It hits me like a freight train,
It's the same every time,
Yet I still hope it will be different.
The dread fills my body and gets stuck in my throat,
Like swallowing a piece of glass that slowly scrapes its way down.
It's time to leave the mountains and go back to the city.
My head aches,
My heart cries,
And my body quivers.
My cowgirl soul yearns for just one more ride on the mountainside.
One more belly laugh with chosen family.
One more view from the highest peak.
One more union with the river.
And as I sit with my grief,
My spirit whispers,
You will be okay.
The sun will still set.
The moon will still rise.
The stars will still shine.
Horses will adventure in the woods.
Waves of chosen family eagerly await.
City views sparkle.
And the bay offers a familiar comfort.
I'm reminded of my unwavering love of my roots.
Each home offering its own medicine,
As long as I'm open to receiving it.
So I allow my tears to dry,
Keep listening to my heart's whispers,
And responding with possibility.
And then I hear the truth.
It's only just begun.
My city girl spirit is finally in balance with my cowgirl soul.
