68. Embracing Rest: How To Go From FOMO To Freedom When Your Body Needs To Heal

How do we stay positive when our bodies need to heal? Physical recovery can be a powerful time of transformation. But it can also be very stressful when the outcome is uncertain, leaving us feeling like we are missing out on life and opportunities. In this episode of Spiritually Hungry, Monica and Michael discuss how to shift your internal dialog from “Why is this happening?” to “What do I need to learn from this?”

Transcript

So stay with me for a second because I think sometimes people in their pursuit of being spiritual they often find themselves unhappy and they don't understand why and I think that there's an important time to feel even your negative emotions.

If I'm here that means I need to be here.

My soul needs this.

There's nothing better for me to be experiencing than this.

It doesn't feel like it.

It's not my choice.

It would not be my choice,

But I awaken certainty that this is where I need to be.

Welcome to the Spiritually Hungry Podcast,

Episode 68.

How are you doing today,

Michael?

I'm excited to spend some time with you.

On this week's episode.

.

.

Are you excited to spend time with me?

Always.

Yes.

On this week's episode,

We're going to dive into a topic that's relevant for me at the moment.

It's all about what we can do to keep our mood up while our body is healing.

We can't sugarcoat it.

Being unwell presents us with real challenges.

Our physical and mental health are inextricably intertwined.

Being physically unwell leaves our mental health vulnerable and our mental health directly impacts how fast we physically heal and manage our physical challenges.

So you can get a sense of how challenging it's been for me in this past month.

Well,

It might be somebody who's just coming into this episode not having listened to the previous ones.

So maybe a quick recap.

Quick recap.

I had a ruptured tendon that required surgery,

And I think I was so focused on what the surgery would be like that I didn't really give much thought to the recovery and how much longer and arduous that would be.

Which is probably a good thing,

Right?

And also now how much longer still for the recovery process.

So it's been what about two months?

One month.

Two more weeks in the cast and then on to other things.

Interestingly,

You probably- What was the quote the doctor said that people usually curse about for the first four months?

Well,

Funnily enough,

I only remember this Sunday night when I was like,

Oh my God,

This is so hard.

And then I remember what he said a few times in the meeting before the surgery,

Which was people don't actually thank me until the fourth month.

In fact,

They don't like me very much.

Sometimes it's the third month,

But usually.

And then I get that call like,

Wow,

And it's four months.

And I'm like thinking,

Okay,

Yeah,

Whatever.

Let's just,

I need to think about the surgery.

And now that's all I can hear is that.

Interestingly,

You're probably most present when in pain and discomfort.

I think that's true for all of us.

Most present.

Well,

That's what this podcast is about.

And that can go one of two ways.

In the best case scenario,

The noise falls away and that stillness is where we can actually hear our soul,

Ourself,

Where we want to go,

What we want our consciousness to be.

And it can be a really powerful time of growth and transformation.

However,

The less desirable reality is sometimes overwhelming feeling that you're missing out on life.

And to be completely frank and honest,

I have had both experiences.

But this last one,

The idea of missing out on life is a really powerful illusion.

And I don't think that people just,

And by the way,

When I say unwell,

It could be like even being sick for a week or having the flu or it could be anything.

It doesn't have to be.

It could also be being necessarily involved in something that you don't want to be involved in and is taking you away from what you really want to be doing.

It could be any scenario.

And that's why this topic actually is,

I think,

Universal and a very important one.

I think it's a very important point because I think most people,

Even if they're not going through any type of medical situation,

Although most of us face that at some point in our lives,

If not multiple times,

We all have minutes,

Hours,

Days,

Sometimes weeks,

Sometimes months,

Sometimes years that we are put in a situation where we have to deal with something that is not what we want to be dealing with and takes us away from other things,

Which we find more pleasurable than what we'd rather be doing.

So for me,

Not being able to be completely independent in this past month has been extremely hard.

I have not noticed.

Be careful,

Mr.

Berg.

And while the outcome of my surgery is most likely successful,

The other thought is,

And that's why I think that the process is really painful or difficult also because,

You know,

As soon as you overcome one milestone,

Like being in a cast and not walking for six weeks,

Then it's like,

Okay,

Well,

We take,

I mean,

I remember when they take,

They took the first cast off to put the more pictures of the,

After I saw it and saw what the incision looked like.

And you also asked me to take some time to stare at it.

I did take a picture because one day I want to see,

I want to look back at it.

Not yet.

I never want to see it again.

I'll put it on my greeting card,

But now I've looked at it twice or three times now,

But the thing is,

I remember telling you when it was off,

I said,

Oh my God,

I just want him to put the cast back on.

I didn't really want to look at it.

And I also didn't feel like it was so swollen.

I shouldn't feel like I had use of my leg,

But then,

You know,

The next appointment's like,

Okay,

We're going to go into the boot hopefully.

And so each appointment it's like,

Okay,

I hope that I'm going to hit that next marker when I should.

And so there's that like when you don't know the outcome of something that can cause a lot of uncomfortability as well and distress.

So I felt frustrated,

Unhappy,

Disappointed,

Anxious,

And it's been a charcuterie board of powerful emotions.

I haven't noticed any of that.

And when we're actively trying to live spiritual lives,

We can try to convince ourselves that it's not in our best interest to entertain any negativity.

So stay with me for a second,

Because I think sometimes people in their pursuit of being spiritual,

They often find themselves unhappy and they don't understand why.

And I think that there's an important time to feel even your negative emotions.

The point is though,

You want to give them a time limit.

And as Carl Jung said,

Whatever we resist persists.

Part of being spiritual is first being real with ourselves.

And of course,

We're going to speak about how to spiritually navigate being unwell,

But first let's get real.

So Michael,

I want to ask you.

When you have felt physically unwell,

What's your first innate reaction?

And before you find the gift or the lesson in your situation,

What did your ego tell you?

What did your reactive mind say?

Well,

It's interesting.

So usually when,

If I'm,

You know,

Like when I had COVID,

Which was a long,

It was about a month at least,

Of really not being able to do the things that I desired to do that I feel is- Let's face it,

You didn't do much of anything.

I didn't even speak.

I was not happy with you that month.

Really?

I had COVID too,

Right by your side.

But I think I like to talk a lot and I express how I'm feeling all the time when I'm,

Especially when I'm not feeling well and you go silent.

Exactly.

Well,

That was going to be my answer.

So how do I deal?

Usually my regular reaction is sort of to be quiet and take my time.

But I'm trying to be honest.

I think usually my,

And this is,

I think what I struggle with more than illness is when other responsibilities or situations take me away from what I think I should be doing.

Oh,

So you must be really frustrated right now.

Very frustrated.

Why?

Because you're busy with me.

No,

But yes.

Well,

No,

The answer is no,

But certainly there are times,

Not in the ways that I have to,

That I desire to help you.

I'm trying to think if I believe you or not.

Yeah,

You can believe me.

There are moments of course,

Where you have to realize and for myself,

And this isn't just the situation,

Where you say,

Okay,

This is the right thing for now.

And it might not be my plan.

It might not be what I desire,

But it's the right thing for me for now.

So there are teachings around that and I know you don't want me to go there first,

But I would say certainly there was a moment today where I got an email about something that I have to deal with that I don't want to deal with.

And I noticed a few minutes later that I was feeling a little bit lower in energy than before then I realized.

And then when I do tell myself,

I say,

I do strongly believe this and we'll go a little bit deeper into the spiritual lesson around this,

Is that the way we want to live our lives is by having the clarity and certainty at every moment that this is where I need to be and this is what I need to be experiencing.

Not any other plan that I had.

And it takes practice and it takes a lifetime to get there in the ultimate state.

But the beauty of that is that you become almost immune to.

.

.

Because you're not talking about the pain of disease,

That's there,

But the FOMO of disease,

Right?

The fact that,

Okay,

Now I have this pain and I can't spend this,

Go out and walk around with my kids,

For example,

That part,

That second part,

I think if you are,

If a person is focused on spiritual development,

This is a very important area of development,

Which is to really tell yourself,

If I'm here,

That means I need to be here.

My soul needs this.

There's nothing better for me to be experiencing than this.

It doesn't feel like it.

It's not my choice.

It would not be my choice,

But I awakened certainty that this is where I need to be and this needs to be my experience now.

And that those other great things that I'd rather naturally be engaged in.

And I think part of that is when we don't know when the outcome is uncertain.

So that adds to it.

How long would this last?

I think we can get our minds around anything like that positivity of,

I need to be wherever I'm at.

When we know,

Okay,

It's a flu,

It should last this many days or it's whatever,

It should last this long.

But when the outcome is uncertain,

It really takes a strength and one that you need to start building right away before you actually find yourself in a situation that's more challenging.

Right.

And I think this is the area of a spiritual muscle that you really want to develop in the easier situations because we're all going to need it ultimately.

And if you start practicing it in the smaller situations,

In the hour that got stolen from you by the police officer who pulled you over or any other situation that is of a shorter duration,

Those are really meant to be moments of practice,

Practicing this muscle of- You were planning on doing X and Y happened.

Exactly.

And so then you had to- Exactly.

And then only,

Only if this is a lifetime of practice of this muscle,

Right,

Which is basically a muscle of acceptance in some level,

Right?

Which is that certainty and knowledge that this is the best place for me to be right now.

Does it make sense?

Would not be my choice,

But I have certainty this is the best place for me to be right now.

And everything that happens in our lives,

A very important part of it is to help us develop that muscle,

That spiritual muscle.

And again,

Because ultimately it won't be an hour,

A day,

A week,

A month.

It could be much longer than that.

But if you are resilient,

Spiritually resilient in that way,

By only by having built that muscle,

Then you'll be superhuman really in these regards.

So there's actually a name for this.

That's how difficult these periods of unwellness are for people.

FOMO.

No,

We'll get to FOMO,

But this is when a person has difficulty coping or adjusting to a significant external event like change,

Major loss,

Injury.

And this is called adjustment disorder.

It's also sometimes called broken leg depression.

Not making it up.

Yes,

I thought it was too when I discovered it.

The good news is it's temporary and it recedes either when the body heals or a person comes to terms with the new phase of life.

And I like that idea of like it's a phase,

Right?

It's a moment.

The time it takes varies from person to person.

An adjustment disorder is a very normal reaction to some events such as death,

Breakup or divorce,

Having a baby,

Health issues,

Long recovery periods,

Retirement,

Disaster or unexpected tragedy.

And I like this topic again because we will all find ourselves in these places at some point in life.

And the elements of it always.

Always.

And it doesn't make us weak,

Bad or unspiritual.

I think it's really important we're honest about this.

In fact,

Recognizing this innate reaction is key to transforming it.

And so again,

That's why.

.

.

Say that again,

Recognizing.

.

.

This innate nature is key to transforming it.

Because then you don't feel flawed or that there's something wrong with you or you're deserving of this,

You're doing something wrong.

I think it's more an understanding that this is part of life's experiences and there is real meaning and purpose for it.

And it really,

I can tell you firsthand,

It is so difficult to keep that consciousness when you're in the thick of it.

And I can tell you also without the practice that I've had and continue to have for over 20 years,

This would be even more difficult for me than it is.

Because until now,

If I have this plaque on my desk that says I'm only one workout away from a good mood.

And the truth is for me that I would hack that all the time.

And I'd work out two hours a day,

Six days a week.

And on the day off,

I'd be walking and active and it's just so part of who I am.

And even if it has to look different when I'm healthy with my leg again,

And there's going to be a long process and maybe it won't feel long,

But it is what it is.

But I'm already thinking like,

Okay,

What else do I want to add or do differently?

And I'm still going to be active.

But I think for me,

It was a real reset moment of being more flexible and not so rigid in certain types of thoughts.

So I think the other thing I want to tell our listeners is that when we deny this part of ourselves,

When we deny what's happening or we shame ourselves for it,

We completely miss the opportunity to transform it.

And by the way,

I always like to talk about science and psychology.

Of course,

When you can't,

Like I said,

Every day,

Like hacking,

If I didn't like my mood,

I knew how to jumpstart it very quickly.

And when you're not able to do that,

Then of course you're going to feel different mentally or emotionally.

And that's not surprising.

People with chronic illnesses experience depression at rates between 25 and 33%.

And the most deeply an individual's personality or identity is connected to their physical form or physical ability and performance,

They often have a greater emotional reaction to what's happening.

So there's this clinical psychotherapist named Gary Bloom.

And I really liked what he said.

He said,

Research has shown that regular aerobic exercise develops an area of the brain called the hippocampus,

Which aids memory and learning.

In short,

It's a powerful,

Natural antidepressant.

When you're injured,

All of the above comes to a grinding halt and many amateur and professional sports people find the lack of endorphins quite a serious issue to deal with.

Thank you,

Gary.

Couldn't have said it better myself.

And it's funny,

There's two parts and we've had obviously conversations around this in the past few weeks.

And one of the things that you often try to do is try to understand.

Right away,

Always.

Why?

And both my view and also my spiritual studies have brought me to,

And this is again,

As I said,

This is almost every day you have to think about this and practice it.

Life is complex.

And by that,

I mean that there are endless amount of reasons for everything that we have to go through,

That we do go through.

Our soul developed in many ways,

Conscious and unconscious.

We know this even the human brain,

There are many activities that we do consciously.

Most of the most important functions of life are unconscious.

Right?

So think about that for a moment.

Our brain controls the heart,

The lungs,

The entire system that keeps us alive.

We are not aware for one second for the most part that we're doing that.

So if you ask yourself the question,

What parts of your mind's actions that it brings about are most important?

The ones where you're actively and consciously deciding to do this or that,

Or the ones that are unconscious?

Well- Automatic.

Yes.

Yes.

It would be the unconscious ones,

The ones that you're not thinking about,

Making the lungs work,

Making the heart work and so on and so forth.

And when you realize that,

I think it's a very important view on life in general because our ego would like us to think,

I need to make sense of things.

I'm smart enough.

I should be able to make sense of what I'm doing,

What I'm not doing,

Why I'm doing it,

Why I'm not doing it,

Why am I going through this?

But think about your body.

You are not conscious for the most important,

At least as important of the actions that you're doing.

Right?

The heart beating,

The lungs working,

The entire intrinsic physical body that keeps us alive does not fall under the category of conscious decisions that my mind is making.

Right?

And we know,

By the way,

This is also true about the ability of the mind to take in and assimilate tremendous amounts of information.

Most of that work is unconscious.

That is simply to say a spiritual truth.

We do not consciously,

We are not and cannot possibly be consciously aware of the most important reasons why things are happening.

The great Kabbalists,

And I think I've mentioned this one on the podcast,

The great Kabbalists,

The Italian Kabbalists,

The Ramchalists says that for everything that happens to us,

There are an endless amount of reasons.

We might understand one of them,

One of a thousand,

But we don't understand most of the reasons why something is happening.

That should bring us to a level of humility,

Which is to say,

I don't know why things happen to me.

The good things,

The things that I don't necessarily see as good.

And even when I do have an understanding,

It's a limited understanding at that.

So why am I happy today?

Why am I doing what is my plan today?

I think I understand to some extent.

The greater purpose is beyond me.

So if I live my life with that humility of understanding,

Then when things happen that are outside of plan,

You embrace them because they are probably,

And I will like to say,

Even more important for me than the other things that I do consciously with desire.

But I want to challenge you for a second because I know what you're saying.

And of course,

When it depends how you're asking the question from what space.

So the question is,

Why is this happening?

What did I do?

What could I have done?

Do I deserve this?

Yes.

You always say,

Well,

We're not that smart to know.

And I do appreciate that and I respect that and I agree.

However,

I do think it is healthy to ask because by nature we are seekers.

And so we are going to be curious about the things that happen to us in our lives.

I do think it's important to ask those questions.

I don't know why you're smiling at me.

I do think it's important to ask those questions,

Not from the space of why,

From a negative perspective,

But what do I want to learn from this?

Why did it happen in this way?

Is there something I should or could be doing differently going forward?

So I think that again,

And I made a joke a few weeks ago.

I was like,

I found myself being really tired and just I'm like thinking,

Well,

Why?

What did I do differently?

What did I miss,

That whatever,

And then I came to the conclusion,

Well,

I'm just tired.

So I think that for me personally,

I can go too far with it for sure.

I think I'm getting better with it,

But I do think there is a very important necessary step to be able to ask those questions when things like this happen.

I don't disagree.

And I think that's a very healthy process to go through.

What are the lessons that I can learn?

That's where you're going.

Not,

Oh,

Why did this happen to me?

And not only lessons,

But what is this opportunity for me to do differently in my life going forward?

For instance,

With this example for me,

It's not that I would stop working out or anything else,

But maybe I'll add things on or I'll just different.

It's a time again to be able to reset.

And you won't be able to do that if you don't ask the question.

Absolutely.

The point is this,

The first thought you want to get to,

I believe,

Is this is happening for my benefit.

I don't understand.

Maybe I'll understand 1% of it.

But the only way you can live your life,

And because as you said in the beginning,

Things are going to happen all the time outside of plan.

And the place you want to start at,

I strongly believe is I am not smart enough to know how this is for my benefit.

I don't even know the good things that happen,

How much more they are for my benefit and process and necessary.

But I know that they are.

I have certainty.

I have certainty that everything that comes into my life is to help me develop and grow and have more fulfillment and more blessings without logical understanding of the specific purpose for this.

Once that's accepted,

Once I'm able- So your belief system has to be that.

Exactly.

So in that space,

Then you ask the question of why- What are- Not why did it happen,

But why is it part of my experience in life?

What am I to learn with the humility of understanding that whatever answer I get to,

Whatever answer I get to is going to be a small percentage of the real,

The real reason.

And that's why I go back to what I was saying before that so much of our development,

Our soul's development is unconscious just as so much of our body's development,

Our mind's development is unconscious.

We know the fact that the right science tells us that when often you're driving your car and your mind's not thinking,

You're not thinking,

You're in space.

It's only real bad when driving for an hour.

Those are the best drives.

But in reality,

The mind in those hours is actually processing so much information,

It's cleaning out memories.

It's working in endless ways.

So the point is that even on a physical level,

If you can call the mind,

The brain,

The physical level,

There's so much more happening than I can ever be aware of.

And to think that I'm going to ever understand a majority of why things are happening is silly.

I think you have to start with that humility.

So I would,

So to be clear,

The spiritual muscle you want to have is that default surrender.

This is happening for my benefit.

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

And again,

This might take 50 years to get there ultimately,

And you need to be working at it all the time.

This person might,

And it starts with this person just wasted three minutes of my time.

It's coming for my benefit.

I can't understand it.

Once you do that,

Then you can say,

Okay,

I understand it's for my benefit.

And I understand that I can't really understand the totality of how great this is for me.

But I do think it's important to try to understand in my humble way a little bit of why this is happening.

And even after I come to those conclusions,

They will still only be a small percentage of the truth,

But that's what I need to do.

No challenge?

No,

I made my point.

Yeah,

I agree.

So we often say,

As your father taught us actually,

Is that consciousness is everything.

And I think a lot of people misinterpret that to mean that your consciousness should always and only be about being happy,

Positive.

But I want to challenge people to be able to go to the places that scare them.

And Kabbalists do teach that,

That your next level or next big aha moment is just often on the other side of what is the place that scares you.

And it could translate as the place that makes you uncomfortable.

So by embracing fear,

Doubt,

Frustration,

You get the gift,

Right?

So I think it's what you just said.

Maybe it's a little more eloquently put.

Yes,

Certainly much more.

But we want to mitigate it.

We usually want to mitigate it,

Medicate it,

Avoid it.

And we go to great lengths to shield ourselves from feeling anything that's uncomfortable.

But if we embrace and allow ourselves to fully feel and experience our pain and discomfort,

That's really how we get to the next level.

So I think that the step two is to really,

First it's where's your consciousness at,

What's your belief system?

And yes,

Deriving purpose and meaning from it.

But I think a big part of that is to ask why to fully be able to feel where you're at.

I was speaking to a friend recently and she reminded me she was bitten by a dog two,

Three years ago,

Really bad bite because the dog was attacking her dog and she got in the middle,

Which you're never supposed to do.

And she went to the hospital,

She was hospitalized twice for this.

She couldn't walk for a month.

And she says,

Looking back,

She knew something was shifting for her in a profound way.

And she was appreciative of it at the time,

But it was really,

Really hard.

And she says that experience had changed her considerably and permanently.

And I think that that's,

I know that's why,

Especially the most challenging things occur for us.

And that's the why,

Right?

That's the place from which you asked,

Why is this happening?

What is my opportunity?

And she asked me,

She's like,

Well,

How are you feeling with what's going on?

I said,

Yeah,

You pretty much summed it up.

And she said,

Oh,

I really feel you.

I said,

No,

I really,

I have no doubt that the creator has great things planned for me in this.

So that's my mindset over all of it.

And kabbalistically,

We're taught that everything that crosses our path exists for the sake of pushing us towards greater growth.

And with growth comes greater fulfillment,

Which is the whole point of it all.

And it's easy,

I think,

To believe that the creator,

To have that mindset of,

Oh,

The creator wants what's good for us when we're experiencing really great things.

Or,

Oh,

This thing went well,

Or I got that business deal.

Oh,

You know,

The creator really wants what's best for me.

I met my soulmate or whatever it is.

But as soon as it gets challenging,

As soon as it gets difficult,

And especially when the outcome is unknown,

Then it's like,

Wait a second,

The creator can't want this for me.

And I think that's where we get a little bit muddied in our thought.

So let me ask you.

We both,

We've shared,

We've experienced deep loss in the past year.

My father,

For those of you who are Advent listeners to our podcast,

And Michael's mother,

Do you feel that you went to the places that scare you?

And what did you learn?

In all honesty,

I don't know that it scares me.

You'll start lying to us now.

I think,

And this really,

If I can first share teachings related to this.

You know,

The Kabbalists teach that every blessing that we receive in life,

The greater the blessing,

The more it needs to be shielded or concealed.

For instance,

The Kabbalists ask a question,

The biblical Abraham,

The person who really revolutionized our spiritual world thousands of years ago,

He came from a father who was very dark.

And the Kabbalists ask the question,

Doesn't it make sense that you have a great son from a great father?

Why do we often find,

As is the case in many historical giants,

That their progenitors,

Their fathers,

Mothers,

Especially the greatest souls come from what would seem to be the worst type of parents.

And they explain that often when there's a great light that's meant to come down into this world,

A great light that's meant to come down into our lives,

If it came direct,

Which means unshielded,

Unhidden,

Revealed,

Not concealed,

Then there'd be all kinds of energies,

Negative energies stopping it,

Not allowing it to be revealed.

So therefore often,

Especially when the blessing is great,

It comes down in a way that is completely illogical and completely concealed.

Hence Abraham being born from Tarah,

Who was a negative person.

And this is a constant spiritual truth to say that why is sadness,

Why is occurrences that we don't want,

Why is the tearing of a tendon a necessary and actually very important part of our lives in however it manifests at different times?

Because within that situation that brings us pain,

That brings us sadness,

There is great light and actually the only way that that light can come into my life is if it's shielded,

If it's concealed within this type of sadness,

This type of pain.

For example,

The Kabbalists teach it says that Adam,

The story of Adam and Eve,

That Adam it says fell asleep and sleep represents a falling,

Meaning going down.

And then his soulmate Eve came into being because the greatest blessings have to be preceded by a concealment or an occurrence that one would view as negative.

All that to say that not only are the times of sadness and the times of being down or the times of even medical challenges not negative,

But they actually are the shield around a tremendous amount of light and blessings and fulfillment that are coming.

And this is actually one of the only ways that it can be revealed.

So the example,

And I experienced this almost every single day in small ways and greater ways,

But the experience with my mother,

It's interesting as an aside today,

I was actually watching a video in 2019,

Just two years ago.

We went on a trip to Morocco,

A spiritual trip with my mother and a group of people.

And actually I was watching a video and the thought always comes to me at that time she didn't know she was sick.

And it's always those moments,

You look at a person and that idea that we really have so little knowledge of anything.

But my point is that of course,

Of course,

As we go through life,

There are those moments of sadness,

Those moments of pain.

And one of the reasons why I am so driven to continue to develop and grow,

Especially this muscle we're talking about today,

Which is the acceptance,

The knowledge,

The certainty that especially during or through those situations that seem dark,

That are painful,

Not seem that are painful,

We grow so much.

We receive so many blessings,

We receive so much wisdom.

And thankfully I can't look back at the pain that I experienced with my mother living in this physical world or really anything that has happened to me in my life,

Even though they were very painful moments,

As being anything but a preparation for greater wisdom,

Growth,

Blessings.

So yes,

That's why I don't want to say the places that scare me,

Although there certainly are places that scare me and I hope throughout life to get there,

Hopefully slowly and not too frightened.

But this is the only way you get there and not be terrified.

If you are constantly developing this part of us that says,

This is painful,

And I hope you don't mind me sharing there,

Have a good cry about it.

There's nothing wrong and it's actually the right thing to do to experience- I say you hope you don't mind me sharing it.

I don't know if you're talking about it.

Oh yeah,

I'm sorry.

I'm talking about it myself.

So the experience of pain,

The experience of sadness is a very important,

Maybe some of the most important stepping stones towards growth,

Wisdom,

And fulfillment.

So not the places that scare me,

But the places that are painful.

And hopefully embracing that pain,

The answer is yes.

Well,

No,

You kind of made a different question and answered that,

But I would like to answer this very specific question.

So Karen,

Your mom passed eight months before my father?

Nine months.

Really?

My mother passed away in July.

Your father in April,

Right?

That's interesting.

So by the time he was dying and we had that experience with Karen,

Watching that process with her,

I was able to go to the places that scare me.

I don't think that I would have been able to show up for him the way I did when he was in hospice.

I know I wouldn't have been able to because I was terrified of that.

Yeah,

But I don't think I could have done what you did.

I think you could have.

And so much so that I was able to,

While I was with him every day,

I think for two weeks in the hospice,

To be fully,

Fully,

Fully in touch with him and his feelings,

His needs,

His desires to the point where I wasn't afraid anymore because I fully went to where I was frightened and was able to elevate that and transform it because I put his process and purpose and his leaving the world so much before myself that I didn't even actually have any other feelings other than his.

And I remember when the day he passed was a Friday and that night I was traveling,

Flying all night long and I kept waking up every half hour worried about where his soul was in the process of a soul elevating because I was so used to being so attuned with his feelings and his emotions that I didn't shut it off right away until Saturday night,

Which I've never had that experience either.

And then as you were speaking,

It reminded me of when I had this surgery for my tendon.

We talk about this a lot.

You have people in life who are there with you,

Who help you be strong when you're not.

And you were there with me,

Right?

Right until I had to walk into the OR.

Hobbled.

What?

Hobbled into the OR.

Yeah.

I think you did share that the nurse that was escorting you kept on kicking you.

She kept stepping on the foot that was not working.

Three times,

In fact.

So I remember I got tears in my eyes and I turned around and looked at you and then I just turned and looked straight and I thought in this moment,

It felt like what in a way death might feel like on some level that when the time comes,

Each person has to walk it alone.

So again,

I went to the places that scared me and I was able to just be like,

Okay,

I need to do this walk alone.

And obviously I don't want that to be the outcome,

But it was a really powerful experience even in that,

To have real appreciation and to remember that.

As much as we make our lives rich with things and people and fun and experiences,

It's not it and we know that on some level,

But it becomes very clear in moments like that.

That's beautiful as you were sharing that.

And the thought that came to mind is that if you want to ultimately,

Ultimately in the most terrifying moments,

Not be afraid,

Put yourself in the painful and scary moments now and embrace them.

And then you will find that you become less fearful,

That you're able to embrace even greater terrifying moments with peace.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And I want to leave our listeners,

I want to offer a tip as well and it's on shifting focus.

Daniel Kahneman explains the importance of attention in his book,

Happiness by Design,

Change What You Do,

Not How You Think,

Stating,

Your happiness is determined by how you allocate your attention.

What you attend to drives your behavior and it determines your happiness.

Attention is the glue that holds your life together.

If you're not as happy as you could be,

Are you misallocating your attention?

So it's really,

What do you want to pay attention to and how do you want to see things?

It goes back to perspective as well.

So changing behavior and enhancing happiness is as much about withdrawing attention from the negative as it is about attending to the positive.

And this goes back to what Carl Jung's quote was,

What we resist persists.

Right now,

What are you thinking?

Where are you putting your attention to?

So again,

It's about,

Because I didn't realize I was actually doing this in the last month.

There were times that I'd go down,

Right?

And now- Both figuratively and actually.

I fell a few times too.

And those were the times that I also went down mentally and emotionally because it's like,

Are you kidding me after all of this?

But then I realized that even though I didn't think I was doing it,

Right?

Because again,

As you said,

So many thoughts,

Our brains,

There's so much that we're processing.

Some we catch,

Some we don't.

And I think in those moments,

I was just,

My attention was only on the negative and not of what was happening only in that moment,

But then what would that lead to?

So I think that that idea of misallocating your attention,

How often do we do that and where do we do that?

So we're going to leave our listeners with something.

What would that be for you?

One of my favorite quotes from King Solomon,

He says,

When I fly up to the heavens,

You are there.

I mean,

The light of the creator is there,

But that's siyasha al-hineka,

Which means even when I find myself in hell,

I realize that you are there.

Which means that it is often those moments in life that are taking us away from our plan,

That are seemingly taking us away from what we'd rather be doing,

That are the most important most light filled ultimately and most necessary.

And if we can develop,

And I ask that we take the time daily to develop this muscle,

Which is the embracing of what takes us away,

Knowing that it is filled with great purpose,

Filled with great light,

Even if I can't see it now or even a year from now,

It is there for my benefit.

Well,

You had mentioned FOMO earlier.

Did you actually know,

Which is fear of missing out for those who don't know,

I think everybody knows.

It was added to the Oxford dictionary in 2013.

And the definition is a feeling of worry that an interesting or exciting event is happening somewhere else.

Well,

Isn't that always true though?

There's always something exciting happening somewhere else.

Fear of not being included in some things,

Which is an interesting or enjoyable activity that others are experiencing.

Funnily enough,

I don't have that.

I am just,

In this whole thing,

I was feeling disappointed that I wasn't creating exciting and interesting moments for myself,

Right?

That was more of that for me.

But I think to your point,

It's all such an illusion because if we're so focused on what we're missing,

We miss the opportunity that's actually in front of us.

So know this,

Listeners,

You're not missing out on life.

You're just experiencing a phase of life that probably doesn't feel great in the moment.

But there's a gift in the experience.

Resting and healing is its own form of productivity.

That was a new thing for me to learn.

So use this time reassessing your priorities so that when you are well again,

You live differently and you live better.

Giving time and energy to people and projects that may normally be neglected and thus receiving new,

Maybe even unexpected levels of fulfillment.

Giving time and energy to yourself in new ways.

By the way,

This has been my list this last month.

Building new habits that will continue to serve you when you're well again.

Stopping to smell the roses,

Enjoying the things you typically disregard as trivial or mundane and embracing rest,

Stillness and the art of doing nothing.

Beautiful.

So thank you all for joining us.

I know we do have a letter though that- Sure.

Read.

Yes.

Dear Eminem,

I wanted to thank you for your amazing podcasts.

I'm a huge fan of you.

You have given me the strength to be able to go to an AA meeting and practice my 12 steps.

You have also given me hope and certainty in God's plan,

Which helps me accept things that happened to me in the past and to start to forgive myself and others.

You inspire me to be spiritually hungry,

Which is one of our great goals.

I wish one day to be able to help people as you.

I also started to study Kabbalah,

Thanks to you and want to continue doing it all my life.

Thanks to you,

I really believe I can be happy.

I can help others and even find my soulmate.

In every episode,

I find answers,

Love and hope.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

You are sincerely,

George.

Thank you,

George.

Thank you,

George.

And as we say,

It brings us great inspiration and desire to keep on recording this podcast and sharing it when we hear messages such as George's and all the countless emails and comments that we get from our listeners all over the world.

So therefore,

Please continue to share this podcast if you find it inspiring and find love and hope in it with all of your friends and family,

Everybody you know,

On Apple Podcasts,

Write amazing reviews if you so believe,

Five stars if you so believe,

And continue to send your questions,

Comments and stories to monicaandmichaelatkamala.

Com.

It gives us inspiration,

It gives our listeners inspiration,

It gives us ideas and answers to attach to our podcast.

And there's a question in my mind that as you share with us and our listeners,

It brings them great inspiration as well.

So please continue to send all of your questions and comments to monicaandmichaelatkamala.

Com.

And I hope you enjoyed listening to this podcast as much as we enjoyed recording.

And stay spiritually hungry.

Reviews

Perfect timing for me. I have Covid and have been experiencing fomo with NYE approaching. Thank you for your amazing insights 💖💖