Today we're talking about self-care,
But with a little twist.
Instead of focusing on what self-care should look like,
We'll explore how to care for all the parts of us that make up our internal world.
This kind of care goes beyond bubble baths or good sleep,
Though those are great too.
I tell you,
I like me some sleep and I like me a good bubble bath sometimes,
But it's more than that.
It's about creating balance and connection between the parts of you that might feel neglected,
Overworked,
Or misunderstood.
And I'll also share,
As I often do,
A story about how I'm learning this lesson today in my life and how I'm changing the way I approach self-care.
Let's start with the big picture.
Self-care is often portrayed as something we do to recharge,
An hour of yoga,
A weekend away,
Or saying no to one more task.
But in the framework of IFS,
Self-care takes on a deeper meaning.
It's about paying attention to your internal system and recognizing that each part of you may have different needs.
Think about it with me for just a bit.
You may have a part,
And you know I do if you've listened for an episode that's constantly driving you forward,
Pushing for productivity,
And that part thrives on achievement,
Might resist slowing down.
In IFS,
We'd call that a manager part.
It's really working really,
Really hard to keep us productive and on track.
Meanwhile,
There could be a quieter,
More playful part longing for downtime or creative expression.
And surprisingly,
Maybe to you,
That could be a firefighter part,
Because these parts,
They can be gentle for a while,
But then they can't take it anymore,
And they explode.
They just want to bring some joy or distraction.
When we don't listen to all these parts,
Tension builds up.
Overworked managers might burn out,
And those neglected firefighters might demand attention in less,
Very less,
Helpful ways in their most extreme roles.
They're doing the best they can,
Though,
Managers and firefighters.
But the result of those extreme reactions and extreme roles,
You're going to feel exhausted.
You're going to be parts that are resentful,
Going to be parts that are disconnected.
And for me,
The rubber really hits the road,
Particularly wrapping up the end of the year,
Kids about to get out of school,
Leading up to the holidays,
And it can catch up with me if I'm not careful.
And I can get out of balance,
And like many of you,
I juggle a lot.
You know about my growing coaching practice,
Young kids needing attention,
And that deep inner driver in me that wants to say yes to every opportunity.
And I can find myself,
Particularly in these busy seasons,
When we're supposed to be celebrating and taking a break,
And I tell others to do that.
I really need to keep this in my awareness,
And maybe that's why I'm doing this podcast today,
So thank you.
But I can push myself to finish a big project,
Staying up late,
Or the work,
I mean,
It expands to the time that we have.
We hear that on productivity podcasts and resources,
And it's true.
And I can pile more and more on top of my usual workload.
In these weeks leading up to the holidays,
I find it especially important to pause.
And when I do,
I begin to notice,
Oh,
There's some tension,
My shoulders,
My chest,
And that's a physical reminder,
A physical gift and clue,
If we can pause and accept it,
That something is off.
And instead of brushing this aside,
Thinking,
Oh,
I'll rest later,
We don't have time for this,
If I can be with that driver,
Again,
That's likely a manager trying to keep me on track,
And wants to say,
Oh,
Don't go deeper,
Just wait.
And instead of pushing my parts aside,
Going with the parts that say,
Oh,
You can rest later,
Or you got to work,
Don't pause,
I pause,
And I begin to notice that that part that said you can rest later is likely my driver,
A manager part,
Because if I don't pause,
If I'm not aware,
I become grumpy,
Ebenezer Scrooge-like,
And I snap at my wife and kids over trivial things.
But when I reflect,
I realize that my inner worker part is just completely overwhelmed,
And at that,
He's a kid.
Meanwhile,
That caretaker part,
That firefighter that can jump in and say,
I need a break,
Values connection with my family,
Being spontaneous,
Going out,
Having fun with the kids,
But that part gets furious at its worst with me for ignoring the needs of myself,
Because it has a lot of self-care,
Self-energy that it gives me wisdom about,
And my loved ones.
This is always humbling,
But also eye-opening.
I realize that I can't go on neglecting my playful part,
And that I've been doing that when I get busy and caught up,
And that driver takes over.
And I can appreciate that part,
Because it's the one that's a kid at heart,
And I need it,
Particularly this time of the year,
And it loves spending time with my kids,
Being spontaneous and doing things just for fun.
And in these times of pause,
Things begin to shift for me,
And I realize self-care is not just about sleep or boundaries,
It's about creating a relationship with all of my parts and listening to what they need.
And listening to the driver,
But also listening to that inner caretaker,
Firefighter-like part that keeps things fun.
So let's do a quick check-in together.
If you're in a safe and comfortable place,
Take a moment to pause,
Close your eyes if that feels right,
And take a deep breath.
How well are you taking care of yourself overall?
And extending that self-care with a capital S to your parts.
Which parts of you feel overworked or neglected?
What do these parts need from you?
Maybe your inner worker feels tired or stretched thin.
Maybe there's a part of you longing for connection,
Fun,
Or stillness.
Whatever comes up,
Take a moment to thank those parts for sharing with you,
And let them know you're listening,
And that you'll do your best to support them,
And they're not alone.
Now that you've spent a minute to check-in,
And I encourage you to take more time if you need to,
Let's talk about practical ways to care for your internal system.
For the overworked parts,
Schedule intentional breaks,
Even just 10 minutes,
To let these parts rest.
Remind them that you're capable of handling things without running on empty.
They're not alone,
They keep you on track,
They do help you get things done.
For those neglected parts,
Revisit something you love but haven't done in a while.
Maybe it's journaling,
Or reading,
Taking a walk outside.
Take some time to pause,
And those walks can provide great times for reflection.
They're easy to neglect and to put off,
But we need them,
I need them,
And those parts that feel neglected need them.
For playful parts,
Create moments of fun.
Laugh with your kids,
Dance in the kitchen,
Or let yourself be silly.
Just this morning,
Christmas music on the radio,
And I let my twins out at their elementary school and,
Yeah,
Just spending some time just to sing at the top of my lungs when I open the door.
It helps the kids get out quicker.
I'm not sure they want me to be that silly,
But my inner child,
And I'm not talking exiled parts,
I'm talking about those firefighters that keep life fun.
They love that,
And I'm grateful for that part.
Remember,
The intention isn't to do everything at once.
Start small.
Let your parts see that you're committed to caring for them over time.
So as we wrap up,
I want to leave you with this thought.
Self-care is about showing up for all of you,
Not just the you that everyone sees,
But the parts that often work behind the scenes.
When you take the time to listen and respond to those parts,
You build trust within your system,
And that trust creates balance and harmony.
So take a moment,
Maybe even after this episode,
To jot down what came up for you during the check-in.
What's one small step you can take this week to prioritize self-care for your parts?
Thank you for spending this time with me.
Take care of yourself.
Take care of your parts.
