Week 5 On Series ACT Therapy - Values

This is week 5 in the series of ACT therapy. This week we look at values. It is important to discover what our values are so we know in which direction our life is heading.

Transcript

Hello and thank you for joining me on week five of the principles of ACT Therapy.

This week we are looking at values.

First of all let's just clarify what I mean when I say values.

Your values are how you want to behave in life,

What kind of person you want to be.

Imagine someone asking others about you.

What would you want them to describe you as?

What words would you like to hear?

Those words would be the things that are important to you.

Your values.

Your values are long term.

There's not an end to it.

If there is an end to it then that's a goal and your values are not goals.

So for example if I decided I was going to take my daughters out for date days regularly,

That would be a goal because it can be ticked off.

It's done when I take them out.

But if I said I want to be an emotionally present mum who is caring and attentive,

Then that would be my value because it's an ongoing thing,

A long-term action.

The taking out on date days would be a goal coming from my values.

There's also no right or wrong values.

This is personal.

This is about you.

So I like dark chocolate but you might hate it.

It doesn't mean either are right or wrong.

It's just preference.

What I value in life might not be so important to you and vice versa.

Your values might change over a lifetime.

Your values when you are in the middle of your life will probably look very different when you are in the last years of your life.

And your values are not what you think you should have.

These are not your chosen direction in life.

They are someone else's.

You might find it difficult to know what your values are.

So I would recommend doing further work on this,

Asking yourself more questions,

Digging deeper.

But we can make a start today by trying a couple of things.

Close your eyes if you wish.

Start by thinking about people in your world who you admire,

Who you might see as a role model to you.

What are the qualities of those people that you admire?

So this might be an indicator of what's important character traits to you.

I'm now going to read out a list of values and a brief description of them.

Just consider them for a moment and decide whether this value is important to you,

Less important or extremely important to you.

You might want to open your eyes at this stage and jot the ones that are very important to you down.

Acceptance to be open to and accepting of yourself,

Others and life.

Adventure to have adventures in life.

Authenticity to keep it real,

Being open and honest.

Community to be part of and contributing to a group.

Courage to be brave and stand firm even in fear.

Creativity to be creative in all areas of life.

Curiosity to be curious and open-minded and discover.

Equality to treat everyone as equals.

Freedom to live a life of freedom and not containment.

Forgiveness to give yourself and others fully.

Generosity to be generous to yourself and others.

Growth to continue to develop and grow.

Grateful to feel and show gratitude for everything in life.

Health to continue to care and look after mind and body.

Humility to be modest and not glory seeking.

Justice to be fair and just in all things to all people.

Love to love fully and intimately.

Organized to have order and to be organized.

Patience to be calm when having to wait for things I want.

Peace to work to promote peace in the world.

Respect to give respect to others and myself.

Responsibility to take responsibility for my own actions.

Self-awareness to be aware of my own feelings,

Desires and needs and also my own feelings.

Spirituality to acknowledge and explore a realm I cannot see.

Win-win to choose every relationship and interaction with another is always benefiting both parties.

Are any of these values important to you,

Less important or extremely important?

This exercise might have helped you clarify some of your values but sometimes values have a more felt sense rather than a label.

They are known by you but sometimes just can't be described in words.

We're going to try another exercise called the sweet spot.

This is taken from the Portland psychotherapy website.

The sweet spot is where it is the best point.

Nothing else is needed to make it any better.

You just feel totally content in the sweet spot like this is what life is all about.

I have a photo in my purse of myself and my two girls.

It was taken about 17 years ago.

My oldest daughter was about three years old and my youngest was about one.

It was taken in a photo booth and was an impromptu decision after a tiring food shop in the supermarket.

My youngest daughter was desperately trying to press the buttons on the panel in front and so kept moving out of the picture.

But we only had about 20 seconds to get prepared for the photo to be taken so I had to pin her head in one position to keep her still.

Myself and my oldest daughter were laughing so much and my youngest still has her eye on the buttons.

This photo for me shows what I consider most important.

Time carved out for my daughters.

A decision to have fun and a connection and a memory made.

This underpins my values when it comes to my children.

This photo captured my sweet spot.

Nothing else was needed right there in that moment.

Me,

My girls and laughter.

I want you to try this.

If you haven't already,

I invite you to close your eyes now.

And now imagine in front of you four shoeboxes full of memories.

Your memories.

Each one is labeled.

The first box is relationships.

The second is work and education.

The third is play,

Meaning hobbies or leisure.

And the fourth is health,

Meaning physical,

Psychological,

Mental,

Emotional,

But also spiritual and personal growth.

Imagine yourself standing in front of these boxes and notice what this feels like.

Do you notice a drawing to one of these boxes in particular?

Relationships,

Work,

Play or health?

Whichever you feel the strongest pull towards,

Pick this box up and move away with it.

Before you open the box,

What do you notice?

How do you feel?

What are your expectations?

Imagine yourself sitting down at a table with your box.

Take the lid off the shoebox and lay it to one side.

Inside at the top,

You see a photograph.

It is a photograph of you in your sweet spot in this area of your life which you have chosen.

Take some time to imagine what is in that photo.

Really get a sense of that whole picture.

When it was taken.

Was it a long time ago or more recent?

Where are you?

Is there anyone with you?

Look at the expression on your face and on anyone else who is in the photo with you.

Now try to imagine you are not looking at the photo but you are there in the photo.

You are back there in that scene.

Notice what is there for you.

What is the weather like?

What can you hear?

What can you smell?

Who is taking the photo?

See if you can sense what you feel like inside.

What is going on in your mind and in your body?

What do you feel like in this moment?

What emotions are you experiencing?

Why is this moment so important to you?

Why do you feel like you don't need anything else right now to be happy?

Why is this your sweet spot?

Really have a sense of that moment in time.

And now gently but firmly press down into the parts of your body in contact with the ground.

Your feet,

Your legs,

Your sitting bones.

Bring some awareness back into your body but keeping your eyes closed and knowing you are in this space right now.

Bring your attention to what you are feeling right now.

You might have really warm and pleasant feelings and memories flooding you.

You might have a sense of sadness or pain.

You might not be feeling much of anything.

It's all okay.

You are just noticing what you are experiencing now.

Maybe this exercise has revealed what matters in this area of your life to you.

What did you notice was the most important thing to you in your sweet spot?

Who are you in that place?

Maybe you notice what your felt sense of values were rather than being able to name them.

So in this particular area of your life,

In how you spend your energy and time now,

Does this reflect your values?

If someone observed this area of your life,

Would they be able to see what your values are?

How much are you willing to take a stand for your values?

Remember your values are not a goal that can be ticked off.

This is a long term action plan.

So if your values are the direction you want your life to head in,

This means you might also face struggles,

Pain and anxiety.

Are you willing to make room for them?

Clarifying your values means you know what you stand for.

You know which direction you head in,

Even if you don't know where your destination is.

It's knowing what's significant and meaningful to you,

What's truly important and then setting goals from this place.

If our direction is heading east,

Knowing that no matter how far we travel,

We will always be travelling east,

We can plan many destinations along that journey.

Many pit stops,

Goals that are wholly within our direction.

And next week,

Our final week in this series,

We look at doing exactly that.

Committed action within our values.

Again,

Press the parts of the body in contact with the floor firmly.

Become aware of the ground beneath you and your contact with it.

Become aware of your breath.

In and out.

In and out.

And open your eyes.

I hope you can join me next week in the final week in the ACT Therapy Series.

Let me know how you are getting on by leaving me some feedback.

Thank you.

Reviews

This series of talks is excellent. Thank you for sharing them.

This was my favorite session so far, and I can imagine the next one will be even more empowering. I really loved the visualization with the boxes, it helped me dig into some things that I have strong desires for and also a lot of fear around. The growing awareness and courage to hold all of those emotions simultaneously while recognizing and committing to live the way I want to live is healing—it is exciting. And also a little scary. But I’m here for all of it.

Thank you. This session helped provide me some clarity to my values and encourages me to start with a blank canvas of a map to draw my route towards my values as a long term destination, separate from my goals.

In the shoebox exercise, I was very aware that the box I was drawn to and the picture I saw represented something mostly missing from my life right now. It may not be the Sweet Spot in the sense of the most important, what is sufficient to me. The list was very helpful and I will come back to it, reflect on it, and add to it

Thank you. A superb and evocative explanation of values 🌟