The Buddhist teacher,
Shunru Suzuki,
Said,
Each of you here is perfect,
But you could all use a little improvement.
This is true when we consider our children.
Beautiful expressions of life and innocence,
But prone to make mistakes,
And at times unintentionally ask us for more than we may be able to give.
Whatever your child has done or not done today,
Take a moment first to acknowledge anything you feel.
Anger,
Fear,
Tired,
Frustrated.
These are not wrong feelings.
You have the right to feel them.
Feel them now.
Now take a moment to acknowledge any thoughts you may have that you might be struggling with.
A thought of dislike toward your child.
A thought of not being good or capable enough as a parent.
Now take some time to see your child in their perfection.
Surround them with all of your love.
See and feel that love filling every cell of his or her being.
Now see past your child's innocence to the wisdom of their soul.
That part of them that knows who they truly are,
That knows who you truly are.
What do you want to say to that soul?
What if anything does that soul want to say to you?
Take as much time as you need.
When you are ready,
See your child as he or she is today and say,
I forgive you.
And affirm,
I forgive myself.
Say I forgive you and affirm,
I forgive myself.
Know that no matter what consequences or boundaries need to be put into place,
That they are to restore,
Protect,
And cultivate love and support.
Sometimes it may feel awkward to forgive our child when he or she seems so innocent.
But remember,
Forgiveness is for ourselves so that we can show up more fully in and as love.
Return to this meditation any time or any moment when you feel challenged or overwhelmed with parenting.
It's a wonderful exercise to,
Even in the midst of our everyday experience,
To step back and remember that inner soul of our child.
That there is more wisdom in him or her than we will ever know.
And that our job as a parent is to continue to nurture and cultivate that wisdom so that it may be known by our child and expressed in a thriving and successful life.
Go easy on yourself.
This isn't to sacrifice holding yourself to be a better parent.
But part of being a better person is being willing to forgive ourselves and accept ourselves as we are,
Just like we may forgive or accept our children.
To close with a quote from William Martin and his book,
The Parents Doubt Aching.
Do not ask your children to strive for extraordinary lives.
Such striving may seem admirable,
But is the way of foolishness.
Help them instead to find the wonder and the marvel of an ordinary life.
Show them the joy of tasting tomatoes,
Apples,
And pears.
Show them how to cry when pets and people die.
Show them the infinite pleasure in the touch of a hand.
And make the ordinary come alive for them.
The extraordinary will take care of itself.
