An Intro To Emotional Intelligence For Leaders

In this talk, Nik talks about what emotional intelligence is, what it isn't, and why you want to develop it. This is followed by a short meditation to experience the observing of your emotions "They are mine, but they are not me".

Grab a pen and paper, take notes, and journal on your "why" to deepen your understanding of this talk.

Intro and Outro music is by Cosmos Connection Music.

Transcript

In your own personal work, You start to become the role model for everyone else around you about how life could be. And when you work on your emotional intelligence and you become more emotionally intelligent, You role model how it could be for someone else with their emotions. And how it could be is that their emotions don't need to dictate how it is that they act in the world. Their emotions do not need to set them into reaction mode. Their emotions don't need to derail them from the awesome life that they have in front of them. Their emotions don't need to completely destroy relationships. By you working on your own emotional intelligence, You become the role model of how it is that people could be in relationship with their emotions in a way that allows them to be felt, But also allows you to move forward with more expansion and more compassion. How emotional intelligence helps you to become a better leader. You're with me. I'm Nick Chung, Conscious Leadership Mentor and Coach. And we're going to go through a few things. We're firstly going to ask what is emotional intelligence and what isn't it? And then why you want to develop your emotional intelligence. Now that seems pretty obvious, Right? We kind of have this inkling that perhaps if we work on our emotional intelligence, We'll become more compassionate, We'll become more kind, And then we'll be better to people. Yes, That is the crux of it. But we'll go into a little bit more detail as to why this is really important for you, Just in case you haven't quite got on board. What is emotional intelligence? In a really, Really simple terms, It is this. It is your ability to understand and manage your emotions and develop resiliency around how it is that your emotions are affecting your daily life. Okay, The really, Really simple terms, Right? Basically, It's your ability to be able to navigate the inevitable emotions that you will have being a leader. And we call it emotional intelligence because you become more smart as to how it is that you respond with your emotions and how you use your emotions to respond to other people in your business and workplace. And I use that word really, Really carefully, Respond. The other way, The other end of the spectrum of being, Say, Emotionally intelligent or emotionally unintelligent, We'll just call it that. It's not a very, Very nice way of saying it, But that's what we'll call it, Right? So one end of the spectrum is being emotionally intelligent, Which is you responding in accordance to your emotions and to other people's emotions. As we become more emotionally intelligent, We start to understand what is our emotions and what are other people's emotions. And this can help for those of you who are empathetic to kind of separate that and not feel so overwhelmed by your emotions. And the other end of the spectrum, Which is emotional unintelligence, Is more towards the reactionary side, Okay? So one end of the spectrum where we are emotionally intelligent, We're not only responding to our own emotions, We're also responding to other people's emotions. Now, Along with that word responding, Is this idea that we are very conscious of what is happening, Okay? And we are deliberately responding, Deliberately acting in a way that would help the situation alleviate, Okay? On the other end of the spectrum, Where we have unintelligence, Where we are perhaps not so aware of our emotions or we're not so aware of other people's emotions or we're unable to manage our emotions, We have the action of reaction. And reaction is more towards the unconscious ways that you react or act in a situation that is highly emotionally driven, Okay? So have we got those two things? At one end of the spectrum, We've got emotional intelligence. And in that end of the spectrum, You are aware of both yourself, Your own emotions and other people's emotions and you're able to respond accordingly. And generally, When we're talking about emotional intelligence, You're generally trying to respond in a way that's going to help alleviate a situation or make a situation better, Right? On the other end of the spectrum, You have emotional unintelligence. There's probably a better way to say that, But we'll just call it that for today. And that is the area where you start to just react, Okay? I feel bad, I'm going to snap, Right? That person's ticking me off, I'm going to snap. That person's acting silly, I'm going to react to them. So it's unintelligence because it is more of a habitual reaction. There's no consciousness to what it is that you are doing or how it is that you are acting towards another person or with another person, Right? So emotional intelligence in its very simplest terms is the ability for you to be aware of your own emotions, Be aware of other people's emotions, Being able to manage them, And to be able to respond in a way that's going to be really fruitful for all parties involved. Involved in that as well is your emotional resilience, Slightly different, But it's kind of in this realm. Like once you start getting emotionally intelligent, You can start to build emotional resilience. And basically, Emotional resilience is your ability to bounce back after things that aren't so good, Right? So just for example, You started to make losses in your business, How quickly are you going to be able to bounce back out of that? How quickly are you going to be able to respond with a more uplifting, Motivating emotion, For example? We're not going to go into emotional resilience so much now, But just know that they're related to emotional intelligence, Okay? So when we work on our emotional intelligence, We're able to kind of respond more rather than react with our own and other people's emotions, We start to be able to build our emotional resilience as well, Okay? So our ability to bounce back out of really tough emotions into ones that are more empowering for us. So that is emotional intelligence in a nutshell, Right? Very simple, Very, Very simple. We won't go into like all the nitty gritty of it, But that's all you really need to know. So your ability to know and understand your own emotions and recognize that in other people and be able to respond in a way that is going to empower both parties, Ideally. Now that we know what emotional intelligence is, We've kind of talked a tiny little bit about what it isn't, Okay? So what it isn't is that responsive area that's like the opposite of emotional intelligence, Unintelligence, It also isn't stuffing your emotions down, Okay? So sometimes when people talk about emotional management, Being able to manage your emotions, There's this idea that we're going to have to stuff everything down, Okay? I'm going to be vanilla now. I'm not going to feel anything. That is not what we're doing. That is not emotional intelligence, Okay? That's a whole other thing. So it is not your ability to be able to stuff your emotions down, Right? Part of emotional intelligence is your ability to recognize what kind of emotions you are in, But also be able to manage it in such a way that the way that you respond to life is empowering for every party involved. So you and perhaps other people that may be involved. So it's not about stuffing it down. It's not about ignoring some of the tough emotions that you will inevitably have as a leader. When you do that, You start to risk actually losing intelligence, Losing your ability to show your emotion, Losing your ability to recognize emotions in you, Right? This is not helpful. Why is this not helpful? Because if you lose your ability to recognize emotions in you, If you lose your ability to feel those emotions within you, You tend to be less compassionate and understanding of other people who feel those emotions as well. So emotional intelligence is not about your ability to stuff your emotions down or to ignore them or to be just like kind of on a level, A platonic level of non-feeling, Right? It is your ability to be able to recognize it, To be able to feel it, But to also be able to manage it in such a way that when you are responding in the world around you, It is empowering for both you and other people as well. All right, Let's move on then. So we've discussed what is emotional intelligence, What it isn't. And now let's move on to why you want to develop it. Now, As I said at the start, This actually can be, It kind of seems a bit useless to talk about. And I say useless because of course we know we have to be emotionally intelligent. But let's just kind of break this down a little bit more so that you're really convinced that this is something that you're going to work on, Okay? Because I want you to work on this because I know through my own personal journey of working through my own ability to be emotionally intelligent, I know that this has been one of the keystone factors for me to elevating myself and my business, Right? So I really want you to leave this and go, I am going to become emotionally intelligent. I am motivated to learn more about this and to seek guidance to get this started, Right? I really want you to leave with that. So that's why we're going to talk about this really obvious point of why you want to do it. So most of you who are listening here, You have a desire to be more compassionate in the world. You have a desire to create more impact, More positive impact in the world through your work, Through your business, Through your relationships, Through your life. And so of course, This is one of the reasons why we want to become emotionally intelligent. We want to start to not stuff our emotions down, But recognize them, But manage them so that we can respond to life in a way that is really empowering. So when you start to become more emotionally intelligent, That is, You have a dialogue with your emotions. You can understand what is going on for you. You're not stuffing it down. You're allowing them to be felt, But you're not allowing them to necessarily run the show, Right? That's when we start to move into the unintelligent end of the spectrum. Our emotions don't need to run the show. They can be felt, But they don't need to run the show. And so in that, Especially with the bad emotions, Right, I say bad with parenthesis, But the ones that are less awesome, Like anger, Let's just go with that. When we have an emotion like anger, We learn how to feel that, But we learn also how to respond in the world in a way that would be helpful and empowering for us. And when we can do that, We start to lean more into being compassionate communicators or compassionate people in the world, Right? Can you see that bridge between the two? When I start to take responsibility for my own emotion of anger, And I start to get really intelligent with how it is that I'm feeling, I move away from reacting with this emotion and feeling like this emotion takes over me. And I move into managing it, Understanding it, Letting it flow, But then choosing, Consciously choosing a response in the physical world. And I start to get more intelligent with how I'm processing it. Choosing a response in the physical world that will help to empower both myself and anyone else who's involved. And so our interactions with the world, Even though we may feel some of these less than awesome emotions, Start to become more compassionate. Yeah, You seeing that link? Isn't that awesome? Just by you starting to move into this more intelligent space with your emotions, By you becoming more conscious of that, And by you in this emotional intelligence spectrum, Moving into the place of response, Are going to start naturally having more compassionate communication with people around you. I think that's pretty cool. And I know that most of you who are here are here for that. This is part of your personal missions. This is part of the reason why that you are here on this earth. So we start to relate in a way that is really compassionate with the world and to ourselves. So as I said before, Remember that emotional intelligence is not about stuffing down your emotions. So part of the compassionate piece in terms of compassion to yourself is not stuffing that down, Right? It's allowing something like anger to be felt, To be recognized. But when we are looking at emotional intelligence and how we manage our emotions, We're not letting it take over. And we're not allowing it to necessarily take actions in the world that would be detrimental to ourselves and others, Right? We start to be able to be compassionate to ourselves enough that we can feel and recognize and be with these emotions that are less than awesome. And we are compassionate enough to ourselves and others that we choose to not react with them, But we choose to respond in a way that would help to bring us out of that space. Yeah. So it's a really fun thing to start doing. I should put some context around this, Okay? So let's go back a step, Nick. My history in terms of my spiritual and personal development has been a lot of work around my ability to be emotionally intelligent. So this topic to me is really personal. I have a history of being incredibly fiery and short-tempered as a child. And I have brought that into my adult life. Now, This is still something I'm working on, Right? I'm a work in progress. And I believe that everyone is like a work in progress. There's always going to be people. So far, There's always still someone who triggers me. And generally, It's my family, Right? They know exactly where to press. And so when I learned about this concept of the fact that I could have power over my emotions and that I didn't have to just go with them, It was really enlightening to me. And of course, The knowledge of that was one thing. But the actual practice of that, Being able to notice an emotion, Feel an emotion, But not act in it, Choosing an action that would be really compassionate to both parties, Changed the way that I related with everyone, Including myself. I really want you to hear that. When I started to respond, Not from my emotions, But from consciousness of who I wanted to be, And who I want to be as a more peaceful and compassionate person in the world, When I started to choose my responses, Despite the feelings that I was having, It allowed me to have more rich, Amazing relationships in the world. So part of the why do you want to develop your emotional intelligence is your personal why. Why is it important for you to develop and enhance and expand your emotional intelligence? What would it enable you to do? So for me, It was an alignment to a soul's mission, That I am here to create more peace and harmony in the world. So my why of why I want to get so good at being more and more emotionally intelligent is because it's an alignment to that. And because the spinoff of that was, I get to have more amazing relationships. I get to have more empowering relationships around me. What is your why? For me, This is a really personal space for me. This is like one that really hits my heart because it is one of the key tools that came quite early in my spiritual and personal development that really changed the game for me about how I relate with people in the universe. And what I mean by change the game is that it made a hell of a lot better. Right? It made my life a whole lot more joyful. It made my relationships a whole lot more rich. And of course, Along with that, We can't forget business. It made my business a lot better, Funnily enough. So often when we think about emotional intelligence, It's kind of just at that level, Right? So we'll be more compassionate. People will be more motivated in the workplace. And then if they're more motivated, They'll be more happy. And then we'll get more productive people or we'll get more clients, Right? We kind of think of it on a really surface level. And yes, There are really good reasons as to why you should become more emotional intelligent, Right? Creating a workplace culture that is beautiful and more human. And yes, It will get people to become more motivated and to be happier. And if they're happier, Yes, They'll become more productive. And if you're better at communicating and creating relationships, You'll get more clients. So yes, All of that is great. But let's take it even deeper and understand why you personally want to enhance your emotional intelligence, Right? So take that question. Please go and journal. The invitation at the start of this talk was to take any questions that I had and go and journal about them. Really dive deep into your why about emotional intelligence. Why do you want to get better at this? As I said before, It's my wish that every time you listen to a talk, It's not just more information coming into your head. It's not just more things that you know about. It becomes something that you take into your life and actually changes the way that you're operating in your life and your business. I want these talks to be life-changing for you. And the way that you can make that so is by taking questions like this, Your why, And really taking some time to understand that and then putting them into action. Put this into action. So if at the end of this you're like, You know what? I really want to expand my emotional intelligence. I want to learn more about this. Then seek out someone or resources that can help you with that, Okay? So don't let this just be another talk that fills your head with more knowledge. Go and do something about it. Yeah, And then in that, This helps you to become a better leader. So let me just wrap up today's talk and then we're going to dive into a little integration. So how emotional intelligence helps you become a better leader. We talked about what emotional intelligence is and what it isn't. So on a really surface level, What it is, Is your ability to recognize, To manage, And to respond with your emotions, Okay? In a way that is really empowering for everyone involved. What it isn't, Is that it's not stuffing things down. It's not reacting in a way. It's not expressing your emotions just because you have the emotion, Right? That's not emotional intelligence. And then why do you want to develop your emotional intelligence? As I said, This one seems really obvious, Right? We talk a lot about, Well, You'll be more compassionate and then people will be more happy and then I'll get more clients because I have better relationships because I'm more happy and I can relate to them better or my workplace will be more productive, Right? Those are really surface level things. But what I wanted you to do and the invitation was, Is to go back and journal on why you in particular want to become more emotionally intelligent. And then after you've figured that out, Please go and do something about it. Don't let it be just another realization you have. Oh, Great. I realized I want to become more emotionally intelligent because of this. No, Go and do something. Go and get a book. Go and read. Go and study. Go and find someone who can help you do this. Make it something that will make a change so that you are able to become a better leader. So how it really helps you to become a better leader is kind of the last part. And that is that, Of course, Through the way that you're relating. If you can relate with people in a way that makes them feel seen, In a way that makes them feel loved, In a way that makes them feel included and recognized, You really allow them to be them. And you give them a safe space to just be a human being. And how it is that you role model emotional intelligence is also just one of those things which is a gift to everyone around you. They start to go, Oh, Wow. I realize that Nick gets angry sometimes, But she doesn't let it affect her life. Maybe I could do that. So in your own personal work, And I know you already know this. It always starts with you. But in your own personal work, You start to become the role model for everyone else around you about how life could be. And when you work on your emotional intelligence and you become more emotionally intelligent, You role model how it could be for someone else with their emotions. And how it could be is that their emotions don't need to dictate how it is that they act in the world. Their emotions do not need to set them into reaction mode. Their emotions don't need to derail them from the awesome life that they have in front of them, Right? Their emotions don't need to completely destroy relationships. By you working on your own emotional intelligence, You become the role model of how it is that people could be in relationship with their emotions in a way that allows them to be felt, But also allows you to move forward with more expansion and more compassion. Okay, So let's go into this short meditation. Let me just check in. What do we need? What do we need as a collective? Okay, Got it. So we are going to go into this wee meditation, And what it's going to do is it's going to be a visualization of sorts, And it's going to allow you to become the observer of how it is that you are feeling. So to become the observer of your emotions, And seeing in this practice, What it will allow you to do is you'll be able to get a glimpse of how life could be being in that management role of your emotions, Right? So rather than being in the emotion, We're going to have an experience of observing the emotion. Okay, So if that sounds fun, Stick around. There's more that's going to come out, But I won't break the spell until we get there. Alrighty, So if it's safe for you to do so, Just close your eyes, Sit all your body, Get comfortable, And I want you to tune into your breath and start to use your breath as a way to come inward and as a way to relax the body. So notice the breath in and out, And with each in-breath, You may notice some tension in the body, And as you breathe out, You may allow it to let go, Turning your attention inwards to the breath and relaxing the body. I want you to tune in to your heart space, Tune into that space, And just notice how it is that you are feeling right now, In this moment. What is the emotion or what are the emotions that are present now in your body, In your mind, And in your energy field? And if you're able to, Name them. There may be more than one, So name each of them, And if you're unable to, That's okay. Just recognize the sensation, Or the flavor, Or the color, Just pay attention to that emotion or those emotions. So after you've labeled them with either a sensation, A color, Or a name, I want you to start to feel your attention coming up through the crown of your head and as if you're hovering above yourself. And I want you to look down upon this collection of emotions or the emotion that you feel right now, Taking the observer's point of view, And just notice what these emotions do to your body. Some of you may feel a certain emotion in a certain area of your body, Or you may feel a certain sensation associated with that emotion in your body. Some of you may just be aware that it exists in a part of your body. So just notice your emotions and where they are, Looking down upon them. Notice that they are yours, But they are not you. They are yours, But they are not you. And now I want you to come off this perch of observation from above, Come back down into your body. And now imagine that these emotions, Wherever they are, Maybe they've moved from the heart space, Maybe they're somewhere else in your body, That you're able to extract them. And where you're going to extract them is out onto the palm of your hands. So imagine that you pull each emotion out and they lay on the palm of your hands. And using your eyes, Using your vision, Look upon these emotions in the palm of your hands. Recognize that they are yours, But they are not you. They are mine, But they are not me. And now we're going to use the breath to lighten this emotional load, All these emotions. And I want you to start expanding into a deep, Wide breath. And each breath you take in makes these emotions less and less dense. So as you breathe in, Feeling oxygen expanding your body, Equally allowing that expansion to come into these emotions that you hold on the palm of your hands. And in this process of expansion, They naturally become less and less dense. So nice, Big, Deep breaths. And they're going to become so light with that breath that you have offered them, That they start to break up. They start to break up and they start to take less form. And they're starting to become what they truly are, Which is energy. And they're starting to become energy in motion, Emotion. And in these last three breaths, They become so light and so expanded that your own breath can allow them to move freely, Become what they are, Energy in motion. So using your breath to allow these emotions to move out from the palm of your hands, Out of your energetic field, And out of your mental field. And noticing how light your hands are as they leave with your big, Deep breaths. Maybe you want to place your hands on your lap or over your heart, And turning your attention back inwards and recognizing who it is that you are. Your emotions are yours, But they are not you. And in the space where you are free of those emotions, Return to who it is that you are. And this is the person that you get to be, That you get to respond with and interact with the world. Despite the emotions that you may feel. So when you're ready, Slowly coming back here and taking this embodied self into the rest of your day. And I truly hope that this was of contribution to you, And that the rest of your day flows with a lot more ease. If you loved what you heard today, Come and follow me on Insight Timer. Nick Chung, I am a leadership coach and mentor for conscious leaders who want to make a positive change in the world through their work or business. Today we talked about how emotional intelligence helps you to become a better leader. And I do hope that this gave you a taste of what it's like to be really emotionally intelligent and to be in charge and in management of those emotions. So please be well, Please take care of yourself and others. Go and be the compassionate, Amazing people that you are, The amazing leaders that you are. If something like emotional intelligence really feels like a priority for you to get on top of, Make, Do something about it. Please go and journal about your why. And if it turns out that you really want to get good at this, Do something about it. I, As I said before, I, This is one of the topics that really changed my life. So go and read about it. Go and read about it. There's a beautiful book by Daniel Goleman called Emotional Intelligence that you can read. There are practices all over the place. You can hire a coach like me if you wanted to. I just want you to go and do something. If this feels like an area of personal development that would really help you and your people, Please don't let it be more knowledge. Let it be something that allows you to change and make more changes in the world. Awesome. Okay, My lovely people, Take care. Be amazing. Ciao for now.