Let's close our eyes.
The silence sitting in silence can be a very uncomfortable experience.
Especially if our eyes are closed.
Given our lifestyle choices,
We probably spend a lot of time alone as it is.
But our mind is always occupied.
We are reading something,
We are thinking something,
Scrolling.
We are always in consumption mode despite verbal silence.
But the silence,
The uncomfortable silence that I was talking about earlier.
Once we close our eyes,
The mundane verbal silence becomes a very uncomfortable one.
Because most of the stimulation of our mind gets cut out with our eyes being closed.
Just pay attention to the gaps between my words,
Between my sentences.
And notice that in that gap,
Our eyes are closed.
Verbally we are quiet.
And even the stimulation of my voice has paused.
This was true at least for me.
But I will encourage you to explore for yourself.
As to what happens in this almost no stimulation period.
In my experience,
One of two things happen.
Maybe one of three things.
The first thing is right at the onset of the closure of the eyes.
All the thoughts and images start bombarding our mind.
The problem of the day finds its place to the pedestal and takes up center stage.
So this almost no stimulation period.
Is morphed.
Into a light and sound display.
Where the images and voices start playing in our minds.
Where we start talking,
Negotiating,
Arguing,
Defending,
Justifying,
Planning,
Regretting,
Scolding.
Being scolded.
So although our eyes are closed,
It's a full-fledged movie playing on the screens of our mind.
No shortage of drama.
No shortage of unhappiness.
No rest.
No silence.
So verify it for yourself.
In these extended pauses.
Do you fill in the gaps?
Or do you let it remain as it is?
And the second thing that happened.
Sometimes still happens with me.
Which is more like a half step.
Before the filling up with thoughts.
Is that there is restlessness in the body.
It's like being addicted to stimulation of our senses.
And when that stimulation stops.
There is a visceral rejection,
Restlessness,
Discomfort.
It's not like the discomfort or pain from a toothache.
Which drowns out every other experience that we are having.
You can't be thinking anything other than your toothache when you have a toothache.
So although this discomfort and restlessness exists.
And it feels very discomforting.
We can avoid it.
We can avoid it by venturing into thoughts.
And we are back to the first step.
Sometimes this half step is so sneaky.
That we don't even realize that we experienced a flash of restlessness and discomfort.
And because it was too discomforting.
We decided to push play on the movie and project it on the screen of our minds.
And most of the time the movie that is playing is a sad,
Angry,
Unkind movie.
Maybe we will have some scenes of laughter but most often nothing good comes out of that movie.
To the next thing that happens to me.
These long pauses coupled with a chronic fatigue and tiredness.
That is the operating procedure for my body latches on to this opportunity.
And doses off into sleep.
Or depending on how we have processed handling discomfort in our childhood.
Sleep might be the easiest avenue.
To avoid something.
I am not trying to judge myself or anyone else by sharing this.
I am trying to share my observations about myself which may or may not be true about others.
So in this exploration.
In this experimentation.
We might learn new things about ourselves.
It can be a great opportunity for our monkey mind to grab this observation.
And try to beat ourselves up.
Judge ourselves.
Try to fix ourselves.
The beauty of this sitting.
Is that we don't have to fix anything.
You don't have a problem that needs to be fixed.
Neither do we have to do anything with what we learn about ourselves.
In today's culture that could be the most rebellious thing.
Doing nothing with information.
And this is not just information.
This is deep observation.
A very different kind of observation.
It's very personal.
Runs much deeper.
Than we ever access ourselves.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Deep thoughts of ourselves.
Patterns of operating thinking.
Holding them on the surface.
Surface of awareness.
Holding them in a space.
Without problems or solutions.
The restlessness.
The comfort is happening within us.
The movie is playing on the screens of our minds.
And drifting into sleep is also happening within us.
We are just learning about ourselves.
And if we like.
If we are inclined to.
Spend a little more time.
In unstimulated silence.
We can choose to.
We can learn if our bodies are fatigued and tired.
Be kind to our body and sleep a little extra.
But not with an intention to change anything.
To fix anything.
This is just an exploration.
From ourself.
To ourself.
Within ourself.
Was everything that arises within us.
Is us.
The thoughts,
The sleep.
The restlessness.
Is happening within us.
Thank you.
