How To Deal With Depression - Stop Feeling Worthless Now

One of the possible reasons that you feel depressed is because you're feeling low self-worth. The intention of this talk is to provide you with insights that help you feel less worthless. I want to provide you with instant relief from the heaviness of depression, and give you lasting lightness around the subject of your self-worth.

Transcript

Hello,

My name is Noe Elkrief,

And in this video I'm going to talk about how to deal with depression.

If you've been around my channel before,

You've probably seen that I also have a few other videos about depression.

In this video,

I'm going to specifically address the feeling of worthlessness and the belief that I am unworthy and I have no value.

So if you've been feeling that way or believing those ideas,

Then maybe this video can give you the relief and help that you're looking for.

Not at some point in the future,

But right now.

The aim of what I'm speaking about isn't to give you a tactic that you can apply later on.

It's meant to give you a discovery right now that gives you relief right now that lasts.

So with that being said,

When we believe that we're unworthy,

Worthless,

Or have no value,

In order to believe that,

We have to have some form of evidence,

Some sort of proof to ourselves to convince ourselves that that is true.

I am really worthless.

And the main forms of evidence that I see in the people that come to me for sessions fall into three basic categories.

One is the facts of my situation.

So my job is terrible,

I'm overweight,

I don't make enough money,

I fail at everything I do,

Nobody loves me,

I have no friends,

I have no lover,

Nobody wants to be in a relationship with me,

That sort of thing.

The second is,

I feel worthless.

This feeling proves that I'm worthless.

A feeling in our stomach,

Head,

Or chest seems to indicate that we are unworthy and worthless.

And third is just unhappy.

We have this idea that if we were worthy,

If we were valuable,

We'd be happy.

And since we're unhappy,

That proves,

And since we feel so depressed,

That proves that we're unworthy.

So in this video,

I'm going to address each of those things and why they don't mean you're unworthy,

And then we're going to look at some other things as well.

Now let's look at the first reason for why we think we're unworthy.

This is the facts of our situation.

So my job,

My wealth,

My house,

My lack of relationships,

My lack of friends,

My weight,

That stuff proves that I am unworthy and invaluable,

Or un-valuable,

I'm not sure which is the correct word.

Well,

In order to see whether that's true or not,

We have to investigate it kind of like scientists over here.

Okay?

So whatever job you think makes someone worthy,

Is everybody that has that job worthy?

If someone makes a lot of money,

Does that mean they're automatically worthy?

Let's say they spend it all on themselves and don't give it away,

Or let's say they make a lot of money but they hate their job.

Are they worthy?

Are they valuable just because they make money?

Or maybe you think worth is determined by being in a relationship that other people like you.

So some people just get a lot of girls and just hook up with girls,

And other people seem to like them.

Are they worthy?

Are they valuable just because other people like them?

Maybe you think a certain amount of friends determines that you're worthy and valuable.

So does everybody that has friends feel worthy and valuable?

Does everyone that has friends mean they're a nice person?

No,

Of course not.

In order to recognize that you're not unworthy,

You need to recognize anybody who has the fantasy that you think creates worth and indicates worth isn't necessarily valuable and worthy according to your own ideas.

Does that make sense?

Or looking at it the other way around.

So let's say you're in a specific job and you decide I'm worthy because I have this job.

Is everybody who has that job unworthy?

Maybe some people think they're worthy,

That it was really hard to get that job.

Maybe the amount of money you have indicates you are unworthy to you.

That somebody else might love that amount of money and be so excited to have it,

Right,

And think they're so worthy that they succeeded.

Is every child unworthy?

Children don't make money.

Children just take,

Take,

Take.

They don't have any skills,

Accomplishments.

Does that mean they're unworthy?

Maybe you failed at a test.

Is everyone who does well on a test worthy and valuable?

Do they all feel worthy and valuable?

No.

Just because you failed at a test or failed in a job interview,

That doesn't mean you're unworthy.

Maybe it wasn't the right fit for you,

Right?

Or maybe you have once,

You don't have certain skills that other people have.

So if someone's good at math and another person's,

And let's say one person's good at math and bad at writing,

And the other person's good at writing and bad at math,

Who's the more valuable and worthy person?

Neither.

Everybody has different skills.

No one skill is better than another,

And no one skill determines that we are a better person.

Even if you think you have no skill,

A skill doesn't mean anything about who you are.

Let's say I'm clapping right now.

Am I a clapper?

No,

It's just something that I'm doing in a given moment.

It's not who I am,

Right?

Because I'm here even when I'm not clapping.

So imagine now I'm the best clapper in the world.

Does that mean I am good and worthy?

No.

That's just a skill,

Right?

It's just clapping may be good,

But that's not who I am because I'm still here even when there's no clapping.

So you need to recognize whatever you think is bad about your situation,

It doesn't mean you're unworthy.

And whatever good situation you fantasize about or good qualities you fantasize about that,

Ask yourself,

Is everyone that's with that situation or quality or skill worthy,

Good,

Happy?

Of course not.

Nothing about the facts of your situation indicate that you're unworthy.

Okay?

Now moving on to the second point.

We often have this feeling of worthlessness,

Right?

This feeling in our stomach usually,

But maybe your chest,

Maybe your head.

This feeling that you say is called worthlessness.

I have a feeling of worthlessness.

And you think that feeling indicates you are worthless,

Right?

But let's investigate that a little bit closer.

If you believe you're going to get fired from your job tomorrow,

What's going to happen?

Well you'll experience anxiety,

A feeling in your chest,

Let's say.

Does that feeling in your chest mean you're going to get fired?

No.

It means you're believing a thought.

If you believe you're going to get fired and you're actually not,

You'll have anxiety.

That anxiety doesn't mean you're going to get fired,

It means you're believing a story.

If you actually are going to get fired,

But you don't know about it,

So you're not thinking about it,

You'll feel nothing.

Does that feeling of nothing mean you're not going to get fired?

No.

Facts don't create feelings,

Thoughts do.

Let's look at another example.

If you are in a relationship and you believe they love you,

But they're really actually cheating and you don't know about it,

How do you feel?

Well you feel nothing,

Right?

You feel,

Yay,

They love me.

You don't feel the cheating,

You feel your own story.

And if the opposite was true,

If you believe they're cheating,

But they're really not,

They love you,

But you really believe they're cheating,

You feel hurt,

Sad,

Anger.

Do those feelings mean that they're actually cheating on you?

No,

They mean you're believing a story.

So as soon as you think that your feelings mean something about reality,

You've got it backwards.

The same is true if,

Let's say you have a kid and they always arrive home on time,

But this time they're late.

You don't know where they are,

They're an hour late.

If you believe a story that says they are hurt,

They're dead,

They're in trouble,

You'll have an upset stomach,

Feeling scared,

Feeling whatever.

Does that feeling in your chest or stomach signify that they're actually hurt?

No,

It means you're believing a story.

And let's say the opposite was true,

That they actually did get hurt,

But you think,

Nah,

They should be home any minute,

No problem.

Then you feel nothing.

Even if your kid gets hurt,

The one you love most gets hurt,

You don't feel it unless you tell the story.

So what that means is that feelings don't prove anything about reality.

Worthlets aren't created by what's happening in reality,

They're created by our thoughts.

So if you feel worthless,

It's not because you actually are worthless,

It's created by a thought that says I'm worthless.

Does that make sense?

The feeling of worthlessness isn't created by there being something wrong with you,

It's created by a thought,

A belief that says I am worthless.

On top of that,

The feeling itself has nothing to do with worthless.

There's nothing worthless about the feeling.

The feeling isn't even called worthless.

If you were actually describing the feeling,

What would it feel like?

Maybe you'd say a little uneasy in my stomach,

Or pressure in my stomach,

Or contraction in my stomach.

That's a description in reality.

The idea that this feeling means I'm worthless,

Or this feeling is called worthlessness,

Isn't a part of reality.

If you have a feeling in your finger,

Like pressure in your finger,

Or contraction in your finger,

And then you say that feeling in my finger proves I'm worthless,

Or proves I'm a failure,

Or proves I'm stupid,

Where's the connection between your finger and failure?

Where's the connection between the feeling and worthless?

There is no connection.

That's just a feeling in your finger.

What does that have to do with who you are?

So the same is true with any feeling you have in your stomach,

Chest,

Or head.

The feeling is just a feeling,

Contraction,

Pressure,

Uneasy,

Tingling,

Whatever.

But nowhere in reality does that have any connection to who you are as a human being,

And your worth and value.

So the feeling that you have that you call worthless is just uneasiness in your stomach,

Pressure,

Contraction.

And it doesn't mean anything about you.

It doesn't mean anything about you.

It's just created by believing stories in your head.

It doesn't mean,

It's not created by there being something wrong with you.

So that means it doesn't prove that you're worthless.

Now for the third point,

Is the idea that if I was worthy,

I would be happy.

That there is a feeling that corresponds with worth.

If I had a worthy life,

A valuable life,

I would feel this way.

Happy,

Fulfilled,

Content,

Not like this.

And the fact that I feel how I do proves my life is not valuable or not worthy.

So if that was the case,

If worth created happiness,

Then picture whatever idea you have of worth and ask yourself,

Is everyone in that situation happy?

Are all famous people happy?

Well,

Clearly not,

They're going to rehab,

Breaking up their marriages,

Fighting all the time on reality shows.

Is everyone with wealth happy?

No,

Of course not.

Plenty of people with wealth are depressed.

Is everyone who works in a charity happy?

No,

Many of them are angry at the world,

Feel like they're not doing enough,

Having anxiety whether it will ever get better.

Is everyone that works in any job happy?

Is everyone that has a girlfriend happy,

A wife happy,

A husband happy,

Who has kids happy?

If you think those things indicate worth and they create certain feelings,

Look,

Just because you have any of those situations,

You can still be and you almost certainly will be unhappy because everybody in all of these situations still has the same thoughts.

Anxiety about the future,

Anxiety about health,

Anxiety about our job,

Worrying about others' opinions,

Insecure about our personality,

Insecure about our looks,

Insecure about our intellect,

Judgments about others,

Anger at certain things,

Sadness about the past,

Guilty about our parenting,

And everything else.

There is no feeling that corresponds with worth,

Whatever picture you have of worth is,

Right?

Look at that picture.

What fantasies do you have of what it would be like to be worthy and valuable?

What would your life look like?

And then ask yourself,

Is everyone with that picture happy?

Do they not have all the thoughts that create unhappiness?

Of course they do.

Everybody does.

So if you're,

Whatever your situation is,

Doesn't,

If you're unhappy,

It's not created by your situation.

It's not created by your lack of worth.

It's not created by an invaluable life,

An invaluable life.

It's created by stories,

By thoughts that are creating your suffering,

Just like those thoughts create suffering in all the people who you think have valuable or worthy lives.

Happiness is not created by your idea of worth.

Happiness is the result of seeing our thoughts clearly.

And anybody who has,

Doesn't understand their thoughts,

Isn't investigating their thoughts.

They're still going to have all of the thoughts about the future,

Thoughts about the past,

Thoughts about others,

And thoughts about themselves that create suffering and prevent us from being happy.

What that means is that your unhappiness,

Your depression,

Doesn't prove that you are worthless or your life is worthless.

It's just created by believing thoughts.

So now that we've looked at three of the major pieces of evidence for why things in our life seem to prove that we're unworthy,

And we've sort of disbelieved that and discredited some of those notions,

Now we can look a little deeper to see what's really going on here.

So what happens is we are basically taught to feel unworthy.

When we're young,

We feel completely sufficient.

At two years old,

No matter how fat you are,

You feel completely happy and worthy until someone teaches you fat is bad,

Skinny is good.

Then,

All of a sudden,

If you're overweight,

You think,

I am not good enough.

The same goes for shy or outgoing.

If you're shy as a two year old,

No problem.

Until someone teaches you shy is bad,

Outgoing is good.

And then we feel insufficient.

So we are taught that we are insufficient.

The same goes with how our parents treat us.

When we do something good,

We earn their love.

They give us a gold star,

A candy,

A hug,

A yay.

And if we don't do anything,

We don't get anything.

So what we're taught from a very young age is that we need to earn people's love.

We need to earn worthiness,

Earn value.

That as we are,

Is completely insufficient and not good enough.

Do you notice that?

If we don't follow,

If we don't behave according to how our parents want,

They scold us,

They yell at us,

They don't give us love and affection.

And when we do what they want,

When we do the good stuff,

Then we get love and affection.

So we're taught,

I can't just do what I want.

I can't just be as I am.

I have to achieve and accomplish things in order to deserve love,

In order to deserve being worthy and good enough.

But that's not true at all.

We're born,

Well,

Basically there is no such thing as worth.

You're not any more worthy now than you were when you were born and nobody is.

And we'll get into that in more detail.

But first just notice right now how that's true in your life,

That when we're young,

Before someone teaches you concepts of bad and good,

You feel completely fine.

And how our parents completely unintentionally taught us that we have to earn love and become good enough to get what we want.

So you can see that sort of manifesting and playing itself out in the real world through just this constant need to be productive that everybody has.

I need to be productive in every moment.

Why?

Because this moment isn't good enough the way that it is.

Because I am not good enough the way that I am.

For most people,

If we're not productive,

We feel like almost ashamed and guilty about it.

Because it's a waste of time if we're not productive.

How are you wasting your time?

You're just being here.

So what you're essentially saying is any moment that you're not improving,

You're wasting your time.

So why is it so important to improve?

Simply because we believe we're not good enough and unworthy now.

Everybody has that.

Well,

Practically everyone.

No matter what job they're in,

No matter how many friends they have,

Any of that,

Everyone feels this constant need to try to improve.

Because we're scared of remaining as we are.

Because we believe we're not good enough.

Because we believe we're unworthy.

We're afraid of not being productive because we're afraid of staying our insufficient unworthy selves.

And that's just not true,

Right?

It's just,

Well,

You don't see it yet.

But basically,

We all operate on this assumption,

I am unworthy.

Now that we have sort of discredited some of the ideas that prove to us that we're unworthy,

And seeing how we're taught to feel unworthy,

Now let's look at what unworthiness and worthiness actually is.

So in this moment,

Please take a moment to close your eyes and imagine a really big,

Beautiful house.

Okay?

Do that for me right now.

Now forget about that house and imagine a really small house,

A shack,

And picture it for me.

Now tell me,

You can open your eyes,

Which house was bigger?

Which of the houses that you just pictured were bigger?

Well,

Obviously the big house was bigger than the small house,

Right?

No.

Neither house was bigger because they're both imaginary.

There was no bigness or volume or mass to either of those houses because neither one exists.

They're completely imaginary.

Now take a moment and close your eyes.

Imagine a hot coal for me,

Like a burning hot piece of coal.

Now imagine an ice cube.

Which one is hotter?

Neither.

There is no heat coming from either of those because they're both completely imaginary.

Now close your eyes and picture yourself as failing on a test.

Picture your face.

Picture how bad it feels.

Picture how unworthy and stupid you are.

Now create another picture.

Picture that you're on a sports team and you just got an out or gave a turnover or made an error that cost your team the game.

You fail.

Picture yourself in that situation.

Now picture yourself in a job and you gave a presentation and you made a mistake during the middle of it that completely messed up everything and you didn't get the client.

You were trying to get a new client.

Picture that.

Picture yourself so unworthy,

So broken,

So much of a failure.

So you just created those pictures.

Those were imaginary,

Right?

Completely imaginary.

You created three different pictures that only existed in your imagination.

They don't exist here and now in reality.

They only exist in your imagination.

Now picture yourself.

Close your eyes and picture yourself as you actually think that you are.

Picture your unworthiness.

Picture all the evidence for why you're unworthy.

Picture everything you think is bad about you.

Now tell me,

Which is more real?

The pictures that I gave you,

The picture of the house,

The picture of the failed test,

Failed client presentation,

Failed sporting event and then the picture that you actually think is who you are.

They're equally imaginary.

The story of I am unworthy and the fake stories we just made up and pictured are exactly the same.

They both only exist in our imagination.

They have nothing to do with reality.

The story of I am worthy doesn't exist in real life.

It can't be measured.

You can't find your worthiness or unworthiness in your five senses.

You can't touch your worthiness.

You can't feel your worthiness or your unworthiness.

You can't taste it.

You can't smell it.

You can't hear it.

It only exists in your imagination right next to those imaginary houses and hot coals and failed sporting events.

Doesn't exist in real life.

We have no tool in real life to measure worthiness.

Why?

Because it simply doesn't exist.

It's imaginary.

In any moment that you don't think I am unworthy,

Where is unworthiness?

The definition of reality is that it exists even when we're not thinking about it.

So my nose still exists even when I stop thinking about it.

Right?

I'm not thinking about my nose right now and is it still there?

Yes.

So right now,

Just for a moment,

If your attention is on me and no thought or story about I am unworthy,

Where is your worthiness or unworthiness?

What is the shape of your worthiness?

What is the size of your unworthiness?

What is the color of it?

What is the texture of your unworthiness?

Take a moment right now and really look for it in reality.

So in this moment,

Where is your nose?

Show it to me.

Where is your shoulder?

Show it to me.

Now where is your worth?

Where is something wrong with you?

It doesn't exist in real life.

There's nothing wrong with you in reality.

It's only a story in your imagination.

Your job here in this moment right now is to be curious.

What's the difference between reality and imagination?

Because the only thing that creates suffering is imagination.

The only place where I am unworthy,

I am terrible,

I am a failure,

I am any of them.

Any of these things exist is in your imagination.

So if you want to be free of that,

If you want to feel better,

You need to stop in this moment right now and just ask yourself,

What do I know to be true?

I know this is a hand.

I know it because I can directly see it,

Feel it,

Touch it,

See it.

But now show me your worth.

Show me that you're unworthy.

And you may say,

Well,

It's not tangible.

There's only two options in this world,

Reality and imagination.

There's nothing in between.

You may say,

Well,

It exists in my head.

Really?

If we take an MRI of your head,

Can we find your worth or unworthiness?

It doesn't exist there.

There is nothing worthy or unworthy about you.

You hear that?

So I'm not saying you're good.

I'm not saying you're worthy.

I'm not saying you're lovable.

I'm saying there's absolutely no such thing.

As long as you think there is such a thing as worth,

You'll think you're unworthy because there is no such thing as worth or you'll think you're not worthy enough,

Right?

Because you'll never know that you're worthy.

I know I have a hand.

How could I ever know that I'm worthy?

Where would I look for that?

Where would the evidence be in reality?

I can believe that I am,

But a belief is susceptible.

A belief is fragile.

A belief only exists when I think about it.

So then I'll walk through life feeling I don't know that I am,

Worried about others' opinions,

Worrying about the next thing that I do,

Right?

Even if I succeed for 10 years in a row at everything I do,

I don't know that I'll succeed at the next thing.

So I have to be scared.

Even if everyone seems to love me,

I don't know that they'll continue to love me.

So I have to be scared.

There is no such thing as worth in real life.

You see,

What happens is we think there's such a thing as worthy and unworthy.

So what we do is we create a picture of what it would be like to be worthy,

What it would look like,

What it would feel like,

And then we evaluate where we fit in.

Well,

I feel like this,

So I must not be worthy.

Well,

My life looks like that,

So I am not worthy.

But you need to completely eliminate that whole scale.

There is no such thing as worth,

So you can't fit anywhere on that line.

Okay?

So in this moment right now,

Take a moment,

Close your eyes,

And picture a house.

Okay?

Picture a house that has broken windows,

Cracks in the floors,

Cabinets off the hinges,

Holes in the roof,

And it's just all around kind of not that nice looking.

Now open your eyes.

Where did that exist?

Well,

That house only exists in your imagination,

Right?

Right now,

Reality is you're just in a room.

No house here,

Right?

You're just looking in my eyes.

Nothing else happening.

Now close your eyes and picture everything that's wrong with you.

Picture all the things that are wrong with you.

Close your eyes and really do that.

Now open your eyes.

Where did that exist?

Where did all the things wrong with you exist?

Not in this moment,

Not in reality,

Not in the room that you're in.

They only exist in your imagination in the exact same way as that house.

So what happens is you think there's all these things wrong with you perhaps,

And you need to fix them all.

But stop.

Before you try to fix anything in your house,

Make sure something's actually broken in real life.

Otherwise,

You're just solving imaginary problems all day,

Trying to fix things about you that aren't actually wrong in real life.

Stop.

There's nothing wrong with you.

There's nothing right about you either.

There's nothing good about you,

But there's nothing bad about you because good and bad don't exist in reality.

If you look at this hand movement,

Or this hand movement,

Let's say,

Is this a good or a bad hand movement?

It's neither.

It's just a hand movement.

Good and bad don't exist as part of the facts.

If you look at my nose,

Is this a good or a bad nose,

Pretty or ugly?

It's neither.

It doesn't exist as part of the facts.

Each one says in their imagination pretty or ugly or somewhere in between,

But that doesn't exist as part of the nose.

We get very confused between reality and imagination.

Everybody does because we're taught to.

Nobody ever shows us the difference.

So your unworthiness,

Your worthlessness,

Your lack of value isn't real.

There's no such thing.

So since there's no such thing as value,

You can't ever feel it.

You can never ever feel value or worth.

I promise you that.

Absolutely promise it.

And to help you see that for yourself,

Imagine that you're working at a charity raising money and you think,

I'm doing great work.

I'm raising so much money to help AIDS victims.

I'm doing such wonderful work.

I'm having value.

I have an impact.

I have worth.

Okay.

Imagine that.

But imagine that you believe that,

Right?

So you're working in a charity and you think you're raising money for AIDS victims,

But the owner of the charity is actually taking all the money for himself and none of the money is going to AIDS victims.

Why would you still feel worthy?

Why would you still feel value?

You're not actually adding any value according to your ideas.

You're not actually adding any worth.

You're not actually having an impact,

But yet you feel like you do.

Why?

Because the value and worth aren't created by reality.

They're created by your imagination.

If you believe you have value and worth,

Then you feel it,

But it has nothing to do with the facts.

The facts aren't creating your feelings of I have value and worth.

The only thing that's creating your feelings is your thoughts.

So let's look at the opposite example now.

If you work in a financial company,

Some sort of finance company,

And you're making a lot of money for your company,

But it's owned by one guy who's really rich and you think all the money you're making for this company is just going to make this guy richer,

Right?

And he's not a very nice guy.

So you think I have no value.

I'm not adding any impact to the world.

I'm worthless.

I'm not doing anything useful with my life.

I'm just making this rich guy richer.

My life is pointless.

And if,

Imagine that owner is actually secretly giving all of his money to charity,

Let's say AIDS victims.

All of his money is going there because he already has enough.

His house is paid for.

Every single bit of his money is going to AIDS victims.

Do you feel that?

No,

You still feel like my life is worthless and I have no value and I have no impact because you don't feel reality.

You only feel the story in your imagination.

You can never feel actual value.

You only feel whatever story you're telling.

Does that make sense?

Because if you actually felt the facts,

If you felt value when you gave value,

As if there was a real thing,

Then in a situation with a charity,

You wouldn't feel good if your owner was secretly taking the money for himself.

And if how you felt was factually created by value in the other situation,

You would feel good even though the owner was secretly giving all his money away.

Do you see that?

I'll give you an example from my own life.

So for me,

My videos are seemingly impacting thousands and thousands of people.

This month,

My videos were viewed by 200,

000 people.

So do I feel valuable and worthy?

No,

Not at all.

The only time I would ever feel valuable and worthy is if a story pops up in my head,

Yay,

Because I helped so many people,

I am valuable and worthy.

But when that thought doesn't pop up in my head,

What do I feel?

Nothing.

I don't feel anything at all.

As we speak right now,

There may be people,

There almost certainly are people getting impact from my videos.

As I'm making this video,

Am I feeling that?

Am I feeling any of this?

No,

I feel nothing.

Does that make sense?

The only time I could feel valuable is when a story pops up in my head to say it.

When I'm watching TV,

If I'm eating,

If I'm talking to someone,

If I'm in nature,

If I'm driving,

Am I going to feel I am worthy and valuable in every moment?

No,

Never,

Unless a thought pops up to say it.

But it doesn't pop up in my head because I know it's ridiculous and not true because there is no such thing as valuable.

It can't be who I am.

And if I think that I am valuable and worthy because other people are getting help from my videos,

Then I'm going to be,

If I think when someone says a video is good,

That means I'm valuable,

Then I'll think when someone says a video is bad,

I'll think I'm un-valuable.

So I'll worry about others' opinions,

I'll get defensive,

I'll be scared of putting out new videos because maybe they won't like this.

And the list goes on and on and on.

Or in another example,

If let's say you're an athlete and you win a championship,

Does that mean you're going to feel like I am worthy and valuable and a champion for the rest of your life?

No,

The thought I am a champion isn't going to pop up in your head in every single second.

Your experience of life is created by what you give attention to.

So when you give attention to the thought I am a champion,

You may feel good,

But it's not going to be there every moment.

You're still going to have all the other thoughts that create suffering.

Value doesn't exist in real life.

Worth doesn't exist in real life.

It only exists when a thought pops up to say it.

And if it only exists when a thought pops up to say it,

That's the definition of imagination.

Right?

The definition of imagination is only exist in thoughts.

You can't find it in reality.

Now that we've seen that worth and value only exist as a thought,

The next question,

Right,

Or before we get into the next question,

You need to clearly see what you want most in life,

More than anything else.

So as long as you think you want value and worth more than anything else,

There's going to be a lot of suffering because there's just a lot of insufficiency,

Anxiety,

And all that other stuff.

So right now,

Let me ask you the question,

What do you want from life more than anything else?

What do you want to experience more than anything else?

How do you want to feel more than anything else?

What is the number one thing you want more than anything else?

Number one,

Okay,

Not number two,

Not top three,

It has to be only number one.

So you may have the idea,

I want to feel worthy,

I want to feel valuable,

I want to get married,

I want to be loved,

I want to have success,

I want to have wealth,

I want to have one of those things.

But let me ask you a question.

If I give you two options,

Okay,

Two options,

Not achieve your goal ever,

But be incredibly happy,

At peace,

Feel loving,

Feel joyous,

Enthusiastic,

Free,

Never have guilt,

Never have anxiety,

Never feel insecure,

Never worry about others' opinions,

Never have anger,

None of that,

Happy in every moment,

Or achieve your goal and be incredibly unhappy,

Be filled with anxiety,

Anger,

Insecurity,

Judgments,

And all the other stuff,

Which of those options would you choose?

And I know it seems like that's a false choice,

And it is,

But hypothetically,

If those were your two options,

Which would you choose?

Well for most of us,

If we're being really honest with ourselves and open,

We can admit,

You know what,

I'd rather have happiness and not achieve my goal than achieve my goal and be incredibly unhappy.

And what that means is that you don't actually want to achieve your goal.

We get confused between the means and the goal.

If I tell you I want ice cream,

I don't want ice cream,

I want to feel pleasure,

And I just happen to believe ice cream will give it to me.

If I say I want wealth,

I don't want wealth.

I want to be happy,

And I happen to believe wealth will give it to me.

Right?

And another way to see that is simply,

If I say I want ice cream if it gives me pleasure,

But if ice cream is going to give me nausea and make me sick,

Well then I don't want it.

Well that means I never wanted the ice cream itself.

Because if I wanted the ice cream itself more than anything else,

I'm saying I don't care if it makes me feel good or makes me feel terrible,

I want the ice cream.

Right?

But if the truth is I want it if it makes me feel good,

And I don't want it if it makes me feel bad,

Then I never wanted the ice cream.

I just wanted to feel good,

And I thought ice cream was the best bet.

So if I'm saying I would love wealth if it makes me happy,

And I don't want wealth if it's just going to make me suffer,

Well then I don't want wealth,

I just want happiness.

So the same goes for whatever fantasy you have,

Whatever you think you want more than anything else.

If you think you want success or to have a valuable,

Worthy life more than anything else,

If you knew that would make you unhappy,

You would want it.

All you want is peace and happiness and joy and to feel enough and to feel contented and to not feel lacking or lonely or worthless or all of that.

You just want to be at peace.

Right?

So now that if you've seen that you want peace and happiness more than anything else,

Well then we can begin to investigate the next question which is,

Can getting your fantasy make you happy?

Can achieving your fantasy make you happy?

So take a moment to picture your fantasy.

Picture what you want your life to look like more than anything else.

Picture what you want.

How you want to look,

How you want to be,

All that stuff.

Even if it's impossible,

Picture what it would be like.

Picture that.

Now is everyone who has that happy?

If you had that picture,

That job,

That house,

That intellect,

That wealth,

That girlfriend,

That wife,

That kid,

Are you not going to have thoughts about the future to create anxiety about your health,

About your marriage?

Are you not going to worry about whether your husband loves you?

Are you not going to feel insecure?

Are you not going to still have judgments about yourself,

Judgments about others?

Are you not going to have worries about your kid?

Are you not going to have problems with your coworkers?

Are you not going to have any of that?

No matter what you get,

No matter what you change out there,

It doesn't change the thoughts in your head.

It doesn't get rid of the thoughts.

It doesn't change the relationship with thoughts.

That's why you can find unhappy people in every situation,

Because the situation itself doesn't do anything for us.

That's why you can find unhappy people with every looks.

If we're skinny,

If we're a model,

If we're whatever,

Does that mean we're going to be happy?

No,

Because you still have all the insecurities,

Anxieties,

Worries,

Judgments,

And all that other stuff.

Does that make sense?

You may want to achieve something.

You may have achieved something small in the past,

And you see that makes you happy.

What happens is this.

We need to be very,

Very clear about why we get some happiness when we get what we want.

Let's say your goal is to win a championship in a sport.

That's probably not your goal,

But it just makes an easy example.

If your goal is to win a championship,

And you think the way that you will be worthy and happy is if you win a championship.

That's how I get worth.

That's how I make myself happy is if I win a championship.

Then what you've said now is,

I am unworthy because I haven't won a championship.

If my worth is dependent on winning a championship,

Then I will feel unworthy now when I haven't won one.

I'll feel lacking.

I'll feel insufficient.

I'll feel like something's missing.

On top of that,

I'll have fear,

Because if I think my happiness and worth is dependent on achieving that goal,

Well then I'm going to fear not getting it.

So I have anxiety and fear.

If I think I need that to be happy,

There's going to be pressure on me all the time to try to improve,

To try to get there,

To make sure that I get there,

Constantly thinking about it.

In the moment that we achieve our goal,

In the moment that we win the championship,

What happens is we lost those thoughts that say,

I am unworthy because I haven't won a championship.

That's gone because now you've won one.

And you lost the fear that you'll never win one,

Because that's gone.

Now you have one.

So in that moment,

The moment that we get anything we want,

We lose the feeling of lack and the fear that was there before we achieved it.

So there's a big yay,

A big relief,

A big feeling of lightness and happiness.

But that goes very,

Very quickly.

So what happens is once that goes,

That feeling of no thought and that feeling of relief of those thoughts gets our attention eventually very quickly,

Goes right back to all the other thoughts that we always had,

The insecurity,

The worry,

The judgments,

The anger,

The anxiety,

And whatever.

So what we assume is that was supposed to make me happy,

Or maybe even that did make me happy,

But now I'm not.

So I need that to be happy.

So when someone wins a championship,

Do they say,

Oh,

Now I'm done?

No,

They say,

I need another one,

Because they can't get that happiness back.

If you think success will make you happy,

Does everyone say,

Oh,

Now I'm successful enough?

I'm now wealthy enough?

No,

They keep wanting more and more.

If someone says I love you to you,

Do you say,

Oh,

OK,

That's it?

No,

You want to keep being reaffirmed.

Tell me you love me.

Show me you love me,

Because you don't know it,

Because you're still unhappy.

Whenever we think anything can make us happy,

Since it can't,

After we get it,

When we're still not happy,

We assume it's because I don't have enough of it.

Right?

I need more success,

More wealth,

More championships,

More love,

More something,

And then we feel lacking again.

Does that make sense?

So no matter what you achieve,

So if you achieve a championship,

In the beginning,

You've experienced the loss of thoughts and the great relief and happiness,

But then all that you're left with is the thought that says,

I am a champion.

And the only time you feel that is when a thought pops up to say it.

In the beginning,

It will feel good,

But then it just feels normal.

The same goes with the promotion.

When you get a promotion,

You feel really good in the beginning,

And then you go right back to the same old thoughts.

The same goes for everything.

Or the same goes for even like a vacation.

When you go on vacation,

Does the beach make you happy?

No.

It's that whenever you're in a new place,

That new place acts as a stimulus or catalyst to take your attention,

Right?

So your attention isn't on the thoughts that make you unhappy,

So you're fine.

But if you stay on a beach long enough,

Are you going to stay happy?

No.

Eventually,

All your attention will go right back to all your other thoughts.

So no matter what achievement you get,

No matter what you accomplish,

No matter what you obtain,

No matter any of that,

Nothing can get rid of the thoughts in your head,

Which means nothing can make you happy.

We tend to look at happiness and worth as if it's like,

I just put it on me.

I just need to get some worth,

Get some happiness.

But happiness is simply the absence of suffering.

That's why when we're a kid,

Two,

Three years old,

We're already happy,

Because we haven't yet been taught the ideas and beliefs that make us feel insufficient and unworthy and anxiety and everything else.

So when you're asking yourself,

Can that picture,

That fantasy of worth and value make me happy,

You have to ask it differently.

Can that picture of worth and value get rid of all the thoughts that make me unhappy?

And the answer is simply no.

It can't.

That's impossible.

So if any achievement you can get can't make you happy,

If changing anything about yourself can't make you happy,

If getting anyone's love can't make you happy,

Because it can't get rid of the thoughts in your head,

Then it may seem like,

What hope do I have?

Well,

Then I'm screwed.

I'm just going to stay like this.

No.

If none of those things can make you happy,

Then that means you are not at any disadvantage right now for being happy.

There's nothing that you need to make you happy.

There's nothing that you can get to make you happy.

The only thing that results in happiness is seeing life clearly,

Seeing our thoughts clearly,

Recognizing that they're imaginary,

They're not real,

That they're not true.

If you have anxiety about the future,

Well,

Changing your situation isn't going to get rid of that.

Get rid of that is identifying the thoughts that create your anxiety,

Questioning them,

And discovering they're not true or real,

And then you're free.

Suffering is created by thoughts.

So if you want to lose your suffering,

You have to look at your thoughts and understand them more clearly.

So that's what a person in any situation,

Whatever your picture of worth and value is,

Whether they have their CEO or own a charity or are a life coach or are married or have kids or anything,

None of that can make them happy.

So if they want to be happy,

They have to do the exact same thing you have to do.

Look at the thoughts creating their suffering and question it.

There's nothing that makes your situation any more difficult or more easy to be happy and be free.

There's nothing about your situation that means that you're worthless.

There's nothing about you that is worthless.

Why?

Because there's no such thing as worth in real life.

There's no such thing as value in real life.

You are not unworthy.

Look,

Where is it?

I'm looking right at you.

Where's your worth?

Where's your value?

Show it to me.

Is it here?

Is it here?

Show me where you're lacking something.

Do the reality check.

Where's my nose?

Where's my phone?

Where's my computer?

Where's something wrong with me?

In real life or in imagination,

As long as you're looking for your problems,

In your imagination,

You'll always find one.

You can always create something wrong.

Because if mind doesn't convince you something's wrong,

Then you're not going to give any attention to mind.

If there's nothing wrong now,

Then there's nothing you have to fix and then no reason to give attention to mind.

Mind doesn't want that.

Mind wants your attention.

Mind wants to stay alive.

So it keeps creating imaginary problems,

Imaginary things that are wrong with you,

So you keep engaging and trying to fix it all day long.

But your feelings in your stomach,

The feelings that you think means you're worthless,

They don't.

They're just feelings.

Nothing about them suggests worthlessness.

The feelings are not created by facts.

They're created by thoughts.

Your unhappiness,

Not created by your situation or anything being wrong with you.

It's created by thoughts.

Okay?

So I hope this video makes sense.

I hope you found it helpful.

And please let me know how it goes in the comments area.

Thanks for watching.

Bye.

Hello again.

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So thanks again for watching and I'll see you around.

Bye.

Reviews

Wow I absolutely love the mindset shift that I now have in regard to self-worth and worthiness in general. This is something I’ve thought I’ve been struggling with for a very long time now, I can’t even put words to how I feel right now.

Really helpful thank you 🙏

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