Greetings,
Friends.
This is Mark Gladman,
Also known as Brother Frederick James,
Your friendly neighborhood monk in dogs.
Welcome back to our series,
What Do You Want?
We've been exploring this question that Jesus has asked in different ways throughout the Gospels.
We're looking further and deeper into what desire is and realizing that quite often it's not as simple as it first appears.
Sometimes we're not even sure what it is we're looking for.
Sometimes we say we want change.
Part of us is afraid of what change might mean all at the same time.
Last time we saw James and John bring their desires for greatness to Jesus.
Their desire wasn't necessarily wrong.
But it become tangled up with status and recognition and comparison.
Today.
We meet someone who answers Jesus' question very differently and I think His answer teaches us something important about the gift of knowing what you want.
His name is Bartimaeus.
And we find his story.
Chapter 10 from verses 46 to 52.
Let's listen.
To these words first.
They came to Jericho.
And as he and his disciples and a large crowd were leaving Jericho,
Bartimaeus,
Son of Timaeus,
A blind beggar,
Was sitting by the roadside.
When he heard that it was Jesus of Nazareth,
He began to shout out and say,
Jesus,
Son of David,
Have mercy on me.
Many sternly ordered him to be quiet,
But he cried out even more loudly,
Son of David,
Have mercy on me.
Jesus stood still and said,
Call him here.
And they called the blind man saying to him,
Take heart,
Get up,
He's calling you.
So throwing off his cloak,
He sprang up and came to Jesus.
Then Jesus said to him,
What do you want me to do for you?
And the blind man said to him,
My teacher.
Let me see again.
Jesus said to him,
Go.
Your faith has made you well.
Immediately.
He regained his sight and followed him.
On the way.
So here's Martin Mayers sitting by the roadside.
He's blind.
He's begging.
It's how he makes his money.
And when he hears that Jesus is passing by,
He starts calling out.
He cries out to Jesus.
All the people around him tell him to be quiet,
But he cries out even louder.
And eventually.
.
.
Jesus stops.
Now just think about that for a moment.
The crowd's moving.
Jesus is moving.
Everyone else seems to have somewhere to go.
And this man sitting at the side of the road.
Cools out.
And Jesus stops.
And he asks him,
What do you want me to do for you?
Now this is exactly the same question we heard last time,
The question Jesus asked James and John,
What do you want me to do for you?
And now he asks Bartimaeus.
Same Jesus,
Same question,
But a completely different answer.
James and John wanted position.
Baramaeus says.
.
.
I want to see.
Now there's something very beautiful about the simplicity.
Of that handsome.
There's no speech or explanation.
He doesn't try and colour what he wants in religious or spiritual language.
He doesn't default.
To Jesus either,
Saying,
Oh,
Whatever you think's best.
He doesn't pretend that he doesn't have a desire.
He knows what he wants.
I want to see.
And I wonder how often.
We struggle to answer that question simply ourselves.
Someone asks us what we want.
And quite often,
I know at least I do,
Immediately try and qualify that.
I'm not sure.
Whatever happens,
I don't really mind.
There's nothing I need.
Or even Generic and way too big answers like,
I'm happy with whatever God wants.
Or to find my purpose,
Or love and peace for the world.
And some of those things might be genuinely true,
But I think sometimes their ways of avoiding the question because knowing what we want can actually make us quite vulnerable.
If I admit what I want,
I have to admit how much I care.
If I say what I want.
Are on the risk of not getting it.
If I name what I want,
I might have to do something about it and sometimes it feels safer just not to know or at least say that I might know.
Bartimaeus doesn't seem to have that problem,
Though he knows,
I want to see.
And I think spiritually.
There's something important about that kind of clarity.
Now notice I didn't say certainty.
They're not the same thing.
You can be very clear about what you want and still not know how it's going to happen.
You can be very clear about your desire.
Without knowing whether the desire is going to be fulfilled.
You can say,
This is what I want and then place it in God's hands.
And that's an act of extraordinary faith,
Because sometimes it's easy for us to confuse surrender with vagueness.
We think surrender means saying,
I don't want anything,
Or whatever you want God,
Whatever happens is fine,
But.
.
.
Maybe genuine surrender is something more like,
This is what I want God.
I don't know whether this is what you want,
But I'm willing to bring my desire honestly before you and put it out there.
That's a lot more vulnerable.
And it's a lot more honest.
I mean,
This comes up in prayer.
Quite a bit.
How often do we pray in generalities?
You know,
Bless my family.
Help me be a better person,
Guide me,
Give me strength.
They're all good prayers,
But what would happen if every now and then.
.
.
Or even always.
We become really specific.
Jesus,
This is what I want.
This is what I'm longing for.
This is what I'm afraid to admit.
This is the relationship I wish I could heal.
This is the work I want to do.
This is the life I wish I could live.
This is the change I'm hoping for.
This is what I'm asking you for.
And then after we've done that,
Say,
Here it is.
I place it before you.
And that's precisely what Bartimaeus does here.
He names the desire.
And then what's really beautiful is.
.
.
Jesus heals him.
But that's not where the story finishes.
Bartimaeus receives his sight and then follows Jesus on the road.
Mark has mentioned this,
So it must be important.
He wants us to know this for some reason.
And as I think about it,
I wonder whether it shows us that desire doesn't mean we put it out there,
Hopefully get what we want and then walk away.
What happens here?
Opens a new way of living.
Bartimaeus is healed.
He can now see and he chooses.
To follow.
And there's a beautiful pattern here.
Desire,
Clarity,
Receiving,
And following.
And maybe that's what we're learning to do with our desires.
It's about.
.
.
Naming it.
It's about bringing it honestly to God.
It's about receiving whatever comes.
And then asking the question,
What kind of life does this invite me into?
And I think there's also another meaning to Bartimaeus' desire that's worth sitting with.
He wants to see.
And I think.
.
.
You know,
We can hear that as a prayer for ourselves as well.
Jesus helped me see.
Help me see myself honestly.
Help me see what I'm actually longing for.
Help me see the fears that are shaping my choices.
Help me see.
.
.
The desires that I've buried.
Help me see where I'm living according to someone else's expectations.
Help me see where I'm using busyness to try and avoid something.
Help me see where my ambition has become about proving myself.
Help me see what gives me life.
What loves asking of me,
Help me see.
Our deepest desire.
Deep down,
I think,
Isn't that God will give us something,
But it's that God will help us see what's already there.
To see the life that's within us,
The person we're becoming,
The possibilities we haven't considered,
And the places where God is already moving underneath all that.
Which brings us back to the question we've been carrying through the series.
What do you want?
Maybe today.
You can't come up.
With an elaborate answer.
That's fun.
Just choose one thing,
One honest desire.
It doesn't have to be holy or impressive.
Or even something you're sure that you want at this point,
Just something that you're genuinely there,
And say it out loud.
This is what I want.
And then.
.
.
Notice what happens inside you when you say it.
Do you feel relief?
Maybe you feel embarrassed or fear.
Excitement.
Resistance.
Do you immediately start explaining it away in your head?
Or do you hear another voice telling you that you shouldn't want that?
Just notice what comes up because quite often.
.
.
Your reaction can be quite telling.
And then bring the desire to Jesus.
Imagine standing before Jesus,
Just like Bartimaeus did,
And see Jesus.
Looking at you and asking,
What do you want me to do for you?
Don't give him the answer you think you're supposed to give.
Give him your.
.
.
Answer,
And then listen.
Because the question.
.
.
Is probably going to be,
What does this desire reveal about what my heart is really longing for?
So that's it.
Imagine Jesus looking directly at you.
No need to impress,
No need to be religious or spiritual or sound acceptable.
Hear him ask,
What do you want me to do for you?
And simply,
Just like Blind Bartimaeus did,
And honestly,
I want.
And then finish the sentence.
And then ask yourself this,
If I could see clearly.
What is underneath that desire.
What would I discover that it really truly is?
That I want.
And may grace,
Peace,
And love hold you as you hold the question today and always.
Until tomorrow.
Bye for now.
