IFS Insight: Understanding The Roles Of Protectors Better

In this episode, Tim explores the topic of protective parts of ourselves and how they shape our behaviors and responses. He identifies common examples of protective parts, such as the critic, perfectionist, avoider, and caretaker.

Transcript

Welcome back to another episode.

How are you?

How are your parts?

I Know it's a good reminder for me and maybe it is for you to to not forget to pause for a bit and Check in so maybe just check in for a bit with your internal world right now and just see what you're noticing All Right.

Mm.

Yeah,

Let's both try to remember to pause This week and I know it can be challenging though well this week we're gonna get curious about a topic that is fundamental to understanding our inner worlds and What we're gonna get curious about are the protective parts of ourselves These parts are vital in shaping Our behaviors responses and how we navigate through life and you can find some other content that I've put out on protectors and particularly the common Protector fears and if you need help accessing that reach out I'd be glad to point you in the right direction But let's start by identifying which parts of us act as protectors These are the parts that step in during challenging situations often without us even realizing it And it may be helpful to think about those moments when you feel stressed anxious or threatened Which parts of you?

Become activated Here are a few common examples the critic Often the critic is this harsh inner voice criticizing your actions to prevent failure or judgment from others or from other things and It might say things like you're not good enough or You'll never succeed Then there's the perfectionist Then there's the perfectionist This part pushes you to strive for flawlessness to avoid mistakes and negative outcomes the avoider This part may urge you to steer clear of situations that feel risky or uncomfortable Keeping you from speaking up or attending social gatherings the caretaker The caretaker compels you to put others needs before your own to maintain harmony and avoid conflict and I don't know about you,

But I recognize all of these parts from particularly that caretaker in my day-to-day life Recognizing these parts is the first step and understanding their roles in your life And let me share a Personal story as I've done in the past.

I like to keep it personal and to let you know that man,

I struggle in my day-to-day life and Staying aware of my parts and continuing to know that they're doing the best that they can and not forgetting about them and Here's just a little story about My own experience with protective parts.

Well,

There's a common part that Comes up in my system and I still notice this part at times I even noticed it this week and the part I'm talking about is the avoider part Trying to protect me from the discomfort of feeling out of place or inadequate I'm on a committee that plans an annual mental health festival in my small town And at a recent meeting my avoider part was particularly active as soon as I walked in I felt a wave of anxiety and The avoider kicked in whispering You don't belong here these people are more successful and confident than you and I spent the time of the Evening not that I was gonna leave and walk out because that Caretaker that part that wants to keep peace,

Whatever it is.

We were at a table and there were only a few People in attendance and it would have made a scene if I would have left and so there were multiple parts at work but this avoider part would have Headed for the exit or maybe not even showed up.

And again,

It encourages me Well,

If you have to be here check your phone hang low avoid deep conversations and the turning point in this situation and in past situations came when I first realized that this avoider was active and decided to engage it and Take a moment to thank it for trying to protect me and acknowledging.

It's good intentions And I realized that this part was shielding me from past experiences where I felt judged or inadequate But I was able to remind it that things were different today These people were different than the people that it may have been used to have never felt any judgment and just a graciousness for whatever I was able to Contribute and by appreciating its efforts.

I created space for understanding and healing I began exploring Alternative strategies and I'm continuing to do that because it happens Regularly this avoider is building trust with me and is beginning to trust things are different but Still knows it's been doing its job that has worked for a long time even if there may be a better way,

But doing things like grounding exercises and Positive affirmations.

You are good enough.

You do belong to feel more secure and confident in social settings so I hope that This insight into my life is helpful for you and gives you some encouragement and knowing that you're not alone We're all in this together Let's take a closer look at how these protector parts operate and their strategies for keeping us safe First creating barriers protective parts might create emotional or physical barriers You might emotionally distance yourself from others to avoid Getting hurt and be aware to that protectors are often afraid of extreme emotions That if they allow you to go to deeper parts of yourself those exiles They're afraid of those Emotions that may come from that and so let them know that you're aware of that and spend time getting the protectors permission Acknowledging and hearing all of their fears and concerns before you go Deeper because they've been bypassed a lot and they have a lot of fears of that happening again Initiating Defensive behaviors is another strategy that these protectors have been doing for a long time these parts might prompt behaviors like arguing shutting down or deflecting blame when you feel criticized Avoiding situations like my avoider.

They often push you to avoid situations perceived as threatening leading to Destination or skipping social events and using distractions like my protector wanting me to look at my phone to Zone out get some space from this place where you don't belong in its mind And trying to trying to protect us from embarrassment that it perceives may be coming but things are different now and these parts employ distractions like immersing yourself in Work at workaholic part,

Man I resonate with that too or scrolling through social media to avoid facing uncomfortable emotions It's crucial to remember that these protective parts are not our enemies They're trying their best to protect us based on past experiences where What they're doing and how they're doing it Probably made a lot of sense Remind them who you are and that you're older now that they're not alone We're not trying to put them out of a job either.

We need them but there may be an easier way and We've got this internal team That you are leading and have the capacity to lead Here's how you can work with them first acknowledge their good intentions Take a moment and thank these parts for their efforts,

For example Say something like thank you for trying to keep me safe from embarrassment and I find that many clients they don't realize that these protectors have been working a long time and Often they think they're ready to go to those younger more vulnerable parts,

But the protectors still have questions They need to know that they are Seen they need to be thanked and so don't bypass this first notice them spend some time with them and let them know that you know,

They're doing the best that they can and Then understand their origins Reflect on the origins of these protective parts Understanding why they act the way they do can provide valuable insight And then after you build their trust a little bit Explore Alternative strategies and maybe it's after you build their trust a lot is probably a better way to say that Consider other ways to achieve safety and comfort without intense reactions And maybe this is through practicing mindfulness or setting boundaries And then foster dialogue engage in a conversation with your protective parts Ask them questions.

Like what are you trying to protect me from and that gives you an indicator of that younger more vulnerable exile that is underneath and There comes a point where you let them know that if they can trust you and they can go with you if they want but they don't have to as You can go to that exile and maybe that's with a practitioner and it can be healed and that exile and this protector like the avoider can be unburdened so that they can have space for Those things like calmness compassion curiosity the gifts that they bring Those aspects of self that make you who you are today And so this week I encourage you to reflect on the protective parts of your inner world And it may be helpful to consider these guiding questions Which parts of me are acting as protectors and when do they show up?

Are there some commonalities or rhythms there?

What are the specific situations or triggers that activate these parts How do these parts operate and what are their intentions Can I appreciate their efforts and explore alternative strategies for safety and comfort and if you need these questions that I'm throwing out reach out and I'd be glad to Get them to you and can give you some other Resources that may be helpful but by exploring questions like these you can gain a deeper understanding of your protective parts and Transform how you respond to life's challenges and build some trust with them Understanding our protective parts allows us to appreciate their good intentions and find balance in our responses So let's aim to appreciate these parts this week and explore new ways to achieve a sense of safety and security and I'm so grateful for your trust and courage in Joining me week after week and so have a great week and take care

Reviews

Really useful to go over the roles and types of protector parts. I especially appreciated you sharing your personal experiences Tim and outlining the avoider characteristics. 🙏🏽