Welcome to Life Unedited,
The Power of Radical Acceptance,
28 Theories of Living in Reality.
This is a series of practical strategies to use in life through the lens of reality for changing obstacles into opportunities.
I'm Tiffany and this is Theory 9,
All Communication is Projection.
Quite literally,
In fact,
When people speak,
They are projecting words toward listeners.
Listeners hear the words and project words back.
Dialogue occurs in these projections by nature of shared human experience.
My theory on projection takes root just prior to birth.
Imagine this.
Just before we're born,
The higher power of our choice sprinkles memory seeds into each of our brains.
It takes approximately 24 months for those seeds to take root and sprout.
Around age 2 we begin to upload memories.
I propose that each and every experience we have,
Whether directly or indirectly,
With any of our 5 senses,
Goes into our heads and randomly attaches to one of those memory sprouts.
As we age,
Those sprouts grow with us into vines to accommodate more and more memories.
They metaphorically grow and vine all over the inside of our heads.
So how do these metaphorical memory vines have anything to do with the theory of projection?
Our eyes are like movie projectors through which we individually view our worlds.
If we think about where eyesight originates in our brain,
In the occipital lobe,
Which is found in the very back of our head near the top of the spinal cord,
So when we use our eyes,
The optic transmission starts in the occipital lobe and must travel through the rest of our heads,
Through all those memory vines,
Before reaching our eyes.
By the time we visually experience the world,
We're seeing it through everything we've ever been through.
We don't just see the world,
We project our world onto the world.
And when we speak,
We project again.
When we communicate,
We are constantly projecting our quote-unquote stuff onto the world around us.
As we age,
The collection of stuff we project grows with more memories,
Feelings,
Values,
Beliefs,
Thoughts,
And opinions.
Think about when we are talking with a group of co-workers about some new policies that have just come down the pipe from management.
When we share our opinion,
We are projecting our stuff.
That stuff is based on experience we have had up to that point in our lives.
Every word is a projection.
If we accept this theory of projection,
Then we accept that every other person in our lives is also projecting their own experiences onto the world.
This idea helps us to understand where people are coming from,
And we can be more accepting.
If we believe that people are projecting from their life experience,
Then we can be more patient.
We take things less personally because their projection is about them,
Not us.
People,
And even the world around us,
Serve as our constant mirror.
And that is because we are always projecting.
It is true that each of us has our own unique qualities which make us individuals.
And because we are human,
We share qualities as well.
I pose that when we find ourselves bothered by someone,
We need to take a serious look at what it is that bothers us to determine how that reminds us of something about ourselves.
Here is an example.
Let's say there is a co-worker who really gets under our skin.
She is aggressive and assaultive towards us and other colleagues,
Talks behind other people's backs and runs to the boss about every little thing.
At first glance,
We might think,
No way do I see myself in her.
And then we dig deeper.
We remember having been afraid of a step-parent who was an aggressive bully to us and how much that hurt.
That reminds us of our sibling who commiserated with us about that same step-parent and then to protect themselves,
Told that step-parent what we said about them.
We were on the receiving end of severe consequences as a result.
The co-worker reminds us of the harsh memories from childhood.
Sometimes the things we notice in other people are not as obviously related to us.
And when we broaden our scope of reference with complete honesty,
We can figure out how it actually mirrors something about ourselves.
We might not like what we learn,
So we may argue and say,
No way am I like them.
That is arguing with reality.
It is real because we projected it.
And when we argue with what is real,
We will lose that argument.
Our perception of the grocery store clerk is that they seem to speak curtly to us as they scan our groceries.
It bothers us and we feel uncomfortable.
How is that a mirror?
When we are honest,
It reminds us of a time when we were working retail and we were short with a customer rather than friendly and did not make the sale.
We were embarrassed by our own behavior.
The customer noticed our attitude and they may have projected that negative energy into the rest of their day as well.
This theory takes a proverbial punch out of a fight and dispels arguments as well.
When two people disagree on something,
It is because they came to their belief or opinion by way of each of their personal experiences.
No two people's experiences will ever be the same.
If we just accept that our opinions do not align,
Then the argument is thwarted and we have the opportunity to discuss further,
To change our minds,
Come to some compromise,
Or agree to disagree.
What if someone verbally attacks us?
Most of us would jump to defend ourselves,
Yet the theory of projection gives us the option to pause.
We can recognize the verbal attack as a projection,
Pause,
And then choose to formulate an authentic response.
This is huge.
We choose our response rather than react.
Unless we are being attacked by a tiger,
We do not have to instantaneously react.
This is what we have become as a society,
Driven by fear,
Ego,
And unexamined emotion.
We often operate from knee-jerk reactions,
But if you think about it,
Reacting inappropriately doesn't work.
Instead,
Every time we are triggered,
Bothered,
Or inspired by someone,
We have an opportunity to ask,
What is this showing me about myself?
Not every answer is easy,
And some truths are uncomfortable,
But all projection is a mirror and that mirror is always teaching us something.
The theory of projection is multifaceted and can be difficult to grasp.
The beauty of projection is that it happens all day,
Every day,
So we can practice all the time.
Just remember that we are always looking into a metaphorical mirror and what we see is based on our own life experiences,
And what we see often points to something that we're ready to see in ourselves.
