Let Yourself Want What You Want

What might happen if we allowed ourselves to want whatever we want ... instead of pushing away our deepest dreams and desires? Human beings were given this ability to dream and to act on those dreams; it's part of our design. We don't have to try to keep those desires at arm's length. We can embrace them.

Transcript

Hello,

This is Mary Schiller,

Author and coach.

Many of us spend,

Dare I say,

Most of our lives trying to not want what we want.

I will say that again,

But most of us spend our lives or at least a large portion of our lives trying to not want what we truly want.

At some points as we're growing up,

We're told by people to listen to our dreams and to follow them.

They might tell us that when we're older as well,

But then invariably that message gets kind of ripped away from us.

When life starts to hand us more responsibility,

We start to feel like maybe we really can't follow those dreams anymore.

And we might start to wonder,

Was it ever safe to even imagine following my dreams?

It's a contradiction,

Isn't it?

Encouragement to listen to ourselves and to do what we want with our lives versus,

Well,

You can't really do that.

You can't really follow your dreams.

I mean,

It's a nice idea,

But only a select few people ever get to do what they actually want to do.

So what does this do?

Well,

This whole scenario sets up a very difficult place in which to live because it means that we're constantly having to fight against our natural instincts.

We were given dreams,

Desires,

Goals,

Wants for a reason.

We wouldn't have them otherwise.

They are there to serve a purpose and it's part of how human beings are made.

And yet we try and try and try and try to make that not so.

We try so hard to not listen to our dreams because the fact that we aren't living them feels too painful to us to even acknowledge.

So the more time that goes by,

We try even harder to not listen to those dreams as they continue to rise to the surface within us.

We try to push them down and push them down because,

Well,

If I haven't lived it by now,

It's not gonna happen.

What if we were actually allowed to want what we want?

What would happen then?

You have permission right in this very moment to want what you want.

Let me say that one more time.

You have permission right now as you are listening to me to want whatever you want.

You don't have to try to stifle it.

You don't have to try to push it away.

You don't have to try to bury it.

You can want what you want.

What I find oftentimes is that when people have spent many years attempting to put their dreams and their desires inside of boxes and then inside of more boxes within themselves until they can't see them anymore,

They don't even remember what those desires were.

And you know what?

That in and of itself isn't necessarily a problem because often what we want changes.

That's how human beings are designed to.

We're designed to fluctuate and shift and transform.

And so the things that we want can also fluctuate and change and transform.

Totally okay,

Nothing wrong with that.

Even so,

Many people have a very difficult time defining what it is that they actually want.

So what I often do with people,

If that's their situation,

Meaning if they don't know what they want to do with their lives,

Let's say,

Or they've just completely disconnected from their deeper desires,

I ask them,

What do you want?

Seems like a simple question.

And what usually happens is they start to list a few things that would be nice to have in their life or things they'd like to do or things they'd like to be.

And yet it's still kind of on the surface.

It's still in the safe zone.

I understand why it makes sense to stay in that safe zone,

At least for a little while.

So what I'll do is I continue to press them with love,

Of course.

And that's what I'm going to do for you right now.

What is it that you truly want?

If there were no limits,

Which there aren't,

By the way,

If you could have anything,

If you could do anything,

If you could be anything,

What is that?

What is all of that?

What are your deepest desires?

If you start listing things and you're still able to list things without getting choked up,

You're not even close,

Not even close to what you really want.

You'll know you've hit on the real answer when you can't even speak,

When the tears are flowing,

When your throat has closed up because you become so emotional about it.

And that's when you know you've hit on what you truly want.

Sometimes that process can take a while.

Sometimes it only takes a few minutes.

I would love for you to take that time in this moment and give yourself the gift of allowing yourself to want what you want.

A lot of people can be very nervous about letting themselves go there because they think,

Well,

I can want it,

But that doesn't mean it's actually going to happen.

And then if it doesn't happen,

I'm going to be so disappointed.

I don't know what I'm going to do with myself.

How can I live?

How can I possibly live with that level of disappointment?

But here's the thing.

When we simply let that desire or desires,

There may be multiple things that we want that rise up to the surface as they're supposed to,

It's amazing how things can change,

How our outlook can change,

How our overall sense of who we are can change,

What we're capable of.

It may look impossible,

But it may not actually be impossible at all.

And after you list the things that you really want,

Some of them may actually look very possible,

Very doable.

Not only that,

But once that dream,

That desire is allowed to flourish,

It starts to kind of happily infiltrate other areas of our life so that joy becomes more the norm.

Excitement becomes more the norm.

A sense of creative possibility becomes the norm.

Once we allow those deep wants to live,

To really live within us,

Instead of being relegated to a corner of the cellar,

Somewhere within our heart,

Then all sorts of things can come alive in us again.

Instead of feeling locked in,

We feel set free.

Instead of feeling creatively stuck,

We suddenly see that we're always in the flow and we have endless ideas and things we could do.

And then here's the really exciting part.

What we do starts to shift as well.

Some people will say,

Oh,

I have this dream to do such and such,

But I don't know where to begin.

Here's the truth about that.

When you are really in touch with that dream,

When you have cried your eyes out because you've heard the truth of what you really want,

You know what?

You absolutely know what the step is,

What the first step is,

What the next step is.

So whenever I hear someone say that,

I always know they haven't really gotten to their deepest want just yet.

They haven't felt that choking in their throat and the tears in their eyes because if they had,

They would know what to do and they would know what to do next after that.

The steps become obvious when you let yourself want what you want.

If it looks like you're stuck,

It may be because you haven't allowed yourself to go there.

You haven't allowed yourself to say out loud what it is that you desire in your life to the point where you need a box of tissues next to you.

In my view,

This is one of the most important things that we can do as human beings is to give ourselves permission to want what we want.

For me,

That's what it means to live as fully as I can,

To give myself as many opportunities as possible to discover more and more about who and what I am and what I'm capable of.

What doors could possibly open for you if you spoke the truth about what you want?

We can't even imagine that possibility because it's simply too vast.

What might you create?

Who might you meet?

What incredible events might occur?

Again,

We can't know because we're not letting ourselves go there most of the time.

We can see examples of people who have allowed themselves to want what they want no matter what,

But the results aren't even the point.

The point is this,

It's the quality of how we live every day.

It's so much more rewarding to live in this wide open space of possibility and excitement and creativity than it is to continue to hide away inside those walls we keep building around our desires and wants and dreams.

Fling open the doors,

Break down the walls,

Let yourself want what you want and see what you do next.

Thanks so much for listening today.

I hope to talk to you again soon.

Bye for now.

Reviews

Brilliant! Thank you for this snippet if insight. It’s never occurred to me before that this is another aspect of the mindset of lack and poverty. I now recognise that I haven’t dare to have big dreams because they didn’t seem achievable for’someone like me’. This has been a revelation. I hope you have more in this topic .

Mary, it was so wonderful to hear you speak about something so profound and important with such clarity, grace & ease. Your energy is beautiful and I’m so thankful to have heard this talk when I did. I’d love to know what I really want - I am utterly and completely exhausted, from compounded PTSD which was significantly added to in the last 10 months with an unforeseen loss /grief and then my 18 year marriage suddenly coming to an end. I am in survival mode, looking after my 10 year old son and hanging in there (albeit by my fingernails) and would love to know your take on “when” is the time to be proactive about our life’s choices and when is the time to stop, heal, rest and take stock. I don’t have a support network near by and I’ve not always been the best at knowing when to listen to the messages from my body, or when to let my heart and soul lead the way.
I’d love to say that these messages are all in perfect harmony but that’s not always the case! Lastly, Do you do one to one sessions or anything in France? I have always been called to France and I love it there. I sometimes even dream in French despite not being fluent at all! Thank you for sharing and continued love and light to you always 🙏🏼🩷

Thanks to you, I just discovered a new side of myself.

Some things are not possible, getting to accept the loss of a loved one iand wanting them to come back is impossible.

So empowering! So true about the tears, I didn’t think about it this way, how it happens when you think of your deepest desires :) and u feel into them. Thank you! 🙏

Thank you Mary, I've recently found your work via a friend and deeply appreciate you.

Well I just cried my way through that Mary. It really did touch a nerve 🙏🏼

I’m a grateful humble Christian actor singer with course kindness and a purpose ti inspire transpire people around the world with my gifts amen and so it is praise god

Wow, I love this as a way to explore my deepest wants and desires. Brilliant

Love this. So inspiring. Will take it as my next journaling prompt. And pack a box of tissues 😉 💜

I love Marycs teaching. Always so positive! Some good tips here, especially the part about finding out what you REALLY want. Good stuff, Mary! Keep them coming!

Mary is always a voice of wisdom and inspiration for me. Thank you so much for the inspo from this talk

This is exactly what I was thinking this morning as I came to this. What do I want? Always have been focused on what I don’t want and had decided to start questioning the long buried desires and here you are! Getting older and dealing with physical issues have been holding me back when even considering some wants. But there is some hope now. So good and helpful! Thank you.

I've been on that excat journey over the last 12 months. Your talk is so inspirational & true. Its wonderful you are there to guide others to find their way. Good for you kind soul 🙏❤

Thank you for this message it is encouraging to allow myself to want what I want. I began a list!

I'm planning on sharing this far and wide - and adding it to my often visited! Thanks for writing it ☺️. . .

I love it. And absolute must reminder! Thank You! 💖🙏🌞