This guided exploration is designed to help you get to know and heal the part of you that tends to be a people pleaser.
If you find yourself saying yes to things that you don't want to do or engaging in activities that you don't have the capacity for,
This exploration is for you.
People pleasing tendencies are very common and we usually develop them during childhood.
As children we rely on the adults around us to keep us alive and meet our needs.
It's natural that we adjust our behavior to seek approval,
Love and attention from our caregivers.
However,
As we grow into adults this behavior can become challenging or problematic.
This part of you might show up as feeling overwhelmed or exhausted from constantly looking after others or taking on too many responsibilities.
You may feel resentment due to your own unmet needs,
Struggle to know your own desires and boundaries or feel anxious about the fear of conflict or disapproval,
Leading you to avoid conflict at the expense of your own needs.
You might also notice feelings of insecurity,
Believing your value comes from being selfless or feeling guilty and responsible for others happiness.
Overthinking how others perceive you and needing external validation are also common experiences with this part.
A people pleaser part could indicate that you view your personal value as dependent on others opinions.
This may lead to an energetic imbalance where you give away too much energy to others,
Leading to depletion or burnout.
It may also serve as a distraction from your own inner needs by focusing on others.
The people pleaser part may work alone or alongside a caretaker part,
Prioritizing others needs but struggling to set limits.
It may also collaborate with your inner critic,
Exacerbating feelings of inadequacy and creating a cycle of self doubt and excessive pleasing.
Minor criticism can activate the people pleaser part,
Leading to overcompensation.
Additionally it might be in conflict with an angry part,
Feeling stifled and resentful when the angry part emerges to assert boundaries.
By understanding and addressing the people pleaser part you can cultivate healthier boundaries,
Greater self-awareness and more fulfilling relationships.
Recognizing the motivations and interactions of this part within your internal system is a first step forward to achieving balance and self-compassion.
This part may also trigger other parts of you,
Such as resentful or angry parts.
When we engage in people pleasing and suppress our own needs,
Wants or feelings it can lead to resentment.
Remember the people pleaser part has the best of intentions and is just trying to keep you safe.
The people pleaser is just one part of you,
Motivated by a desire for control,
A need for reassurance of safety and a fear of the unknown.
It's important that throughout the process of exploring the people pleaser part,
Access within you what I call your gentle curiosity.
Before we begin,
Find a quiet space where you won't be disturbed for this guided exploration.
Begin by finding a comfortable seated position.
Ensure you are sitting and not laying down for this exploration to ensure you are awake and curious throughout.
When you're ready,
Close down your eyes.
Settle into your seat and become fully present in the moment.
Everything that has happened today can be set aside for now.
There's nowhere else you need to be.
Now bring your attention to the very top of your head.
Notice any sensations.
Notice your face.
Notice your eyes and all the little muscles around your eyes.
Can you soften them just a little?
Notice your jaw.
Can you soften your jaw a little?
Notice your throat and your neck,
Your shoulders,
Your arms.
Notice your belly and your middle back,
Your lower back.
Notice your hips and your butt and how it feels to be sitting in your chair.
And just know that the chair is there to fully support you.
You can let all of your weight go and just be held by the chair.
Notice your upper legs.
Notice your feet and your toes.
Now notice your entire body from the very top of your head all the way down to the soles of your feet.
Feel your feet and their connection to the earth.
Just know that the earth is always there to hold and support you.
Now with your gentle curiosity bring your awareness to the people please a part of you.
Where do you feel this part in your body?
And how does it feel?
What sensations do you notice?
And what emotion is the part feeling?
Now can you invite the people please a part to give you a little space.
In your mind can you ask them in a compassionate and non-judgmental tone.
Are you willing to separate from me so I can get to know you better?
And the part may speak to you or show you images or you may just have an intuitive knowing.
Trust whatever comes up is right and stay with your gentle curiosity.
If the part feels resistant or doesn't want to unblend and separate from you can you ask them with compassion and understanding.
What are you afraid would happen if you were to separate?
There is fear or resistance just gently reassure that part and you may like to say I'm right here next to you.
I just want to get to know you.
You can sit right here next to me if that makes you feel more comfortable.
Once the part has agreed to unblend and give you a little space you may like to move this part to sit beside you or on the other side of the room.
Do whatever feels natural and trust what your intuition is guiding you to do.
Can you ask the people please apart what is your role?
Then can you ask the part what emotion do you feel?
Then ask the part what makes you feel that emotion so much?
Then ask the part what are you afraid would happen if you didn't do your role?
Acknowledge your people please apart and say I can see why you do your role and I want to say thank you for how hard you've worked and how you've tried to help me.
Now ask the part how long have you been doing your role?
Then can you ask the part can you show me a memory of what happened that caused you to take on this important role on my behalf?
Once the part shows you that memory can you go back into that memory as your adult self today and sit with your younger self?
Ask your younger self how are you feeling?
Whatever your younger self needed in that moment back then can you give that to them now?
And then with compassion take your younger self by the hand and ask would you like to come and live in the present with me?
Tell them they can be safe in the present with you and they never have to return to this experience again.
And once you've brought them into the present day with you can you ask your younger self that event that happened back then what did that make you believe about yourself?
This belief is a heavy burden and it's time for your younger self to release it.
Can you ask your younger self which element would you like to release this burden into earth,
Air,
Fire or water?
Once they've let you know can you take them to one of your favorite places in nature where they're able to release that burden?
And when they're ready allow them to release the burden.
Into the element they've chosen in any way they need to.
Once they've done that just notice what is it that has shifted within them?
Now can you ask them what would they like to do now?
It can be anything they like.
And if your younger self is feeling happy and content can you ask them is there anything else that you need from me right now?
Is there anything else you would like me to know?
Now can you return your attention back to the people please apart and thank them for all the hard work they've done for you.
Let them know your younger self is now safe in the present with you and has let go of that burden.
The people please apart had a very important role so can you ask them what they would like their new role to be?
Thank them once again and ask is there anything else that you need from me right now?
And is there anything else you would like me to know?
If the part is feeling complete slowly bring yourself back into the room.
Taking your time you can open your eyes.
Journaling is encouraged for your integration.
Every day for the next seven days ask both your people please apart and your younger self.
Is there anything else that you need from me today and is there anything else you would like me to know?
It's important that we do the integration exercises as this is the activity that will help you start to create new neural pathways in your brain which create lasting change.
And just know that the people please apart may come up for you again.
Now that you have an awareness of it you can talk to them and give them the reassurance that they need.
