Moving From False To A true Soul-Based Personality

The great power of Satsang is they can seed our psyches with unconditional love which will sprout when we are ready.

Premasudha outlines very clearly what it feels like to be in our false personality. We feel heavy, separate, weighted down with responsibilities, abandoned, and even despairing.

But there is hope. We can learn to surrender our egos and move into a soul-infused or true personality. It takes courage but the really important thing to understand is the role of the body in transformation.

Women give birth and instantly their personality changes and they become a mother. The same thing happens when our bodies open up to unconditional love and rise in vibration. Suddenly we feel much more forgiving, nonattached, lighter, and free.

Premasudha's Satsangs are so clear and encouraging, even entertaining, and her practical help is exceptional.

Transcript

So today,

The really strong issue or the light that's coming in is wanting to shine on the difference between your false personality of your ego,

And then true personality of when your soul is allowed to come into your body,

And you begin to speak your soul energy.

You move with your soul energy.

And you know,

This work is really focused on equipping people to live this way.

And it's not a hug,

But my intention is to get as close to you as you need.

It's like we need to feel that somebody loves us.

You know,

Ama hugs.

We get it.

It's a non-verbal experience of her love and devotion.

Yeah.

And that's what helps us.

And she seeds our hearts every time she hugs.

And my hope is that every time you come for satsang,

That energetically you receive this love and you receive seeds to not only supporting your growth right now,

But also the seeds for your future growth,

So that you can just grow organically into what I'm talking about.

Now,

There's something really important I want to speak to you about,

And that is,

You know,

When you come alongside a teacher,

The teacher is never going to do what your ego wants you to do,

Wants her to do.

She's just not.

I mean,

The whole point is to grow beyond the ego,

And the teacher's gone to all the trouble to grow beyond her ego so she can help you out.

She's not going to go along with your egos.

Now,

This can be hard sometimes,

Because sometimes seekers don't understand it,

And they think,

What's the matter?

I trusted you.

And it's like,

Yeah,

But it's like,

The point is not to kowtow to the seeker's ego,

It's to gently help them beyond.

So there's a story about this,

You know,

An Eastern story.

And these travelers were poor,

And they were about to cross a desert,

And they really wanted to do something about their physical wealth.

They really needed it,

Really.

So they went to this teacher,

And the teacher said,

Fill your pockets with stones,

With pebbles before you go.

So they left,

And they were extremely disappointed,

And were thinking,

Well,

That's just going to even weigh us down,

We'll be walking around with pockets heavy with stones.

Why would we do that?

What a silly,

What silly guidance.

So most of them didn't even put any pebbles in their pockets,

And a few of them put maybe one or two pebbles in their pockets,

And they crossed over the desert,

And they were safe,

They made it.

And when they got to the other side,

They put their hands in their pockets,

And the pebbles had turned into diamonds.

You see,

So this is what it's like.

I mean,

If you think somebody's got some knowledge,

Then listen and try it out,

Because then you'll end up with the diamonds.

But if you go,

What is this?

Then you just end up with an empty pocket,

And kind of a burn at yourself for not trusting more.

You know,

Because,

You know,

Bottom line,

Westerners,

You guys,

We're so unloved,

We are so unloved and out of touch with our hearts,

That we think the thoughts of our minds,

The thoughts of our ego are true reality.

And they're not.

Yeah,

They're not.

Yeah,

You have to have the space to,

You know,

Not hold onto them so tightly,

Because if you're holding onto your thoughts and your view of reality,

You are holding on to whatever level of vibration you're at.

And how could anybody help you?

You have to let go of the current thoughts.

You have to have them loosely.

You have to know that you're in your ego and be open to grow.

And then a teacher can help.

Yeah,

But,

You know,

It's so heartbreaking for this one,

Because I know that the overattachment to the thoughts and the fighting of the guidance is just coming from the child's wounding,

Or the child who lost trust in life and who lost trust in other people.

And sometimes we have to leave a teacher for a while and come back.

You know,

That's all good.

There's nothing wrong.

You can't make a mistake,

You know.

I'm just noticing that there are about four people who are bumping up against,

Actually they're bumping up against their egos,

But they think that I'm like not getting them,

Or that I'm being difficult.

And I don't,

What can I say,

You know?

Yeah,

But nothing is wrong.

Like,

It's not wrong to do this.

So,

But it's really,

I'm saying this for the people who really want to accelerate,

You know,

To loosen your attachments to your minds.

And some of you are getting quite restless as I'm talking,

And like,

I get it.

This is how it is.

The ego does not want to be dislodged,

And it's okay.

And I have huge compassion,

Just huge.

Yeah,

Utterly huge.

And the ones of you who've had breakthroughs through this work,

I'm sure if I ask you,

You would give testimonials about the subject.

But,

You know,

I don't,

I don't think it's necessary.

I think the point's been made.

Just think in terms of,

Do you want stones or diamonds,

Or an empty pocket that could have been filled with diamonds?

Yeah,

Yeah.

And I'm feeling,

You guys,

Ah,

Okay,

So just,

I want to hold your hands energetically.

I'm holding your hands,

Okay?

Holding your hands,

Because you're all adorable.

You're all perfect,

Okay?

There's no,

Nobody's making any kind of mistake.

Okay,

Because the other side of what I'm talking about is this.

One very sincere seeker had a dream that she pulled a worm out of her eye.

Okay,

So you know Christ's expression,

You know,

First before you,

You know,

Try to get the moat out of your brother's eye,

Get the moat out of your own eye.

Like,

See your own failings before you try to help somebody else,

Right?

Now,

I think a modern,

Well,

You know,

What do I say?

Modern spin on this.

It's always been this,

But the image of the worm brings up what is the most common obstacle in the view of the person is underneath,

They feel like a worm,

Okay?

You guys,

This is so common in seekers,

In everybody,

But I think they're doing it wrong.

That they're,

You know,

They're not a very good seeker.

Okay,

So I'm just going to ask for more compassion to come into my words,

So you get the compassion behind everything I'm saying.

Yeah,

Yeah,

That's the solution,

You guys,

To get the compassion behind what I'm saying.

So this thing about the worm,

You know,

It's why we hold on to our egos,

Because we're really scared that underneath we're not much,

That we're not worth much,

That we're just like a worm.

Yeah,

And this is the big lie.

You're God in human form,

You're an immortal being.

And when you get over this worm thing,

Which I see in so many,

I mean,

I just see it really across the board in people.

I saw it myself.

You know,

Even as we're being really pure of heart,

We might have this feeling of being a worm just because the heart isn't particularly valued in our culture.

Yeah,

So,

You know,

At the end of all this,

My hope and my intent is that all of you will feel more lodged in this love and more open to trust.

I can feel there's a lot at stake.

Some of you might be feeling this,

But there's a lot at stake.

There's a lot at stake.

You know what's at stake?

It's the whole rest of your lives,

You know?

Yeah,

Our lives can turn on just a dime.

Mm-hmm,

And if you get the understanding of what I'm talking about,

It will make your evolution easier because you won't buy into the worm thing.

Now,

The seeker who had this dream came into this life with a colossal amount of homework,

But she came in with the possibility of cycling off,

Of really completing,

And that was part of why she chose such a very difficult go,

Because it would make it so clear to her about how uncomfortable she is on the earth plane.

So she had lots of invitations to feel like a worm in this life with all these really difficult things that happened to her,

And this is part of when I talk about the struggles I have with people.

She and I have had a few difficulties over just this issue,

Over just this issue where I'm going,

You're a divine being.

Come on,

You're a divine being,

And she's getting it now.

She pulled the worm out of her eye in the dream.

I mean,

This is how two plus two equals four it is.

We get a dream image that just spells it all out,

And that is the most common moat in our eye,

That we feel like a worm,

And then unfortunately,

We tend to have a negative view of humanity as a result of that.

We go like all humanity is just a worm too.

We're just wrecking the planet.

We're just so terrible,

And it's like,

Yeah,

All those things are true,

But we're divine beings,

And this is just an illusion,

You know?

You don't want to take it too,

Too seriously,

And you certainly don't want to get stuck in too much negativity if you can avoid it because a lot of negativity will keep us on the earth plane.

Yeah,

The thing is,

You know,

When I wake up at three o'clock,

Then I have so much energy then with this Zoom,

So I feel like I've been thinking about all this,

So it's coming out like blah,

So I hope it's not overwhelming.

You're not worms,

You know?

Even if you can identify it,

You know,

If you can stay present and identify,

Oh,

I'm feeling like a worm right now,

That is a step into freedom,

Just witnessing it.

I'm feeling a little sad right now as I'm feeling into your energies.

I'm feeling like I'm wanting to communicate with you more than I'm being allowed to for whatever reason.

I'm wanting to get through to your hearts more than I'm being allowed to for whatever reason.

It's all good.

You know,

It takes two to tango.

I'm not saying it's you guys.

I'm just noticing it,

You know?

It'll be reflecting me as well.

You know,

That's it.

That's it.

See,

If you can come to this where you don't believe your thoughts so much,

You can come to the empty space of self.

As long as you're really believing your minds,

You're in a cave,

You know?

If you can make a bit of space,

Then you will be able then to witness the cave that you're caught in,

The cave of your ego or the cave of your mind.

As long as you're believing your thoughts,

You're going to be in there.

That's why,

You know,

Plato's cave,

All the people are facing into the cave and they're watching the flickers of light caused by,

You know,

A campfire.

And they think that's reality.

And all they have to do is just turn their heads in their other direction and they'd see the mouth of the cave and they could come out of their ego story and come out into the light.

And this is what this work is oriented towards.

You know,

Notice what's going on in your bodies,

You know,

Notice restlessness if it's coming up.

So when we're in false personality,

We will believe our thoughts and think they're true.

We will feel heavy.

We will feel like everything's on us and we have no maneuvering room,

That we've got a big heavy load on our shoulders and there's nobody to help us.

And that will look very true as well.

It will seem that we're all alone and that we're in this very unloving world.

And we'll notice that the same things keep happening over and over and over again.

The same themes appear,

The same kind of thing happens like Groundhog Day.

You know that movie with,

Was it Jim Carrey?

And the same thing happened over and over and over.

Yeah,

And the same thing does happen over and over.

What happens is our childhood wounding repeats exactly until we wake up and we realize that the truth is beyond our thoughts.

That our storyline is not the truth.

That it's really an ever-changing storyline in a way once you open up and allow your true nature in.

And then you even get beyond any storyline at all and you just come into that silence of love where you know that you are everything.

Yeah,

So I can feel some of you are really wanting to jump spiritually.

You're really wanting to sort of jump up the mountain in a leap and you can do that.

But it often happens when we're feeling,

When we have a,

You know,

We leap when we're a zero.

You know,

Amma says when you're a zero,

You're a hero.

It's like when you feel that you're just lost,

That you just don't know which way is up and down,

You've been totally humbled.

That's actually,

If you steer towards God in one of those times,

You can make a huge leap up the mountain.

It's sort of like that or else we just feel more sorry for ourselves,

You know,

And we strengthen the ego story.

It's like there's a wave that the divine is wanting us to catch,

All of us.

All of us.

And it's as if the divine is using me,

My presence and my words to speak to help create an opening for you to receive this wave.

It's a wave of utter love and compassion.

It's like to learn how to surf it.

Now,

If you don't find this way,

Don't go into the worm thing.

It would be the worm thing that would stop you from finding this wave.

If you don't get the way this satsang,

You'll get it the next.

Don't worry.

The wave's going to come again and again and again.

And it's this free,

Exuberant,

Unconditional love that's set in motion by a group of sincere seekers coming with the intention to grow,

To find out more about the divine,

To find out more about their true nature.

Yeah,

Right.

Okay,

Good.

I'm feeling the wave is hitting.

It's hitting you all.

If you can't feel it,

Don't worry.

Just think to yourself,

Okay,

I let it in.

I let love in.

Even if you don't even understand what I'm talking about,

Just say yes.

Just come in.

Just this way,

You'll end up with a pocket full of diamonds.

Yeah,

Just come along with me.

Yeah,

That's it.

That's it.

That's it.

Some of you have struggled so much in your lives,

And you know about struggle more than anything,

And you know I have been you.

It can change.

It will change.

Just keep going.

You'll end up with diamonds in your pocket.

That's it.

Some of you are walling off the wave.

Listen,

Remember when I'm putting words to this,

Because this helps when you shine a light on the blocks,

They dissolve,

Okay?

So again,

You're not doing anything wrong.

We're just helping you receive it.

Yeah.

That's it.

That's it.

That's it.

One of the things that makes it really easy to receive the wave is the desire to serve humanity,

To make it better here,

However you can.

If you have that and a yearning to know God better,

To know the creator energy,

To know what unconditional love really is,

That opens you to the wave.

Some of you go,

Well,

I want it this much or this much,

And then that's as much as I the wave will get to you.

Okay.

It's okay.

It's just kind of a cause and effect.

That's it.

That's it.

That's it.

Some of you are stepping right.

Okay.

So just stay in your bodies.

Just stay with your physicality when I'm saying this,

Okay?

Stay with noticing what's going on in your body.

That is your route to freedom.

Some of you are kind of stepping outside your body and trying to fix the situation,

Trying to do it.

Don't do that.

Stay in your bodies.

Really never leave your bodies unless you have the intention to go surfing dimensions or something.

But stay in your bodies.

It's your vehicle.

You're human.

You get this through the body,

Through the mammal.

Notice what's going on in your body.

This is a bit of a pain,

Painstaking satsang.

It's a little,

It's hard work in a way.

But it's actually introducing you to the possibility,

The real possibility of moving into true personality more,

Which is just when your divine is allowed into your body.

So this is what all the non-dualists are talking about,

Where you just unite with your true nature and you express your true nature here in human form and you no longer feel that the earth is a duality.

You just see it as God.

Everything is God.

But you know,

I've been listening to non-dual satsangs and I noticed that so many of the people are getting so caught up in their minds and they're,

I don't want you guys to get confused,

Although this will be confusing anyway,

But that's why I focus on the body because the body is your key.

It comes in through the body.

When you make a shift in your physicality,

You will understand new concepts.

It isn't that we get the concept and then our bodies shift.

It's the opposite on the journey.

Your body gets it and then your head gets it.

It's why I keep talking about when a woman gives birth,

Suddenly she's a mother.

The same thing happens on the journey.

When your body gets it,

You will get it.

That's why we can have a powerful dream and we wake up in the morning and our body's got it and we've changed.

Your body can get it from going outside and having a lovely conversation or seeing birds.

With this evolution work,

A lot of the problem lies in the base chakra where we feel that we can't have our true nature and survive in this world,

And we can,

But I feel the base chakra in you guys feeling like,

How do I live here in the world and bring in my true nature?

You know what?

Your divinity will show you how.

The world isn't real.

It's just like a balloon that's going to pop.

Your own life,

The whole earth plane,

It's not real.

We have to just be with things on the journey.

This is tougher than many harder work.

Not quite so comfortable,

But we just be with it.

It's how it is today.

The work's getting done anyway.

It's actually like having a marriage and some days are easier than others,

But you don't walk away easily.

Same principle in the journey.

Our souls are beloved,

Really the true seeker,

It's a love relationship between the soul energy and the human personality.

It's like having a capricious lover who puts you through incredibly demanding,

Like having a really demanding woman as a partner,

But it's worth it.

You just make the effort.

You keep going.

When it works,

It's just extraordinary.

This is the spiritual journey.

This is why Hafiz and Rumi,

And they talk about the beloved.

We're the beloved for our souls,

You guys.

You're the beloved of your soul.

Your soul knows you through all your lifetimes.

Your soul knows every single thing about you far more than you could imagine because it includes all the lifetimes of all the other people you've been.

I mean,

The hugeness of the love is just right off the charts.

Maybe we can give something back to our souls.

It's sort of like Amma's love for us with all these hugs.

She hugs us and hugs us,

And she does so much for us.

What can we do for her?

What can we bring out of ourselves in devotion to her and what she's teaching?

It feels as if the universe,

Amma,

Your souls are soothing your base chakras.

Soothing your base chakras.

Yeah.

You know,

In the movement to move from true personality,

From false personality into true personality,

There are periods where you'll feel really,

Really heavy.

You might feel very,

Very edgy sometimes just when you're about to evolve.

Really edgy.

You know,

My son spoke to me just a few days ago and mentioned that he'd had a really terrifying anxiety attack.

And,

You know,

He was out of it now.

And I thought to myself,

I'm so glad that I've done this work because I could just kind of put the ground under his feet and say,

You know,

It's just your ego scared of who you are.

You know?

Yeah.

And I gave him some tips to handle himself with this.

And I feel this big relief that actually he's growing,

You know?

You've got a big anxiety attack.

It means that you're really growing,

You know,

That your soul is really on the move because your ego,

You know,

Doesn't make that kind of a response.

I mean,

It's making a big anxiety attack because it knows it's going to be dying.

Yeah.

But,

You know,

They're horrifying to go through.

And when you're going through it,

You don't feel like it's loving.

You know,

I mean,

Even if you think to yourself,

I mean,

Actually,

You can't even think to yourself,

Oh,

I'm just scared of love.

You know,

The anxiety attack is you're feeling every cell on your body is you're feeling your ego panic about dying.

And you think it's you,

You see?

But it's your false personality that's scared of dying.

And it's going to be dying if you get an anxiety attack like that.

Yeah.

And like,

You know,

Two weeks later,

You'll be into the sunshine and feeling more love and peace than you ever felt in your existence.

Yeah.

Just do your best to be fearless about things.

You can always email me.

You can always contact me.

I feel like I need somebody or it's not I need somebody.

It feels like the divine is wanting that soul energy is wanting somebody to come forward and speak about their experience about what I've been saying.

Something to somebody you can stand and kind of give a testimonial about their progress doing this work.

Is there anybody who's?

Okay,

Laura,

Sweet one.

Go ahead.

Do I unmute you?

Or can you?

Yeah,

There you go.

No,

I got it.

Hi,

Friends.

Hi,

Everybody.

Um,

I didn't feel safe,

Ever.

And I guess that's first chakra and I learned nobody around you is safe.

And you can't trust anybody or what they say.

So when I started to talk to you,

I still didn't feel safe.

Yeah.

And I believe to maybe 2%.

Right.

And the rest of me was watching.

And gradually,

It started feeling better.

I don't know how it happened.

You kept saying,

It's okay.

It's okay.

If you don't trust me,

It's okay.

And I thought,

Then it's okay.

Just keep going.

Right.

And that acting as if it was okay.

Somehow,

It got better.

Good.

And the last time we talked,

When you said something,

And I just said,

Okay.

Oh,

My gosh,

That was the first time I ever thought that because everything you've said,

Even though I didn't believe it has happened.

Right.

And so.

Laura,

I just want to say,

Just hold on a sec.

I just want to say that when you said everything I said would happen has happened.

That is the pebbles in the pocket and finding the diamonds.

And Laura,

You put pebbles in your pocket.

You went along with this process.

So you got the diamonds.

Yeah,

That's it.

I'm so grateful because I felt when I met you,

Like I was back up against the wall.

Yeah.

And I didn't have any ideas left.

Yeah.

And that ego you're talking about was a huge defense machine that I made.

Because I had to.

Right.

I don't need it anymore.

That's it.

You're shifting into true personality just through,

You know,

The trust and you would,

You know,

We'd speak and then you'd experiment.

And then it seemed to be true.

So we talked again.

And but,

You know,

With Laura,

It was up and downs.

And a few times we didn't talk for a bit.

Right,

Laura?

Like,

Like,

I get it.

Oh,

My gosh.

I got so mad.

And you said,

That's okay.

And but what I learned,

What you're talking about was that it was safe to be me.

Right.

It was safe to be me.

Exactly.

And it never was.

And now it is.

Right.

So thank you.

Right.

Thank you,

Laura.

It's a re-mothering,

A re-bonding.

And so all the wounding from the child comes up again,

You know.

So I get it.

And there's,

You know,

I mean,

The thing,

There's a certain humility on this one,

Because really,

My ego was so huge.

So who am I?

I can't judge egos.

It's like,

I get it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

Thank you,

Laura.

Thank you.

Can somebody else speak?

I feel like Anna.

Can you say something,

Anna?

You knew I was going to ask you,

Didn't you?

Okay.

So yeah,

I can,

I resonate so much with the whole thing today,

Because I feel very,

Very,

Very vulnerable today.

And yeah,

So I've been being with me and my ego stuff and my thoughts all day,

Since yesterday,

Since I had Darshan with Amma.

And yeah,

So yeah,

All my journey at the moment,

Everything I am learning has to do with overcoming my resistance to learn.

Anna,

Can you speak directly about what it's like with interfacing with me,

What it's been like?

Okay,

Yeah,

Yeah.

So it's a challenge.

It's a challenge to stay with you and be with you when you shine a light on the ego stuff,

Because then everything gets so,

Oh my God,

Then I felt so bad about me that I thought,

Oh my goodness,

I'll never be able to do anything in my life.

I'm so,

I can't do it.

And then I was angry too,

Like Laura.

I thought,

Oh my goodness,

Why isn't there more love?

And why isn't she consoling me and being supporting and carrying me through this?

No,

It got worse and worse.

So until there was a tipping point,

Then I came to a tipping point when I thought something has to change here.

So it's going like in circles and circles around and around for years.

And yeah,

It has something to do with surrender,

Surrender to my own soul,

Not to Prima Suda,

To my own soul.

Right,

Right.

And when this dawned on me that I need,

You are telling me this and all of us for years and years and years,

That I really just have to,

It's just surrendering to my true nature,

To my true being,

To my divinity,

That's all.

And then things get better.

So,

And that's when things,

When I could,

Just like Laura said,

I could say,

When you said something really hurting to me,

I said,

Yes,

That's true.

I just said,

Yeah,

It's like that.

I can accept that.

I can accept what you say,

Even if I want to protect myself from this truth you were talking about.

So,

And when I could do that,

Things got better.

I mean,

Things got,

It's easier not to fight against myself all the time.

So,

Yeah.

Yeah.

Thanks,

Anna.

That's the thing,

You know,

The egos want to the teacher to serve the ego,

You see.

So,

The teacher will never do this.

So,

That's the rub.

But as we come out of our ego,

We start seeing,

Ah,

We start seeing the beauty of what's happening.

And you know,

Alma says that she can't be a friend of someone who's,

When she's lifting off their ego.

If I can,

You know,

She isn't a friend when she's lifting your ego.

It's awful.

You know,

I'm a survivor of many of those fires.

It's awful.

Sorry,

Alex?

Oh,

I didn't want to interrupt,

But I just wanted to add something too.

Please,

Please,

Please add.

Just when,

I mean,

When both Laura and Anna,

I relate,

And especially Anna's last point around experiencing you shine a light on a part of my ego and just feel so,

Well,

I mean,

Throughout these years with you,

I've had many moments of just feeling so defensive.

And I remember early on when you would tell me you were feeling my defensiveness,

And even that seemed,

I couldn't quite see that.

Like,

It's funny now to look back on it,

But I remember so many moments saying,

Well,

No,

I'm not defensive.

Like,

I don't know what you're talking about.

I don't think I'm being defensive right now.

And yeah,

Just,

And even still now,

You know,

It's not like it's over,

But there's,

I feel more able to be humbled and welcome it,

At least a part of me to welcome it.

And there was something else I wanted to get to,

And I feel like I'm losing my train of thought,

But I just wanted to chime in and just say me too.

Have some more time.

You can have some more time,

Alex,

If you just stay with it.

Maybe it will come back.

Yeah,

So for me,

It's like with little kids,

You know,

And you just know what's best for the little kid,

But they can't see it,

You know,

So they're angry,

You know?

Yeah,

And I don't take it seriously.

It's like,

I get it.

I used to get a lot of survival fears around this when I did this with people.

It was like,

I was always scared of being abandoned,

But I don't have that anymore.

It's just like,

I know how priceless it is,

And I just want to share it,

You know,

With whoever wants it.

I remember it.

I think there's been a large part of me that hasn't been able to wrap my head around.

How can you be saying something critical and be loving at the same time?

Right,

Right.

So as soon as I felt like you were criticizing by shining a light on something,

I would say,

Oh,

She's criticizing me.

It feels like an attack.

This isn't loving,

Or this isn't helpful or supportive,

Or,

You know,

Like,

Or maybe she means to be helpful or supportive,

But it doesn't feel like it.

And I can't be held and loved unconditionally while feeling criticized,

Like that just couldn't register those two things.

And as I've started to let that seeming paradox exist,

I've been able to accept and feel the love even in something that might seem like criticism and recognize that it's my ego that takes it as criticism.

It's not.

That's it.

It's the ego doesn't like this work.

And when we're attached to our ego,

The more attached we are to the ego,

The more we buy into it.

It's like,

Go away,

Premasuddha.

Like,

I get it.

And as you become freer,

You become more and more open,

And your work can accelerate.

Your evolution can accelerate.

This is good work.

You guys,

You're getting this.

And thank you for speaking so clearly.

Yeah.

And this is the bravest work anybody can do is coming out of the ego.

It is terrifying.

It's very humbling.

But you see,

You can't get to self-realization without it.

Yeah.

Is there anybody else who wishes to speak at all in this vein or speak?

Has a question about something else?

This is Shiva Mai.

I had this experience this morning where I put out some tarot cards.

They're Osho tarot cards.

And I asked about my relationship with Ama.

And what came up for my part of it was the morality card.

You know,

I think sometimes I think I have to be so good.

And there's only one way to do things.

You know,

And then her energy.

Well,

Gosh,

I can't remember what her energy was.

But the resultant energy was playfulness.

And then transformation was the very end card,

You know.

But I am too serious about too much of this,

You know.

And even she scares me.

Like today,

I listened to the sad song.

And I don't know.

You know,

I just never feel like I'm good enough.

But then there was a song about the Bala.

And I looked that up.

I googled that.

And there's the Bala goddess,

Which is a child.

You know,

The more of a childlike goddess,

You know.

Like the infinite frog and all of that,

You know.

I think that's where I need to concentrate my energy.

Yes.

You know,

Into that infancy and that innocence of those.

Yes,

Right.

Before you learned that you were a miserable sinner.

Before you felt like a worm.

It's like pulling the worm thing out.

Yeah,

You're divine being just as you are.

And that innocent child energy is just the closest thing to your divinity.

Oh,

Shivamayee,

This is fantastic.

And,

You know,

I was helping somebody who passed over.

There's three days.

You know,

The Eastern sages say the first three days after you die,

Prayers and working with the person can help them dump a lot of emotional material so that their next lives will be much better,

Easier circumstances.

And I worked with this woman.

And you know what her garbage was around?

It was all around being a good girl.

And all around fear of being like a miserable sinner and trying to do everything right.

And that was her darkness,

You know?

Yeah,

That she dumped.

Yeah,

Maybe I could do it in this life.

Maybe I'll have to cross over to have it done.

Oh,

Sweetie,

You're doing it.

You're doing it.

This is it.

I mean,

You see it.

I mean,

This is also pulling the worm out of your eye.

Were you seeing it?

You see yourself differently after all of this.

Oh,

This is really good.

You know,

You're speaking.

Everybody's getting it more with the people have come up and spoken.

It's like,

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Like,

What a gift.

Thank you.

Because everybody's getting it more.

How loving it really is.

That's it.

Yeah.

Wow,

You guys.

Yeah.

Mai is a princess.

She's a beautiful princess.

Yes.

Yes.

Well,

Thank you.

Yeah,

Good.

Good.

Yeah.

I mean,

This is the point of sad things.

It's so good.

Thank you.

I'm relieved,

You guys.

I'm relieved that we gelled,

You know?

Yeah.

Yeah.

You know,

Teachers teach the way they did it themselves,

Really,

You know?

So I've done it by seeing my own ego and stark relief and gagging on its horribleness and asking for help.

And the result of it is that this one has a particular gift at being able to put words to the ego,

Bring it to consciousness,

And help someone through it.

But I know it's painful.

It hurts.

It's so humbling.

And it's scary sometimes.

Yeah.

But you're doing a great job,

You guys.

I'm so happy.

So what I've decided I'm going to do is we talked about maybe having satsangs about dreams or the shadow.

So what I'm going to do is have occasional extra satsangs,

Like study satsangs,

Focus satsangs.

So there'll be one,

You know,

There'll be one on a Saturday,

Say,

At the same time,

Say,

About dreams or shadow.

And the people that are interested can turn up for that.

And the regular satsang will just keep going every week.

So it's just for the people,

The extra things will be,

You know,

If you're motivated to find out about them,

If you want to know about dreams or shadows.

Yeah,

I got the feeling that was the best way to proceed.

And we will start making more room for questions after the satsang.

But while Anna's in India,

It's 11 o'clock at night her time.

So it's for her to,

I don't,

It's too late to have questions till she gets back.

And after four weeks,

She'll be back.

And then we can have like an extra half hour at the end for questions if somebody wishes.

And people are free to go if they don't want to hear the questions.

And I'm open to suggestions about what you guys need or would like.

So please,

But this is just what's come to me about possibilities for how to do this.

I am so grateful for the people that spoke up so clearly.

Yeah.

And I,

You know,

I,

I know it's uncomfortable,

But the results are good,

Right?

Anna and Alex and Laura,

You're really different.

Than when we met,

Right?

Like very different people,

Right?

And it's very much better for you,

Right?

We can,

Yeah,

Right.

So you're my proof of the puddings.

The proof of the puddings group.

Yeah.

Oh,

You guys.

Is there any questions or comments just before we go?

Is there anybody who needs to say something?

Bethan,

Did you want to say something?

No,

Yeah.

I can't hear you,

Sweet one.

Can you hear me now?

Yeah,

Yeah,

Yeah.

Sorry,

Headphones are still going.

I just want to say thank you,

Said about your son and his panic attacks and the ego being scared of being who you are.

That's how I relate to the seizures that I have.

Right.

Yeah,

So it's good.

And I was actually writing about it yesterday.

I was doing a bit of a review of the year and experiences I had.

So it was quite apt.

And yeah,

I see the seizures as an opening,

A release,

A clearing,

An expression,

Like a freeing for my soul.

Yeah,

That's a good attitude to have with them.

They'll do the most good for you with this attitude.

Good.

Yeah,

And sometimes I feel a build up to them.

I'm just with that and I feel that and then nothing occurs.

Right.

And then something does come through at a time.

So I'm just allow that as well.

And just good.

Rather than,

Yeah.

It's like having mini earthquakes,

Eh?

Yeah.

So not earthquakes.

Yeah.

Yeah,

Yeah,

Yeah.

Can I just say something?

Even with our earthquakes,

We talk about a fault line.

When I talk about this feeling like a worm,

There's a fault line.

And then it rumbles and causes earthquakes.

This happens with us psychologically when we blame ourselves.

Do you understand?

It's our fault line,

Our miserable sinner line.

Yeah.

Okay.

Well,

Good attitude,

Bethan.

Thank you.

Well,

It's taken a while to get there,

But yeah.

Yeah.

Your hair's not long,

Sweetie.

You've got a while to go.

I'm probably the only person who's really grateful for them.

Like,

Okay,

Is this something else occurring and releasing and going and letting it,

Yeah.

Right.

Yeah.

Good.

Good attitude.

Good attitude.

Okay,

Well,

Blessed ones.

Bethan,

Have you finished?

Yeah,

Yeah.

Okay,

Just checking.

Blessed ones,

You know,

All during the week,

I send you guys love.

I think of you and send you love.

Okay,

And just keep going.

Actually,

Can you just repeat about the fault line that you just said?

Just so I have that in my head clearer,

Please.

Okay,

Okay.

There's some things like this.

You know,

I'm such a thinker.

Whoops,

I lost you.

Hold on,

Hold on.

Because this is stuff that I think we overlook.

Okay,

First of all is we have sin numbers.

Like,

Hello,

Sin numbers,

Miserable sinner numbers.

Like,

Keep the whole population feeling really bad about themselves,

And then they'll just follow.

They'll just follow the local tyrant because they feel too bad about themselves to,

Like,

Believe in themselves.

But also the fault line,

If you think of it,

We say fault lines.

So if there's a fault line,

It's a place of instability.

Okay,

And every so often there are these earthquakes that happen when the pressure builds.

The same thing happens to us psychologically when we're,

Like,

What we feel bad about ourselves,

About things we feel ashamed,

We're blaming ourselves with.

They're actually,

Think of it like a line of separation in us that sets up instability and will constantly bring pressure and demand,

You know,

Cause inner turmoil.

Yeah,

This is,

You guys,

Remember we're in a dream and everything we see is us.

And when in the outer world is not outer,

It's a reflection of the inner.

If you just remember sin numbers and fault lines,

It's like the whole thing is about us moving into truth.

It's so wonderful.

I'm so happy to be able to share this stuff.

But I think about this stuff all the time.

And then it's so lovely to share it.

Thank you for sharing.

Well,

If it helps,

I'll tell you what,

Remember Amma says that half our trouble is two narrow minds.

So the reason I think these things are important to why I talk about them is they broaden your mind so you can see,

You make more room.

You start seeing this like sin numbers.

And then,

And so you start just being gentler and more respectful of yourself as a byproduct of seeing this mass hallucination that's going on.

I mean,

Sin numbers.

It's like out of Monty Python or the fault line.

It's like the far side,

You know?

So if you guys,

As a result of this,

Have strong hearts where you let the love into your heart,

You feel how loved you are,

Then,

You know,

Mother Nature will calm down and will be less likely to have dictators.

Truly.

Yeah.

Okay.

Well,

Until next week,

And I'm very excited with how this session worked.

I was sort of not panicking,

But I was going like,

Oh,

I hope these guys,

I hope they don't leave feeling worse.

So I don't think you're feeling worse.

I think you're feeling better.

I love you very,

Very much.

You have no idea.

No idea.

Yeah.

Blessings,

Loved ones.

Blessings.

Reviews

Hi,
I’m curious how I can work with you? I have been listening to your talks and I always get something from them and I feel drawn to do more.

Discovering these satsangs on Insight Timer has felt like finding treasure, and I am learning that they are also a map to the treasure of my soul. Thank you for your work and the immense love that flows so freely through you. 💞

Even better the second time around 🙏🏻🥰 and, gosh, how I love your laugh !