Pause Before Responding To A Confrontational Email

A confrontational email can trigger tension, urgency, defensiveness, and the need to explain yourself immediately. Often, this escalates conflict rather than defusing the situation.

This tiny practice helps you pause, discharge some of the tension in your body, and regain some clarity of thought before you respond.

Transcript

If a confrontational email has just landed in your inbox and you can feel the pull to fire back a reply immediately, Please pause here first. For the next few minutes, Nothing needs to be sent. If you can, Move your hands away from the keyboard and let your feet make contact with the floor. Feel the chair holding your weight. Now take one deep breath in and let the next breath out slowly. Again, Breathing in and breathing out. One more breath in and out. And now just let the breath find its own pace. See if your jaw is tense and if it is, Loosen it. Take some strain out of your shoulders. Perhaps you want to roll your shoulders backwards and forwards a few times just to loosen them. Maybe shake out your arms. Notice your heart rate and see if you can breathe into that heart space to calm it down a little. Notice the pull that you have to act quickly on the email. Notice the powerful jolt this email has created in your body. Maybe the feelings are irritation or anger or a hot defensive feeling. Maybe you feel your cheeks are burning. Maybe your hands are clenched. Maybe you're feeling the urge to explain everything at once. The urge to prove your point. The urge to make the discomfort stop as fast as possible. This makes sense. A difficult email can stir up a lot very quickly. Just because your bodily reaction is strong doesn't mean you need to answer from that bodily reaction. The email is there. Your reaction is here in your body and for this moment you're allowed to separate the two. Take another breath in and a longer breath out. Let the out breath loosen one tight place in the body. You don't need to work out the perfect email response yet. You only need a little space between the urge and the reply. Ask yourself, What has this email stirred up in me? Annoyance? Panic? Shame? The need to defend myself? Just name what is there. What is acting on you? What are the thoughts running through your mind that are stirring up your body without fixing anything yet? Now ask yourself, What response would serve me best? Perhaps a calmer tone, A shorter reply or more time before you need to answer. You don't need to land on the perfect reply right now. You just need to be coming into a place of calm and perspective before you choose how to respond. Again, Feel your feet pressing lightly onto the floor. Let your shoulders drop. Take a full breath in and sigh it out slowly. Before you return to the email, Say to yourself, I can respond without reacting. Take one last breath and when you are ready, Look at the email with fresh eyes.