I know you're seeking for something outside of yourself,
To make you feel more whole.
But it's okay.
You can stop seeking.
It is safe to be here in this body.
It is safe to be here in this mind,
And yes,
This mind is a safe space too.
You are here,
Learning to be more you.
That takes a capable mind,
A willing mind,
A gallant mind.
And that's all you are seeking.
That you will be capable of coping with whatever might come your way.
You don't have to do anything to be more confident in your resilience.
Just realize that some of these coping strategies you've adopted,
Probably at a really hard time in your life,
Are no longer serving you.
If you can begin to let them go,
These coping shields that protect you from getting hurt,
Then you will realize that this world is not as threatening as it once seemed.
This body you reside in is not as menacing as it sometimes feels.
And remember,
Just because it feels this way doesn't make it true.
Just because it feels this way doesn't make it true.
Because you are a safe place to be.
Whatever caused you to run,
To turn away from yourself,
Tired itself out a long time ago.
That creature that preyed upon your vulnerability all those years ago lost your scent the moment you sunk your body into that deep and concealing water.
Remember when you held your breath.
Are you still holding it?
It's okay to be here.
It's not a scary place to be.
Look how much you have overcome.
Look how much you and this body,
This mind,
Have been through.
You survived,
Not because of fears,
Props,
And safety ropes,
But because even as you entered that quicksand,
You intuitively knew that fighting it was what was keeping you trapped and that choosing love was the only thing that offered you a way of resurfacing intact.
That choice to love,
It's courageous.
It means being still and trusting that surrender moves you more than fear ever will.
Whatever is causing you to leave your body is asking you instead to be with it.
Be here.
It's okay.
You don't need to leave this moment in order to heal it.
You are not broken,
So don't abandon yourself when you notice that crack,
That leak,
That split.
You are mending just by being here and staying here for just a moment,
Feeling your way into this discomfort without the need for immediate relief.
That medicine you seek,
It's you.
To feel it all without the want of change,
That is what it means to be a fully fledged citizen of this earth.
That is what it means to be a whole,
Intact human.
Perpetual need for change is the beast that consumes us.
It is the doubt that this moment is full.
It is the fear of having to feel more than we can bear.
But life never serves you an empty cup,
Never serves you a weighted belt that is more than you can hold.
By its very substance this heaviness is what offers you the chance to dwell deep enough within yourself to understand the drifts and currents that move you.
It is the buoyancy that keeps you adrift in these moments of ache.
So never fear those depths,
They are your anchor in life's unyielding tide.
We sometimes need weight because of our perpetual desire for happiness and ease,
Often forsaking the value of understanding the full spectrum of what it is to be human and not run from that vulnerability.
Not escape those wordless experiences we often have no language for but feel so profoundly.
You are a feeler who occasionally thinks,
Remember?
Not a thinker who sometimes feels.
A feeling that is all you are seeking right now and it is not out there,
Never was.
It's all here,
Always been.
And the only reason that this idea that it is all within seems so impossible is because who you are can sometimes feel like a fearful place to be.
But remember,
Whatever has caused you to fear embodying yourself of fully feeling the many shades of who you are is just a story.
And stories are not dangerous,
Stories cannot harm you or hold you hostage without consent.
Especially when you are the author,
When you get to change every word of that narrative.
You can even shred the whole book and start again.
And perhaps that is really where the fear lies.
Because now you have to ask yourself,
Who am I if I am no longer my pain story?
If I am no longer someone else's story?
Like the natural world you were made complete with everything you would ever need to grow,
Peel,
Shed and then grow some more.
Nothing in nature can survive unbroken,
Unpeeled,
Restricted in old and protective skin.
No egg has ever been better for being overly mature,
No fur well serving for staying on during summer.
All growth becomes appealing,
A molting,
A stretching,
A moving.
For it is in the staying comfortable in what seems to be a safe place that keeps us undersized and long overdue in expansion.
You are a safe place.
You no longer need the trellis,
The wire and stake to keep you upright.
You no longer need the betterment,
The bolsters,
They are what's keeping you deprived of growth,
Of movement,
Of shedding,
What is no longer nourishing.
Be with those growing pains.
I know the depth of their ache right to the marrow.
I know they keep you awake at night,
But they are nursing a deeply starved place that the day covers in sugary distraction and hurry.
Let go of the story,
The protection and teach yourself that presence is the very threshold of the home you seek.
Remember that feeling broken and being broken are two very different things.
One is a symptom of being human and the other is just a story.
None of them are dangerous.
In fact when you embody all facets of your feelings you become more human,
More able to heal more unashamedly you.
Because it is safe to be you.
Feeling,
Thinking,
Growing,
Shedding,
Renewing,
Hurting,
Sinking,
Flourishing,
Collapsing,
Rising you.
