The Power Of Vulnerability

This is a recording of Live Session. Let's talk about being vulnerable. Why Brene Brown's TED Talk became one of the most watched TED talks ever? Why is it important to let your guard down sometimes? Talk + Meditation

Transcript

Hello everyone, Welcome to another live session. My name is Tomek and I am a teacher here on Inside Timer and I'm very happy to be here with you here today. And as always, We are going to start with welcoming you to this space in which we will explore the power of vulnerability today. And I'm looking forward to having this session with you, To hearing from you and to enjoy the togetherness of the session. Hello, Alina, Hello Judy, Hello Sharon, Nola, Karlijn, Good to see you here. Old friends and also newcomers. If you know, I always am curious to know who is here for the first time. So just raise your hand and say, Here I am for the first time. Good to see you all. Alma, Lumi, Dorothy, Paul, Karen, Alina is for the first time. I hope I pronounce your name properly. Paul first time as well. Cree, New, Beautiful. Lumi as well. Hello Diane. Interesting we have two Diane's, One from Utah, One from Pasadena. Hello Leslie. Hello Katie. Yeah, I know it's not your first time. I hope you're feeling all right. So first of all, I'd like to thank you for being here and for your presence. This is the most important thing to spend some time together and to talk about important topics and maybe bring to light some of those uncomfortable topics and ask inconvenient questions that you have about that are close to your heart. I think Insight Timer has been known for a long time for bringing you home and closer to yourself. And certainly it has been my mission to do just that, To bring it closer to yourself. And as you make that journey closer to yourself, I also feel closer to myself, Closer with you. In the spirit of the topic today, The power of vulnerability, I want to start by saying I felt a bit fearful doing this session today because this is the first time after a couple of weeks I took a break and setting up everything and preparing for this session brought a bit of fear, Which I want to share with you in the very spirit of vulnerability that I'll be talking about today. And also want to mention that and thank all my friends from the circle to bringing that topic up because it's not a coincidence that I want to talk to you about vulnerability. It's all started in our circle. I created a long time ago a course, A seven-day course called Perfect Week that is free without subscription available on Insight Timer. And it has been there for a long time. And some of my friends from the circle decided to pick on it and do Perfect Week day by day, Seven-day course. And on the day four, They stumbled upon the power of vulnerability. And what happened very quickly is that so many of you said that it was tough. It was tough to learn and to meditate on vulnerability. And I decided since something is tough and difficult, I decided to bring it here and share it with you and listen to your opinions. How do you feel about being vulnerable? How what place vulnerability has in your life? So that'll be time to share and that'll be time for meditation. You may or you may have know that vulnerability came to foreground of today's research thanks to Brenna Brown. Brenna Brown, She's a scientist and storyteller famously known from her TED talk that I encourage you to watch that it's arguably one of the most watched talks on of all times. And it made me wonder why vulnerability is the topic that people so resonated with. Why is it? And when I rewatched for I don't know how many time Brenna Brown talking about vulnerability, I've realized that she's not only a scientist like myself, I guess that's the first point of contact. I'm a scientist and I have a scientific mind as most of you know. But she's also a storyteller. And in her talk, She stumbles a couple of times. She stammers even. But she carries on. And she talks about her story and telling her story and how she discovered vulnerability in her own life. She became very relatable. Someone that you can relate to and say, Oh, She also feels this way standing on a big stage in front of hundreds if not thousands of people. She's doing it. And she's okay being fearful, Being afraid that something may not go according to the plan. But putting herself out there nevertheless. And something that I noticed during this talk that is very much close to my heart is like Brenna Brown, She in her journey of transformation, She moved from the heart of the scientist where she uses and she talks about a measuring stick or yardstick to everything to something more personal, Something that is telling her not so much about data points, But about herself. And I wonder if today it's not a good time to ask yourself, What is close to my heart? The data or being right or the connection that we make first of all with yourself and then with others. For instance, With all of us here on Inside Timer listening to this life. So I'm going to put it out there and ask the question, What is your vulnerability? Ask yourself just now and give it a moment to sit. What is your non-enoughness? And again, I ask you to first of all, Feel comfortable and sit yourself and ask that question yourself, Not necessarily sharing with anybody else, Which is the entire level, New level of being vulnerable. How does it feel? I have a feeling that being vulnerable is not a great feeling at all at first. Being off guard, Sitting there exposed, Your ego may tell you, Oh, This is the worst idea ever. And yet we're doing it right here together. If there's a one thing that I learned from being vulnerable and vulnerability is that it is a necessary step, A necessary condition for connection. First of all, Connection with yourself. A second of all, Connection with others because on the path to self-discovery and personal growth, Fulfillment, Peace on a daily basis, There's a connection that we make with who we are and sitting in that space, Learning how to do it, It sometimes goes against the grain of common knowledge and what society expects of us. And this doesn't sit well. It creates a lot of fear, Sometimes shame, Disconnect. And yet the most important thing that we all want is connection. So we find so many different ways, As Brené Brown puts it, To numb ourselves from this uncomfortable feeling of being vulnerable. We don't want to be ourselves, Not because it's something bad, But simply because it doesn't feel good. So we hide. We hide behind the pretense. We create a facade of someone that we are not, But someone that most likely is acceptable in the society, In your workplace, In your family, In your friendships, In your relationships. And then over time that discontent grows and grows and grows. And then in order to avoid that discontent and that feeling, We choose to numb ourselves and choose your pick. There's a food, There's alcohol, Sex, Binge watching, Social media. We have so many different opportunities. And if you think about it, The world creates around us so many opportunities to be distracted from who we are. And be not mistaken, We all want to experience joy and fulfillment and all those good feelings and be in awe and live our wonderful lives. But the science is clear about one thing. If you numb yourself from feeling fearful, Ashamed, Sad, You as well disconnect yourself from feeling all those good stuff, All the happiness and joy and fulfillment. So it is a double edged sword and vulnerability is the tool to cut through it. And it won't feel great. And it will be uncomfortable. And it is on so many occasions. But that's the way to go. There's a wonderful quote from Leonard Cohen who says in one of his songs, There is a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in. And vulnerability is a way of creating that crack intentionally and consciously. So we can become more ourselves, So we can come back to and include everything that is part of this existence. And you may say, Oh, Well, This is a good talk. But when I go out there and I have to face the world, Just this is not the way I would like to behave. It's too much. And I absolutely agree with you. And I do not expect everyone to get out there and just open yourself fully and entirely to the world and just be smashed and bashed. And absolutely not. This is your personal journey. And you choose the level of discomfort you can carry. And as with everything we talk about here, This is a practice. Start with a small crack and you allow just a small amount of light to get in. And then, You know, The crack widens more and more. You learn to take a bit more. And along this process, You become more and more yourself. You become more authentic. And that's where you realize that perhaps this is indeed a good tactic. Perhaps this is indeed the way to go. Because if I, When I listen to the comments in the circle and people were commenting of how uncomfortable it feels to be vulnerable, Even within the space of meditation when you're absolutely by yourself, Let alone in front of others, Well, They admitted that after that initial fear and being off guard and feeling really, Really out there, They came peace and they come those emotions that we all desire, Those light emotions, Because they go through the crack. And fear and shame are being transformed. Again, I guess this is a personal journey of everyone. And if there's one thing that I invite you to is to do it at your own pace, In your own way. How does it sound? I can see so many comments, So I'm just going to take a look. Greg, I'm so paranoid. Caroline, I think it makes me realize that I have the same insecurities as everyone else, A real feeling of connection. That is so true, Caroline. Thank you for bringing that up. I remember from Jack Confield, Who's also a teacher here on Insight Timer, But also one of the most renowned Buddhist teachers that brings modern psychology and Buddhism together. He was hosting one of those big events where thousands of people show up. And he asked the question, Or it's one of the person mentioned that I lost someone in my family and it feels very, Very horrible. So Jack Confield, Instead of saying anything or feeling compassion or anything said, Or ask the audiences, How many of you lost someone in your family? And more than half raised their hands. And that was a moment of transformation, When people realized that we're all on the same wagon, That we experience indeed the same emotions and share the same insecurities. And knowing that, That if we share all the same insecurity, This is no longer an insecurity. This is just how we are. This is part of the human condition. And that's where transformation happens in that very space. Paul says, I have smashed myself for too long. Thanks for sharing that. We want to belong. That is true. This is the essence of vulnerability. He opens up the door of connection, First of all with yourself, And then with everybody else. Because ask yourself who you would like to hang out with? Someone who is open and vulnerable, Or perhaps someone who is pretentious and just smile all the time and it puts that facade of niceness, But underneath you simply don't know what is happening. Those people make us uncomfortable, Don't they? I started watching a TV show called Morning Show. And this is because I'm a big fan of Friends, One of the oldest sitcoms ever and the most watched. And Jennifer Aniston is part of it. So I became curious, You know, Okay, What Rachel does these days? And she was part of this show and I started watching it. It's all about Morning Show on TV and how things go there and all the dramas and everything that happens there. But one thing that struck me the most was how people pretend. How people pretend in front of the coworkers. They put, They try to keep the face and how they behave afterwards. It was incredible to see how all those people have double lives and split personalities, Something that could be diagnosed by a psychiatrist as a serious condition. But they all choose to live their lives and smile and be wonderful and on one hand side and be miserable and misunderstood and not being able to themselves on the other hand side. And I think when we watch those TV shows and we all watch a lot of TV these days, As you can tell by the amount of content on Netflix, Stan, Amazon, I don't know what other platforms are there. We are being shown the insanity of the world around us. But insanity that we subscribe to. And hopefully here on Inside Timer, Because that's the way if you choose sanity of insanity or over insanity, I guess you can't inside time at some point. And like you listen to people like me that question status quo and question if this is really the way to live. And you come here and you might find that, Well, Maybe having a profile on Instagram and smiling all the time and experiencing only the good stuff and denying all the bad stuff that are the part of the human condition of us is the actually way to go. Sharon, All times the world gives us so many reasons to close our hearts. But no matter how hard it feels, I believe we all have a choice to open up and choose vulnerability in order to create deep intimacy with ourselves and others and experience the full spectrum of love and life. That's incredible, Sharon. That's so insightful and it makes me smile because that's exactly what it is. Yes, Sandra, Sandra says that she also saw this TV show. Good. Yeah, Laura says, I know many people like that. And I believe we all know people like that. But most importantly, We very often I can speak at least for myself are the people we sometimes contribute to the problem. But what I invite you today to do is to become a part of the solution. Again, Small baby steps. Maybe open yourself up more in a conversation with your partner. Maybe as so many of you did, Listen to day four, Power of vulnerability, Listen to the meditation. And before you go out there, Face those little things on your own terms internally and find out for yourself. How do they feel? How does it feel to sit with admitting the things that we are not proud of? Yeah, What is your not enoughness? I am asking myself question here. What is my not enoughness? How does it feel to come back to live events after a couple of weeks of not doing it and be open with you about how I feel and ask you how you feel and share those stories? I've written myself here, Courage, Compassion, Connection. Yes, Courage is one of those qualities that we require or is required to be vulnerable because being vulnerable is indeed an act of courage. It takes what it takes is to face the fear of being judged and being rejected and do it anyway. Be yourself, Express how you feel. Okay, Greg, My increasing inability to be vulnerable in social situation has begun driving me crazy and making problems in my new marriage. It's more uncomfortable than it used to be. Thank you so much, Greg, For sharing it. This is very true. In Sharon, We talk about in our relationship, We talk about being honest and honesty requires vulnerability and it goes without saying that every relationship, Whether it's a romantic or work relationship, Any relationship for that matter, Require level of connection and the level of honesty. This is for me at least, It's a learning ground to be vulnerable and to sometimes say, Okay, Even though I'm right, It doesn't matter because it's not about collecting data points as a scientist, It's about creating connections and in order to create that connection, We have to become vulnerable. There's no other way. Want to open up and let my work know what they have done to me. Yes, This is very important thing to stand up for yourself. And we all know that workplaces, So many of them, They mistreat us and yet we choose to stay there and sometimes suffer silently. But I agree Paul with you that there is a time and place to stand for yourself and do things on your terms. Obviously, This is going to be very difficult. This is one of the most changing things that you're ever going to do. Well, Your life is at stake, I guess, And your well-being is at stake. So I guess it is worth it. It is worth to stand your ground and show people how you feel, Particularly if you feel that you are mistreated. I think for those of you who are here for the first time, I just want to say that we always have a talk first and then we have a time for meditation where we actually can put into action all those things that we talk about. I think now came time for a meditation unless some of you, Unless you may, You have another questions that maybe I could answer. Diane, Living a religion and standing in my truth has been one of the most vulnerable things that I have done. Indeed, Indeed. Living, Living, I consider I don't want to offend anyone, But religion in that is traditional way has been in my way for when I was a kid and I find very important that religion played a very important part in my life. However, Growing out of it was a difficult time because for a long time that was the only thing I knew. And then other things came to my life and I've realized that those things that we cherish the most, Sometimes they are an obstacle. And so Diane, Thank you. Thank you for sharing that. That's wonderful. Okay. Let's meditate. Let's pull, Put those words into action and let's see, Let's experience how it feels to be vulnerable. So this meditation I want to guide you through is, It's a simple one, Is to face yourself within the quiet space with your eyes closed where all those things that feel inadequate makes us not enough, That may come to the surface. And like Michael Jackson and his song, I start with a guy in a mirror. We will sit with all those uncomfortable emotions with accepting all the thoughts that come to our, To the foreground of our awareness and acknowledge these are just thoughts that are produced and we are not them. Sit with our breath, Breathing in and breathing out, Acknowledging that this is enough. You don't need to achieve. You don't need to do all those things that we sometimes identify ourselves with. Sit with yourself and acknowledge this is okay. This is also part of vulnerability. Being vulnerable is to acknowledge that we are who we are with our capacity, Mostly to love rather than to do things and achieve. How does it sound? Okay. Okay, Let's do it. As with every meditation, Sit in a way that you feel at ease. Whatever suits you, Make yourself feel comfortable. Allow your eyes to close and check in. How are you? How do you feel? How does this conversation made you feel? Is there anything that came to your mind when we were talking about being vulnerable? Any situations from your life? People? Perhaps fear, Sense of shame. Perhaps a feeling that you are not enough. And if any of those and more came to awareness, Allow them to just be there for a moment. Acknowledge the presence of thoughts, Emotions, Feelings, And for a moment allow them to be the way they are. Even though it may feel uncomfortable. And now acknowledge that you are not alone and feeling, Thinking, Experiencing in exactly the way you do it right now. It is a human condition. And there are many of us here who may feel the same way and experience the same thing. They also may feel alone or not enough. I'm this, Such and such. And they feel alone and they feel disconnected because it's just me. Acknowledge that this is not true. Acknowledge that you are not alone. And whatever you feel, Whatever your insecurity, Whatever you're not enoughness, You are here to experience it and own it. And acknowledge there's nothing wrong with feeling this way, Thinking this way. And that's how it feels to be vulnerable. It may not feel pleasant, But it is part of our human condition. And if you wish to feel joy, Fulfillment, Compassion, Happiness in the future, I invite you to acknowledge those difficult emotions as well. That's all I have for you today. And also know that I am here to hold the space for you to be by your side as so many of us right here right now to help you carry on and carry any emotion feeling that the experience right now knowing that there's someone by your side even if you don't feel connected knowing that there's someone out there. And now to conclude once again gather yourself and acknowledge the way you feel. Are you alright? What was your experience of exposing yourself? Letting the light come through the crack. And when you're ready to finish open your eyes. And here you are again you survived. You are here on the other side like me a bit more calm, Centered and certainly at peace. I know how you experienced that but every time I expose myself a bit and gather enough courage to do it I feel more at peace. You may have heard that before but these days I don't work as much as on being happy but being more at peace. And certainly being vulnerable translates into peace. Paul I broke down in tears yeah that's the that's a sign of transformation thank you for sharing that Paul. Very unsettling but better yes I think unsettling is another adjective to describe how being vulnerable feels at first. Wonderful. Paul thank you so much for being with me being vulnerable together. Thank you for holding the space for me and for everybody else. It was a truly wonderful experience although difficult. To conclude I just want to say that next week we'll be continuing this topic and the topic for the next one is the power of compassion. And I will try to show how vulnerability and compassion actually go hand in hand. And if you want at the end of this event you may click the attend button so you receive the notification next time. Receive notification about this event. For those of you who wish to practice vulnerability as I said I have the whole program called Perfect Week and it's free without subscription available on my profile. You can go there and listen listen to it and day four is the power of vulnerability. There's also one episode on courage which touched upon the topic of vulnerability so feel free to to get that. And also for those of you actually maybe it's nice it's a good time to mention that being vulnerable means to work with yourself and to put yourself out there. And I know so many of you who work with me one on one and mentoring sessions they experience you experience that. At first when you come yeah you're on your guard and you know you try to show yourself and then as the sessions progress as we start working together you open more and more more and more and I absolutely love seeing that in you guys. When you open and through that openness comes the transformation. There is a the program the mentoring program I mentioned for you it has very specific steps. First of all I always invite you to improve your awareness in order to develop your ideal identity. Awareness is everything. If you feel in a certain way that requires awareness and working on your awareness in order to trans achieve transformation it's a very important step in working with me. And then as we carry on open up a bit we can work together on maximizing your talents and potential because when we're not vulnerable and when we're not working ourselves this potential of ours being squashed a bit. So sometimes we need someone to take us take our hand and say OK that's your talent this is your potential and maybe that's how we can that's how we can expose it. That's how we how we can bring it to light. And that's what feels amazing working with you. And then obviously as the as this process occurs you start making the necessary changes to achieve whatever you want to achieve because we all have our dreams and our goals and that's absolutely fine. And we want to find new ways of achieving those goals. And for me one of those goals is being more and more vulnerable. And sometimes I need you for instance to help me to realize that. And ultimately we are here for one purpose to live a life that is enjoyable and fulfilling as possible. And that's what stands behind mentoring sessions and working with me. So I added a couple of offerings to to my mentoring program and you can check it on my profile and inside timer. If you are interested feel free to click the book button and arrange a session with me and we can work together on those things. But for now I want to thank you for your presence for meditating with me for being here. And I encourage you to give yourself a chance to be vulnerable in your own terms in a small way that you are capable of. And I look forward to our next session next Wednesday and I hope you can join me then. Have a wonderful day, Pleasant evening, Restful night wherever you are. Until then.

Reviews

This was my first talk with you. Sitting on a train and watching beautiful nature.
Even here are other people, I was happy to notice my mind flow on some deep level. I felt stressed, but somehow opened. A good start for my journey of vulnerability 🙏Thank you.

Amazing, just having gone through an intense period, of opening myself up to being vulnerable, I am now coming out the other end with a lot of the feelings you described plus more. You talk and guided meditation has certainly help me out things in perspective as regards not beating myself up about opening and vulnerable to a person or situation. A great help thank you. 🙏🏾

I love this, I enjoyed it live and it’s such a great one to come back to
Thank you, Tomek
🙏🏼

A wonderful talk. Felt like I was in the room, listening to others share and facing my own vulnerabilities, particularly the feeling of not being enough. Thank you!

This has so resonated with me, I found it very powerful and at times emotional and raw. Thank you Tomek.