Dear friends.
Welcome to this reflection.
Which was prompted by an article of which I read.
Concerning someone who was thinking of giving up his gym membership.
The annual fee had gone up.
And the person concerned was questioning whether it was worth his while continuing.
The increase in cost gave rise to the possibility of leaving.
But then he remembered the people that he came across.
In the course of his training at the gym.
The people concerned were only passing acquaintances.
In some cases,
He didn't even know their names.
But there were people that he met.
Greeted and briefly chatted with in the gym.
He never socialised with any of them.
He never met any of them anywhere outside the gym.
But he decided to renew his membership because of the fact that these people were in the category of almost friends.
So,
Who are these almost-friends?
And do they make a difference to our lives?
We all meet people in everyday places.
The person who welcomes us in a cafe we visit regularly.
The neighbour tending a front garden as we pass by.
The fellow traveller who happens to catch the same morning train.
Faces we recognise at the swimming pool.
In the library.
At the supermarket or in places like the gym where this meditation had its origin.
We may know almost nothing about these people.
We never visit one another's homes.
Never mind celebrating birthdays together.
They may know little or nothing about us.
And we in Torn know hardly anything about them.
Yet,
Somehow.
These people have a valuable relationship to us.
We read everywhere that our world is suffering from an epidemic of loneliness.
I read about a Gallup world poll.
That involved more than 218,
000 people.
It was spread across nearly 150 countries.
The survey found that around 1 in 5 people reported feeling lonely during a typical day.
One in five people feeling lonely in a typical day.
This is not a happy situation.
But it seems to be very common.
Sometimes we might think that only our closest relationships matter.
And of course they do matter.
Some of us might be lucky to still have childhood friends.
We might be fortunate enough to have partners and families.
And it's wonderful to enjoy this family and family-like community,
If we happen to have it.
But the Gallup poll,
And all we read and hear about concerning the loneliness epidemic,
Seems to suggest.
That many people don't even have this companionship.
Therefore,
It is important that we recognize and value.
The other connections that give us a sense of belonging.
The Koreans have a word for this bond between people.
It's called Zhiyang.
Jiyang is a sense of community and belonging.
Brought about through what might be called shared presence.
These are everyday repeated encounters the ordinary kindness has given and received as we go about our days.
We may have had experiences like this.
Someone in your wider circle notices when you've been away.
And asks,
Is everything OK?
Someone in a cafe you visit regularly remembers how you take your coffee.
You don't even have to ask.
Just a nod confirms the usual.
Someone in the gym asks if your holiday was enjoyable.
These little exchanges with people we know only vaguely.
Remind us that we are not alone.
They tell us that we belong in the world.
And this is a very important feeling to experience.
We can be on the receiving end of these kindnesses.
And we can and we should be giving out these vibes ourselves.
Examples would be a cheerful greeting.
It might be the first kindness someone receives in the day.
A passing smile might help another person feel a little more at home in the world.
We will never know the good that we can do.
By just being friendly.
It's easy to imagine that our lives are shaped only by the great events.
Things like weddings.
The births,
The bereavements.
The milestones we remember for years.
But in between.
That are the ordinary everyday encounters.
They let us know that we are not faceless or anonymous passers-by.
We are part of a community.
So there can be conversations while you are waiting in a queue.
An encouraging word from an instructor or a teacher.
The presence of a volunteer who turns up each week.
Someone who simply says,
Good to see you.
These connections with almost friends are important.
All these encounters remind us that we belong.
That someone cares.
This must be the reason why we feel it painful to lose some of these contacts.
Sometimes we move house.
Moving away from neighbors we have lived beside for years.
Sometimes a favourite cafe closes.
We missed the encounter with the staff there.
We retire.
And we fall out of touch with former colleagues.
Sometimes illness forces us to change our routines.
We can become housebound or semi-housebound.
Any or all of these events mean that people with whom we had a passing association fall out of our lives.
And there is a real loss in that.
Or remember the retirement of a friendly postmaster.
I met him almost every day when I was working.
Although I only knew the man in the post office.
When he retired,
It was as if I'd lost a friend.
Now we know that everything changes.
And we must learn to accept change.
And we know that clinging on is a reason for our discomfort.
So maybe the lesson from this reflection.
Would be that we will pay more attention.
The day's almost friends.
Who have become fellow travelers with us.
For part of the journey of our lives.
They remind us that community is not something that is built only on intimate relationships.
It's also built through repeated little kindnesses.
These little familiarities.
Those friendly good mornings.
The smiles and encouragements that make all the difference.
And now a closing prayer.
As we move through the coming days and weeks.
May we notice those familiar faces on the edges of our lives.
May we pay just a little more attention.
May we always be grateful for the community of people who surround us.
Are almost friends.
May we remember that we do not flourish only because we are much loved by a few people.
We flourish because,
Day after day.
We have these friendly passing encounters with so many people.
Whose names are hardly known to us.
So may our kindness not be limited.
To the people in our immediate circle.
But may we each spread love and kindness.
Wherever we go.
Namaste.
