Welcome,
And I hope that each one of you will come to find peace within yourself.
Recently I talked about setting intentions.
And while setting intentions is about the before,
The distinction between reacting and responding is about the during.
So today I'm going to talk a little bit about the difference between reacting and responding.
The core difference lies in the amount of space between the stimulus and your behavior.
Reacting is instantaneous,
It's impulsive,
And it's driven by your brain,
The ancient part of your brain.
It's a survival mechanism designed for physical threats,
For when you have to act quickly,
When you don't have time to think about it.
Now in modern life,
We've come to apply it to things like emails and traffic and even difficult conversations.
Then there's responding.
This involves a little more thinking.
It's a conscious choice,
Made after considering the situation and your long-term values.
Between the stimulus and the response,
There's a space.
And in that space is our power to choose our response.
Reacting is what happens when your nervous system takes the wheel.
Responding is what happens when you take the wheel.
And there's a core distinction.
Reacting is fast,
It's automatic,
And it's survival driven.
Whereas,
Responding is spacious,
It's intentional,
And it's value driven.
Reacting isn't bad,
It's just ancient intelligence.
Responding isn't better,
It's conscious intelligence.
The real art is knowing which mode you're in,
And shifting when the moment calls for it.
Here's a metaphor you might appreciate.
Reacting is like being swept by the river's current.
Responding is like stepping onto the riverbank long enough to see where the water actually wants you to go,
And choosing how to move with it.
Both are part of the same river.
One is momentum.
One is direction.
Close your eyes now,
And let's get in touch with our breath.
And it doesn't matter if you're sitting,
Standing,
Lying down,
Or kicked back in your favorite recliner.
The only thing that truly matters when you meditate is that you're comfortable and alert.
So start to settle in,
In whatever position you're in,
And let's focus on our breath.
We're just breathing in and breathing out,
One breath at a time.
And then the next.
And then the next.
And that is the present moment.
One breath.
One inhale and exhale.
Let's scan our body.
You're too tense.
You've got to relax your face.
Unfurl your brow.
And unclench your jaw.
Relax your neck.
I roll mine around in a circle.
You do what makes you happy.
Because it's always your meditation.
And there is no right way to meditate.
Relax your shoulders.
These are places of tension in today's world,
Because we're humped over telephones and tablets and laptops.
Relax your arms and your hands.
Look for any tension in your chest or belly.
Relax your legs and your feet.
And as you begin to relax and settle into this moment,
Let's focus even more on our breath.
We breathe constantly.
But when you meditate,
Take the moment to notice your breath.
Maybe the cool sensation in your nose as the breath flows in.
Or the movement of your chest and belly as the breath flows in and flows out.
And if you have thoughts,
Just acknowledge them and let them go.
They're like waves on a lake or leaves floating downstream.
If you hear sounds,
The same thing goes for those.
Just let them go.
Let your hands rest wherever they naturally fall.
And feel your body begin to settle,
Kind of like silt drifting to the riverbed.
Just notice the simple fact that you are here,
Breathing,
Held by gravity,
Supported by the earth beneath you.
There's nothing to fix right now.
Nothing to solve.
Just the act of arriving.
Now here I'm going to pause for a moment so that you can continue to settle in and focus on your breath.
Breathing in and breathing out,
One breath at a time.
And I'll be back in a minute.
Now,
In your mind's eye,
Imagine that you're standing beside a river.
Not a dramatic river,
Just a quiet,
Steady one.
A river that has been flowing long before you arrived,
And it will continue to flow long after you leave.
Just notice how the water moves.
Some parts are fast,
And some parts are slow.
In some areas they're swirling,
And in other places it's smooth.
Feel the air here.
It's cool and refreshing.
Notice the scent of the earth,
The subtle coolness rising from the water.
This river is your inner life.
Your thoughts,
Your emotions,
Your impulses,
Your sensations.
Like the river,
Always moving,
Always shifting.
Now just for a moment,
Imagine stepping into the river.
Feel the current catch your legs.
Not violently,
Just enough to pull at you.
This is what reacting feels like.
The body moves before the mind catches up.
The moment grabs you.
You're swept into the flow of habit and instinct and old patterns.
Notice how quickly the current can take you,
How the water decides the direction,
And how the body tenses to keep up.
There's no judgment here.
This is ancient intelligence,
Your nervous system doing what it was built to do.
Just feel the sensation of being carried.
Now imagine slowly stepping back towards shore.
You can feel the current losing its grip.
You feel the ground rising beneath your feet.
And then you step back onto the riverbank.
The water still moves.
The world still happens.
But you are no longer inside the current.
This is responding.
It's a widening,
A breath,
A moment where choice returns.
Here you can see the whole river.
The fast parts,
The slow parts,
The places where the debris collects,
The places where the water glimmers in the sun.
You can hear the gurgling of the water as it passes over stones.
Responding isn't about controlling the river.
It's about seeing clearly enough to choose how you want to move through it.
Now right here,
Take a slow breath in,
And a slow breath out.
And feel the spaciousness of the riverbank.
Feel the steadiness beneath your feet.
Now gently practice the shift.
Imagine a small ripple of emotion.
Maybe a frustration,
Or a worry,
Or maybe just a tightening in your chest.
First,
Imagine stepping into the river with it.
Feel the pull,
The momentum,
The urge to act quickly.
Then imagine stepping back onto the bank.
Feel the breath return.
Feel the space widen.
Feel the clarity rise.
You don't have to push the river away.
You don't have to stop the current.
You simply choose where you stand.
And this is the heart of responding,
The freedom to choose your position.
Now you can let the river fade gently into the background,
And let the imagery dissolve like mist.
Let's return back to the focus on our breath,
The feeling of our body,
Relaxed in this moment.
Feel the steadiness in your chest.
Now if you follow my meditations,
You know that I like quotes,
And I have one for you today.
American educator Stephen Covey said,
Between stimulus and response,
There is a space.
In that space is our power to choose our response.
In our response lies our growth and our freedom.
Wise words.
Now take in a slow breath through your nose,
And let it out through your mouth,
Letting out a sigh.
Open your eyes and come back into the room.
Wiggle your fingers and toes and stretch,
And feel how good it is to be alive,
To be here in this moment.
Carry this river with you,
Not as something to control,
But as something to understand,
To witness,
And to move with wisely.
I hope this has been a beneficial and calming session for each and every one of you.
I'm honored that you've invested some of your precious time here with me.
Time is our most valuable commodity,
And it's the one thing in our life that we spend without knowing what our balance is.
So I'm honored that you've invested some of that time here with me.
I hope you'll join me again.
Till next time.
