Who are you?
This is the fundamental existential question.
Since you're here on Insight Timer,
You've likely encountered this question at least once before.
Isn't it a tricky one?
Philosophers,
Psychologists,
Preachers and spiritual teachers have all tried to answer this question for us.
But those who really knew what was up told us to examine ourselves.
Why?
Well,
Being told that you're this or that is something you've been subject to your whole life.
You're such a good student.
You're a bad influence on your sister.
You're the best friend I ever had.
Sorry,
You're not quite what we're looking for.
The issue with all of this is that it gives rise to ideas about who you are.
And what we do is we bring these ideas together over time and form them into what we call an identity or ego.
Ideas are mental fabrications,
Nothing more.
And if the identity is made up of ideas,
Then the identity must be a fabrication too.
An idea about who you are can never be who you really are.
To quote Ram Dass,
When you think about something,
You're always one thought away from reality.
The encouragement to examine ourselves is something else entirely.
If you think you're a good student,
Examine who you are when you're not studying.
If you think you're a bad influence on someone,
Examine who you are when you're good to them.
If you think you're someone's best friend,
Examine who you are when you're not with them.
Or if you think you're inadequate,
Examine who you are when doing something you're good at.
If these scenarios were all relevant to you and you were to observe carefully,
You would see at least eight different selves come and go.
This coming and going is easy to see in terms of how we relate to other people.
When I visit my grandparents,
For example,
I'm at least a little different to how I am when I'm with my friends.
When I'm playing with my young nephews,
I'm at least a little different to how I am when I'm dealing with a letting agent.
When I say the word I in each of these settings,
I'm actually referring to a different self each time.
Now you may think,
Sure,
This is just how you present yourself.
So then the question is,
Who is that yourself that presents itself in different ways?
Who is that entity that presents itself as these different eyes in different circumstances?
We might say that it's an accumulation of memories.
Well,
That only really works as long as we remember everything about ourselves.
Am I less me once I've forgotten my sixth birthday?
We could talk about the subconscious,
Of course,
But who knows what the hell is going on in there at any given moment.
This whole conjecture.
What we can know about with certainty is our direct experience of this moment,
Which of course,
Includes our sense of ourselves.
What we invariably see when we examine the present moment carefully enough is that everything's changing,
Including ourselves.
So what makes up you right now?
You likely have a sense of your body for starters.
Well,
What is this sense like?
Are you aware of the bottom of your tongue?
You are now,
But you probably weren't before.
So your sense of yourself now is different to what it was a moment ago.
Let's go deeper.
What is the current emotional tone in your experience?
You might label it positive,
Negative,
Or neutral.
Maybe you're able to discern some particular feeling like happiness or restlessness.
Just feel it.
Now recall a typical day from your childhood.
Same or different?
We're working with some pretty coarse examples here,
But hopefully this acts as a clear demonstration of how,
When we do away with abstract ideas of who we are,
There can be seen to be many different selves coming and going in each moment.
As you develop the skill of mindfulness,
Of observing your direct experience of the present moment without judgment,
You'll notice finer and finer,
More and more subtle selves coming and going.
When we practice mindfulness,
Either sitting or going about our day,
We can observe as many selves as there are moments.
This is also true of anything else that we might observe.
It is simply not the same in our direct experience.
One moment to the next.
This is what is meant by no self.
There really is no permanent,
Unchanging entity that can be reliably pointed out anywhere.
But don't take my word for it.
Take a look and see for yourself.
