Live Event - Getting Unstuck: Finding Meaning & Direction

Taken from the Live Event on the 10th September 2021. I talked about finding more direction in life by tapping into your inner compass and learning what you value in life. I talked about not distracting yourself with finding a fixed purpose or waiting for life to happen to you. I am a strong believer in working with life by taking action even when we are scared to do so. If you got something from this talk then I invite you to write to me, I would love to hear from you.

Transcript

Is that recording?

Okay.

Yes,

It's recording loud and clear.

Okay,

Perfect.

So,

Just to give you a background,

I was faced with all these challenges,

Like being stuck.

And wanting to know what do I do with my life?

Like I had a decent career.

Working in corporate jobs.

Actually,

I was doing really well.

I wasn't just decent,

I was doing really well.

Like for my age,

I was progressing fast.

And I had loads of people saying to me,

You're going to get to a really good place if you just keep on going.

But there just was something missing.

I wasn't satisfied.

Like doing the job,

Getting paid,

And it wasn't a nightmare,

It was fine.

Everything was fine.

But,

I don't know,

I just wasn't happy.

I felt empty,

Really.

Going to this job every week.

Doing things that didn't really excite me,

You know.

And yeah,

Of course we have to think practically as well.

How do I pay the bills and all of that stuff,

Right.

So,

No judgement.

But I'm just telling you,

Like when I was there,

I was like,

What do I really want in life?

And this word of purpose came up.

And there's like so much out there on how to find your purpose and what is your life purpose?

What is your path?

What will you put on this earth to do?

And I don't know about you guys,

But that feels overwhelming.

It was for me,

For sure.

Like,

How do I figure out my life purpose?

That feels like such a scary thing to even talk about.

So I started googling things and thinking like,

Okay,

How do I find my purpose?

I found all these different exercises to try,

Books about it.

And it was just like,

Okay,

Yeah.

So my purpose is,

I don't know.

I just kept getting to this place of I don't know.

It didn't matter how many tests I did.

All these personality tests online.

I did all of those and it was like,

Oh,

Okay,

I'm a this type of person.

I'm a this type of person.

Maybe I'll be good for this type of thing.

The personality test tells you,

Right?

You fill in some questions and it tells you,

Okay,

Do this.

And I was just like,

Hmm,

Okay,

Interesting.

It's helped me learn a little bit about myself,

But I don't know.

I just,

I'm still not sure.

So I got like stuck in this purpose path.

Like trying to figure out what the purpose was.

I don't know,

Can anyone relate?

Say yes in the chat if you can.

Someone I think has already said that.

Jen and Karl Lasser have said that.

And yeah,

It's like,

How do you figure this life path thing out?

Soul's purpose.

My soul's purpose is to be a musician.

My soul's purpose is to do this.

And that also felt limiting.

Even if I found that thing out,

I was like,

Okay,

Hmm.

What if that,

Hmm,

No,

I don't know.

That feels like suffocating.

So to me,

The way I teach it when I'm coaching someone or I'm mentoring someone is drop that whole thing.

I need to find my soul's purpose.

That's unnecessary.

Mental games.

Mental games to try and feel okay within ourselves.

Oh yes,

Look,

I found it.

Great.

But how do you know?

How do you know?

Until you've done things.

This might change.

And if you stay so attached to this thing you figured out as being your purpose,

Then it might close you off to other opportunities.

That's what I found.

I was just like,

Okay,

Let me just drop this thing.

And the way I teach it now is instead of trying to find like a goal or a fixed mission,

I just ask people what is really important to you as a person?

Like in your life.

What do you value in your life?

What are like three things?

Let's say it now.

Let's try this exercise now,

Guys.

Just think to yourself,

What are three things you really value in life?

Not talking about career,

Not talking about relationships or anything or other people.

What's really important to you in life?

Just try this now.

I'm going to pause for a few seconds while you think about this.

Because this almost becomes your compass.

And the way I see it is have a compass rather than a direct goal to get to.

Have a compass now.

Have a compass that you have right now that can direct you towards a place.

So for example,

Someone's put in their love,

Health,

Peace of mind.

What is it about that?

Really dig into these things.

What is it about that that lights you up?

Because if we look for direction,

Looking outwardly,

It's like trying to say I have to bring the outside world in to match me.

I have to find something out there which is going to make me feel like I know where I'm going.

It has to start on the inside.

It has to be an inside job first.

The thing I teach is the inside out approach.

There's a really good book by someone called Michael Neil.

He's also a coach who I've learned a lot of stuff from.

It's just the approach of really going in first.

Knowing what right now,

In this moment,

Is important to you.

And then make sure you're in alignment with that first.

Forget all of the outside.

Forget the career,

The goal,

Whatever it looks like for now.

Because once you have that,

You get centered into your life first.

Into the things around you that feel important.

Peace,

Love,

Health,

Spirituality.

Imagine you come from that place.

It's again pressing that reset button saying let me come from that place first.

You're starting from here.

You hone in on that.

And then you kind of ask yourself,

What is the one thing that I really want to do on this earth?

What is the one thing I just want to do on this earth?

Some people will say things like I want to travel.

Or I want to start a business.

I want to do something else.

So you've got to figure out what is the one thing that you want to accomplish on this earth before you leave the earth.

Right?

Because I think this whole soul purpose,

Life purpose is.

.

.

Like I said,

I don't agree with it.

I feel like it's overwhelming.

But if you figure out where you are now and then you get a direction,

It's like a compass pointing this way.

And if you continuously do this,

Instead of fixing it.

Like for example,

Each day I will write down what do I want to get out of life?

What would amazing look like?

And then I might look at,

OK,

Three years from now,

What do I want to get out of life?

And I might say,

OK,

What about one year from now?

What do I want to get out of life?

How about the next three months?

How about this week?

How about today?

OK,

What do I do right now?

You see?

So I want you to,

If you have a pen,

I want you to just say,

Ask yourself the question of life.

What do I want to say I've done in life?

And then go down to a different period of time.

Like you can choose three years like me or you can say five years,

You can say ten years.

You can say whatever.

And then just right now do it for the next five minutes.

Just very briefly continue doing this after the session if you're interested.

But just right now quickly write down a few words.

See what comes up.

And if you don't,

That's OK.

Just no one's going to know.

No one's assessing you.

And you can burn this piece of paper right now.

It's just a game,

I guess.

And this is what I mean by having meaning in your life.

Because it gives you something to be excited about,

Right?

A little bit.

This can be as small as like,

I just want to go outside more.

I just want to be more active maybe.

This can be like I want to.

.

.

Someone said something about YouTube.

YouTube blog.

I want to create YouTube blogs.

But it always has to come back to the present and then scale it up.

And here's the thing.

Even doing this is just for the purpose of direction.

You don't have to fix to these things you write down.

It's just for the purpose of getting you moving in this moment.

And the way I like to work with people is,

Yeah,

Let's just focus on the things you can do now or the next week.

And yeah,

We have this overall plan that we want to get to.

But we're going to keep on looking at that plan.

It's going to change over time,

You know?

Life will surprise you in beautiful ways sometimes.

So it's always about centering yourself and then finding a direction.

Center,

Find a direction.

So I challenge you to try this exercise after the session.

See what comes up.

Because really a goal for me is a place you're coming from.

And when I say that,

For example,

Let's say your goal is in a year's time you see yourself being much healthier,

Much fitter.

Maybe you've lost some pounds.

Maybe you're,

I don't know,

Whatever that looks like,

Right?

So you have to go and feel what that would feel like.

Feel it.

Like if it was happening,

If it was real,

What would that feel like?

Oh wow,

Look,

I feel different in my body.

My body looks different.

I'm doing the kind of things that come with all of that.

Feel it.

Or if this is like,

I want to find a new career,

Feel yourself in the other career.

Because once we feel it,

Once we think it and then we feel it,

Something in the deepest part of us will start creating that.

Because now we've got a taste of it.

We've got a taste of what that looks like and feels like.

So we want it now.

It's excitement.

Once that energy is in there,

Inside our body,

Then great,

Now I'm fired up to go forth and take some actions.

Manifest,

You said,

Someone put it in the chat,

Yeah.

And the thing is,

I do believe in aligning your energy and visualizing it,

Just like I've said,

Right?

But I also believe in powerful actions.

Doing stuff,

Like sitting there and thinking about it,

Feeling about it,

But not doing anything,

That's.

.

.

No,

I don't believe in that.

That's not good enough.

Because life doesn't work that way.

Yes,

There is a lot of benefits of doing that process,

That's why I'm saying it.

But also take small actions towards it,

So you're meeting it,

You're meeting it.

You're feeling it,

You're knowing it's possible.

So then some higher power,

Whatever you want to call it,

May assist you.

But not without you doing anything.

That doesn't make sense.

I don't believe in stuff like that.

I believe you have to align yourself with it as well.

So small steps,

Like what do you have to do?

OK,

I want to find a new job.

OK,

Let me just start looking at stuff online.

And because you've visualized this thing and your energy is fired up,

You're going to have much more curiosity,

Excitement when you look through the stuff.

And there you go,

You've found the first step.

Look,

I'm searching for things or with the workout things,

I'm just going to go and go for a run.

That's all.

That one tiny step.

Doesn't matter what you want to achieve.

If you think about that too much,

You get overwhelmed.

So finding direction,

Getting unstuck requires you to have faith,

Build that faith.

Visualize it,

Know what you want,

Visualize it,

Feel it and then take a small step.

So that's the first thing I want to say.

And I,

Yeah,

Like I was saying before,

I was so stuck in this,

I was like,

Well,

I can go and do this and I can go and do that and I can do this.

Well,

I can do so many things.

But really,

There was a massive part of me which believed I couldn't do any of it,

Which was like doubting everything,

Saying,

No,

No,

No,

This is not possible.

No,

No,

No,

No.

So I get it.

Like I'm saying all these things,

But I know that is a part of us,

The mind which will refuse and it will doubt and it will say,

No,

No,

That's not possible.

Or you remember what happened last time or yeah,

You're not good enough.

You know,

Those whispers.

Or maybe not whispers,

Actually,

They're usually quite loud voices.

Usually like screaming.

I think someone mentioned that before as well.

But I think that the most important thing,

Like when trying to figure out your direction and meaning and getting unstuck is to do something that gets you unstuck.

And that might sound simple,

But I mean,

I actually mean facing the resistance,

The thoughts facing it.

Scary things.

Scary things,

Facing scary things is courage.

It takes courage.

Like I know the whole massive thing about confidence.

Right.

And I talk about it sometimes as well,

But I much more value courage than confidence.

Because we believe that,

Oh,

No,

I'm not confident,

So I'm not feeling confident.

My my my feelings and thoughts are saying,

No,

I can't.

My feelings are saying,

No,

I don't know where to go.

Yeah,

But your feelings are based on your thinking.

And your thinking is unreliable.

If you spend your life waiting until you feel ready,

You're getting nowhere in life.

When has when has it felt?

Exciting to wait until you feel ready.

When has anyone been ready for anything?

Really.

That's why I value courage so much.

So when I'm working with someone,

I'm helping them to do scary things.

And I'm in their corner.

Right.

That's why it's useful,

Because I'm in their corner.

Like like a boxing coach would be telling them,

Hey,

Yeah,

Duck,

Because you're getting these scary thoughts.

But you have to keep on going.

You have to do what it takes.

So when we feel stuck,

It's only because we're believing all of the thoughts and it feels like it's true.

Right.

It feels like it's telling us the truth,

But it's not.

Because we know inside somewhere deep.

And this is probably the quiet voice,

This quiet whisper saying,

Hey,

You know,

You're not happy.

For me,

For example,

This job,

I had a great job at a great manager.

And you know what I did?

I decided to leave and travel the world on my own.

And imagine,

Like,

I had anxiety,

I had a massive battle with anxiety,

Not feeling good enough,

Not feeling like I was worth anything.

That was my life for like 25 years,

Basically,

25,

Maybe even longer.

I don't know.

I believed that I couldn't do anything that had to stay safe,

Had to do the comfortable things.

It's too scary.

I was I was ruled by my thoughts.

So having this comfortable job was,

Yeah,

Comfortable job.

And,

You know,

I had so many so many challenges with public speaking and social anxiety.

So I couldn't I couldn't speak in front of people.

There were just things that I wasn't I wasn't comfortable really in my own skin,

Even though I had a good job.

So I just had this voice which kept saying to me for years and years,

Like,

Go and go and see the world.

Go and try different things,

Go and speak to new people.

Don't just be around your same old friends.

Yeah,

They're great,

But there's more to life.

It was like this,

This someone's tapping me on the shoulder saying there's more to life,

Raj.

There's more to life than what you think.

You cannot fathom this with thought.

Your thought cannot take you to this place.

Only the experience will give you this wisdom.

And I knew that.

So after two years of everyday overthinking and just actually probably longer than that,

I was just unhappy in work and unhappy in general.

So,

Yeah,

Eventually I said to my boss,

Yeah,

I want to take some time out to travel the world.

And I was so scared.

And even saying that was scary,

Like even telling people around me was scary.

Going alone was the most scary thing.

Even when I got to the airport,

I was there with all my bags.

I felt like I was doing something wrong.

I felt like,

I literally felt like I had,

I was being shunned by the world.

I was being shunned by society.

I was doing something criminal by following that little voice in my head.

My mind just did not like it.

It was,

It hated me for that.

But then I get there and then I start having the experience rather than being in the thinking of the experience.

I'm in the experience and yeah,

It was amazing.

I wouldn't trade that experience for anything.

And I got so much wisdom.

And that's just one example.

I'm not telling anyone you have to go and travel the world on your own.

Like,

Now I realize it's not necessary.

The only thing that gave me was to give me more space.

But then I came back because I was like,

Yeah,

I don't need to do this anymore.

I came back and continued meditating and learning about myself.

And I realized that it's just about honing in to this voice and being brave enough to be unstuck.

To create unstuck.

I believe in creating things.

No one's going to come and say,

Give you a magical ticket to being unstuck,

Right?

To finding this thing.

And it feels scary.

It feels challenging.

Where do I go?

I feel worthless in life.

I feel like I have nothing in life.

Everyone else is doing better than me.

You know,

That one.

Looking at social media.

Oh,

Look at everyone else.

They're so happy.

Everyone's better.

What about me?

I'm left here with confused,

Alone.

What do I do?

Where do I go?

What do I do next?

And then just coiling up into that shell.

And then just going to sleep every day.

Thinking,

Oh,

Yeah,

Maybe you'll get better.

But what I learned is that if there's a constant voice that's coming,

That's saying I want to find more meaning and something more in life,

It's really worth figuring it out.

It's really worth it.

Because if not,

You know,

People become regret filled.

Regret filled people.

And it's an example.

Like,

For example,

I speak to some older family members or just people who have lived life,

Right?

And they say,

Well,

Yeah,

You're young,

Raj.

You should do this and that.

I wish I did this and that.

I wish I knew like I had that chance to do it at the time.

But it's not even about age,

Really.

It's about having the guts,

The courage to do it.

It does not matter what age you are.

It's just a construct in our head of,

Hey,

I'm past this age,

So I can't.

Oh,

No,

I have to have this settled life.

What will people say?

And I had all these things.

I was like,

Yeah,

I have to figure out everything.

I have to settle down.

But even if you're settled down,

Like I know people who are reshaping their lives and changing everything because they are brave enough to speak to someone about it or just write things down or explore it.

Instead of it being bottled up inside,

You know,

In the mental echo chamber.

So.

That's my suggestions,

Guys,

And I've been talking for a while because this is so important to me,

And I've been writing a lot about this recently.

And.

Once you have experiences,

Once you try things out,

You figure out like what what works and what doesn't.

You figure out like,

OK,

This thing gives me meaning.

This thing lights me up inside.

I feel alive.

This thing doesn't.

OK,

Great,

I'll do less of that.

You start learning about yourself.

You become wise.

Right.

And it doesn't even require a massive life change.

It just requires a bit of like refinement.

OK,

These things are keeping me stuck.

These things are definitely not useful for me.

But I'm still doing them.

These things are definitely useful,

But I'm not doing enough of that.

So how do we shift the scale?

And that's that's that's all I'm going to say,

I think,

For now.

That's all I'm going to say for now.

And if you're challenged by this stuff and you're questioning life and you're like worrying and your mind is saying what to do.

I feel like I've got no purpose.

Yeah,

There's there's a simple first step,

Which is.

Find out what you do want rather than what you don't want.

Find out what you do want rather than what you don't want.

Because then you're not in the.

Fear mode of I want to get away from this feeling,

This is confusing.

Instead,

You're in the toward mode of OK.

This is where I want to go towards.

It might feel impossible.

This is where I want to go.

And,

You know,

There's something so exciting about waking up each day,

Knowing that there's something in your life that gives it meaning something.

You don't have to be like me and be a teacher.

I'm not trying to convert people into being like me.

Right.

That's not how I work as a coach.

I'm trying to help people figure out to be the best of themselves.

To figure out their formula.

So they wake up each day.

With something to feel good about in life.

That's.

Feeling empty and not having anything in your life that feels like it's.

It makes you alive.

That that's that's the worst type of pain.

And I know it because I felt it a lot.

So it's simple stuff.

Simple steps.

Yeah,

Maybe you have a grand idea,

Business you want to create.

That's awesome as well.

That's great.

But it's all about starting from the simple steps.

So many people I'm working with that are underselling themselves because they're getting overwhelmed by the big picture.

By the I'm going to be alone forever mentality or I'm going to be stuck in this forever.

Slow down and start here first before we get there.

So that's all I want to say for now.

And I want to see what's coming up for you guys because I've been speaking for a while and you can tell that this is important to me.

Because every time I have these sessions now and I know I'm recording it as well,

I get into a bit of a flow.

So I don't know.

Was that useful?

What questions do you have?

That's what I want to know.

Most importantly,

What questions,

What comments,

What comes up for you?

I'd love to hear.

Reviews

Good recommendations from a person who's been there! Thank you. I retired 4/2024, then lots happened that I wasn't expecting, moved parents to assisted living, found a new love and got married. Now that things are settled I'm feeling stuck and purposeless, but today I forced myself to get up get dressed go to gym do some yardwork and not spend the day on the couch inside my head. Lots more living to be done and I know how to dig courage back up. It's there. Thank you!

Thank u for this talk! Exactly the same experience i had in corporate and thankfully got out feeling much more free like i never before.

This was perfect for me at this time…I have a daughter who is “struggling”….how do I contact you for a session(s) for her? Thank you!

Thank you Raj. This was very thought provoking and I will listen again. Thinking of things that is important to me is challenging when you remove the standards ie relationship, work etc.

This resonates for me on so many levels. You put into words feelings I have but wasn’t going deep enough to ask myself specific enough questions and start to answer them. I’ve been way to vague with my questions. Thank you!

That was great! Very useful. I feel like it would have been even better live, with the ability to ask questions and make comments. Thank you for recording that and making it available.