Disentangling Codependency: Loss Of Self In Someone Else

Without judgment or blame, it is helpful to understand that codependency is about loss of self in someone else. As you offer yourself to others, it is easy to lose track of yourself. Nancy introduces her colorful circles, which she uses to teach about codependency and self-recovery. Please note: This video is for educational purposes and does not replace professional therapy or medical care. In this video, you will see illustrations of enmeshed, alienated, and healthy relationship dynamics. You'll literally get a picture of loss of self in someone else as well as a dynamic illustration of healthy selves in relationship with each other.

Transcript

Hello. I am Nancy Johnston. I am here in my writing studio in rural Virginia. End. Sharing. It's evening here sharing an evening talk with you in my disentangling codependency series, The subtitle tonight. Loss of self in someone else. It's another way that I explain codependency. So. For 38 years, I have been. Personally on the path of codependency recovery and on the path helping clients and now teaching folks what I've learned about what I call self-recovery. An integrated model that really helps us grow out of. Our codependent patterns and ways. And I'll talk about loss of self in someone else in just a minute. But first I'm going to introduce circles. I will be using plastic circles to explain a number of things as I teach and through these video files. These are simply made from plastic file folders. And use them in teaching and helping people understand codependency. All 38 years. So tonight. . . We're gonna look at two circles. Representing two people, Person, Person, Self, Self. They could be different colors. They could be different sizes. You could have rough edges for boundaries. But to keep it simple. What I have are these two circles for us here tonight. And I called this. Explanation relationship circles. I'm going to show you three different styles of relationships. So the first one. Is in an enmeshed relationship. Where the circles overlap. Maybe completely. Maybe there's just a little eclipsing of self that is visible. But not much. And this relationship stays stuck in this way. Occasionally, I have seen enmeshed relationships that work satisfactorily for the people in them. But then most of the time, One or the other starts needing a little more for self. And that's our growth. When we feel like we want. To have a little more for self. That may be what has you listening here. Relationship style two is alienated here. These two people may be in the same house, Office, Desk, Share children, Money. Career. But there's no meaningful interaction. Now the third. Relationship that I illustrate here. Of course, Let me go back. Enmeshed is where loss of self is here. Healthy is where this person has a healthy connection with self and this one does. And then with mutual, Mutuality and respect. They can come together, They can interact, They can intersect, They can interdepend. But as they do that, Each person stays connected with their individual self as well and honors and respects the individual self of the other person as well. So that in its healthy form, It's able to flow like this and even People have their separate times and then comfortably return together. It can go either way. I don't mean to be implying it is a mutual flow. Codependency recovery requires that both people be doing solid, Good work with self. And so as I teach it, I put down one circle and say, This is me. This might be you. This is what we're developing, The sense of self. That then is able in a healthy way to come and go. Within and outside of a relationship, But comfortable with knowing self. Take good care till I see you again.