He's still talking.
He's yelling.
Again.
Dad?
Why is he threatening me with his hand?
This gesture makes me boil.
He's talking so aggressively that his spit is flying all over me.
I don't like this.
His eyes are so sharp.
What happened to the man that used to carry me above his shoulders?
Yeah,
Right.
Hit me.
Now he's going to go to the other room and keep on talking to himself.
I'm like.
.
.
I don't want to do what he wants me to do.
I just want to do what I want to do.
If I do what he wants me to do,
Then I'm not going to do what I want to do.
Why is he always against me?
He never agrees to anything I say.
It's my fault because I tell him.
I blame myself,
Not my dad.
Why would I tell him?
Why?
Why would I tell him?
He lived his life.
Why is he like that?
I grew up listening to him and now.
.
.
If I did the things that I wanted to do without telling him the past,
Where would I be today?
Rapping in a band.
Hanging out with random people.
Wasting my time.
Adopting a dog.
Neglecting it.
Smoking.
But these are not the things that I was planning to do.
Why did they come to the surface now?
I never said I would smoke.
I just wanted to.
.
.
I just wanted to hang out with my friends.
Why do I look at my friend differently now?
I have not met her in years,
But why is her face like that?
How did I not notice her eyes?
How did I not notice the way she looked at me?
What was this stare?
Who do you think you're looking at?
How did I not notice this?
She looks like she would kill me in my sleep.
I told dad about her and he said stay away from her.
And I got really angry and I locked myself in my room.
And I started crying and yelling and hitting things.
For those eyes?
No wonder dad gets angry.
He's as angry as her eyes at me,
But he's.
.
.
How did he know?
She doesn't smoke,
But she could have convinced me.
I thought she was the coolest one in our school.
My mouth is dry.
What did I see in her?
Dad always told me to focus on myself and build in myself,
But I thought that he's harsh with me.
All these years I was building a shelter with his nose.
Nose,
Nose,
Nose.
With his many nose around me.
And now I'm protected by his nose.
He's still doing it.
I feel like there are still holes to poke.
What did dad see in his life?
That he's now like this.
What did they do to you,
Dad?
Did they hurt you?
