What Would You Do If You Weren't Afraid?

How might your life change if you were fearless? Many of us walk through life not doing what we truly want because we're afraid: afraid of consequences, afraid of what others might think, and so on. But what if we are naturally fearless? What if fear doesn't have to be conquered or overcome before we take action -- ever again? That's what you and I will explore together.

Transcript

Hello there,

This is Mary Schiller,

Author and coach.

I am absolutely thrilled to be talking with you right now about a big topic,

And that topic is fear.

As I'm recording this,

I have a feeling that I may talk about the topic of fear in more audios to come.

But to start with,

I want to ask you this question.

What would you do if you weren't afraid?

What would you do if you weren't afraid?

It's a relatively simple question,

But it has a very big answer to it,

Doesn't it?

If you want to stop this audio right now and write out a list of things that you would do if you weren't afraid,

That would be amazing.

Or you can just keep listening,

And I will remind you to do that at the end of this audio.

But I am being serious.

What would you do if you weren't afraid?

If fear was not in your way,

If you weren't worried about consequences,

If you felt like you had everything you needed to do what you truly wanted to do,

What would that be?

When I ask people this question,

What's often surprising to me is how beautifully normal their answers are.

And what I mean is,

I don't often hear answers like,

Well,

I would go train to be an astronaut and go to the moon.

You know,

Those aren't the kinds of answers I hear.

More often than not,

It's things like,

I would quit my job and pursue my passion for writing.

Or I would start coaching people on the side of my nine to five job and eventually do that full time instead.

Or I would make a plan to travel to these countries that I've been really wanting to visit all my life.

Or I would find a way to make it possible to move to a part of the country that I would really enjoy living in.

Things like that.

These are not unattainable goals.

And yet most people don't pursue them.

And why is that?

We're told that fear is a major emotion that we are supposed to deal with.

How are we supposed to deal with it?

Well,

We're supposed to conquer fear.

What does that look like exactly?

I don't know.

In my mind's eye,

I'm picturing something along the lines of King Arthur,

You know,

Some sort of medieval battle where people are wearing suits of armor and carrying huge spears and things.

We're told that we have to master fear.

Again,

I'm not sure what that looks like,

Except it kind of makes me think of having a well-trained dog who sits and stays when I tell it to.

Sometimes we're told we have to go forward with fear alongside us.

In other words,

Feel the fear and do it anyway.

Have you heard that phrase before?

And this is how it used to look to me.

It used to look like fear would arise and I would just have to go ahead anyway with what I wanted to do.

I had to sort of coexist with it.

And I used to say,

I don't anymore,

But I used to say embrace the fear like it's a good friend.

Now I want to be clear here.

I'm not talking about instinctive fear where we are trying to protect ourselves from some sort of bodily harm.

That to me seems like a built-in response that we don't have much control over.

I'm talking about the kind of fear,

Quote unquote,

I'm using fear in quotes here.

If you could see me right now,

I'm doing air quotes with my hands.

I'm talking about the kind of fear that is outside of that.

The feeling that comes up when we think about something that we actually really want to be doing and we aren't doing it because again,

We are afraid.

What else are we told that we have to do with fear?

Well,

Like most other strong emotions that are considered quote unquote negative in our cultural conversation,

We're basically told that we have to manage it in some way,

That when it occurs within us,

We have to do something.

Well,

That definitely doesn't look real to me.

Believe me,

I tried to manage fear and anxiety and stress and all sorts of things for about three decades of my life.

And the moment that I stopped trying to manage it and just let it be,

Guess what happened?

Those feelings subsided in about six weeks time.

But that's a story for another audio.

Here we are talking about fear and what you would do if you weren't afraid.

It seems to me that a fundamental question here is what is fear?

What is it?

Here is how it looks to me.

We humans have some sort of space within us.

I don't have a better word for it.

Where ideas arise,

Thoughts arise,

Some sort of intuitive sense arises,

That space can look like anything,

Can feel like anything.

It seems very individual in my talks with people.

But in that space is where new ideas come to us.

Let's just start with that.

Then so fast,

Faster than we can even comprehend,

Another sensation occurs alongside that idea or that intuition,

Whatever you want to call it.

And we have called that a feeling or an emotion.

I'm going to use the word feeling because that word comes more naturally to me.

That feeling can literally be anything.

But what it is in and of itself is simply some sort of sensation.

We can't even be clear what this sensation consists of,

Now can we?

We may have the sense that it is appearing in a part of the body.

But beyond that,

We really don't know what constitutes a feeling.

And then what's even more interesting is the next piece of this little puzzle is that the mind goes to work like a well-oiled machine.

And it starts to figure out what that feeling is.

It starts to try to put a label onto it.

And in my mind's eye,

I'm imagining Google looking through search results and thinking,

Okay,

In the past,

This is what Mary has called this sensation.

So that's what it is.

It's fear.

But is it really?

Is it really fear?

Or is that simply a random,

Literally a random word that we have attached to a certain sensation that we can't even really wrap our arms around to begin with?

Are you starting to see where I'm going with this?

The fact of the matter is you and I have ideas,

Feeling of intuition,

And then we have this other sensation that arises that doesn't have any intrinsic label.

It doesn't have any intrinsic value per se.

It's not positive or negative.

It's not good or bad.

It's not wanted or unwanted.

It just is.

And then the mind automatically goes to work and decides to label it a certain way.

And when that mind machine,

If you will,

Labels it as fear,

It is seen as something that is a problem,

Something that's in our way.

But is that actually true?

Just from listening to what I've said so far?

Is it actually fear?

Is it actually in our way?

How could that be?

That internal space is limitless.

We can't draw a circle around it and say it's contained within this circle.

That's not possible.

So how can we possibly say then that fear is ever standing in our way or that we even have fear?

It's a random label that we have put onto a certain sensation and we aren't even doing it consciously.

It's just happening.

So here's a different idea.

What if you and I are truly fearless?

Meaning fear doesn't exist.

Without the label of fear,

It's a random sensation.

And a random sensation is simply that.

It's a sensation that we're having.

It doesn't mean anything.

So if you and I are fearless,

We can much more easily then answer the question,

What would you do if you weren't afraid?

Because you're not afraid.

It might look that way because the mind has decided for you that you are,

But that isn't the truth.

It's an illusion that you don't have to pay attention to anymore.

From this day onward,

You never have to listen to anything that says you are afraid and can't do something because it's simply not true.

You and I are fearless.

There is no such thing as fear.

There is a sensation and that is all.

Neutral,

Powerless in that sense,

Except to give us a certain human experience.

So let me go back to the initial question.

What would you do if you weren't afraid?

What would you do if you weren't afraid?

Now that you know that you're not and that you can never be truly afraid ever again,

And that you haven't been up until now.

Fear does not exist within human beings,

Except as I said before,

In sort of that instinctive bodily protection way.

Everything else is a made up label that is trying to compartmentalize a human experience that is limitless and cannot be compartmentalized ever.

My hope is that through this brief talk today,

You've started to see fear in a completely different way.

As something that can never have power over you,

That doesn't have to be dealt with in any way or managed,

Goodness knows that is never going to work.

And that you can simply feel whatever that feeling is.

And it's fine.

It doesn't have to be labeled as fear.

Some of my clients kind of chuckle along with me because they'll say,

Hey,

Mary,

Today I was having the feeling formerly known as fear,

But it was fine.

I went and did what I wanted to do anyway.

I find that really funny and inspiring.

So go answer this question now,

For real.

What would you do if you weren't afraid?

And then go do it.

Thank you so much for listening today.

I really hope to talk to you again soon.

Bye for now.

Reviews

So inspiring and insightful! Thank you Mary for sharing a healthy perspective 🙏 and guidance that gifted me some deep clarity and excitement.

An interesting approach that I am excited to explore. Thank you 😊

My takeaway: "The feeling formerly known as..." uncertainty and lack of confidence and pessimism and self-loathing. I like this matter-of-fact thinking about thinking commentary that encourages flexible thinking. KEY: 5*Insightful 4*Interesting 3*Okay 2*Not For Me 1*Irritating

What would I do if I didn't have fear?? I think I would run up and down Dale Mabry naked. Seriously I'm not sure cuz I think my life has been driven by a thousand forms of fear
I'm sick. I can't get past the thought

WoW! Perfect self examination & journaling question! ThU!
„What would I do if I was not afraid.“

I love this Mary. I thought I had listened to this before but I hadn’t. I absolutely love the way you describe what fear actually is… it’s taken the ‘fear’ out of it.

Knowing I’m actually fearless is so helpful. Thank you so much 🙏🏽😘

Wow! Honestly thank you so much 🙏🏽 I love the way you put this, and I love your light hearted nature, made it all the more easier to receive! I think this just showed me the freedom I’ve had all along! 💪🏽🙏🏽🌱🌸✨

Chey💛

Beautiful, clear insight as ever, dear Mary!
You are so inspiring. Thankyou 💕

It’s going to take me a while to let this sink in. Thank you.

Love the thought experiment on fear that you bring up! I think genuine fear goes beyond only immediate bodily harm though - - potential rejection and abandonment by our supporting social group and loss of access to resources to meet our survival needs are genuine fears our evolutionary biology planted deeply in us. Developmental traumas (and their long-term aftermath) many of us experience in life probably emmanate from our ego cotorting our innate unconstrained natural curious behavior in favor of survival. Often exagerated or out of whack? Absolutely. But real fear many must face, and must find a way to reprogram to thrive instead of just survive. Would love to hear you talk more deeply on this subject. Namaste TJ