Forgiveness: Finding Peace & Wholeness Within

There is so much pain and divisiveness in the world and forgiveness can be challenging for many of us. Yet, as long as we do not forgive, we remain in a state of separation. By holding onto past hurts, we hurt ourselves further. In forgiveness, we find our wholeness, we find love, and we find the deep healing that we seek—the healing that brings us back to our true nature of love, compassion, and wisdom. This is a 20-minute talk followed by a 20-minute guided meditation.

Transcript

For today's practice,

I would like to focus on forgiveness.

It's a topic that I feel is very important to cultivating our humanity and our ability to love.

And it's particularly necessary to help resolve the divisiveness that exists in the world,

Within the country,

Within our communities,

And in the world as a whole.

I'd like to start with two quotes.

The first one is from Gregory David Wright.

The first one is from Gregory David Roberts from the book Shantaram.

It's forgiveness that makes us what we are.

Without forgiveness,

Our species would have annihilated itself in endless retributions.

Without forgiveness,

There would be no history.

Without that hope,

There would be no art,

For every work of art is in some way an act of forgiveness.

Without that dream,

There would be no love,

For every act of love is in some way a promise to forgive.

We live on because we can love,

And we love because we can forgive.

One more quote from Jack Kornfield.

Forgiveness is,

In particular,

The capacity to let go,

To release the suffering,

The sorrows,

The burdens of the pains and betrayals of the past,

And instead,

To choose the mystery of love.

Love and forgiveness are deeply and intimately intertwined.

The more we are able to forgive,

The greater our capacity for love.

And the more we allow ourselves to truly unconditionally love,

The easier it is to forgive.

When we do not forgive,

When we hold on to past hurts and betrayals of feeling that we have not been treated appropriately,

That we have been hurt in some way,

Our hearts close down.

Guilt,

Shame,

Anger,

All of these often arise from a lack of an ability to forgive,

To forgive ourselves,

To forgive others,

To forgive the world.

Ultimately,

With forgiveness,

We have to forgive ourselves and others for being imperfect.

For the fact that we are human,

That we all make mistakes.

The soul is all forgiving,

Deep in our nature,

Our true nature,

Our natural state,

Our true state,

Our true state,

Our natural state.

When we're connected within ourselves,

We naturally have the ability to forgive,

To see reality as it is,

And to realize that we are all a work in progress.

And that the point of life is not to not make mistakes,

But it's to learn.

And it's only through making mistakes that we have the opportunity to learn.

And so to forgive is to realize that we all make mistakes and to forgive ourselves for our unskillful behavior and to forgive others for theirs.

When we forgive,

It frees us.

As I said,

Guilt and shame and anger,

Which arise when we do not freely forgive,

All of those shut down the heart.

They close us off from our connection within ourselves and from our connection to others and the world around us.

They harden us.

And it's the power of forgiveness that softens that hardness,

That opens our heart,

And allows us to reconnect deeply within ourselves and to the world.

Often we do not forgive because we wish that things were different than they are.

But that creates a separation within us because wanting things to be different than they are doesn't ever make it so.

It's only when we forgive that we can accept things completely as they are.

And with that acceptance,

It creates space for change and transformation and growth.

If we feel guilty about something that we've done wrong,

That guilt weighs us down and it creates stasis within us that prevents us from growing and learning from the mistakes we've made.

When we forgive ourselves,

We soften and we can still acknowledge those mistakes,

But instead of guilt,

It turns into remorse,

Which is a more dynamic and fluid energy that allows us to look at the mistakes we've made,

The things we could have done better,

And to use that to acknowledge it,

To take responsibility for it,

And to move forward with the motivation and intention to do better in the future.

Ultimately,

All of our unskillful action and all of the unskillful action of others comes from a level of ignorance.

And we are all ignorant at some level because what is ignorance?

Ignorance simply means that there is something that we do not know.

And so we all have some level of ignorance.

We do not know what other people want or feel.

We do not know what the consequences of our actions are going to be.

For if we truly understood the far-reaching consequences of every action,

Of every word spoken,

It would be much easier to act skillfully in each moment,

To understand how everything will unfold from any given word or action.

In order to be able to forgive others,

It is necessary to first forgive ourselves.

We are hard on others and judge them,

Condemn them for their actions,

For their unskillful behavior because we are hard on ourselves,

Because we judge ourselves and condemn ourselves for our unskillful action.

As we make space for ourselves to forgive ourselves,

To acknowledge that we make mistakes and that it's part of life and part of being human,

It becomes infinitely easier to forgive others.

And it's an interesting thing.

You know,

Sometimes we think that if we are hard on ourselves or condemn ourselves,

That that will make us change.

But actually that just solidifies and concretizes those patterns within us.

It's when we are compassionate with ourselves,

When we soften within,

That is what allows us to change.

That is what allows us to change and transform.

And similarly with others,

We may think that if we do not forgive others,

If we hold something against them,

If we condemn them,

That that is going to make them change somehow.

But actually the opposite is true.

The more someone feels judged and condemned or shamed,

The more they retreat and the more they solidify into that which we are projecting onto them.

It is when others feel met with understanding and compassion and forgiveness,

That they feel that space that enables them to be present with themselves,

To acknowledge that they have made mistakes and to have the desire to grow,

To become better in the future.

None of us are perfect.

If we were perfect,

We would no longer be here because to be human is to make mistakes.

How does it go?

To err is human.

To forgive is divine.

And when we touch into that place of forgiveness within ourselves and cultivate that which is already there,

Simply cultivating an awareness of it and an intention to allow it to flow forth from us,

That is when we connect into our soul,

To our true nature and the divine flows freely through us.

There's a deep healing that comes with forgiveness because in order to forgive,

It means making space for all parts of ourselves,

For letting go of the divisiveness within self that judges and separates and is striving to be some certain way.

To forgive,

We have to allow for the complexity that we contain within us and that we express in being human.

That's paradoxical that we have simultaneous,

Conflicting emotions and thoughts and experiences in our body and interactions with others.

To make space for that complexity,

We have to forgive ourselves for the fact that we are paradoxical,

That we are not unidimensional.

But as we do so,

We become more whole.

We allow for the fullness of our being and we begin to acknowledge the beauty that arises from that complexity of being human.

And as we become more whole,

We heal.

At first,

It can be a lot of effort.

It can be hard.

And often,

The mind does not want to forgive because it is the mind that creates the distinctions,

The divisiveness,

The separations,

The judgments,

Wanting things to be a certain way that they are not.

But as we let go of that attachment of the mind to taking things personally,

To wanting things to be different than they are,

And we sink into the depths and the beauty of our soul,

It becomes easier.

Ultimately,

I believe it's possible to reach a state where there isn't even a thought of forgiveness because there is so much love and understanding that pours forth from us that we just see people as they are,

That they are all suffering.

We are all suffering.

We all have hopes and dreams that others do not know.

We all have fears.

We all have pains and past hurts that others do not know.

And so when we make space for others to be as they are,

To make mistakes,

It allows space for them to grow.

It creates a peacefulness within us and around us and in our relationships.

And as people let go of the fear of being judged,

They step more fully into their true nature.

It calls it forth out of them.

It's only by being peaceful that we can bring greater peace into the world.

We cannot force things to be different than they are.

Doing so is not only an act of futility,

But most often it stems from fear and will only bring about those things that we are afraid of.

Instead,

If we cultivate acceptance,

Compassion,

Peacefulness,

And forgiveness,

It opens the way for that to flow,

For that to multiply,

For that to ripple out around us into the world and to affect change without us trying to do anything at all.

The world is always changing.

There's never any need to try to change the world.

What we can do is we can bring forth that beauty which is within us,

Our purpose,

Our love,

Our compassion,

Our wisdom.

And as we do,

That becomes a harmonious note in the concert of life that has a magnetism to it that creates harmony wherever it goes,

That calms dissonance simply by being of itself.

Before we begin the meditation,

I'd like to share one more quote.

This is from Rodney Smith.

When we are forgiving,

We attempt to forgive those who wrong us for the specific harm they have caused.

But incidents of wrongdoing can never be made right.

Forgiveness cannot come by addressing a particular incident alone.

It can only come by forgiving the character of the person who did the wrong.

The character is the sum total of all the person's behavior.

We forgive persons for being who they are.

We forgive them for not being totally reliable human beings.

Such forgiveness is possible only when we have accepted our own character flaws.

This is accepting ourselves in our totality,

In our complexity,

And accepting others in their totality and their complexity.

And I think that's a really important point that forgiveness does not come by forgiving a specific incident or action.

It's only through forgiving the sum total of the individual for being flawed,

For making mistakes,

For being imperfect.

And right now,

I think the world needs a lot of forgiveness.

We all need it,

Individually and collectively.

And as with all practices,

It doesn't arrive in one sit or overnight.

It comes with dedication and having that intention and commitment to continually come back to it,

To cultivate it,

And to know that on the journey,

We are continually going to fail over and over again because it is the nature of being human.

And it's not about not failing.

It's about having the commitment and dedication to continue taking each step,

One day at a time,

One breath at a time.

So if you will,

Please find a comfortable posture for meditation.

If you are seated,

Ensure that your knees are below your hips,

You have a stable base,

And that your torso and spine are rising up towards the sky.

Make sure that the head is situated over the torso.

And slightly tilt the chin downward to allow the crown to rise up while keeping the natural curves of the spine.

If you're laying down,

Check to make sure that you are fully supported in all the areas that you need.

Begin to bring awareness to the breath,

Simply observing it as it flows in and out.

It may be long or short,

Choppy or smooth.

However it is,

Simply observe it and allow it to be just as it is.

While continuing to observe the breath,

Begin abdominal breathing with every inhalation,

Allowing the abdomen to gently expand,

And with every exhalation,

Allowing it to gently contract.

It doesn't need to be a big movement,

Whatever is comfortable and accessible to you in this moment.

And with every exhalation,

Try to release any unnecessary tension from the body.

Continue with abdominal breathing.

And with each inhalation,

Breathe in the word forgiveness.

And with each exhalation,

Breathe out the word love,

Silently,

With your mind,

With your consciousness,

Breathing in forgiveness,

Breathing out love.

Intend to not only think the words with the breath,

But feel the energy of the word within your body.

And with each exhalation,

Breathe in the word love,

Breathing in forgiveness,

Breathing out love.

Now,

Become aware of your entire body.

Become aware of your entire being,

Of who you have been,

Who you thought you might be,

Of who you are in this moment,

Of the experiences,

Memories,

All that has brought you to this moment.

And as you inhale,

Think the phrase,

I love you.

And as you exhale,

Think the phrase,

I forgive you.

Directing the words and the energy behind them towards this totality of your being.

Breathing in,

I love you.

Breathing out,

I forgive you.

Breathing out,

I love you.

Every inhalation,

Feel the vitality that enters with the phrase,

I love you.

And with every exhalation,

Feel the deep sense of safety and relaxation that comes with the phrase,

I forgive you.

I love you.

I love you.

Forgive yourself for being imperfect,

For making mistakes.

Make space to see how all those seeming flaws are part of the totality of who you are.

And that at your core,

You are love.

Now,

Bring to mind someone that you love.

They may or may not still be here in the physical form.

Bring this person to mind and see them in their totality,

Their gifts and challenges,

Their beauty and flaws.

And as you hold them in your awareness,

Continue breathing in,

I love you.

And out,

I forgive you,

Directing this energy towards them,

Accepting them in their wholeness,

Forgiving them for being imperfect,

For making mistakes.

I love you.

Now call to mind someone currently in your life with whom you may have difficulty.

And your awareness in their totality.

Realize that they too are imperfect and that they have hopes and dreams that you are unaware of,

Challenges and suffering that you do not know.

And as you hold them in their fullness,

In your consciousness,

Continue breathing in,

I love you,

And out,

I forgive you.

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Now bring into your awareness the world as a whole.

With all of its inhabitants,

Humans,

Animals,

Trees,

The oceans,

The mountains,

Complex,

Paradoxical,

Always changing,

With untold suffering and untold beauty.

And as you hold the world in your consciousness,

In its fullness,

Continue breathing in,

I love you,

And out,

I forgive you.

Forgiving the world for not being the way we sometimes wish it was.

Forgiving all the people of the world for sometimes not acting the way we would like them to.

Realizing that it is this complexity within the world that is also the source of its beauty,

Its fullness.

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Now let go of the phrases.

Let go of the world,

Of the others,

And rest in the stillness within your being.

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Become aware of the felt sense of your body as a whole.

Feel the stability beneath you,

Supporting you,

Holding you up.

Feel the air around you in which you are immersed,

Like a fish in water.

And when you are ready,

Maintain the connection to the stillness within,

To your true nature of love and forgiveness.

As you gently and slowly begin to open your eyes and take in the world around you.

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When one is in the natural state,

It does not mean that one is perfect,

Or that one does not make mistakes.

What it means is that one is being pulled towards perfection,

As if by gravity.

It means that there is less stasis,

Less static energy,

That the energy flows more freely,

Which allows us to continue to learn,

To grow,

And to evolve,

Moving towards that divine perfection,

While experiencing the freedom that the soul craves,

The freedom of being an imperfect being,

Embodied as a human.

Thank you all for joining me today.

Reviews

Thank you for this thought provoking conversation and meditation 🧘‍♀️. I am grateful and feeling full of forgiveness for myself and some challenging loved ones.💫💫💫

This was a hard one, but I will bow to my experience and continue to move towards forgiveness with an open heart.

Verrry Powerful...Thankyou Thomas...Namaste...💙🙏