Co-Hosted W/ Mimi : Identity Crisis & Finding Meaning In Life

Myself and my co-host mimi have both have identity crisis and searches for meaning in life. Not only once, but over and over and over again. I have them all the time. In this session we are showing you how to deal with it, simply by sharing our own personal experiences and the things we've found that have helped.

If you get anything from this session, please message me directly. There is a reason that you feel that way, and a reason why you listened to this too. Look forward to speaking to you!

Transcript

It's probably been a busy day for most of you.

Well,

Maybe not.

Or you're going to have a busy day soon.

You've got a busy day coming up,

Or you've got a busy day that's happened.

Like us,

We've had a very busy day.

We'll tell you about that soon.

Just make this space that you're in right now,

Make it the now.

Just be here now.

And start doing that by just watching your breath.

It doesn't have to be a formal meditation where you close your eyes.

There's a time and place for that.

We'll do that later.

Just for now,

Listen to your breath.

Just listening.

Not trying to control it.

Not doing breath work.

We're just observing.

Your belly might rise.

You might be hearing sounds around you.

You might be feeling some energy in your body.

Hearing some loud thoughts,

Or quiet thoughts.

Just observe.

Just be with everything.

Not having to control for a moment.

Cool.

So I hope that little moment was useful.

You know,

They do these things when there's um,

In England they have these memorial days or,

For like soldiers that have passed and things,

Right?

We have these moments of silence.

One minute silence,

They call it.

Remember they used to do it at school.

And I used to sit there and really go deep.

It was like a meditation practice.

They say it's a moment of silence for the soldiers that have passed and have fallen in wars.

You don't have to wait for those things to happen.

Just take a moment of silence whenever you need it.

Whenever you need it.

You can stop for one minute.

And that one minute always helps.

Between meetings.

Between tasks.

Between chaos.

You know I lost my passport once.

I'm going to tell you the story.

I hope you're ready for this.

I lost my passport once.

Mimi knows this one.

I'll talk,

Introduce her in a moment if you're wondering who's this person next to me.

I lost my passport once.

And I was in Peru.

In South America.

And I was freaking out.

Of course I was freaking out.

I'm sure you'd freak out too if you lost your passport.

I won't go into the whole story of how I lost it.

It was my fault,

By the way.

I wasn't intoxicated.

It was just,

I just lost a bag.

By accident.

Freaking out.

Judging myself.

Blaming myself.

Shame.

Full of shame.

Didn't want to tell anyone.

I just wanted to snap my fingers and come out of the nightmare.

Wish it wasn't true.

I even went,

I even tried,

I literally sat there closing my eyes thinking this can't be real.

No,

No,

No.

You're dreaming,

You're dreaming,

You're dreaming.

You've had dreams like this before.

No,

You're actually dreaming.

I wake up and I'm still there.

And I've still lost my passport.

And the only thing that helped me.

Was to slow down and to just breathe.

And say,

What can I do about this right now?

Past has gone.

What can I do about this right now?

Do I want to sit here crying?

I was actually crying in tears.

Do I want to sit here crying or what can I do about this right now?

Moving forward.

Moving forward.

That's what this session is about.

It's about how can you find meaning in your life and purpose.

Moving forward.

Not thinking about where you've been and what might have happened in the past.

Self doubt,

Worries because of this time in your life.

This session is all about finding that higher meaning in your life.

Moving forward.

So in the chat,

I'd like you to put what is it that gives you meaning in life?

Or what is it that you want to change in your life that gives you meaning?

What is it that you want to change that gives you meaning?

Let's say you're in a job that you don't like.

Maybe you want to find a meaningful job.

Maybe you want to have kids.

Maybe you want to move locations.

What is it that you want in life?

Or what does meaning mean to you?

If you had meaning and purpose,

How would you know?

Share in the chat guys.

It's always going to take one courageous person to start this off.

So I really encourage this session to be one of those sessions where it's fluid,

Everyone's connecting,

Everyone's just expressing themselves.

And put that in the chat now.

Tell us and we'll basically talk about it.

And we'll tell you our experiences at the same time.

So I'll start and I'll tell you how I was finding meaning in my life and then I'll introduce Mimi.

So for my whole life,

I thought that I was broken.

I thought that I was,

You know,

In like factories,

Old school factories where they used to make dolls,

Right?

I've never been in one,

But this is how I imagine it.

They made these little dolls and then there's an assembly line where you put the doll's head onto the doll's body,

Right?

And then you'll get this one doll out of all of them,

Which is just a mess.

The eyes are popping out and there's something wrong with his outfit or one of his legs is crooked.

I literally thought that I was one of those dolls that were coming on the assembly line of life,

Different to everyone else and broken.

I thought that for my whole life.

And thanks for sharing who's,

Whoever shared in the chat just now.

Thanks for being brave and sharing what you want in your life.

That shows there's something in you.

Anyway,

So I spent my life thinking I was one of those dolls that wasn't put together properly.

Like walking around,

Like hobbling,

Like I had one of those bent doll legs and like one of my doll eyes were popping out.

Ashamed of it as well,

Like ashamed of it,

Trying to hide the fact that I was anxious,

I was scared,

I wasn't confident.

I didn't fit into groups.

I did not fit into groups from the age of three or whatever.

Didn't fit into groups and I was judged about it.

Or it felt like judgment.

I was pressured saying,

Why don't you fit in?

Why are you different?

Why don't you talk?

Why don't you talk?

You know,

It's weird for someone to see a kid that just doesn't talk and doesn't fit in,

Right?

And I just felt judged about it.

So I went on in life thinking I had some issues with my mind and it turned into this overthinking,

Judgment,

Shame.

And I realized that I,

Deep down I knew there was something I wanted more in life.

I knew that there was,

I was just not satisfied with going to work,

Doing what everyone else is doing,

Being like everyone else.

I just wasn't satisfied.

It wasn't for me.

But I didn't know how to get it out,

Right?

All I knew was this can't be life.

It has to be more to it.

So I went searching,

Like through yoga,

Meditation,

Maybe a lot of you guys are on that journey right now with this app,

Meditating to find peace,

To find something that you want in life,

To figure out who you are,

To figure out your purpose,

Whatever,

Right?

I went on that same journey.

And then,

Long story short,

I did a little bit of traveling,

I worked on myself powerfully,

Reading books.

I read The Power of Now,

That was one of the first books I ever read,

Opened my mind.

And I just realized that if there is this something more in life,

It's down to me to explore that.

Because the worst thing is going into life feeling unsatisfied,

Right?

Feeling like you didn't even try.

You knew that there was a bit more and you didn't even try enough.

That was my thing.

I didn't want to feel that pain of not trying anymore.

So anyway,

I moved forward and here I am today.

Let's just fast forward it to there.

Here I am today.

If you want,

Ask me anything about that in the chat.

Ask me anything.

So that's my journey into finding more meaning in life because I was definitely going through an identity crisis.

I was like,

Who am I?

Who am I?

What am I good at?

I was comparing myself to everyone.

Definitely going through that crisis.

So if you're going through that,

That's a bit of a background just to tell you that I get you.

Let me just quickly go to the chat before I hand over to Mimi.

So ready to move forward from your corporate job?

Yes.

Awesome.

Let's talk about that in a moment.

Truly discover myself.

Why do I feel different and so much uncertainty?

Ooh,

Okay.

Someone else is in the same place.

You guys are awesome for supporting each other,

By the way.

While I was rambling on,

You were supporting each other.

So I commend you for that.

Yeah.

Why do you feel different and so much uncertainty?

Hmm.

Speaking,

Performing and storytelling brings me joy.

Ah,

You have channels.

That's awesome.

You have channels for like creating things.

Nice.

Someone said,

I'm ready to fully trust in myself and being okay with not knowing how my long-term relationship will unfold.

Ah,

Okay.

Mimi's smiling.

Maybe she'll tell you about that in a moment.

Cool,

Guys.

You guys are awesome for sharing and keep sharing anyone else who's listening.

Put it in the chat because I have this phrase,

Share it to declare it.

If you share it out into the world,

It's out of your head,

Right?

And I'm sure someone in this room,

In this virtual room we're in,

Will be able to talk to you about that.

And I will too.

Mimi will too.

Just share whatever you want.

And someone said,

Need to find what makes my heart spark joy in being of service to the world,

Making the world a better place.

Social and environmental advocate.

Okay.

Sounds like Mimi as well.

Cool.

So let's introduce yourself a little bit.

You don't have to go on a long ramble like I did,

But introduce yourself and tell us who you are and your journey into finding more meaning and purpose in life.

And then maybe a little bit of the challenges you faced along the way.

All right.

Yeah.

No long ramble.

That could be.

You can ramble as long as you want.

So open invitation.

I start.

Yeah,

It's just quite normal.

My name is Mimi,

Miriam.

I'm from Germany.

And I'm living since six months here in Tanzania.

Backstory is my parents to have a health organization since 30 years here.

So I've grown up in this country.

But actually the last 10 years,

So saying around the 20s,

I was into my journey into more.

That is my way,

How I still call it.

Journey into more.

Because I was looking for more.

You described yourself actually pretty nicely with the doll.

Yeah.

I was a doll.

I was fitted proper with high heels and everything,

With a full stocked,

What,

Closet.

I had everything,

A car.

And I fitted myself perfectly in society.

But something felt completely off.

I wasn't satisfied.

I wasn't happy.

And now again,

Back to the story of Tanzania.

Like I grown up here coming and going to Tanzania since I'm a baby.

I know the difference of lifestyles,

Obviously.

Here people just earn a euro a day,

Saying a dollar a day.

And I'm living in a very good country in Germany,

And I'm still not satisfied.

So what the hell is wrong with me?

So I tried to compensate.

I tried to figure it out,

Like how can I be happy?

So,

Yeah.

I went for a very good job.

I'm a creative educator working with disabled people.

So that gave me from the beginning everything.

Because it was the only place where I could be myself,

Very authentic.

You know,

Working with disabled people means like you have to be yourself.

No masquerade.

Just being open,

Showing love,

Because that's the opposite you're receiving as well.

And if you're just trying to wear a masquerade,

You're gonna see and they're gonna show you.

And it was like a balance in between two worlds for me.

The society world,

Like fitting in,

Trying to fit in,

Trying to live this conservative life.

All of my friends are living,

All of them,

They're married.

I'm 31,

Not married.

So what should I do?

And I kept myself into traveling and all of those questions.

And it got worse,

Honestly.

This crisis got worse.

And yeah,

My mind got even deeper into,

I would say even depressions around like,

It couldn't be it.

That's not my life.

There has to be more.

Like that was always my thought.

There has to be more.

Like I'm not working now until the end of my,

What,

67s.

That's in Germany until you get retired.

And that's it.

Like that is,

That's my life.

But how can I make it even further?

Like I'm just a creative educator.

I'm not having any skills.

Like I'm not even more.

And one point I was missing as well was like,

I want to have love.

That was the other part of me,

Like looking for a partner,

Looking for something.

Yeah,

I can be myself as well,

Sharing myself and be open because obviously experience got me into a very locked place.

So that was me until last year.

I think so.

I have to start.

Last year was my change.

And now in between of 12 months,

I changed my life completely.

And Raj is my coach.

We were working now in December like a year together.

We have a few months left.

And yeah,

That's the crisis I went out of because one thing was the main part was,

I read it there in the comments already,

It was I'm ready to trust myself.

And that was the point.

I didn't know I have to trust myself to go on this journey.

But with Raj,

I understood,

Okay,

It's just about me.

It's not about anything else.

It's just about me.

So that's the start on my side.

Hmm.

Yeah,

Thanks for sharing.

I feel like you've given people a little like taster.

Even me listening to you speaking,

Even though I already know your journey,

Of course.

Yeah,

It was inspiring to hear because it's like,

Here's the thing I was most challenged by was feeling like there is a norm to fit into a social way of being,

Right?

I spent my life trying to fit in rather than be myself,

You know,

Right?

Fit in like almost like a sheep,

Like,

Hey,

I've got to be like a sheep.

And that doesn't mean like a bad thing,

But it's like,

What about me?

I was trying to be like other people and trying to please other people,

Worried about what other people will say,

Worried about how this might turn out.

You know,

Like if there's something that you guys really wanna do in life,

Here's the thing I always say when I'm coaching someone,

I say to them,

It's not black and white.

It's not like I either have to do this amazing thing in life or my life has to suck and I'm just here where I am.

It's not like that.

It's almost like you move towards what you want in life.

If there's something you wanna do,

Like someone said in the chat,

You wanna change jobs.

You know,

When you're ready to move forward,

You have a real corporate job.

It's like,

I wanna be here,

But I'm here.

It's the in-between of making that happen now.

Cause I hear a lot of people who want something to happen,

Right?

Maybe you have these dreams,

Maybe you have these desires.

Okay,

Like,

Cool,

Awesome that you have that.

How do we make this happen?

What has to happen next?

And when I say it's not black and white,

It's almost like I see it all as a game.

Mimi knows I talk about games a lot,

Right?

Kids play games and they have fun,

Right?

Games are meant to be fun.

So you wanna move forward,

And I did a massive talk on this.

You can check out my page about the game of life,

Being a player.

So you wanna have a corporate job,

A move from your corporate job.

Okay,

Cool,

What does that look like?

What would your new job be like?

And get into that creative,

Playful zone like a child does when they got like box of colors and they're just scribbling all over.

And they,

You know,

My nephew did this.

He was like,

He scribbles all over a piece of paper and then he hands it to me.

And then I'm questioning,

What is this thing he's drawn?

It doesn't look like anything.

It looks like a scribbly mess to me.

And I ask him,

What is this?

And he says,

It's a house.

And somehow he can see the house.

He can see it because he's in this creative zone,

Right?

I can't see the house because I'm thinking logically,

What does a house look like?

What should houses look like?

Houses are not yellow or purple.

You know,

Houses are not the colors he's used.

Houses are not scribbles like this.

I have messed up that creativity with my logic,

Right?

So when I talk about being playful and creative,

It's not logical most of the time.

If you wanna move into your new job,

Let's play with that.

It's not like A or B.

Okay,

Let's look for a different type of job.

Let's play with that.

Maybe you find it,

Maybe you look for it.

Maybe you look at what skills you have.

And when you do that,

When you're playful with things,

With things that you want in life,

Then there's less of a grip.

You know,

When you have a grip on something,

It's this attachment to,

Right now I'm not okay.

When I get that,

I will be okay.

But either realm,

There's a tension going on.

You can relax and say,

Yeah,

I want more meaning in life.

Cool,

I want this.

Okay,

How do we do that?

And that might sound like quite,

I don't know,

Like blunt,

But I'd love for you to explain,

Like maybe through the experiences we've had,

If someone wants to create something in their life,

More meaning,

What comes up for you after I'm saying all that stuff?

For a thing,

It's just allowing,

Really allowing.

I never allowed myself to dream as big.

I said it,

I think,

Saying I'm just a creative educator.

Like,

Who am I to think bigger,

Dream bigger?

Like,

What can I do?

Which impact can I create?

That means I have to go back to university.

That means I have to,

Yeah,

Get more knowledge about whatever.

Like,

What should I do?

Completely overwhelmed.

But the first thing is just like allowing yourself,

Like you're even more,

And with the more,

It's just like entering yourself,

Entering your trust,

And entering your love.

That's just the fundament,

That's your base.

You can dream,

And I just want to share,

Like my short way of 12 months now,

It's just coming from a nine to five job,

Quit everything,

Just a very short way,

Quit everything in four months,

And created an NGO here in Tanzania for disabled people,

Like we are building a school.

And I set up a business beside disabled people without any knowledge in this business,

But it was just my passion around it.

It was just what I knew I have in myself.

There are way more things that we thought we have,

We are learning in school by paper.

It's just all this believing in yourself,

All this believing in ourself,

And this is guiding you forward.

And that was my first step,

Like I am able to do it.

I'm really able to do it,

And that's the first,

First step.

And all these visions I was carrying for years and years and years,

The first thing you have to do is like taking a step,

And that's the hardest part.

That's the hardest part,

Because you're limiting yourself.

Like there's all these beliefs and saying it's not possible,

But we're at the first,

First step.

And if it's like that tiny,

You said it's going from here to here.

If it's that tiny,

It just brings you there.

And then you see you're gonna go further.

And that's my first,

Yeah,

Saying for going out of,

Or into your life,

Not out of the crisis,

Because crisis is crisis.

We're going into our life,

Into the more you're creating.

And again,

Everything is possible.

As big as it is,

Everything is possible.

It's just about creating it.

Yeah,

Powerful.

What I'm believing.

Yeah,

And I think you got me when you say,

When you reminded me of like the tiny step,

Right?

Because it's like,

If I wanted to get to the end of this room right here,

I can try and like do a running jump.

I can try and run and try and leap there,

But my legs might not be a basketball player's legs,

Right?

So maybe I won't get there.

And then I'll discourage myself and I'll say,

Ah,

It's too hard,

It's too far,

I can't get there.

I'm not strong enough.

Ah,

Well,

I'm not born for this.

All of these ideas,

Like I'm not born for this.

I can't do this.

I'm not made for this.

If I just split that big step into smaller chunks,

Okay,

Let's do this.

You know,

Like for me,

Starting coming here on this app and guiding you guys,

There was zero people who knew about me.

I had zero people watching me,

But I had to start somewhere,

Right?

Had to start.

With the coaching business I created,

I started with nothing.

I was coaching people for free just because it helped me to build confidence.

It helped me to know what I'm good at.

It helped me to gain experience,

Right?

So it's like,

Whatever you wanna do next,

You have to just try in a little way.

You wanna become a writer?

You wanna start your social media like someone said here?

Okay,

Cool.

Let's do it.

Let's make that happen.

You wanna quit your job?

How about,

You know,

I got this distinction sometimes,

Which I use called where you flirt with something rather than saying I have to marry that idea.

You know,

You have an idea,

Let's say.

You don't have to marry it and sign a paper and cut off all your other avenues.

You can flirt with the idea a little bit.

You can like try,

Like what does it feel like to flirt with this and try something and play this little game and look for jobs maybe if you don't like a job.

Oh,

Let me just flirt by searching online for different jobs.

What would that feel like?

How can I visualize that?

Hmm.

You wanna do something with social and environmental stuff?

Make the world a better place?

Okay,

Cool.

How do you do that?

Let's start doing that in some small way,

Right?

My experience has always been this.

It's always been when I do little things,

Try little things out,

Then I get a feel for,

Ah,

Is this something I like doing?

Do I wanna continue doing this?

Is this giving me meaning?

Do I feel this blood rushing through me and excitement and enthusiasm when I'm doing this?

If I don't,

Hmm,

Maybe it's not that thing then.

I'll try something else.

Instead of being in my head where I was before of like ideas,

Ideas,

Ideas that die inside and become depression.

And I think that's why I was so depressed most of my life because there was so much thinking going on,

But I wasn't allowing that to come into existence in reality.

So it's like I judge myself for not creating more meaning in life.

I judge myself for not trying or exploring.

And then all that energy gets like turns against us and it turns into this like pity party almost,

Judging myself,

Blocking everything out.

And it's like I close my room,

I don't wanna see anyone.

All because,

And I only realize this now,

By the way,

I didn't know this before.

All because I wasn't doing the things that I was really made to do.

I was shying away from it.

I was taking like safe and comfortable roads most of my life.

So yeah,

I don't know.

I'm gonna pause there for a moment.

What comes up for you as I say that?

Beautiful said,

Like it's just around our own potential.

Like that's the thing.

That's the more for me,

The more is creating or the more is saying around my potential.

You're feeling inside yourself.

There is so much more going on.

There's a loud scream,

But you're trying to hold back.

And then this place of depression is starting because you're feeling so tensed and everything is inside you.

And your mind is creating all of these thoughts.

You have to,

Like,

Again,

For me,

You have to fit in the society.

Just look for someone,

Get married and just play the game everyone is playing.

Cause then it's like,

You might get satisfied.

Just do it.

And your heart is screaming,

That's not the place.

Like there has to be more.

That's not your thing.

And what I figured out for me is like firstly,

And that's how we came together.

Like I said it in my introduction,

I was looking for love.

And actually I was looking for love from someone.

Like I was saying,

I have this barrier.

I'm not letting anyone inside my heart because I got hurt.

Yeah,

Everyone has those experience but I shut myself completely down.

And I was actually blaming the guys.

I was like,

It's their fault.

But at the end,

And it was like very,

Like at the second,

Third session we talked about,

It's all about me.

And it was all about me.

And I said it again in the introduction,

It's like the base,

The fundament is me.

So you can create a business.

You can create whatever you want to have more.

You can do it on a mind base.

That's a good thing.

But then you're trying to fulfill everything from the outside and the inside,

Instead of going from the inside to the outside.

What I mean with that is like,

I never loved myself.

Like I did,

But I never,

I haven't had any access to it.

I never feel myself.

And what is it means like,

Before you're not loving and trusting yourself with whatever you're doing,

You can do whatever you want to do.

It won't be enough.

It will be always looking for even more and more and more and more.

Then it's like from this desire,

We're going to another desire.

It's about,

First of all,

It's about ourself.

And that's like,

That was the end of my crisis.

Just being myself.

What I said with working together with disabled people,

Being authentic,

I don't have to wear a masquerade.

I can be purely me.

Like I am accepting me who I am with all of my strengths.

And like,

Maybe I'm having also parts that are not that good,

But whatever it is,

I love myself.

And if I love myself,

Myself,

I trust myself.

And then I can do this tiny little step into my full potential because I trust and love myself.

That's what I'm feeling.

And that's what I entered with Raj.

From this point on,

Everything started to flow.

It was just a flow out of my own potential with less thinking,

With less mind.

It was me.

Wow,

Wonderfully said.

I'm glad we're getting onto the truth of this topic.

This stuff that we want more meaning in life when we feel like we haven't found something yet,

It's always coming from this place of,

It feels like there's lack inside or it feels like something's missing inside.

And like Mimi said,

You can do all of these things outside or you can achieve all these things.

And I encourage that still.

I call that the game of life,

The game of life that we're here to play in this physical world.

But you can play that game of life way,

Way better when you're already inside feeling like your full,

Fulfillment,

They call it,

Right?

Fulfillment is not this thing where you've achieved all these outside things.

It's an inner feeling.

It's an inner feeling.

It's when you're okay with who you are,

When you feel driven.

You'll hear from the greatest people in the world,

Where did your ideas come from?

They don't really know.

They just know something was coming out of them inside,

Yeah,

Inside the heart or the soul.

Something was coming out.

The people that are most fulfilled,

Something came out from their heart,

Almost like it burst out,

Right?

And when you're expressing that,

I call it the inside being expressed on the outside.

Literally,

You know,

The chakra system,

If you're interested in that kind of stuff,

The whole chakra system is designed for the energy to flow from down below,

Up and through your throat.

It's designed for it to come out of your throat.

It doesn't necessarily mean you become a speaker or you have to speak it out,

But your idea becomes expressed out of your throat.

So your idea,

The thing that will give you meaning in life is when it comes from a deep place inside.

And you can call this intuition,

You can call this being guided.

When you work from that place,

You'll always have meaning,

Always,

Because it's like you're allowing that thing to come through.

And someone said resistance.

Yeah,

There's resistance with all of this.

There's resistance of like,

Who am I to,

For me,

For example,

Who am I to be a coach and help people like Mimi with their lives?

How can I do this?

And there's only a problem when it's the ego or fear speaking.

Inside my heart and soul,

I know I can't,

Because it's beyond me.

It's beyond me.

And usually I find people are finding meaning and purpose when they're doing something beyond themselves,

Beyond the ego,

Right?

And actually that's how it works.

That's how it's designed.

It's designed for us to find meaning and purpose when it's beyond ourself.

That's why the people that are really successful in business or really rich,

If it's just for personal service,

Then they don't feel satisfied.

They can't,

It's not possible.

It doesn't exist.

But when you have a meaning and purpose,

Which is beyond you,

Then you start feeling satisfied.

And the thing is,

I like to say this,

We almost have a responsibility to express that,

Because if we don't,

That's when depressions occur.

You know,

This is how I'm starting to see it now.

I don't see depression as this problem.

I see depression as a suppression of energy,

A suppression of potential.

It's like our soul is saying,

Yeah,

You're not listening to me.

So I'm going to drain your energy.

I'm going to make you overthink.

You're not listening to what you're meant to be doing.

I'm going to show you.

It's like when we get sick from eating bad food.

It's the same thing,

Right?

We eat some bad food,

Bad food tells us,

Ah,

Yeah,

You ate some crap.

You know,

It's the same thing.

I think honestly,

When we have these things like depression or like crises,

Identity crises,

It's trying to tell us something,

Trying to bring something out of us.

That's what it was for me.

That's why I was so depressed and anxious,

Because I didn't really express any of my true self out there.

When I started doing that,

I almost felt this like releasing coming out of my head,

Dripping out,

Releasing freedom,

You know?

So that's what I got for now,

Guys.

And I'm going to ask you guys to ask some questions to me and Mimi about stepping into more and more meaning in life,

Or maybe you're going through some,

Like figuring out who you are,

Maybe you're finding it challenging.

We've both been through that.

Like,

Who the hell am I?

What do I want to do with my life?

I've questioned this over and over.

And it's come up even sometimes this year,

Earlier this year,

I was questioning who I am.

What am I doing?

Do I even want to do these sessions anymore online?

And that's me being very real with you,

Telling you that these thoughts occur sometimes.

And it's up to me to find out and find the answers to that.

Do I really want to do this stuff?

Do I still want to coach people in this way?

Do I want to do something new?

Is there something exciting I'm being called to?

What is that?

So ask us any questions in the chat,

Put any comments,

Tell us how this has been useful,

If it's been useful,

If you've been here for the last few two minutes.

Yeah,

I'd love,

I'm sure Mimi would as well,

Love some questions and feedback,

Throw it in the chat.

How does the 42 minutes just like?

I know,

42 minutes flies by,

Right?

Boom.

It flies by.

I love the engagement by the way.

Yeah,

Thanks for everyone who's sharing and just opening up,

By the way,

There's some,

Yeah,

Some cool comments.

What if,

The what if is a lie,

Someone put.

Yeah,

The what if is always this analytical brain saying,

Well,

If you do this,

This could happen.

What if this happens?

Fear.

Fear,

Right?

Around the future,

Trying to control,

That's it.

Yeah.

Trying to control,

That's maybe a short part as well.

So that was me for the longest,

Trying to control life,

Being analytical,

Being rational,

Trying to hold on things.

Cause that's the meaning you have,

You can control your life,

So everything's fine.

Yeah,

So the what if game was like my daily thing,

But I got even more heavy.

I got even more tensed.

I got even more into the thoughts and less me,

More thoughts.

So yeah,

What if.

Yeah,

What if.

This is this thing that we call the ego.

Maybe you guys have heard about ego before.

It's basically this concept that has been created through our lives,

Through our experiences.

Sometimes even our parents have taught us this,

Or we've just seen them and modeled them and we've become like them.

You know,

Put your hand up if you've got some of your parents insecurities.

Me,

For sure.

So have I,

Mama.

Yeah,

It's just natural.

Oh,

She's here,

Your mom's here?

Okay,

Cool,

She knows,

That's cool.

Yeah,

We pick up things from our parents.

We pick up things from life.

And then the ego forms,

Which is basically this security system telling us to be safe,

Telling us something might go wrong.

There's nothing wrong with this ego,

Right?

But we just have to be able to see past it.

We have to see,

Because it can convince us of things and convince us that we don't need someone to help us.

We shouldn't open up,

Because if we open up,

It can be dangerous.

We shouldn't try this thing that we want to try.

What will people think?

You know,

It's swirling around,

Saying all of this stuff,

Millions of,

In like millions of seconds at a time.

So look out for that.

Bindo shared something called,

What was it Bindo?

All right,

Let's see,

Someone's put something in.

Okay,

So there's a question.

Thanks for the questions,

Guys.

If anyone else has questions,

Throw them in now,

Because we're going to take a few questions.

What if I'm not good enough?

What if I can't make a living?

What if I make the wrong decisions?

Lots of what ifs.

Can you share a specific action tool that we can use to get unstuck from the past stories?

Ah,

Okay,

A specific action tool.

Do you want to go first?

Okay.

I'd love to.

Let Mimi go first.

Yeah,

That was me.

I said it out loud.

That was me,

What if,

What if,

What if.

And actually one of the things like to do is actually,

All right,

Just explain it that way.

The what if part,

The big part is coming,

Because you're trying to control the future.

You want to look into future.

You want to try to get everything fine,

But we can't control life,

And we can't control the future.

First thing.

So what you can do is just in the moment right now.

So what is your state?

What do you have?

What can you do right now to create your tiny little step into your more?

And saying for that is like the wrong decision.

What is the worst case scenario?

Like at the end,

We talked about it already about like situation in Europe,

Africa,

Like there are a lot of things going on right now in the world.

Just want to share it like that.

I just get it from home.

Like a lot of people are afraid of whatever is going on in the world about Ukraine,

Russia,

And some,

There's a change going on.

So a lot of anxieties is coming for the people and cause they're afraid of a change.

They're afraid of something is going to change.

So the life is not the same anymore.

And cause we can't hold on by experience from the past,

Whatever we are going into.

And there's fear coming into.

So again,

Your mind is telling you to stay in your comfort,

To stay there where you know your best.

But if you're going to stay there,

You won't go anywhere.

Like into your more,

You won't go there.

So my thing is just like saying,

What can you do right now?

Not about future,

No,

The what if question.

Right now in this moment,

This tiny little step,

And then you know it's possible to go.

Cause right now everything's fine.

Nothing to control,

Nothing you have to think about actually about money and if it's not working out,

Cause you don't know,

But right now everything is fine.

You're fully there with everything you have.

That's my thought around.

Yeah,

Yeah.

That's deep cause it's like when you know you are okay in this present moment,

The past stories kind of can fizzle away.

I'm gonna share a few things now cause I'm seeing a lot of people are saying that's a great question.

So specific action tools to get unstuck.

Here's what comes up for me.

Past stories,

Right?

Coming up and it's probably related to something that's happening in this moment.

Cause that's when these past things come up when it feels like it's,

The past is like this tool to tell us what to do right now or what might be a good decision to do,

Right?

Or whatever.

It's just being stimulated for some reason.

I've said this to someone I think yesterday.

Imagine you're in a dark room and it feels like there's just the darkest scaring.

I was scared of the dark by the way.

Really scared of the dark when I was younger.

So you're really scared of the dark and let's say the dark is your past stories.

And it's just swirling around.

You can't even see it.

You're just there in this dark room.

You can't even see what this thing is surrounding you.

These stories are surrounding you.

You feel like you're powerless to it,

Right?

You're powerless.

That's one of the reasons why it feels like this past is haunting you.

Cause you feel powerless against it.

And it can feel that way cause the body and mind are so strong.

They work together.

They tense you up.

Your body,

Your heart's beating.

Maybe you can relate.

Tell me if you can relate in the chat.

That's how it was for me.

I felt all of like this body sensations.

So you're in this dark room.

What did I do when I felt like I was scared in the dark?

I curled up into my pillow.

I curled up underneath the blanket.

And I felt like I was safe cause I was underneath the blanket,

Right?

Protected,

I had this protective layer.

So you could in life be like the duvet and have a protective layer.

Say,

Oh yeah,

It can't get to me if I have a protective layer around me.

I'll hide underneath the blanket.

Can't get to me.

I get a lot of people saying to me,

Raj,

I need more.

I need more protection.

I need more boundaries because it feels like this thing's happening to me.

People are hurting me.

People are taking my energy away.

I need more protection.

And I get that by the way.

It makes sense.

Psychologically,

It makes sense.

I'm talking about beyond psychology and I'll say,

Well,

There was a few times when I was younger and I just,

I turned the light on.

I turned the light on.

And I looked and I was like,

Ah,

What was I scared of?

What's in this room?

What's here?

What am I scared of?

So I'm using that as a metaphor to say,

When you turn the lights on,

You don't need to play around with the dark.

And what I mean by that is you turn the lights on,

You find this thing that's driving you forward.

The thing that keeps you alive.

The thing that turns the plants into trees.

You know,

The thing that's there,

The spirit,

You can call it,

The life force,

The aliveness,

The passion,

The drive.

What if you worked with the light instead of being worried about this thing that you think is there,

Which is dark?

And that's what I've found most useful is when I can raise my energy,

How can you raise your energy?

That's the tool.

So the tool you're asking for,

How can you raise your energy so you feel light inside?

For me,

A lot of it was using my body.

So getting into things like breath work,

Yoga,

That allowed me to raise my energy,

Feel more light inside me.

Also things just like in everyday life,

Challenging myself to what do I want rather than what do I don't want?

I'll say to people so many times,

Hey,

What do you want help with?

If I'm gonna be your coach,

You're gonna hire me,

What do you wanna help with?

A lot of the times they'll start with what I don't want is this.

What I don't want is this.

So it's,

And maybe Mimi,

I don't know,

I don't remember to be honest,

But everyone does it.

They talk about what they don't want.

And that's operating from the dark,

Operating from there's this thing haunting me,

This past haunting me.

I have to shovel out the dark.

I'm in the dark,

I gotta remove the dark.

And the only thing I've helped,

I found that has helped me with removing dark is turning on lights,

Turning on lights.

So I was working a lot with the inner child inside of me,

Let's call it.

And I wasn't working in the way that a psychotherapist might do,

Which is let's go through all of every single memory of your life,

And let's look at the hurt version of you.

I did some of that,

To be honest,

So it was helpful.

What I was really doing though,

Was finding that childlike self inside,

That playful self,

That little younger me that was smiling and running around the light,

Not the dark.

You know?

So there are ways to do that.

There's ways to create this light,

But I think you know inside,

I'm pretty sure some part of you knows inside what light means,

Right?

Even if you feel like you're depressed,

Sad,

Anxious,

And your past is haunting you,

Things are going wrong,

There's something there that's waking you up each morning.

You're not dying.

Something's waking you up.

Something is light inside you,

Keeping you going.

Why you're here.

How did you get onto this phone,

Click on this app,

And show up here?

Light.

That's the only reason you're here.

So I say let's work with the light.

That's what comes up for me.

Tell me in the chat if that helped anyone.

Did that spark any light in you as you hear that?

Sparked for me.

Sparked for you?

Okay,

Good.

At least it helped spark for someone.

Good.

I just have to say,

Yeah.

Yeah?

Yeah,

Definitely.

It's just exactly what I'm living.

Every day.

Yeah.

See,

Yeah.

People are saying yes.

Exactly.

It's not about controlling,

Like Linda was saying,

It's controlling life as hard,

Yeah?

Or it's not possible in that way.

The thing is like,

Right now,

In this moment right now with the light,

You can create.

You can create.

You can work.

You can do your tiny step.

And that means you can create even your future,

But you can't control it.

Like that's the opposite.

But creation is limitless and it's anytime possible.

So yeah,

That's the light in you.

Yeah,

That's it.

And it's like when I was coaching Mimi throughout the year,

There'd be times where you're going through challenging times,

Right?

Like you might look at her and say,

Ah,

Yeah,

She's all calm and cool.

You might look at me and say,

Ah,

He's all calm and cool.

We both have been through turmoil and challenges constantly,

Right?

And whenever that has occurred for Mimi,

For example,

When I'm coaching her,

I'll try and bring her towards the light instead.

Oh,

You know,

There's been times where you said something to me and I've not responded to,

I've not responded to the story or whatever,

Because I'm like,

Okay,

If given the situation,

What can we do with that right now?

What can we do with that right now?

Because it's like when you're in the place of being an owner of your life and not a victim,

A victim is like,

Oh my God,

The dark is consuming me.

My past is consuming me.

My own mind is consuming me.

And I know that that's true,

Right?

It happens for me as well.

But when you become this owner,

You say,

Ah,

Mind,

I see you are doing this to me and it hurts.

I acknowledge you for that,

But this is what I wanna do next.

I get to choose what to do with this.

I'm the owner of this mind.

It's my mind.

It's like how we say my hand.

My hand is not me,

Right?

It's just this,

If I cut my hand off,

I'd still be here.

Same with the mind,

It disappears.

You think your past is haunting you,

But it's not always there,

Is it?

What happens when you're asleep?

Okay,

Maybe you have some dreams and stuff.

Maybe it is still working.

But what about when you see a little baby in front of you and you smile?

Where's your past memories and your fears now?

If it's not always there,

It's not real.

It can't be permanent,

Right?

If it's not always there,

It's not permanent.

Only thing that's permanent is the light,

The spirit that is always there,

The thing that keeps you going,

Keeps your food digesting,

The thing that's keeping the sun in the sky,

The thing that's in everything.

That's the only thing that's permanent.

The sun isn't even permanent,

It's just there.

It's the thing that keeps the sun going,

Keeps us going.

That's the thing that is the light.

So awareness around.

It's the awareness around it,

Yeah.

It's making the switch.

It's deciding,

I am not these thoughts.

Exactly,

And it's a daily thing.

Even for me,

I just talk from my side.

I get up in the morning and I think like,

Ah,

What is going on?

Like,

Honestly,

It's happening,

But it is the awareness around,

Like which life I wanna live and where,

Yeah,

Which life I wanna live.

It's just my decision.

And those heavy thoughts,

They're also there.

These are my thoughts,

But it's also me who can take like the ownership for my life and say,

Okay,

Let's go.

We're creating something beautiful today.

And then we go into the playful mood.

It doesn't mean to be,

Oh shit,

I have to sit down.

Curse word,

Sorry.

We have to sit there and have to do something,

Like the have to part.

It's just like playful,

Whatever it's coming.

It's coming,

Because it's then out of yourself with the awareness around your light,

Your power,

Whatever it is,

Your source.

Yeah,

Nice.

I'm glad everyone's getting something from this.

And just to say,

Like people say to me all the time,

Did you have one awakening moment where you woke up and things shifted?

And I always say there was many of them.

And like Mimi said,

On a daily basis,

I have to reconnect to my light.

I can get so easily drawn back into the worried,

Anxious,

Panicked self.

If I allowed that to happen,

It can happen.

But I connect and I'm able to connect way quicker now because over time I built that capability,

Right?

That doesn't mean anything special.

That just means I'm connecting each day,

Reminding myself.

Maybe you meditate,

Maybe you do some breathing practices,

Something to bring you back into the spirit,

Into the heart,

Into the light.

And you'll see the past stops bothering you.

It will come back,

Yes,

It will.

But you're allowing yourself to let go of it.

You know,

It's this thing with the ego is when we own it and claim it and we reinforce it,

We're keeping it there.

If you say,

Hey,

My past,

I have to work on it.

This has all happened,

I have to do all this work on it.

There's a part of that which is useful and acceptance,

But part of that is like this delusion,

This delusion that there's a problem,

The dark.

The dark isn't a thing.

Dark just means absence of light.

What is dark?

The lights are on now,

There's no dark here.

When the lights are on,

There's no dark,

Simple.

We're conditioned by the feeling.

Yeah,

We just think it's something that we have to do something about.

Exactly,

Constant.

Like it can't be perfect,

Can't be good now.

There has to be an if,

There we go again.

Because we are used to,

There has to be an if.

Nothing can be perfect,

It can't.

And the awareness of trusting,

Loving yourself and using your light.

Cool guys,

What we're gonna do now,

If you have any questions,

Put them in the chat.

Any questions for me or Mimi,

Based on anything you've heard today,

Put it in the chat.

What we're gonna do now is we're gonna guide you through a meditation,

And then we're probably gonna end the session shortly after that.

I have a little announcement to make,

I will say that to the end.

We're gonna guide you into a meditation now.

We'll call it the,

I always freestyle all the meditations by the way,

If anyone doesn't know that.

I'll just,

I'll make one up like a freestyle rapper on the spot,

I'll do that for my clients as well.

So freestyle rap,

Freestyle meditation today is about the light.

Lighting up the light when it feels like it's dark.

So get yourself into a comfortable position,

Seated.

You could be lying down,

Just bring your attention.

That's all I ask of you right now.

Just bring your attention to my voice.

I'm gonna guide some of it,

Mimi's gonna guide some of it.

And you'll kinda get a sense of both of our energies together basically.

So bring yourself into your place.

Basically this is to absorb everything that we've spoken about.

So you get an experience of it,

So you feel it,

Right?

So when you're ready you can close your eyes.

Close your eyes,

Allow your eyelids to feel heavy.

Allow yourself to notice the weight of your body.

Notice the weight of your right arm and your left arm.

Notice the weight of your head.

Notice how it balances on top of your shoulders.

Notice the weight of your legs.

And notice how your legs balance and connect to your waist,

To your upper body.

And then notice the weight of the entire body.

And then let it go,

Let it sink.

Let all of that weight just fall into the ground.

Any tension or control,

Holding in the shoulders,

The head,

Or the jaw,

Or the forehead.

Release everything just for a moment.

Know that you're safe.

And start to think about and feel about this spark of aliveness inside your heart.

And imagine there was dark all around you.

Maybe the thought,

The fears,

The worries,

This idea of who you are,

All swirling around you.

And then come back to your heart and notice a little tiny flame.

How's that flame look like?

Which color has it for you?

Is it connected to your heartbeat?

If yes,

How is your heart beating then?

Start to feel the heat of this flame.

That is you,

Your source,

Your power.

Imagine,

Put this flame into your whole body,

Not even your heart.

Try to extend it to make it bigger,

Because it's you,

Your power.

Try to get it in your upper body,

Your chest,

Your stomach.

Visualize the color you gave the flame.

Get the flame into your legs,

The left side,

Right side,

Into your arms,

Left arm and the right arm.

Then try to get that in your throat,

Your neck,

In your face,

Your forehead,

Between the eyebrows.

You're still in the darkness,

But you're shining so bright.

That's your light,

That's you,

Your power.

Observe it,

Feel the light inside you.

You can go there anytime.

This light is always there for you.

Just see it,

Feel it,

Because it's you.

Stay here for another deep breath.

Feel your light,

And if you're ready,

Come back and open your eyes.

So,

Thank you,

Mimi,

For co-guiding that meditation.

It's a beautiful experience.

Thank you.

If anyone's experiencing something,

Or whatever you're experiencing,

During or after that meditation,

Put it in the chat.

We'd love to hear what that created inside of you.

Someone put,

Using your light,

Using your candle to light another's,

Doesn't diminish the light.

Yeah,

I think your candle actually gets brighter when you light another's up.

That's what I found.

Because,

The thing I've realized is,

This light is not even my light.

It's not,

I don't own it.

It's not a personal thing.

It's the light,

Like I said,

That's within the stars and the sun,

And the plants and us.

And that's just a scientific thing,

Right?

It's not a spiritual thing anymore.

Scientific.

There is a light,

A force within everything.

So,

If we're able to access that,

And we can help others,

Yeah.

We're just accessing the universal force.

It's within everything.

So,

I hope that meditation gave you something.

Hope this session sparked something in you as well.

And,

Are we still here?

Do you still hear us?

Let us know.

I think we're still here.

Let's see.

Okay,

Great.

So,

We're gonna end the session there,

Guys.

And when I say finding meaning and purpose in your life,

Like we've said in the session,

You can know what that is.

You'll know what that is somewhere deep inside.

And then,

To actually make it happen,

You need this light.

It has to come from a place of light.

Like Mimi was saying,

When you're already in this space of being at peace within who you are,

Then you express that outwardly so much more easily.

So,

Whatever you want in life,

The only thing that's gonna drive you forward is light.

So,

I suggest you just try and go for it.

It's the other part of this.

Try and try things.

Try things out.

Play the game,

Like I said earlier.

Be like the child with the colors and the crayons.

Just play.

Just try.

The only reason we don't try things is because we think we've got something to lose.

We really believe we can lose something deep inside.

Yeah,

You might lose things in the world,

Physical world.

That doesn't mean you lose part of yourself.

You can't lose yourself.

It's always there.

Oh,

Wait.

You're always okay.

So,

Find whatever that meaning is.

And if you want,

You can message me,

And I'm happy to share.

I've got this resource where I talk about,

It's a whole article where I talk about how I found myself.

And it's called,

I think it's called Long Hair Don't Care.

And I used to have long hair for any of you guys who don't know me with long hair.

I had really long hair up to here.

And this whole article was about stepping into who you really are.

So,

If you want this article,

Drop me a message privately.

I'll send it to you.

Or you can find me on Instagram.

And you'll see,

If you see my Instagram,

I'm posting things about Tanzania,

Africa,

Posting things about school,

Schools that I visited.

Check the Instagram page out,

Because you'll like it,

I'm sure.

And there's a bunch of book recommendations on there as well,

Like a hundred of them.

So my Instagram is Raj Garcia.

And if you want Mimi's contact,

You'll just see it on my page.

I've just posted about her on my page,

Actually,

On my Instagram page.

Or you can message me and you can ask me if you wanna get in touch with her.

So either of us are here to help and support whatever you want in life.

If you want to speak and have a conversation to one of us personally,

Yeah,

Let's have a conversation.

Just nothing like,

It doesn't have to be such a big deal.

You can just message us and let us know.

So that's the first thing I wanna say.

Second thing I wanna say is donations.

Last time we hosted this session and we got a lot of donations.

Here's why.

Because the donations that we're collecting from this session are gonna go towards the NGO that Mimi has created.

Of course,

It's a not-for-profit,

Right?

They're not making money.

They're not keeping the money.

It's all going to disabled children.

It's all going for building a school.

Literally,

They're building a school.

So if you wanna help out in building a school for children who need it out here,

Who don't have anyone to help them with that.

I saw the school.

It's the schools that they're currently in.

They're not really getting taught anything.

They're in horrible conditions.

That's why she's building a school.

So if you wanna support that,

You can donate right now,

Whatever amount you want.

It's not going to me.

It's literally gonna go to the school to help build it,

To help fund it.

Even things like this,

Right?

Like buying pencils and pens.

Things that we think are nothing.

Just like that stuff they can't get out here so easily because no one's funding it,

Right?

So if you wanna donate,

You can press the donate button somewhere here.

And whatever donations we collect overall,

We'll go towards that school.

I think last time we got like $200 worth,

Which was insane.

Don't know how that happened.

What can $200 do out here?

Let's say that we got that.

I'm not trying to pressure anyone,

But we've already got $200.

What could that do for the foundation you have?

I'm just gonna go by the kids that are here.

We are building an inclusive school,

By the way.

So kids with and without disabilities are gonna be together.

You know,

Here in Tanzania,

It's like the acceptance for disabilities,

Minus zero,

I'm always saying.

It's a little bit sarcastic,

But yeah,

People with disabilities,

It's like,

It's not normal.

There's a lot of witchcraft,

A lot of stigma tides around.

So unfortunately,

It's not getting accepted in society.

So what we are creating out of this inclusive school is like kids that are growing up with disabled kids beside.

So it's getting a normal thing.

And first of all,

What we need,

Obviously,

Is the school itself.

We're already into constructions.

We are building a big,

What is it?

How do you call it?

Like a kindergarten,

Primary,

Secondary school.

So it's gonna fund there.

But what is it really,

Really is,

It's about the people,

The kids,

They can go to school.

There is actually no school fees for them.

They can't afford.

So we can support them with those donations to go to school,

Having something to eat per day and having access to humanity,

Like being human,

Because it's not really normal here.

So that's where the donation can go.

Yeah,

Cool.

I hope we're still here,

By the way.

I don't know if we're still here,

To be honest,

But tell us if we're still here,

Anyone,

If you can hear us and see us.

It's weird.

Who knows if we are or not.

But anyway,

We're gonna end the session there.

Hopefully you heard us.

Right at the end where we were talking about that.

If not,

I don't know,

Whatever.

But we'll leave the session there.

There's still people putting messages in,

So I don't know if they can hear us or not.

But anyway,

We're gonna leave the session there and see you on the next one.

And hopefully I connect with a few of you guys.

See you later.

Bye-bye.

I think we've dropped.

It might be.

I think so too.

Yeah.

Weird though,

Because there's messages coming through.

Let's just see.

Let's see if anyone messages right now.

Why is it that bad?

I don't know,

It says bad.

Are you still connected to the Wi-Fi?

Yours?

Yeah,

Still connected to the hotspot.

Oh,

Hotspot,

Yeah.

Okay,

Weird.

Someone just said,

We're waiting for your announcement on IT.

Let me end live and let me go back to it.

Let's see if it works.

Close,

Close.

Yeah.

Weird.

One of them actually messaged me saying he's still there.

Ah,

It's not even connecting now.

Should we use mine?

No.

Yeah,

I can do it.

Let's try that.

Okay,

What is it?

IPhone.

Yeah.

V-cache.

M-I-K-E-S-C-H-1.

Oh,

It was the MBIC.

Didn't say so.

The M.

Ah,

That was the MBIC.

Oh,

Let's see.

Let's see what I found.

Okay,

M-I-K-E-S-C-H-1.

Okay,

Connected.

Maybe your internet is done.

Ah,

My package?

Probably,

Yeah.

Ah,

It's because this is probably quite demanding,

Right?

So it's getting lower and then it's gone.

Yeah.

Oops,

Okay,

That was a weird time to sneeze.