Why Some People Feel Threatened By Your Presence

Not everyone who reacts to you has a problem with you.

Sometimes it's a problem with what your presence brings up within themselves.

Hi there,

I'm Natalie France,

An unapologetic presence coach,

And this space is for women who are tired of being affected by other people's opinions.

Today's topic of discussion is why some people are threatened by your presence.

Some people feel unsettled by those who are different,

Those who have a quiet confidence,

Self-trust.

There's many other reasons,

But I'd say these kind of encapsulate some of the main three reasons as to why people feel unsettled.

Let's start with difference,

Being different.

That,

To me,

Is quite an obvious reason as to why people will feel threatened by an individual's presence in whatever way that means to them.

We are not all the same.

We are different in how we look,

We're different in terms of what we think and what we feel,

But often there are groups of people who collectively have a very similar mindset.

They could look the same or maybe look a little bit different,

But there's something about them that brings them together.

Often it's what they believe or what they feel they have to believe in order to fit in.

When someone deviates from that way of being,

There's a quiet confidence there that they are happy to be who they are and not be a part of the crowd,

So to speak.

You can be different in many ways.

I'm not going to label the ways you can be different.

I'm sure that's quite obvious.

You can be different in so many ways.

And when you're different and comfortable in who you are,

That's a quiet confidence that those who are insecure and lack a sense of self-trust don't like.

And when you wander the earth being who you want to be,

Which is authentically you,

Being unapologetic in your presence,

Those who find that unsettling often find it unsettling because it unnerves something within them.

It's not about you.

You should be able to live your life however you wish to,

However you want to.

Legally,

Of course.

But whatever it is that you are portraying of you,

Who you know yourself to be,

Something within them doesn't like that.

And something within them wants to almost bring that down.

On a bigger scale,

This can often be down to them wanting to have a sense of control over you.

And it's not that you've done anything wrong.

It's not that you should feel like you have to change who you are.

But when people feel unsettled,

Threatened,

Whatever word you want to use to describe that,

It's because they want to be able to control who you are,

Make you be a part of who they are,

Make you fit into their world,

Their perception.

And when you don't fit into that way of being,

It makes them want to essentially bring you back down to size,

Which then lends itself to this way of them being threatened by you when you haven't done anything to them in the slightest.

The thing is,

When presented with these types of scenarios and situations,

Most women will try to fix whatever it is that's going on.

One of those ways they'll try to fix it is by explaining themselves,

Explaining who they are as a person,

Explaining why they behave in a certain way,

Explaining who they are authentically being,

Without really having a reason to need to explain who they are.

Since when do you have to explain who you are as a person to people who,

For whatever reason,

Feel threatened by your presence in order to make them feel more comfortable in themselves?

But on the flip side to that,

Some women will start to shrink themselves because they might feel like they've been called out,

They could assume that there's something wrong with them,

And because other people have determined that there's something about them that they don't like.

These women will then start to become a shell of themselves,

Maybe even start to mould themselves differently to fit into a narrative that's not even who they are,

To please and appease a group of people who are clearly quite weak-minded.

That in itself lends itself to the women who feel like shrinking themselves to adjust themselves,

As I say,

To fit whatever narrative another group want them to fit into so they can have a sense of control over them.

But then adjusting yourself to be able to be liked by other people means you're no longer being you.

You're no longer being authentic to who you are.

You're now playing a role to please other people because,

For whatever reason,

They feel unsettled by your presence.

But then another way in which some women will try to fix how they are perceived in a situation is to prove who they are.

So somebody feels unsettled,

Or a group of people feel unsettled about your presence,

What they believe you to be,

And then you start trying to prove who you are.

You should never have to prove yourself.

As long as you are living your life authentically to you,

That's not even proving yourself in terms of who you are.

That's you just being you and appreciating that.

You don't have to explain yourself.

You don't have to shrink yourself.

You don't have to adjust or prove yourself to anybody for them to like you,

Tolerate you,

Or make you feel as if you're worthy of their presence,

Of being with them in terms of their community,

Or whatever it is it is.

The moment you stop trying to manage how you are perceived,

Everything changes.

For one,

You stop trying to overly explain yourself.

Explaining who you are,

Why you are the way you are,

Why you walk the way you walk,

Talk the way you talk,

Dress the way you do,

Whatever it is.

It could be absolutely anything.

You stop over-explaining who you are as a person,

Who you are to the core,

Who you are being authentically every single day.

You stop over-explaining who she is because that is who you know yourself to be.

Therefore,

Why would you now have to explain that to others for them to feel comfortable around you?

When you stop trying to manage how you are perceived,

You stop over-explaining who you are.

You also stop absorbing their projections onto you because in order for someone to have a real problem with you where they feel threatened by your presence,

It's something they're projecting onto you.

It's normally something within them that they are projecting onto you,

Something that they have to deal with in themselves.

But whatever it is about you that they see as a reflection in them in a negative way,

Possibly triggering them in some way,

Shape or form,

That is not a you problem.

That is a them problem.

You do not have to absorb someone else's projection of you onto you because that is based on what they see,

What they think,

What they feel,

Not based on who you are as a person living your life authentically.

And when you stop trying to manage how you are perceived,

You steady yourself.

You steady yourself as an individual,

Both in terms of how you carry yourself externally but how you steady your nervous system internally as well.

You live in the being of who you are.

You live in the presence that you command unapologetically.

You do not explain yourself.

One of my main mottos is presence over explanation.

Your presence speaks volumes.

You don't explain who you are.

You live your life.

You do you.

That in itself is all you need to do.

You never need to start shifting and changing to make others feel comfortable around you.

Not everyone in life will understand you and that's not your responsibility.

My motto?

Presence over explanation.