If you are about to deliver difficult news at work and you can feel the tension of that in your body and mind,
It helps to steady yourself first so that you can have the conversation with calm and compassion.
For these next few minutes,
You don't need to work out every word,
You only need to calm yourself before the conversation begins.
If you can,
Step away from your desk for a moment and move somewhere quieter.
Sit down comfortably and let your hands rest in your lap.
If closing your eyes helps,
You can do that now.
Take one full breath in and let it out slowly.
Again,
Draw the breath in gently and sigh it out.
And one more time,
Breathing in and allowing the exhale to soften some of the pressure you are feeling right now.
Now let your breath return to its own rhythm.
Without changing anything,
Take stock of how your body is feeling in this moment.
Notice the sensations in your face and your forehead.
Notice if your jaw is clenched.
Notice how it feels in your throat.
Notice any tightness in your chest,
Shoulders and upper back.
Notice your belly.
Now gently tense the muscles of your face and jaw for a moment and let them go.
Draw your shoulders up slightly,
Hold them there and release.
Tighten your chest and upper back and let them release.
Tighten your hands into fists and then release.
Draw your belly in slightly,
Tighten and then let it go.
Press your legs and feet down into the ground as hard as you can and then relax.
Feel the difference between the sensation of bracing your body and the sensation of releasing.
Your body doesn't need to stay at full alert in order for you to have this conversation well.
This conversation is important,
So it makes sense that your system is preparing.
When you are about to tell someone something difficult to hear,
Your body often reacts before your mind has caught up.
For a few breaths,
Let yourself think of the person on the other side of this conversation as a human being who may be impacted by what you have to say.
They may feel hurt,
They may feel shocked,
They may feel angry,
Confused or embarrassed.
You don't need to predict their exact response,
But just have a moment of compassion for their internal state as listener.
Take a breath in and acknowledge the difficulty of that.
As you breathe out,
Let the out breath carry some kindness into the space between you.
Again,
Breathe in and acknowledge that this may be hard for both of you.
Breathe out and let your body soften.
One more breath,
Taking in the weight of this moment and breathing out with as much calm and goodwill as you can offer.
You don't need to take away the difficulty.
You can't always make painful news feel better.
You don't need to rescue,
Over-explain or rush to make yourself feel more comfortable.
What you can do is tell the truth as clearly and as compassionately as possible.
What you can do is choose the spirit in which you speak.
Ask yourself quietly now,
What matters most in how I deliver this?
It may be in your body language and the expression in your eyes.
It may be leaving enough room for the other person's response in their own time.
Let your answers rise to the surface.
Now,
Bring to mind only the beginning of the conversation ahead.
See yourself entering the space or making the call with calm and composure.
See yourself beginning clearly rather than circling,
Speaking in a way that is direct,
Compassionate and respectful.
See yourself giving the news in a way that leaves room for the other person's dignity See yourself staying present long enough to hear their first response in their own time rather than hurrying to escape your own discomfort.
Seeing yourself allow silence if silence is needed.
And if the conversation becomes emotional,
Tense or confrontational,
You still have choice in the moment.
You can slow your pace,
You can keep your tone respectful and you can pause to collect your thoughts before speaking.
Take another deep breath in and let the breath out slowly.
Feel your body in the chair and the thoughts and sensations that are arising.
If it helps,
Say to yourself,
I can't control how this message is received but I can choose how I deliver it.
Or say,
I can meet this moment with courage and compassion.
Now,
One more question.
What do I want the other person to feel emanating from me in this conversation even if they don't like what they are hearing?
Take one final breath in.
Let it go slowly.
Feel your face soften.
Feel your throat release.
Hold a hand to your heart and send some love and encouragement to yourself.
This is a difficult thing to do and you are doing it.
And when you are ready,
Open your eyes,
Return to the room and have the conversation with a clear mind and a compassionate heart.
