'll use dating here,

We'll talk about dating,

But you should never want somebody in your life to have the same preferences as you do.

That's gonna be boring because ultimately somebody's gonna have different preferences than you and it's okay for some of them to align,

But you're never gonna find somebody with the same preferences as you.

That said,

Values are much deeper.

Those are having to do with your spirit,

With your behavior,

With what you want out of life.

You can have different preferences and have a great relationship with somebody.

If you have different values,

It's not gonna work.

It's gonna work very with high resistance and a lot of effort and lost time,

Money,

And energy.

Whether that's business or dating.

And really this is probably the main one here.

And when it comes to values,

There's a lot of things we could talk about there.

I picked four very fundamental paradigms,

Let's put it that way,

When it comes to values.

You could have all kinds of different things like what's your belief politically,

What's your belief spiritually.

I'm not gonna get into that.

That's not super relevant to this conversation.

But there are four really important paradigms in my own experience with business and dating and having partnerships with people that I've found to be very important that you can use for your own measurement.

You can see where you score on these too.

But the first paradigm is short term versus long term.

You have to see what is your value.

Do you value long term or do you value short term?

Whenever I engage in a partnership with somebody or if I'm looking at somebody and let's say thinking about doing anything with them,

That's one of the first ones that I look at is what is their values in terms of short term versus long term thinking?

Are they concerned with short term outcomes and short term lifestyle like living from week to week,

Partying it up?

Or are they thinking long term?

Are they patient,

Are they focused,

Are they process oriented?

The other,

And these are again kind of similar in the sense that they're related just like those first four that we talked about with consistency.

But the second value is superficial versus meaningful.

This is the second paradigm that I look at in values.

So superficial versus meaningful.

And what does that mean?

That means is somebody more concerned with the mundane like day to day stuff?

Are they talking about pop culture a lot?

Are they concerned with what they're wearing and the brand of car and sneakers that they have or are they concerned with meaningful things like impact?

Are they wanting to make a change in the world?

Are they talking about what they learned spiritually from a recent conflict they had?

Are they opening up?

Are they vulnerable?

That's really what it comes down to is vulnerability.

Somebody who's superficial is very,

Let's say,

Staying on the surface and they're not willing to be vulnerable around you.

So somebody who's vulnerable and who's sharing authentically about their life,

For me,

That's great.

I just find that,

Okay,

There's some good communication that we can have.

If somebody is superficial and they never go below the surface with you,

That's a red flag to me that it doesn't mean that they aren't deep people because some of those people,

They're some of the deepest people there are,

But they're just afraid.

It doesn't mean that they aren't deep people.

It just means it's a red flag to watch out that their values are different than yours.

If you value meaningful conversation and authenticity and vulnerability,

You're going to run into problems trying to be a business partner with somebody who's on a total.

.

.

Because what it comes down to is this,

And before we go to the last two paradigms here and wrap up,

What it comes down to is this.

One of these things is not super meaningful in the sense that when you find one of these red flags,

It's not like,

Okay,

That's it.

Like I said,

It's not like it gives you a reason to like,

Okay,

I'm not partnering with this person.

I'm not going to date this person,

Whatever else.

It's not that.

It is,

What does that tell me about the kind of decisions that they would make in a partnership?

When you are in a partnership,

It's 50-50.

You're in the sense that you both have control over the direction of whatever that is going,

Whether it's a relationship,

Whether it's a business,

Whatever else.

It's not easy.

You have to be on the same page about your values.

Again,

You may have different preferences about how you do things,

But your values are very important.

Your why has to be the same.

If you have two completely different whys about life,

It's not going to work because those things,

You can't combine those two types of things.

It just doesn't work.

When you have somebody,

Let's say you have a very meaningful,

Impactful why that's very focused on the long-term and process and you have this big idea of impact or whatever else,

Right?

You're going to enter your business in a very different way than somebody who's very focused on superficial stuff,

Short-term thinking,

Outcome-oriented,

It's all about the money.

You're going to run in some major conflicts with those two paradigms clashing to try to unite into one thing.

The same thing is in dating,

Right?

If you are wanting to get married or if you are looking just for a short-term fling or whatever else,

That's the most common gripe with relationships,

Right?

Is that wanting two different things.

What do you want?

This is why these types of things are important in the sense that,

Okay,

As I'm paying attention,

I see one red flag.

Okay,

Let me start paying attention just a little more.

Oh,

I'm starting to see another one,

Another one.

You start to paint the picture and you get an idea of,

Okay,

What kind of decisions would this lead to if I were to engage in a partnership and being careful?

Obviously,

Communication is important because a lot of these things,

When you see a red flag,

Again,

It doesn't mean that you need to quit.

It just means maybe that you need to A,

Pay attention more and B,

Communicate.

Bring it up,

Bring up situation.

Let's say something happens where they are loyal to their emotions,

Right?

One of the red flags and they aren't willing to kind of let go of that feeling.

That's a good chance to communicate.

Say,

Hey,

Listen,

If this is going to work,

We need to be able to drop our emotions to the side and look at facts and let go of how we feel.

That could lead to a great growth opportunity and improve the partnership or it could lead to another red flag,

Which is showing you that their values are more short-term versus long-term or showing you more loyalty to their emotions and so on.

Either way,

These help you take action by observing more and communicating when the time is right.

So values,

Back to values.

We had short-term versus long-term thinking,

Superficial versus meaningful.

The third one is do they prefer control or do they prefer stability?

This is very important too because again,

It goes back to that consistency.

For me,

Somebody who prefers their emotions or they prefer control,

They want to have control in the relationship over having synergy,

Having stability,

This is a red flag because when you try to control,

You are suffocating the relationship.

And if you are unaware of that,

That's a red flag to me.

That means your awareness is flawed,

That there is something missing in your own training and your own practice of life.

So being able to look at a relationship and say,

Okay,

What is important to me and how can we keep this stable,

How can we keep this synergizing,

How can we keep it going versus you need to do this for me,

I need to have this done and that done and I need to be in control and this is the way it's going to go and so on and so forth.

Those two are very different energies.

Wanting stability is saying how can I show up to support this relationship?

How can I show up to support the common outcome that we're both going to?

Wanting control is how can you do the things that I want for me?

Two very different attitudes and you can tell that value,

Where they are in that value paradigm very simply from the actions,

From the way that a person behaves,

From the way they talk,

From the way they react to conflict.

When instability happens,

How does that trigger a response?

These types of things are something that we have to just watch over and over and in ourselves too.

For example,

Myself,

Control is very important to me and I've had to learn over the course of having many,

Many partnerships in my life and I'm still learning that how to show up and support and create a supportive atmosphere like something happens that I don't like rather than wanting to take control or be loyal to my emotions.

How can I create stability through open communication,

Vulnerability,

Create synergy,

Create a space for somebody else to step in and talk and open up their feelings?

That's a lot harder to do.

But that's what happens when you prefer stability over control.

Control is very selfish,

Self-centered,

Whereas stability is about the team,

The partnership,

The mutual goal.

The final one is kind of going back to the fifth red flag,

Which is not being open-minded.

Comfort versus growth.

So this one's really important because ultimately,

If somebody is focused on growth in their life and you're focused on growth,

Then you have an opportunity to create something.

If you're focused on growth and they're focused on comfort,

It's just not going to work.

You could try and try and try,

But ultimately,

The attitude,

The fundamental attitude needs to change.

And that's the key.

Because again,

If we're on two different values,

It's not going to work.

If you have different preferences about things,

It'll be fine.

You can work through those and negotiate,

Communicate.

You want the air,

This cold,

I want it,

This warm.

I like soda with my dinner,

You don't,

Whatever else.

It doesn't matter.

Those things are inconsequential.

It's a pity that we get so caught up on arguing and wasting emotions on preferences.

Preferences are really inconsequential.

You have to look more at values.

What is really important?

Somebody who is obsessed with controlling preferences and making sure that their preferences are being met,

That's a red flag.

That is again,

Going back to their value is control rather than stability and peace.

They'd rather control the situation and have their preferences met rather than creating space and stability.

But that requires also a value of growth.

And I think this last one,

Comfort versus growth,

That's probably for me one of the most important ones.

Because if somebody is focused on comfort in their life,

It shows everywhere.

It shows everywhere in how they approach their business.

It shows how they approach their language,

How they approach their relationship,

How they approach their physical body,

How they approach everything.

And that is something that you cannot create a relationship around if you're focused on growth.

So you have to look at your own life in these paradigms and see where are you on this paradigm and why.

What's important to you?

What is important to you today,

Right now,

And why?

Why is that important to you?

And once you find that out,

That'll give you a very,

Very good clue as to where you stand on these things.

You know,

If partying and going out Fridays and being liked is really important to you,

Then values are going to be very short-term,

Superficial,

Comfort oriented,

Right?

Versus if you have a five-year plan,

You have a 10-year plan,

You're working on yourself,

You're improving every day,

You're starting a business,

You're creating more and more out of your business,

You are going to school,

Getting a degree,

You're raising your kids,

Whatever it is,

You're more long-term focused,

You're looking for meaningful situations in life,

You're preferring stability.

So then don't engage with somebody when you see those red flags.

So number one,

Let's review them really quick.

Number one,

Not keeping their word.

Number two,

Inconsistent behavior.

Number three,

Loyal to their emotions.

Number four,

Exaggerating easily.

Number five,

Not open-minded.

And number six,

Values.

And that one kind of had a lot of subsets in it,

So it's short-term versus long-term,

Superficial versus meaningful,

Control versus stability,

Right?

So which one do they prefer?

And of course,

The last one,

Comfort versus growth.

And that is the six red flags to business and dating.

All right,

Guys,

Well,

I hope you enjoyed today's episode.

Like I said,

Partnership is part of your everyday life,

Whether it's a team,

Relationship,

Business,

Whatever it is.

It's a dance.

It's a dance between you being a good partner as well as being able to choose good partners to be with you,

To dance with you through life,

Through your business,

Through your decisions.

So remember,

Keep your word,

Be consistent,

Stay focused on the facts,

Say what you mean,

Keep an open mind,

And always,

Always ask what more you can do.

Grow,

You know,

Look for that next challenge.

My goal with this episode was to help you make powerful decisions about the relationships in your life,

Ultimately.

And above all,

Save yourself some time and energy and money in engaging in bad partnerships.

You know,

That's one of the biggest costs in life is our poor choice of relationships,

So much that we lose in those three main resources that having the skills to,

A,

Like I said,

Be a good partner,

Be in a good half of that relationship,

As well as choosing good relationships to engage in and knowing when to pull out,

When to cut the cord of the toxic people in your life.

This is very important.

So I hope you guys have enjoyed today's episode,

And as always,

Don't forget to share it with one person in your life today that needs to hear this message.

I am always curious to hear what makes the biggest difference in your guys' life from these episodes.

Make sure to tag me with your biggest breakthrough on Instagram,

Facebook.

It's at Tudor Alexander official.

And let's remember today's quote from Steve Jobs.

Great things in business are never done by one person.

They're done by a team of people.

This rings so true for me today,

And I hope it does for you too.

The greatest things that we achieve and experience are always together.

Thank you guys for listening.

I hope you have an awesome rest of your day.

Tune in on Monday as we discuss and continue our special series on building a daily gratitude practice with habit number two on being creative.

And remember,

Life is a dance.

So go out there and dance it well.

For more episodes and weekly content,

Stay connected at DanceOfLife.

Com.

Reviews

Really interesting both for business and dating.

Thank you!

Very insightful. Thank you.

Great podcast, thought provoking! I was with you all the way til your final point about comfort vs growth. You talk about it as a hard binary and infer that either is innate. I disagree; rather, these states are transitory and circumstantial. In a business partnership I could accept a more binary framing, but in personal relationships? No way — comfort vs growth is a continual ebb and flow. This is a matter of balance and energy management.

Excellent talk for self reflection to see what are the flags you are raising. It is also great to see what are themed flags you bypass on other people. I'll be listening to it again.

Very nice content, beautifully presented. Thank you.

So true. Good to hear in one podcast sensations I had for a while but couldn't formulate coherently. Thanks

Very insightful talk, gave me much to think about. The style is more podcast-like than usually on IT, still quite enjoyable & good quality audio.

Excellent! I took notes. I need help understanding how to evaluate others in very practical ways.

Excellent! I took notes. I need help understanding how to evaluate others in very practical ways.

This is a great talk! Simple....yet sometimes we humans spend FAR too much time trying to “figure out” the why’s of someone else. It really boils down to everything in this talk.

Thank you so much this was extremely helpful.
I was more focusing on myself my behavior more than other people.
You help me to look Within
Thank you again.

Nice learning segment and reminder. I will pass it on.

Timely piece. Very informative. Thank you for this awareness!

This decoded a ton of relationship problems I've encountered. But often it feels like the whole world is telling me to forget all about these deal breakers and go with the flow. So I find myself torn between a prospect of a single life or a unhappy relationship. So if any ideas besides giving it time then I'm all ears 😉