Hey,
This is Guy Ferdman,
And in this meditation practice,
We're gonna be doing something I call the self-hold.
And the self-hold uses deliberate physical self-contact to activate the body's care and connection system.
Touch releases oxytocin and activates the ventral vagal nerve,
The same nerve responsible for social engagement and genuine connection.
This practice is designed to help anybody who struggles to receive care from others first learn to generate that signal within themselves.
So,
For people in shutdown or freeze,
This practice gently activates the social engagement system without requiring another person.
For activated people,
It grounds the nervous system into the body and creates a felt sense of being held.
It is one of the most powerful preparatory practices for relational work.
And I'd love to take you through it now.
So find a comfortable seated or lying position and just give yourself a moment to land here.
Now go ahead and take a breath in.
And then let it out nice and slow.
In a moment,
I'm going to ask you to place your hands on your body.
I want you to approach this gently.
There's nothing that you have to feel.
There's nothing you have to perform.
Just the simple act of contact.
Begin by placing one hand over your heart.
Right in the center of your chest.
Feel the warmth of your own hand there.
Now place your other hand over your belly.
Just below your navel.
Both hands resting.
Making contact.
Take a breath that fills both spaces.
Feel your chest rise under one hand.
Feel your belly expand under the other.
And exhale slowly.
Now I want you to notice something.
These hands belong to you.
This touch is coming from you.
And yet.
.
.
The body doesn't entirely distinguish between the comfort of being held by someone else and the comfort of holding yourself.
The nervous system reads warmth and contact.
And registers it as care.
So let yourself receive this even a little,
Even if it's just a sip.
If there is a part of you that finds this strange or uncomfortable,
That's completely okay.
That response is information.
It might be telling you that being held has felt unsafe at some point,
That receiving warmth has come with a cost.
You don't have to figure it out right now.
Just notice.
Your hands where they are and take three more slow breaths.
Nice long exhales.
Now I want you to move one hand to the side of your face.
Your cheek.
Your temple.
Wherever feels right for you.
Like a parent might hold a child's face,
Or the way you might hold someone you love.
Turn that same quality of touch toward yourself.
What do you notice?
In your body.
And your chest.
In your breath Again,
There's no right answer.
Some people feel warmth.
Some people feel sadness.
Some feel nothing yet.
All of it is perfectly real and valid for you.
Now return both hands to your heart and your belly.
Take a moment to just be held.
By yourself right now.
Now,
Before we close,
I want to say something.
The capacity to receive love,
Support,
And connection from other people begins with the capacity to give that to yourself.
Not because you have to earn that right to receive.
But because your nervous system needs a reference point.
It needs to know what safety feels like before it could find it in someone else.
This practice is that reference point.
The more you do this,
The wider your window becomes.
In the wider your window.
The more of what we offer you in this work can actually land.
So take a final slow breath.
Let your hands rest wherever feels right.
Thank you for being here.
And for making this part of your practice.
I'll see you next time.
