Conscious Communication: Speaking From Your Highest Intention

Part 2 of this two-part series on Conscious Communication, Speaking from Your Highest Intention reminds us to hold love and compassion at the center of our expression and communication. Once we have practiced the art of skillful listening, we have laid the foundation for speaking with intention and care and creating the fulfilling connections and relationships we desire. The last part of this talk is a guided meditation on mindfulness and conscious communication.

Transcript

Hello and welcome and Namaste.

Thank you for joining me.

This is the second talk in a two-part series called Conscious Communication.

The first part was listening with your whole heart,

And I recommend that you listen to it first if you haven't already.

And the second part of the Conscious Communication series is speaking from your highest intention,

Or speaking from your whole heart.

And because the meaning of our speech and the meaning of our words is so important,

I'd like to begin with just talking about the definition of two words.

The first is the word communication.

And what does it mean?

The root of the word communication is commune,

To commune or to come together,

To connect,

To interact and to share.

So when we think of speaking from our highest intention,

Or speaking from our heart,

Consider how often does our speaking and our communication actually do that,

How often does it bring us together in the state of communion and connection,

And how often does it actually do the opposite,

Does it actually take us further apart.

When communication breaks down,

Does it actually cause more confusion,

More separation,

More divide.

The second word I'd like to talk about is one that we often use in the yoga community here in the West,

And it's a word that's used as a greeting and a blessing in the East,

And that is the word namaste.

And sometimes I'll joke in my yoga classes that namaste has come to mean class is over,

It's time to go home,

But of course the actual meaning of it is nowhere close to that.

We don't have a single word in the English language that encompasses the true meaning of namaste,

So we use this word frequently.

And namaste really embodies the meaning of yoga,

The central purpose and teaching of yoga,

Which is that we are spirit,

We are soul,

Or divine essence,

Or consciousness itself embodied in body and mind,

Manifested in this physical form and its mental fluctuations.

But beneath that,

Beneath what I might call Stephanie and all of my character traits and my preferences and my values and my opinions,

My attachments,

My aversions,

My cravings,

Beneath all of the character flaws or charms or anything that people might identify as me is the spirit essence,

And it's pure,

And it's love,

And it's beauty and joy and light,

And it's unchanging,

Unlike my body and my mind which are constantly changing,

This essence of me is eternal and unchanging,

And it's within me and it's within everyone and everything.

And so when I say namaste,

This expression is that I recognize that at the core,

That beneath all of this,

We're all the same,

And we're all connected.

And so I say namaste in order to express that I recognize that in you which is also in me,

And I revere that essence of us.

And so I bow in a state of reverence and respect and gratitude and love.

And that's the true meaning of namaste,

It's really quite beautiful.

There's a well-known quote by Yogi Bhajan,

If you haven't seen God in all,

You haven't seen God at all.

And if this isn't part of your belief system,

Then you can replace the word God with goodness.

If you haven't seen the goodness in all,

Then you haven't seen goodness at all.

And the underlying premise is that we are all good,

We all have within us this goodness,

This good essence.

And so when we speak from the heart,

When we speak from our higher purpose,

We're speaking to that goodness,

We're speaking from a place of faith in the goodness of all.

And this changes our communication.

Changes our communication possibly from a place of offensiveness or defensiveness to a desire to want to connect and commune,

To a desire to want to bridge the gap between myself and what I might think of as the other.

So conscious communication,

Or what I referred to in the previous talk as skillful communication,

Involves conscious listening or skillful listening,

Listening with intention,

Listening with your whole heart.

And it also involves speaking from a place of recognizing the good in you and the good in others,

Or the God in you and the God in others.

If your only concern in communicating is to be heard,

Then you never will be.

Only when you understand communication to be a reciprocal exchange,

A giving and receiving,

Your words will have deeper meaning and a different purpose,

And your words will land where they're meant to land and be received.

When we have first practiced active listening,

Or skillful listening,

We have practiced compassion.

The practice of listening with your whole heart,

Listening actively,

Is a practice of compassion,

A compassionate understanding and acceptance and awareness of the other person.

And when we've practiced this first,

Then our speech and our words become more authentic,

And more aligned with our truest and highest intentions.

It's important to think about the meaning of our words as well as the way that we express them.

One example I can think of is the way that we use the words health care,

When very often what we're really talking about when we say health care is the care of,

Care and management of disease,

Or poor health,

Disease care,

Or medical care,

Rather than the intentional care of our wellness.

Or when we say mental health,

We're usually talking about some problem with our mental state,

Something that needs addressing.

So that might be something that gets in the way of this part of conscious communication,

Speaking from our higher intentions,

Speaking from the heart.

When we're in conflict with another,

When our intention is to prove that we're right and the other is wrong,

Or worse,

That the other is inferior or even insignificant,

This can get in the way of conscious communication,

This can get in the way of speaking from our higher intention.

Conflict can quickly become an exchange of defensiveness and offensiveness,

And it can quickly have the opposite effect of actually creating more of a divide between people.

When what we all really want is the same thing,

We want peace,

We want love and joy,

We want communion,

We want safety and stability,

We just have different ideas about how to get it,

How to create it.

When we speak from the heart,

We give words to our more vulnerable feelings.

We hold space for the difficult feelings of others,

And this takes incredible courage and confidence and humility,

But it does in fact bridge the divide.

We can quickly get into a habit of defensiveness,

But we can flip that by asking questions instead,

Asking questions that show that we want to understand,

That we want to connect.

Often when we listen,

We're more focused on ourselves than we are on the person that we're listening to.

We're listening,

But we're also thinking about how we feel about what's being said,

Or what we'd like to say in return,

And we might even interrupt to then talk about what we're feeling and what we're thinking and what we want.

Often when we speak,

We're more focused on the other person than on ourselves and what we're saying and what we're expressing.

So it can help really to flip the balance on that.

When we're listening,

To really pay attention to the person who's speaking,

To the communication that we're receiving,

And to be very open to it.

When we're speaking,

To be very focused on ourselves and what we're expressing.

And does it really express what we would like the person to hear,

What we would like them to know?

The words that we speak,

The voice that creates these words,

Have vibrational energy and tremendous power.

Think of an avalanche of snow or rocks that can be created just through a sound.

And we have that potential with each other as well.

A single word can change someone's heart and mind,

For better or worse.

We hold incredible power through our words.

And so being very mindful and intentional with it helps to set us up for greater communication and greater communion with others.

We have healing potential through our speech.

And we can also have harmful potential.

But it's important to remember that there's nothing we can do to others that we don't do to ourselves as well.

That vibrational energy is not only received by the person that we're speaking to,

But by ourselves as well.

So when we realize that our agenda or our higher purpose is to make the world a more loving,

Accepting,

Tolerant place,

Our words will more effectively reflect that intention.

They will create that.

But it can be very difficult to be understanding and accepting and even intentional when we're feeling threatened in some way,

When we're feeling unsafe.

And we go into a place of defensiveness.

And it's important then to recognize that that's what's happening within us.

That that place of fear and feeling threatened and feeling defensive,

That if we act from that place,

If we speak from that place,

We will not create our higher intention.

I have a practice I developed long ago when I'm feeling that way,

When I'm feeling angry or scared or sad or hurt,

That I'll just stop and internally recognize that.

I might even mentally say,

I'm feeling afraid.

And I have a practice with my children.

I started when they were young of saying,

I'm feeling frustrated or I'm feeling agitated right now.

Can we talk about this later?

Because I recognized right away or fairly soon as a parent that when I spoke from that place of irritation,

Frustration,

Exacerbation,

That I would say or do things that I would regret,

That were hurtful.

And so if I could say to my children and even teach them in this way,

I'm feeling angry right now.

I think we should talk about this later.

That later on I could speak from a place that was more peaceful and calm,

More grounded and more rooted in my higher intention,

Which is to show my children that I love them,

To teach them well,

And even to deliver consequences to them that would help them to learn and grow,

But not out of anger,

Out of a place of love,

Compassion,

A higher intention.

And I feel that it's okay for us to use this with each other as adults as well.

And especially in our close relationships,

Where we're sometimes not as careful.

We might actually be more careless with the people that we're closest to because we feel that they'll love us no matter what,

Even if we behave poorly.

And so it should be okay to say,

I'm feeling very hurt right now and I don't feel like I should talk about it right at this moment,

But just give me a little while.

Because when we can quiet that response,

Unless there is an immediate threat that we need to address,

An immediate danger,

If we can quiet and resolve that inner feeling of turmoil,

Then we can speak from a more loving place,

A more intentional place,

A more peaceful place.

And what about when there's no immediate or obvious conflict,

No immediate problem or challenge?

What is our habit of speaking and communicating?

And we all have different habits.

One person's habit might be to narrate their way through life,

To just walk through life talking out loud,

Thinking out loud about everything.

And it might not be an effective way to communicate.

Or another person's habit might be to withdraw a fear of expressing themselves,

Which is also not effective.

So it's important for us to do a little work personally,

A little self-investigation and inquiry,

Just to see what our habits of communication are,

And if we can develop them further to be more effective,

To be more conscious and intentional.

The way that we communicate stirs feelings and responses in others but in ourselves as well.

We can also pay attention to our inner communication with our self.

This is very important.

What are your thoughts toward yourself?

What do you tell yourself?

Are you kind to yourself?

Are you compassionate,

Patient,

And loving with yourself?

Are you intolerant of yourself?

Do you shame yourself?

Do you set yourself up to feel inadequate?

This inner communication is the foundation for outer communication.

If we don't feel compassionate,

Patient,

And understanding toward ourselves,

Loving toward ourselves,

We will not feel it for others.

So this work always begins at home.

All of these aspects of self-inquiry and growth and development begin with ourselves.

So we can practice one of our yogic practices is recognizing when we are identifying with that smaller aspect of ourselves,

Our body and mind,

The temporary and constantly changing aspects of our self,

Our humanness.

And when we've disconnected from our spirit selves,

And we can practice remembering,

Coming home to the truth of who we are,

That part of us that we connect to and we say namaste,

That part of others that we connect to and we say namaste.

And recognizing that that aspect of us is pure love,

With no agenda,

With no conditions.

And when we practice coming home to that and connecting to that aspect of us,

We recognize the goodness in ourselves and others and we speak to that,

We speak truth.

We are able to communicate openly,

Honestly and compassionately when we feel safe,

When we feel confident,

When we feel accepted and loved,

When we feel heard.

We can recognize when we're not feeling those things how our communication can become unconscious and a knee-jerk reaction.

And we can all think of times in the past when we've said something that we later regretted.

And we can also use a practice of releasing that regret and forgiving ourselves,

Because we've all done it.

And when we practice forgiving ourselves,

It's easier to forgive others as well.

One of the most powerful and important practices we can do is the practice of saying,

I'm sorry.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with saying,

I'm sorry.

And even if our words fall in a way that we didn't mean and someone is hurt by our words,

Maybe we've been careless or maybe we were just misunderstood,

It's still okay to say,

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry you were hurt by my words or I'm sorry I was hurtful.

And it's amazing the power of those words and the way that it can heal a heart and heal a relationship.

I'm sorry.

Can we try again?

In the world of yoga,

There's a vocal practice called mantra.

It's the repeating of a word or a phrase,

Repeated over and over with the intention of capturing the power of the mind in this energy,

This vibration of chant,

To create a vibrational energy that carries intention and captivates our mind.

It's a beautiful practice.

And this practice understands that the way our mind works is in a repetitive way,

That our mind,

Our nervous system just naturally repeats over and over.

And so if we can add intention to that and use that,

Actually harness that ability of our mind and use it in an intentional way,

It can be very powerful.

This practice is also used in prayer or the use of affirmations.

This is a form of communicating with the universe to bring forward our higher intentions and put it to work through this vibrational energy.

And the same happens with song,

With singing.

It's really amazing the studies and research they've done on choral groups,

On choirs,

Groups of people that sing together.

Not only does their breathing become syncopated because they learn to sing and vocalize together,

But their heart rates and the vibration of their heart becomes syncopated.

And it basically becomes one big heart.

It's really beautiful.

And the same happens in communication.

Our communication,

This passing of energy back and forth,

Can be a way to soothe and heal,

To create connection and love and trust,

Or it can be a way of doing the opposite.

And it's contagious.

It feeds back and forth.

So we can be the receiver,

But also the conductor of this energy and create with intention.

I can remember a long,

Long time ago being very hurt and angry,

Feeling very betrayed by someone that I loved very much.

And I could only express in my communication these feelings of anger and hurt and betrayal.

And this person in their infinite wisdom could only offer back to me very simple words,

Repeated over and over like a mantra.

You're right.

I'm sorry.

I love you.

You're right.

I should have done better.

And I'm sorry.

Please forgive me.

I love you.

Just very simple words said over and over.

And the power and the energy of these words made it possible for me to heal and forgive.

It took some time.

But now our relationship is better,

Stronger,

Healthier,

And more loving than it ever was before because of the power of these simple words and the intention and humility and love behind them.

Let's finish with a meditation together.

Please get comfortable seated or lying down.

Take a moment to adjust your body to a comfortable position.

Close your eyes.

Begin your relaxation by taking a few very slow,

Deep breaths,

Breathing through your nose in and out.

Keeping your eyes closed,

Become aware of your surroundings.

You might notice various sounds around you,

Letting your sense of hearing roam and scan.

You may hear sounds that were there all along,

But you didn't know until you listened.

And there may be very quiet,

Subtle sounds,

Temporary sounds,

Or constant sounds.

Use your sense of hearing to scan your surroundings,

Taking in information,

Noticing,

Quietly observing.

Now switch to your sense of smell.

Are there any scents that you can notice?

Switch to your sense of feeling.

Can you feel the temperature of your surroundings,

Maybe gentle air currents on your skin?

Feel your clothing?

Or if you're wearing glasses or jewelry,

Can you feel those?

Or anywhere that your hair is touching your skin?

Let's go a little deeper within now,

Just feeling your whole body,

The inner sensations of your body.

Is there any tension anywhere in your body that you can soften and release?

Notice the quality of your mind.

Are there lingering thoughts,

Or is there mental chatter?

Any emotions that you notice may be very subtle.

And can you give a name to any of the feelings you discover?

And it's okay if you can't,

But just observing what's happening internally.

Continue to breathe.

Now bring to mind a recent circumstance or interaction,

Some interaction or communication with someone else,

In which your fears or anger or emotions got in the way of you being able to speak from your highest intention.

Knowing and understanding that our highest intention is to create a more loving,

Peaceful,

Safe world,

More loving,

Peaceful,

Safe relationships,

Can you think of a time when your speech or communication did not convey that higher intention?

Maybe you were feeling scared or angry or sad,

And you could only express that fear and anger,

That sadness.

Continue to breathe.

Can you offer some forgiveness to the situation,

To yourself and to the other person?

Can you offer compassion?

Maybe the other person's fear or anger also got in the way of them being able to communicate,

To speak or to hear,

To remember.

Look into their heart and into their eyes.

Look into their eyes and feel their heart.

Without pushing away the experience,

Continue to breathe and find a sense of inner peace and calm.

As you look into their eyes,

What do you really want them to know?

What do you really want them to know?

Can you give a name to your feelings?

Can you recognize theirs?

Maybe in your mind you can just whisper it to them or express it with your eyes.

Whisper it with your heart.

What do you really want them to know?

Can you know it to be true even if they cannot receive it?

Bring your awareness back in to the center of your chest,

What we call the heart center.

Bring your attention back inward.

Breathe into the heart space.

Soft,

Deep breaths into the center of your chest.

Visualize waves of love like waves of pure water washing over your heart center.

Visualize waves of love like waves of pure water washing over your heart center,

Purifying,

Soothing,

Healing.

Bring awareness of your heart center and choose a mantra,

A positive word or phrase of affirmation and intention.

It can be as simple as one word,

Love,

Compassion,

Clarity,

Connection,

Truth.

Choose your mantra and as you breathe in and out,

Begin to repeat it with each breath.

You can do this mentally or vocally.

Breathing in and out at the heart center,

Repeat your mantra.

Let it fill your heart,

Infuse your mind,

Every cell of your being.

As you repeat your mantra,

Know it to be true.

With your whole heart and mind,

With your whole being,

Know it to be true.

With your whole heart and mind,

Know it to be true.

With your whole heart and mind,

Know it to be true.

With your whole heart and mind,

Know it to be true.

The calm abiding love within me is also within you.

I see you.

We are one.

Namaste.

Reviews

I loved learning about the root word of communication, which is to commune with others and using our words to bring us closer to others rather than pushing them away.

I loved both part 1 and 2. I listened to part 1 yesterday and have been carrying it in my awareness ever since. I looked forward to waking up today, even at this u godly hour haha, to listen to part 2 as I walked home from my overnight job. Thank you. Namaste.

Just listening to this feels so calming and resonating. Balm for the soul 🙏🏼 thank you for sharing your wisdom ✨

Thank you for sharing your reflections on this important topic 🙏🏻

Wise words to come back to. Thank you. 🙏

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Namaste.